


A Little Less Hell, A Little More Heaven

by Nasty_Boi_With_Good_Jawline



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Attempted Abortion, Cheating, Depression, Fluff and Smut, Hamilton References, M/M, Magical Pregnancy, Maybe some deaths are temporary, Minor Character Death, Mpreg, Pregnant Castiel, Pregnant Gabriel (Supernatural), Suicide Attempt, a dog - Freeform, drinking while pregnant, eventually sorry some of these tags might take a while, hopefully a happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-06-09 03:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 34
Words: 153,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15258183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nasty_Boi_With_Good_Jawline/pseuds/Nasty_Boi_With_Good_Jawline
Summary: Gabriel is back from the dead and ready to have some fun with the Winchesters, but that's not what Chuck has in mind. A pregnancy predestined by God, and the other fostered by a faulty condom. A relationship that has been weakening over the years and a blossoming one quick to crash. Two bothers, two angels and too many lies.





	1. Club Knocked Up

**Author's Note:**

> The first few chapters are short, but they get longer. I started writing this a year ago, so basically season 13 hasn't happened and I took out most of season 12. You'll figure it out. It gets a little messy so good luck!

 

           Eight weeks. Eight weeks since Chuck had brought Gabriel back to life and he already raised hell for the Winchesters. He created ghosts that were resistant to salt, vampires that grew two more heads whenever you sliced one off and were wolves triple their normal size. He loved watching Dean panic, as he swung his ax at a vampire with a dozen heads, but his favorite pranks were his smallest ones. He did little things to the younger Winchester like growing his hair out rapidly until it reached his waist and making it impossible to cut. Or the time he made it so every time he sneezed he would pop an erection. That was really hilarious when Sam caught a cold. He always found himself messing with Sam more than Dean, but that meant nothing. At least that’s what Gabriel told himself.

           He was about to fill Sam’s room with thousands of bunnies when he got a message on Angel Radio.

 _“Come see me, Gabriel,”_ Chuck said. _“We need to talk.”_

 _"Not now,”_ He concentrated all his energy into creating different sizes and colors of bunnies.

 _“It’s important.”_ His father’s voice was a little more urgent, and Gabriel knew if he didn’t go Chuck would just force him anyway. With a sigh, he abandoned the bunny mission and snapped himself to Heaven.

           He found Chuck sitting alone in the Garden. To Gabriel the Garden of Eden was a no man’s land. The sky was grey and still, interrupted by the occasional thunder and lighting. The thick winds rustled the branches on the few shriveled trees. All the flowers and vegetation were dead brown crunches beneath his feet.

           “So this is how you view Heaven, Gabriel?” Chuck sat on rusty park bench, the seat so high his feet dangled in the air. “No wonder you left.”

           “What do you wanna talk about, daddy-O?” Gabriel said crossing his arms.

           “Why are you in such a rush? It’s not like you have anything to do other than pushing the Winchester’s buttons.” He scowled, narrowing his golden eyes on his father.

           “Like you do much more than me, you threw in the towel years ago. You can’t lecture me on this!”

           “I didn’t call you hear to fight me with me, Gabriel,” he said.

           “Then what do you want?” Chuck patted beside him, motioning for his son to sit, but Gabriel ignored the gesture.

           “I wanted to talk to you about responsibility.” Gabriel cocked his head back and laughed.

           “What?”

           “Ever since I brought you back, you’ve done nothing but cause trouble.”

           “Well, I am the Trickster after all.”

           “No you’re not!” Chuck stood up his fists clenched. He met his son’s eyes and took a deep breath. “You’re not the Trickster anymore. You’re my son. You’re an archangel, so you have to start acting like one.”

           “What do you want me to do? Break out the toga and the horn and start blowin?” Chuck shook his head.

           “For starters, I think you should raise a little less Hell, and a little more Heaven.”

           “So you want more miracles? I’ll stop a few monsoons and save some orphans if you want, but you’re the one who said we should stop poking around down there.”

           “I don’t want you to worry about what’s going on _down there_ ,” Chuck said.

           “So you want me to learn responsibility up here?”

           “Oh, Heaven’s no!” The archangel and the god both turned their heads to the side for a second hiding their smiles from each other. “Gabriel, I want for you to learn responsibility for yourself. I want you to know what it’s like to create something.”

           “I don’t understand,” he said.

           “You won’t understand, but you will soon. I won’t be guiding you through this, but I won’t let you go through it alone either.”

           “Guiding me through what? Alone? Wh-what are you doing?”

           “I’m doing this because I love you, and I want you to learn.”

           “Learn what?” Chuck left him unanswered, closing his eyes and exploding into light. The blast shot Gabriel out of the Garden and before he knew it he was falling. Cutting through the atmosphere and breaking up clouds until he hit the earth creating a crater around him. He rolled over in the dirt wrinkling his nose at the smell of soot. He stretched, flexed his wings realizing he was unharmed, but there was definitely something off. His mind overflowed with images of the tall brooding flannel wearing dork. He saw the dimples that enhanced Sam’s smile. He saw the sweet puppy dog eyes that changed color depending on the light. He could almost feel the glossy brown hair between his fingers or the toned muscles beneath his shirt.

           Gabriel fell to his knees, his whole world spinning around him. He closed his eyes willing his brain away from the younger Winchester. Every tiny emotion he felt for Sam that he had repressed over the years climbed out of the back of his mind and spread throughout his body It was…overwhelming. His heart picked up when he saw those eyes. The bright green eyes in the harsh light. The hazel eyes in low lighting. The green streaked with blue speckled with gold in just the right sunset.

           “Fuck,” Gabriel said to no one. “I’ve got it bad.”

           ***

 

           Sam stood alone in a dark forest. Shadows over lapping shadows creating a thick blackness that masked his hands from his eyes. He started to walk but every step had him stumbling and tripping. Nothing chased him, but he always felt the urge to run. There was no noise, but something called him. Something yearned for him as much as he yearned for it. He ran blindly falling every few feet scraping up his hands and knees.

            The further he ran the stronger the urge. He didn’t know what or who it was, but his speed picked up when he saw a bright light illuminating the forest. He could almost hear its voice. _Hurry, Sam. Come to me_.

            “I’m coming,” he said under his breath. He approached the golden glow. It burned his eyes to the point of tears, but he didn’t turn away. He stared down the light until it focused into six huge golden wings. The wings were beautiful glimmering and sparkling, begging for Sam’s touch. He reached out for one of the feathers, but the wings jerked out of reach. The bearer of the wings flipped around to face Sam. He grinned as the hunter jumped back in shock.

            “Gabriel?”

            “Miss me, bucko?”

            Sam sat up right in his bed at the sound of footsteps. He rubbed his eyes scraping away the remnants of his dream. It was the third time that week he had that dream, and only this time did he see the archangel in it.

            He checked Dean’s room. He found his older brother curled up in a blanket sleeping soundly. Sam shook him and when that didn’t stir him, he slapped his brother.

            “Wh-what’s going on?”

            “Wake up!”

            “I’m awake,” Dean said. He looked around disoriented until he saw the clock on his nightstand. “Dude, it’s four in the morning. Save your night terrors for someone who cares.” Dean buried his face back into the pillow, and Sam shook him again.

            “What?”

            “I think someone is in the bunker. I heard footsteps down stairs.”

            “Maybe it’s just Cas,” Dean said into the mattress.

            “Why the hell would Cas just be wandering around in the middle of the night?”

            “I don’t know!” he said a little too defensively. Sam brushed off his brother’s weird tone believing it had something to do with his morning crankiness.

            “Whatever, I’m gonna go check it out.”

            “Yell if something tries to kill you.” Sam went downstairs following the loud rustling from the kitchen. He stepped lightly, pointing his pistol to the ground. The sounds of dishes clattering and breaking filled the kitchen.

            “Jesus Christ these guys have nothing. Do I have to make everything myself?” Sam burst into the kitchen aiming his gun at the small man sitting on his counter. He fired as soon as he recognized him.

            Gabriel looked down at the bullet hole in the center of his chest. He shrugged and the wound sealed. He glanced up smiling at Sam’s adorable bed head.

            “Heya Sammy. I see you’re still a pretty good shot.”

            “What the hell are you?”

            “What, it’s been seven years and you’ve forgotten me? I have to say I’m disappointed.”

            “Gabriel is dead,” Sam said not lowering the gun for a second. “So what the hell are you?”

            “It’s really me, Sam. Daddy pulled a few strings and bam! I’m back, good as new.” Sam didn’t let his guard down and Gabriel sighed. “If you must, go ahead.” He held out his arm, and Sam ran the test. Salt, silver, the whole deal. He was clean.

            “If you are who you say you are,” Sam started. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

            “I thought we just established that I’m the real deal.”

            “If you are, then why are you here?”

            “Isn’t it obvious?” he said feeling his face redden. He gestured to the mess he created. “I’m making waffles.”

            “More like Hiroshima post atomic bomb.” Sam looked at the angel and allowed himself a small smile. He wore an apron that read ‘Fuck the Cook’ and his hands were white with flour. Pots and pans were scattered around him, and the walls were coated in flour and dripping with honey. He almost pointed out that it doesn’t take a catastrophe to make a few waffles, when Castiel and Dean rushed into the room.

            Dean pointed his gun at the archangel.

            “I heard a gunshot,” Dean said.

            “Took you long enough,” Sam said rolling his eyes.

            “How the hell is Candy Pants still alive?”

            “Dean-O, good to see you,” Gabriel said jumping down from the counter. Dean fired at the sudden movement.

            “Can you guys actually relax or is that just not an option?”

            “Start talking.” Gabriel sighed.

            “God or Chuck whatever you wanna call him, decided it was about time this world had some fun and brought me back.” Gabriel answered Dean, but looked to Sam as he spoke. He dazed off imagining Sam without his shirt. Without his pants. Feeling his huge hands all over his body. Dean reached for the salt, but Castiel caught his arm.

            “Dean, it’s really him.” Castiel’s hand lingered on Dean’s arm until Dean shrugged him off.

            “I still don’t understand why this bastard is here,” Dean said.

            “I got myself killed to save you bozos and I don’t get so much of a damn thank you.”

            “You’ve done more harm than good,” Sam said. Gabriel tried to ignore the bitter tone from the younger Winchester. _Why do I have to fall for him?_

            “I’m happy you’re alive,” said Castiel’s small voice. Dean and Sam shot him the same bitchface.

            “What?” they shouted simultaneously. Gabriel stuck out his tongue.

            “Gabriel is my brother.”

            “Some of your brothers have tried to kill you, Cas, if you haven’t noticed,” Dean said. Castiel locked Dean in an intense glare. Gabriel locked his eyes on the younger Winchester. He didn’t even notice he was staring as Sam began to feel hot under the golden eyes. A small frown curled Gabriel’s lips and he was gone.

            “What the-” Dean was cut off at the sound of retching from the bathroom. Sam, Dean and Castiel crammed inside the little room to see Gabriel sitting on the floor sweating, panting and reeking of vomit. He rested his head on the toilet seat muttering and swearing switching from English to Enochian.

            “Olani oai lit pashs! Lit pashs? Lit pashs! How could you do this to me? Fuck you! Shit, shit, shit, shit! Why now?” The brothers stood there confused, while Castiel knelt down beside Gabriel.

            “Brother, it’s going to be ok. Please calm down.” He reached out to touch Gabriel’s shoulders, but he shot up before Castiel could lay a hand on him. He glared at the younger angel with glowing eyes.

            “Don’t touch me Castiel!” The room rattled with his voice and cracks crawled up along the walls fading off at the ceiling.

            “Gabriel, this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Just listen-”      

            “Shut up!” Gabriel waved his arm and Castiel flew out the bathroom crashing into the wall.

            “Cas!” Dean raced out the bathroom. Sam glanced back at the archangel, but Gabriel was gone. Sam ran out and helped sit Castiel on the couch. Dean felt along the Angel’s body while Castiel insisted he was fine.

            “What the hell was that?” Sam asked.

            “Gabriel is upset.”

            “Yeah we got that, but why?”

            “Come on, Sam. Give the guy a break. An archangel just tossed him like a chew toy,” Dean said.

            “Dean, I’m fine,” Cas said. “I don’t think Gabriel wants me to discuss what I heard with you two.”

            “Why not?” Sam asked.

            “You don’t owe that bastard anything, Cas. Especially his secrets,” Dean said. Castiel sighed.

            “Well, who are you two going to tell? Most of your friends are either dead or unimportant.” The brothers shared a look, but said nothing to the angel’s blatant sass. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Gabriel is with child.”

            “What? How does that even work? He’s a dude,” Sam pointed out. For facing everything the boys had over the past years, Sam looked prettied shocked at the idea of a pregnant male archangel. Dean seemed a little less surprised. He didn’t believe it at first, but he didn’t argue when Castiel insisted on him wearing a condom _. No condom, no sex_ and there was no way in hell Dean would let the risk of a celestial pregnancy stop his from banging his angel.

            “Angels can get pregnant regardless of the sex of their vessel. Angels can also have children through God. He takes the seed of their soul mate whether it being an angel or human and implants it in the angel even if they don’t want it or know it. We call this indirect fertilization. Guessing from Gabriel’s reaction, I believe he is a victim of this.” A silence stretched between the men until Dean broke out laughing.

            “Dean!” Sam snapped.

            “What? I’m not allowed to be happy? This douche has been playing us for years, and now he’s someone’s bitch. Seems kind of like just desserts.” Dean patted Cas on the shoulder and headed back upstairs. Shortly after, Castiel followed. Sam lingered back, staying up until dawn cleaning the mess Gabriel made.

            As he scrubbed away the honey from the counter, he started to think about Gabriel. Not pity. Never pity. He didn’t feel bad for that son of bitch in the slightest, but he couldn’t stop thinking about how awful it sounded to have your life ripped away from you for someone else’s plan. There was no way in hell Sam Winchester could feel sorry for Gabriel, the Trickster who killed people-killed Dean! But Sam knew Gabriel didn’t deserved what happened to him.


	2. Daydreams Can't Be My Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is pretty short. I'll try to update sooner for the next one

           Gabriel knew when he re-tasted the candy he had ingested the night before as he hunched over the Winchester’s toilet. He should’ve known when his father spoke of responsibility. When Chuck spoke of wanting him to learn to create something. _That bastard_. He should’ve known when he found himself daydreaming about the younger Winchester. The way his heart skipped when he imagined Sam’s eyes. The way he couldn’t think about anything other than Sam’s body on his when he stood in his presence. When he felt the fluttering in his stomach and the influx of grace in his body. He _definitely_ knew after throwing the thirteenth positive pregnancy test in the trash.

            _Why didn’t I put this together?_ He thought to himself as he drowned his troubles in chocolate bars. Dad’s speech, the longing for his mate. _How could he do this to me?_

            He should’ve known. It wasn’t the first time Gabriel had gotten knocked up. He had been with thousands of gods and humans and had unprotected sex hundreds of times, but every time something went wrong all he had to do was snap his fingers and his body would return to normal. No baby, no foul. Except this time, God commanded it. Gabriel’s powers were useless against his father’s will. Now every time he closed his eyes, he saw the younger Winchester. His body was no longer his but an incubator for another angel. He was going to give birth to Sam Winchester’s child.

            What could he do with a baby? He couldn’t leave a fledgling for some clueless human family, and he definitely didn’t want his son or daughter raised to be another stick up the ass angel. Maybe Sam would- _no!_ Gabriel shook away the thought with a bitter laugh. No way in hell or heaven was Sam Winchester father material.

            _I can’t have this baby_ Gabriel thought. _I won’t_. He flew to Heaven hoping there was some way his father would let him out of this.

            Gabriel checked the Garden first, one of Chuck’s favorite places in Heaven. He didn’t see his father on the bench, but instead another angel

            “He’s gone, Gabriel,” Joshua said.

            “Where is he?”

            “Gone.” Gabriel rolled his eyes knowing that the old man wouldn’t tell him anything. He was about to fly until a hand clasped his shoulder. “He left a message for you.”

            “I don’t want a message, I want to speak to him!”

            “He said, Gabriel do not look for me. Focus on your new family.”

            “I don’t want a family!” he shouted shrugging off Joshua. “Can’t he understand the situation he put me in because of this indirect fertilization? Sam Winchester hates me! He probably wants me dead, and now I’m having his child? Is Chuck out of his mind?” Joshua opened his mouth, but Gabriel wasn’t finished. “Why does he treat me this way? I’m not one of his D-listed angels that he can just control. I’m an archangel, damnit!”

            “Gabriel-”

            “He talks about responsibility, but what the hell is responsible about forcing a destiny onto your own son?”

            “Gabriel!”

            “It’s not fair, Joshua! It’s not fair! I don’t want this!” Gabriel plopped down on the bench covering his face in his hands hiding the angry tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks. “Damn pregnancy hormones.” Joshua took a seat beside him and rubbed his back in slow circles.

            “It’s ok, if you don’t understand your father’s plan yet, Gabriel.”

            “I don’t understand any of his stupid plans.”

            “That’s ok, too.” Joshua comforted the angel pretending not to hear his muffled cries. “I need to show you something.”

            “What?” Gabriel said wiping the last of his tears from his eyes. Joshua grabbed Gabriel’s shoulder.

            “Come with me.” Joshua flew and Gabriel followed him to Earth. They stood in front of a plain middle class house. A couple of flower beds, and a few bicycles scattered about the front yard.

            “Why are we-”

            “Shhh, Gabriel and watch.” A man ran into the front yard from the back followed by two kids a boy and a girl about ten and eight years old. They tackled their father playfully, and he fell to the grass pretending to be overwhelmed by their strength. They laughed and squealed as their father tickled them.

            “I still don’t-”

            “Just watch.” A woman stepped out of the house, short and skinny around the same age as the father, balancing a chubby toddler on her hip.

            “She’s an angel,” Gabriel said quickly recognizing the glow of her grace, humans failed to see. Joshua nodded. The woman called her family in for dinner, and they obeyed happily. They watched her serve them mac and cheese and chicken, smiling when the husband kissed his thanks. She scolded the children as they played with their food but playfully, laughing as hot cheese dripped down their chins. “Why are you showing me this?”

            “Look at her, she’s so happy just living a normal life.”

            “Uh huh.”

            “Times are changing. Angels don’t have to be soldiers and they don’t have to be rebels either. There is choice. You can have a family. You can be happy.”

            “But I don’t want that domestic apple pie life,” Gabriel said.

            “You don’t want it, or are you afraid of it?”

            “I’m not afraid of anything!”

            “You’re scared you can’t raise a child. You’re scared of commitment. You’re scared of owning up to your feelings for Sam Winchester.” Gabriel crossed his arms and turned his head away from Joshua.

            “Says you.”

            “Why don’t you give your father’s plan a try? Go to Sam, repent for your sins and maybe he will share this child with you.”

            “And what if he doesn’t?”

            “You’ll find out soon. Have faith in your father.” Joshua flew away, and Gabriel sighed.

            “I lost faith in him a long time ago,” he said to no one.

 ***

 

            The two men laid in bed gazing into each other’s eyes. Sam tucked a strand of hair behind the archangel’s ear. Gabriel closed his eyes and smiled as Sam’s fingers lingered on his cheek.

            “You know for a giant clunky moose, you’re actually quite gentle.”

            “You need to shut up,” Sam said teasingly.

            “I guess you’re gonna have to make me.” Sam took the invitation, leaned in and kissed his angel.

            Sam opened his eyes at the sound of his alarm the archangel’s taste still fresh on his tongue. He closed his mouth wondering if Gabriel’s lips really tasted that sweet. _Would his lips be that soft?_

            Sam jolted out of the thought. _What the hell am I thinking? It’s Gabriel!_ He slipped into his athletic shorts and threw on a pair of tennis shoes. _A good run will clear my head of that weird dream_ he thought.

            Sam headed downstairs and found Castiel in the kitchen. He sat at the table with his hands folded in his lap. His brows squished together and he stared into the wall as if he were trying to answer it. He wore something that raised Sam’s eyebrow.

            “Uh, hey Cas.” The angel flinched at Sam’s words then quickly resettled.

            “Oh hello. Sam. Good morning.”

            “Morning. Why are you wearing Dean’s robe?” Castiel looked down at his chest like he didn’t know he was wearing it. He shrugged a light blush pushing through his cheeks.

            “This is Dean’s? Oh, it must’ve gotten mixed up in the wash. I’ll return it immediately.” Castiel started to stand, but Sam waved him off.

            “Ya know if you guys are fucking, you can tell me,” Sam said with a smirk. Castiel smiled.

            “I can assure you that is _not_ what we are engaging in.”

            “Ok. I’m going for a run.” Sam left the bunker for one of his favorite parks. Tall and balding trees shielded him from the rising sunrise. The crisp wind brushed the brown winter leaves across his feet. It was relatively quiet, except for few other morning runners and the occasional drunk straggling past dark.

            In the cool autumn air, Sam ran longer and deeper into the forest. He jogged until the sun rose up and peeked through the trees, yet he barely broke a sweat. Whenever he had a good run like that he knew his day would be an easy one. He had almost forgotten about his dream, when he spotted a small man sitting on a park bench.

            He was a good distance away, sitting in the center of a clearing on top of a hill. The sun bore down on him, shifting his light caramel hair into a bright blonde. He looked so angelic perched in the middle of the glittering sunlight. Sam could almost see the glowing wings he remembered from his dream sprouting from the archangel’s back. He only saw Gabriel’s back, but he could still see those golden eyes sparkling in the sunrise.

            He couldn’t pin point where the urge came from, or why it was there, but he ran. He ran as hard as he could breaking out of the shade and into the warm sun. He sprinted up the hill, crunching loudly on leaves beneath him. He could almost hear the angel’s snarky greeting. Something like ‘What’s up, sasquatch,’ or ‘How you doin’ Samitch?’

            He stopped abruptly in front of the bench almost tumbling down the other side of the hill with his momentum. Sam managed to keep his footing, but his heart dropped out of his chest and fell back down into the dark forest. The man had a thick grey scruff around his mouth. A nose that pointed down, the tip touching his top lip. He reeked of alcohol and his brown eyes sunk into the rings of bags below his eyes.

            The drunk didn’t even look up to see Sam’s disappointed frown. He walked down the hill and mentally slapped himself. _Why would Gabriel just be sitting in the middle of nowhere?_ Another mental slap. _Why the hell am I even thinking about him?_

            He returned to the bunker and showered, losing his focus to his thoughts. He stayed in there just wondering _why?_ He wanted that man to be Gabriel. Oh he _really_ wanted. Why did he run so hard for someone who he didn’t even like-who he hated? For someone who hurt him in the worst way possible forcing him to watch his brother die over and over again. He stepped out of the shower diminishing his thoughts as nothing but a couple of hooks of his dream still clinging to his brain. _It doesn’t mean anything. It was just a dream._


	3. Clowns or Midgets?

           Gabriel rested on his knees, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Once he finished vomiting and dry heaving, he dropped his forehead to the toilet seat and groaned. _Morning sickness should’ve ended weeks ago_ he thought cradling the swell above his waistline in the palm of his hand. It had been a month and a half and he was already showing. He intended on telling Sam before he got this far, but he couldn’t make himself see the hunter. Angel pregnancies only lasted five months. He had to tell Sam soon before it was too late.

            _Maybe I shouldn’t. Why should I tell him this, if he isn’t going to help me anyway? But how can I possibly raise a child on my own?_ Gabriel thought having a mini-him tagging along on his adventures wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, but taking care of a baby? Having someone depend on him for life? _Sacrificing my freedom for another being? I can’t do that, not alone._

_But I can’t ruin Sam’s life._

            The door to his bathroom ripped off its hinges and fell in. Gabriel scrunched up his nose at the stench that filled the room. _Ugh, Sulfur_. He looked up at the hideous twisted soul hiding behind a pretty woman’s skin.

            “Can we not do this now, if I have to look at you for another second I think I’m going to throw up again.”

            “So it’s true,” she said in awe.

            “What’s true?” Gabriel asked.

            “That we’re going to witness the rise of a Nephilim.”

            “You won’t because I’m going to smite you without ruffling a feather.” The demon laughed patronizingly.

            “In your condition?”

            “I’m pregnant not helpless,” he said standing up. He fought nausea as he found his feet and faced the demon. She was about his height with black hair, red lips wrapped up tightly in a black leather jacket. “Get out of that woman before I burn you out of her skull.” The demon pressed a finger to her lips pretending to consider his threat. Her pupils flickered back into gold.

            “It’s a no, short stack. I like this girl. She gets the job done.” He smacked his hand down on the top of her head and closed his eyes centering his grace on killing the demon. He felt nothing. No grace in his fingertips, no dead demon.

            “What the h-”

            “Now that, that’s over. I have an actual job to do,” she said taking hold of Gabriel’s collar. She forced his head to the sink smashing his head on the faucet.

            “Ow!” His cry was more out of shock than pain. _It hurts_ he thought _. It actually hurts._ His body would normally heal wounds instantly, but blood trickled down his forehead. He twisted out of the demon’s grip backing out of the bathroom.

              _How is this possible?_ He rubbed the stream of blood away from his eye. Then he remembered. Remembered that his grace was no longer in his control, but the fledgling’s growing inside him.

            The demon ran out the bathroom shooting a swift kick to Gabriel’s chest. He fell on to his back trying to catch his breath from the blow. More demons broke into his home kicking down doors and breaking windows surrounding him.

            “Do you guys have no hobbies? Just like to beat down the pregnant angel for kicks?”

            “We don’t have time for hobbies. We actually have a job to do,” said a shorter male demon. He looked to the first demon that attacked Gabriel. “Dagon, should we tell him who wants to see him?” She shrugged.

            “Nah, he’ll figure out soon enough.”

            “Who wants to see me? Who are you working for?” Gabriel asked propping himself up on his elbows.

            “I told you, short stack. You’ll figure it out,” Dagon said. “Take him boys.” A demon reached out and clutched Gabriel’s arm yanking him up, while Gabriel’s fingers lingered on the angel blade tucked up under his sleeve. He caught the handle and stabbed the demon. Its eyes flickered red before crumbling to the ground. He ripped the blade out of its chest aiming for Dagon. A slim and tall demon jumped in front of her, dying within seconds.

            “That’s not gonna work on me,” she said backing away.

            “Wanna find out, bitch?” He said twirling his sword in his hand. Another demon shoved Gabriel from behind sending him to his knees and the angel blade across the floor. He crawled over to it receiving a kick in the face from a sharp boot.

            “Not so quick without that blade, huh?” Dagon kicked him again in the side of the face. He rolled onto his side, and she kicked him again. She laughed as Gabriel yelped and groaned under the heel of her shoe. She didn’t let up until his cheeks puffed up into his eyes, red splattered his face, his lip was torn in two and his wrist was bent the wrong way.

            “Ready to go angel?” She lifted him to his feet by his blood encrusted hair. He wanted to fight. He wanted to snap Dagon’s neck. If it were any other day, he would’ve stayed and fought with pleasure, but now he was pregnant. Now he was almost powerless, and taking care of a second life.

            “Hasta la vista, bitch,” Gabriel said snapping his fingers. He flew as far as he could but only made it a couple blocks away from his home. His wings were weak with his lack of grace, and he was exhausted. His wounds still hadn’t healed; his body ached and he had to hold his arm to stop the pain in his wrist. He strained his wings to get to the nearest one star motel. It reminded him of a homeless shelter based on its condition. He hated that he had to pay with what little money he carried around to spend a night in a crappy motel, when he could’ve conjured up something more elegant than the white house when he had his powers. He hated having to clean and sew up his own wounds over the filthy sink. He noticed he was still able to heal himself, but at a much slower rate. So slow, it was almost human. He hated that his body needed sleep to thrive. He never had to sleep until he got pregnant. He was already drained, and the fight had only made it worse.

            He collapsed on the bed shifting and squirming until he could get comfortable on the newspaper filled pillow. He sighed, never feeling so good to get off his feet. Another wave of self-pity fell over him. _Angels shouldn’t feel this way. Angels shouldn’t run from fights with petty demons. Angels shouldn’t be losing fights with petty demons_.

            Before falling asleep, Gabriel sent a quick prayer to his father. _“Ok, I get it now. If this is some kind of punishment or whatever, can I just say I learned my lesson and it will be over? Please talk to me.”_

            He waited a few moments for a response, even though he knew it was hopeless. He should’ve been used to it, but whenever Chuck ignored him he couldn’t help the fear that built in him.

            _Please, I can’t do this alone._

Gabriel snapped awake at the sound of screaming. A blood curdling scream of a woman then it was silent followed by a loud thump. More yelling for the police, followed by the sounds of necks snapping. Dozens of feet stomping through the hall, kicking down doors and killing more people.

            _Sulfur_ Gabriel thought sniffing the air. _Demons. They’re going to kill everyone. Because of me._ He threw on his coat and snatched his angel blade from under the pillow. He opened the window but stopped, grimacing at the sound of a boy crying and begging for his life outside his room.

            “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. He climbed out the window running blindly into the night trying to ignore the terrified screams that followed him.

 ***

 

            Sam gripped the smaller man’s hips digging his fingernails into the bare skin as he pushed himself further inside him. Gabriel moaned beneath him, drawing a smile out of the hunter.

            “Move, Sam. Fucking move!” Sam obeyed and slowly pulled out and back in. He picked up his pace causing Gabriel to scream out in pleasure. He arched his back and clutched the sheets.

            “Faster,” he said between labored breaths. Sam quickened his hips practically bucking them into Gabriel as he moved his body in rhythm with Sam’s. He loved hearing his angel moan for him. Scream for him. Cum for him. He reached down and wrapped his hand around Gabriel’s dick. He moaned at the touch. Same jerked him slow and teasingly at first, drawing a little pre-cum from the angel.

            “Sa-am, please.” Gabriel’s voice quivered as he spoke, but Sam knew what he wanted. He jerked him off faster and faster. Gabriel panted and jolted with Sam’s ragged movements.

            “Cum for me,” Sam whispered brushing his lips against his angel’s neck. Gabriel came shooting his cum into the sheets and the palm of Sam’s hand. Sam arched his back as he rode out his orgasm cuming inside Gabriel. When he came back from his high, he collapsed on the angel.

            “Was I too much to handle, moose?” Gabriel rolled onto his back letting the hunter rest his head on his chest. Sam breathed deeply, too tired to think of a remotely clever response.

            “Shut up,” he said closing his eyes as the archangel stroked his head soothingly.

            Sam opened his eyes and to his dismay, the other side of his bed was empty. Also to his dismay, there was fresh wet stain at his waist. _Ugh, Gabriel has reduced me to a horny teenager. Again._ It had been two months since their encounter with Gabriel. They hadn’t seen or heard from since, but Sam was seeing him everywhere. In his dreams, in his reflection, as random people he caught in his peripheral vision. Sometimes naked, sometimes with clothes. Sometimes he was hunched over his bare back… Sam forced the thought away as he brushed his teeth. _Why am I thinking like this? This has to be a trick. Yeah that makes sense_ he thought. He’s probably doing something to my head.

            He headed downstairs and heard Dean and Castiel arguing from the kitchen.

            “He saw you, Cas?”

            “I believe that is what I said.”

            “Son of a bitch,” Dean said. The sound of a hand slamming on the table echoed through the bunker. “You have to be more careful.”

            “Just me, Dean? You’re not exactly Mister subtle either.” Sam decided now was the time to interrupt. Dean was bent over gripping the edge of the counter. He had that expression of ‘my god you’re so stupid, Cas’ Sam had become accustomed to. Cas sat at the table wearing the ‘Dean will you fucking listen’ face.

            “Am I interrupting a domestic dispute?” Sam asked opening the fridge. Dean rolled his eyes.

            “You’re hilarious.” Sam set the carton of milk on the counter and reached into the cupboard for some cereal. He grabbed the box, but dropped it when he saw who was inside curled up with the rest of the Winchester’s food. Gabriel smirked at him.

            “What the hell are you doing in there?”

            “Who are you yelling at?” Dean asked eyeing his brother with an eyebrow raised. Sam looked at Dean and back at the cupboard.

            “Don’t you see him? He’s right-” Gabriel disappeared leaving nothing but the mess of corn flakes all over the floor. “I swear to God, Dean. He was right there.”

            “Who is he?” Castiel stood up, scanned the cupboard and looked back at Sam with the same odd look as his older brother.

            “Are you alright, Sam?” Sam smoothed out his hair.

            “Yes-I-I no-I just had a really weird dream.” Dean chuckled.

            “Clowns or midgets?”

            “Neither clowns nor are midgets in Sam’s head right now. It’s actually-” Sam cut him off pointing his finger in his face. He glared at the angel begging for his discretion.

            “Then what is he thinking about?”

            “Cas, if you tell Dean what you’re seeing in my head. I swear I’ll fucking-”

            “The hell are you hiding from me?” Dean asked crossing his arms.

            “Nothing! It’s not important and they’re my thoughts not for you to judge.” Sam stepped up to his brother practically yelling in his face.

            “I’ll be the _judge_ of that. Cas!” Castiel glanced nervously between the two hunters. His eyes settled on Sam as he took one more read from his mind. He had to close his eyes just to focus on all the energy that radiated from the younger hunter. So much love, lust and longing. He opened his eyes and looked away from Sam’s pleading ones.

            “Sam has been thinking about erotic rendezvouses with Gabriel.” Dean broke out laughing as a deep red exploded from Sam’s face.

            “Cas!”

            “Oh my god! Since when do you have feelings for Mr. Candy Pants?”

            “I don’t have feelings for him!” Sam said clenching his hands into fists. “I think he’s pulling some twisted prank on me.”

            “You think he’s messing with you, by forcing you to fall in love with him?” Dean asked wiping away the tears that had sparked in his eyes from laughing too hard. Sam nodded. “I mean that kind of makes sense. It sounds like something he would do.” Castiel shook his head.

            “No it doesn’t. Gabriel is pregnant. Why would he be wasting his energy to mess with humans as insignificant as you?”

            “Are you defending him?” Dean snapped.

            “No, I’m just-”

            “Good. Then let’s get to summoning this bastard, so he can get rid of Sammy’s little crush.” Sam and Cas gave Dean the same bitchface.

            “It’s not that easy to summon an arch angel,” Cas said.

            “Sam and I will watch our own angel station, and you can keep your ears on for the dick.” Dean patted Cas on the shoulder and left the kitchen gesturing for Sam to follow. “Let’s go Sammy.”

            They figured since Gabriel was the only angel with wings it would be easy to see the light going from one end of the country to the other side of the world. Instead they picked off the angels they knew it couldn’t be, only a few out of hundreds. The process took hours.

            “This is pointless, Dean. We’re not going to find him this way. We should try something else.

            “We just need to keep narrowing it down,” Dean said taking a swig of his beer. He looked up from the map at his baby brother palming his eyes.

            “So how bad do you have it for Gabriel?” he asked.

            “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

            “Come on, man. I’m just curious.”

            “Fine.” Sam peeled his hands off his face and glared at Dean. “About as bad as you have it for Cas.”

            “It was just a question.”

            “It was just an answer.” Castiel walked in cutting the tension between the brothers.

            “I can’t feel anything from Gabriel. He must have warded himself but, I can sense another angel’s grace close to the bunker,” he said. Dean looked down at the map. One light flashed near them.

            “Damnit, you’re right. But if it’s not Gabriel, then who is it?”

            “I don’t know.” A hard _bang_ rattled the door shaking the walls of the bunker.

            “I guess we’re gonna find out,” Sam said. The hunters reached for their guns and aimed at the door, while Castiel let his angel blade slip out of his sleeve. There were a few more clangs against the metal, until the door was thrown inward and a cool wind filled the bunker.

            Gabriel stepped through the opening, and Sam and Castiel lowered their weapons. Dean didn’t let down his gun despite the Arch angel’s helpless state.

            He limped his way inside swaying with every step. His clothes were tattered stained with fresh and stale blood. His face was overlapped with bruises, cuts, scabs and scars. His hair stuck up in unnatural directions tinted a dark red, and his golden eyes were barely open.

            “I-I… I just need…” he said between short breaths. “I’m so-Sam!” His eyes rolled backwards into his head, and he fell over to his side tumbling down the stairs. The three of them raced to the arch angel, but he was unconscious before he could hit the last step.


	4. Too Good To Be True

            Sam took the news nicer than he thought. Way nicer. He took a minute by himself trying to process everything while Gabriel waited for his response. He wished he still had the ability to know what the giant Winchester was thinking.

            Sam returned with an unreadable expression. _At least he doesn’t look angry_ Gabriel thought. He sat down beside Gabriel on the bed. He scooted closer and rested his large over Gabriel’s. The archangel stared at their hands together afraid of facing Sam’s reaction.

            “So… I’m going to be dad?” Sam asked.

            “Uh, yeah if you want to.” Sam intertwined his fingers with Gabriel’s.

            “Of course I want to. Are you kidding me? This is amazing.” Gabriel dared to look up at the younger Winchester. He had this wide grin that Gabriel had never seen on his face, and there were tears brimming in his eyes.

            “You really think so?”

            “Yes! I’ve always wanted a family to call my own, and now I can finally have one. I have to admit, this is not how I imagined I would be having kids, but I’m really happy this happening. Thank you Gabriel.” Gabriel let out the huge breath he had locked in his chest in months.

            “I’m so glad to hear you say that,” he said feeling tears blur his eyes as he watched one fall down Sam’s cheek.

            “I’m glad I can do this with you.” Sam leaned in and pressed his lips against the angel’s. Gabriel cupped his hands over his hunter’s face. Sam smiled into the kiss, grabbed Gabriel’s ass and lifted him into his lap. They parted their lips, and Gabriel let Sam’s tongue slide into his mouth. He only had one thought as Sam lifted off Gabriel’s t-shirt. _Yes! Yes! Yes!_

            Gabriel cursed aloud when he woke from his dream. He should’ve known it wouldn’t have been that easy to tell Sam.

            “Am I hurting you?” A tentative voice asked.

            “What?” Gabriel peeled his eyes open to the harsh light of the bunker. Half of his body was hidden under a blanket, and he was propped up in a sitting position with several pillows behind him. He was still sore, but his cuts and bruises didn’t seem to be throbbing anymore. He felt a couple of bandages on his hand and chest. He gasped when he realized he wasn’t in his clothes anymore. He was stripped down to his boxers with nothing else but an oversized t-shirt that he had to presume was Sam’s. They changed his clothes. _They saw._ Gabriel flipped on to his side trying to hide his bump that poked through the blankets.

            “Can you stop moving?” The voice didn’t sound angry but tired. He recognized it and immediately buried himself deeper into the covers. “Gabriel, stop. You’re going to make me reopen the wound.” He huffed a sigh and reluctantly sat back up. He crossed his arms over his stomach, despite being pointless to try and hide it now.

            Sam didn’t pay attention to Gabriel trying to pathetically cover himself. He worked on sewing the deep gash across Gabriel’s shoulder.

            “This was so much easier when you were unconscious,” Sam said trying to lighten the mood.

            “So you all know?” Gabriel asked. It took Sam a moment to realize what he meant, then he nodded.

            “Yeah. Cas told us months ago.”

            “Damnit, Cassie why can’t you keep your mouth shut?” A silence stretched between them. Sam finished stitching Gabriel’s shoulder. He bit off the end of the thread and placed a bandage across it.

            “So what happened to you?” Sam asked going to work on the cut across Gabriel’s palm.

            “Demons. They’ve been after me since they found out I was pregnant.”

            “Why?”

            “Not sure. They said something about bringing me to someone. They’ve been tracking me for weeks, and every time they slaughtered innocent people around me.” Gabriel closed his eyes remembered the little boy back at the motel. “Since I’m carrying extra cargo, my grace has been restrained, and my wings are weakened. I can’t even fly to Heaven.”

            “Wow… That sucks.”

            “So I figured I’d come to the next safest place I knew. I don’t remember much after finding the Winchester cave.”

            “You passed out. Dean wanted to leave you outside, while Cas insisted we fix you up.”

            “What did _you_ want to do with me?” Gabriel asked. Sam’s face grew warm as a light blush spread through his cheeks. He looked down at Gabriel’s palm finishing off the bandages.

            “I-I just thought we should make sure you’re ok, before we do anything.” Gabriel smiled at him, and Sam cleared his throat. “So uh… how far along are you?”

            “About two months.” Sam looked down at Gabriel’s stomach and back up at him. He had an odd expression on his face that made Gabriel defensive. _He looks too big to be only two months_ he thought. Gabriel didn’t need to read his mind to know what Sam was thinking.

            “Angel pregnancies only take five months so I’m already almost halfway through, and angels typically carry two to four fledglings anyway,” Gabriel snapped. Sam looked away slightly ashamed for offending Gabriel.

            “Can I ask you something?” he asked. Gabriel shrugged.

            “Depends,” he said still sounding slightly bitter. Sam sat beside him on the bed, pleading him with big puppy eyes. Gabriel huffed. “Yeah, whatever.”

            “Why are you doing this to me?”

            “Doing what?”

            “You know,” Sam said inching a little closer. Gabriel pushed himself a little deeper into his colossal of pillows. He wanted to throw himself at Sam. To wrap his legs around his waist and trap his lips between his. He wanted it so bad, but he couldn’t. Not like this.

            “I really don’t, Sam.” The hunter kept moving closer across the bed until his knee brushed against Gabriel’s thigh. Until their noses were just a few inches from touching. Until his breath rested against Gabriel’s lips. Until his, this time, hazel eyes bore in Gabriel’s.

            “You know what you’re doing!” he yelled. “You’re making me crazy! Making me see things!” Gabriel was overwhelmed by the hunter’s deep voice so loud in his face. Sam had never been this close to him, not in real life. It was arousing yet terrifying. Sam fought the urge to smash his lips against Gabriel’s. He wanted to be mad. He wanted answers for Gabriel’s trick. He wanted him to stop playing dumb. But he also wanted to take advantage of the adorable angel lying in his bed. He wanted to yank Gabriel’s golden hair, and bite his lips. “Tell me! What the hell is going on Gabriel?”

            “I-I-uh, what are you seeing?” he asked so in trance by Sam’s eyes, he couldn’t even speak straight. Sam bit his lip fighting the heat spreading up from his neck.

            “You! I’m seeing you fucking everywhere! In my thoughts, in my life…” _In my dreams._

            Gabriel cursed silently to himself. _Why am I so stupid?_ he thought. _I should’ve known that the longing I felt for Sam wasn’t a one way street. Sam felt the same way and is probably more upset because he doesn’t even know where the urge is coming from. Mate’s Desire. I have to tell him. I should tell him. What if he freaks out? What if he hates me? He can’t hate me more than he already does._

            “I-it’s not on p-purpose,” he stuttered out.

            “What do you mean? Is this some kind angel pregnancy mojo rubbing off on me?”

            “I d-don’t know. Maybe?”

            “Just try to keep me out of it. This isn’t my problem, it’s yours and I want no part in it,” he said firmly. Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek trying not to cry. _But it is our problem._ The tears never fell, but they lingered distorting Sam into a big blur.

            “Are you crying?” he asked softening his voice. Gabriel blinked back the tears that threatened to bubble over. He pushed through his pain with a curt laugh.

            “Uh, no. Just pregnant. Hormones. Emotional and all that crap.” Sam nodded nonchalantly.

            “Ok, well I think you’re all good. Let me know if you need anything,” he said rising from the bed. _You._

            “Wait, Sam!” The hunter stopped in the door way.

            “Yeah?” _Tell him! Tell him! Tell him! This baby is yours. I know you don’t want it, but I really need you._

            “I uh… have to tell you something.” He turned around and leaned against the wall.

            “Go ahead.” _Tell him damnit!_

“Um… I’m sorry this is happening to you.” Sam scoffed not buying his apology for a second. The little action ripped Gabriel’s heart in two.

            “Whatever,” he said turning back to the doorway. “Get some rest and when you’re up for it, Dean and Cas wanna have talk about what’s going on.”

            “Ok,” Gabriel squeaked out his voice cracking. Sam shut the door and Gabriel finally let the tears fall down his face. _Maybe if I tell him he’ll feel differently about me. About everything. Maybe he’ll be happy to have a baby._ He wanted to be hopeful, but Sam’s words kept replaying over and over. _This isn’t my problem, it’s yours and I want no part in it. I want no part in it. I want no part in it_. His cries grew into sobs, and his sobs eventually grew silent as exhaustion pulled him into sleep.

 ***

 

~A few weeks into the future in Hell~

            Lucifer rolled his eyes, bored of the demons’ endless details about how they almost captured his brother.

            “Always almost or so close. I want results people, not failure reports. Everyone leave, except for you Dagon.” The other demons quickly bowed to Satan and left him alone with the Prince of Hell. Dagon stepped up to Lucifer’s chair. He started to fold his hands in his lap, but Crowley’s chains restricted him.

            “Lucifer, my lord,” she said tilting her head in a quick bow. “We are doing everything we can to find Gabriel.”

            “If you’re doing everything you can, then he would be here,” he said.

            “You’re right, my lord.”

            “So you agree? You’re not trying your hardest to retrieve my brother?”

            “I uh…” Lucifer’s hands scrunched up into fists.

            “Listen to me! I don’t need half-ass demons on my side. I want an elite team who will put everything on the line for the mission. Do you understand, Dagon?” She lowered her eyes to the ground.

            “Yes, my lord.” He smiled and pressed a finger to his lip.

            “So tell me, what’s happening out there?”

            “Well, we had a close trail on him until a few weeks ago. He just disappeared.”

            “He didn’t _just_ disappear,” Lucifer said. “My brother is warded from everything, but that little muffin he’s carrying isn’t. So we’ve been following my nephew’s grace, but since we longer have the scent we can only assume that he’s somewhere warded. A safe house. The only humans that can hide from us are hunters, so I’d start investigating those and other areas with little demon and angel activity.”

            “Hunters? You think he found the Winchesters?”

            “I hope so,” he said his grin widening, “it’s been a while since I’ve gotten to ruffle those boys.”

            “Are you sure that’s wise, my lord?”

            “Are you questioning my wisdom?” Lucifer snapped dropping his sadistic grin. Dagon held her hands up out in front of her like he had a weapon.

            “No, I’m concerned. We already have Crowley’s demons searching for your brother, and now we’re adding the Winchester’s to the equation? I thought we were trying to keep this as a small cue, but it’s turning into war.”

            “Then let there be war!” he shouted his eyes flashing into a fiery red. Dagon jumped back at his voice. He took a deep breath, and let his eyes return to the cool blue of his vessel. “Do you know why Crowley wants Gabriel, Dagon?”

            “Because he is carrying the only creature powerful enough to defeat you, my lord.”

            “The only creature powerful enough to _kill_ me. Crowley’s scared. He knows these,” he paused to rattled the warded chains, “aren’t going to hold me forever, and he knows he can’t stop me when I escape. So, he’s trying to find something that can stop me. We have to find that Nephilim and kill it before Crowley can get his grimy paws on it. Do you understand why this is so important? Our throne is in jeopardy. You do want to help rule hell someday, right?”

            “Right.”

            “Then get out there and find my baby brother.”

            “Of course, my lord.” Lucifer looked at his creation with pride. Demons were so shifty, always changing their loyalties. The first demons he created, the princes of hell, obeyed him without question. They were like his children. _Once I’m king again I should make more_ he thought.

            A spasm of pain ripped through his spine all the way up to his skull and Lucifer cringed.

            “My lord, what is wrong?”

            “Quite, Dagon. I’m getting something.” A strong migraine overcame him as black and white flashed before his eyes. The archangel rarely felt headaches, but he recognized this one. He felt when he had taken the life from his baby brother. The flashing seized and a clear image settled in his mind.

            He saw Gabriel on his knees in the middle of an empty Midwestern field. He trembled under his sobs clutching an angel blade in his shaky hand.

            “Brother, please don’t do this,” Lucifer said, even though Gabriel couldn’t hear him. It was only a vision. Gabriel looked up at the clear sky and prayed aloud.

            “I’m so sorry, father. I can’t do this anymore.” He looked down at his swollen stomach. “I’m sorry.” He wrapped his hands around the hilt, pointing the tip of his sword to his middle.

            “Gabriel, No!” He plunged the blade deep into his stomach. He screamed out in his real voice dragging his sword up from the bottom of his stomach to the middle of his chest. Gabriel’s eyes overflowed with light for few moments, then went dark. His eyes shut, and he collapsed on his back in the grass. Lucifer’s eyes swelled with tears. _Gabriel you idiot! Why must you take your own life?_

            A tiny blue glow shone through Gabriel’s shirt. It inched up through his chest then divided into thin lines as they stretched out across his arms and up his neck. The glow rose to his face, and his eyes shot open shooting the baby blue light into the sky. The light broke through the clouds and left a thick stream of blue against the grey clouds.

            Gabriel sat up gulping in a huge breath of air. He looked down at his bump, and sighed. The wound was sealed.

            “So now you decide to heal me?” He took his angel blade and slit his throat. He died for a moment, then was revived again. He tried everything. Slitting his wrists, cutting out his heart, slicing off his own head, but nothing worked. Each attempt Gabriel grew more frustrated.

            “Why won’t you die?” he yelled. His voice let out a blast of wind shaking the grass and carrying his voice for miles. He dropped the angel blade and buried his face in his hands.

            “Why won’t you let me die?” he asked breaking down into a sob. Lucifer’s vision ended, but he could still feel his brother’s pain.

            “Oh, Gabriel.”

            “What is wrong?” Dagon asked. Lucifer perked up, and a twisted smile settled on his face.

            “I have a plan,” he said.

            “What?”

            “We don’t need to kill the Nephilim, in fact we can’t kill it. But I know a spell that can drain its powers. If I can get my brother here, I can drain the Nephilim of its grace and use it to escape.”

            “That sounds brilliant, my lord. What do we need for the spell?”

            “The only thing we need is my brother, here safe and unharmed. Go quickly to him. He lit up the sky with his celestial lights, follow it to the source, and tell him I can relieve him of his burden. Be kind to him, if you lay a hand on my brother I’ll be sure to make your end as horrid as possible.”

            “Of course, my lord,” Dagon said tilting her head in a bow.

            “Go now, Crowley is coming.” The prince of hell disappeared just as the king appeared.

            “How are we doing today, pet?” Crowley asked ruffling Lucifer’s hair. “Not scheming up some escape plan, I hope.” Lucifer smiled.

            “I wish. How’s the search for my baby brother going?”

            “Well, we have a pretty good trail on him.” Lucifer laughed.

            “You have no idea where he is! You don’t even have the scent.” Crowley pulled up a chair and sat in front of his captive.

            “And _you_ know where he is?” he asked. Lucifer nodded slowly.

            “Of course I do. I keep tabs on all my brothers. Gabriel, right this second is at the Winchester fortress. If you hurry, you can catch him.”

            “Why should I listen to you?”

            “Because I’m giving you information that could lead to my downfall. I know you want that.”

            “You’re correct, but what would you be doing while I’m gone?” Crowley asked more to himself than to Lucifer.

            “Call up the bros, throw a party, hope the neighbors don’t call the cops. Just normal things teens do when they’re grounded,” he said with a smirk. Crowley stood and walked over to Lucifer’s seat. He got up in his face grabbing the armrests of Lucifer’s chair.

            “You’re planning something aren’t you?” Satan shrugged.

            “When am I not? You just have to ask yourself which is more important? The risk of me hatching my full proof escape plan while you’re away, or the chance of capturing the most powerful being in the universe?” The king of Hell paced around Lucifer.

            “You’re good,” he said.

            “I know.”

            “Alright, but if I see you free-”

            “I know, I know. You’ll have my head mounted above your fireplace.” Crowley smiled at the idea.

            “That’s right. See you around, pet.” With Lucifer’s instructions, Crowley gathered up his team of demons and headed for the Winchester’s front door.

 


	5. The Better of Evils

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep saying these chapters are going to get longer and that hasn't been happening, but trust me they will. Also I rewrote this tiny chapter several times so I hope it's not too choppy.

~Back to real time~

            “No, Daddy! Five more minutes!” Gabriel said tucking his head under the covers shielding his eyes from the light.

            “I’m not your daddy, Gabe,” Sam said yanking the covers off him. He didn’t even question how easily the nickname fell from his lips.

            “You could be, if you wanted to,” Gabriel said playfully lifting his eyebrows up and down. Sam fake gagged, hiding the longing for Gabriel to actually call him that.

            “Why do I have to get up so early, Sasquatch?” he asked through a yawn. Sam had to turn away to avoid staring at the adorable archangel. One side of his head was flattened with bed head and the other stood up in sharp spikes. The large t-shirt Sam had given him to wear sulked off to his side exposing his shoulder and bit of his chest.

            “Uh… it’s noon, and Dean and Cas want to talk about what happened, and what we’re going to do.” Gabriel groaned.

            “I’m fine, now. I should just leave,” he said.

            “You really want to go out there, with demons on your ass and without your powers? When you came here, you were practically dead.” Sam envisioned the helpless angel he saw from the night before. All night, he couldn’t stop thinking about Gabriel’s last word before passing out. _Sam! My name. Why did he say my name?_

            “I just don’t want to trouble, little Cassie.” _And you._ “He’s already under enough stress taking care of you two train wrecks.” Sam wanted to snap at the train wreck comment, but he kept finding himself gazing off at the patch of exposed skin between Gabriel’s neck and shoulder. Gabriel started to sit up, but a wince sent him back down into his pillows. He could handle human needs and feelings. The need to shower, brush his teeth, doubt, exhaustion, but he hated soreness the most. _I felt pain yesterday, why does it have to relapse even worse?_

            “Hey, Samosa? Help me up?” His pale skin looked so smooth, so pure. The wounds had healed up with the little amount of angel mojo Gabriel had left. His skin was no longer bloody and bruised. It was clean and appeared soft. Sam felt it. The hungry urge to feel Gabriel’s neck beneath his lips. _No!_ Sam closed his eyes trying to dismiss the thought. _This isn’t my control. I just have to ignore it_.

            “Uh… Earth to Sam?” His eyes snapped open.

            “W-what?”

            “Could you help me up?” Sam nodded. He slipped his large hands into the archangel’s small ones. He pulled and Gabriel grimaced at the pain that shot through his back. Sam stopped, his eyes widening once he realized the angel was in pain. Gabriel shook his head urging Sam to go on, so he continued slowly. He gently helped Gabriel to his feet. They stood closely in front of each other. The swell of Gabriel’s stomach almost touching Sam’s waist. He stared down at his eyes losing himself into the color of sunlight going through of bottle of old whiskey. Gabriel locked his eyes on the hunter’s green ones speckled with gold. He had to, or he would be drooling over the sight before him. He wore a tight grey long sleeve shirt. It could have been a modest outfit for sleep for anyone else, but Sam wasn’t anyone else. The sleekness of his shirt outlined his athletic build. His large biceps, his firm protruding pecks, his perky nipples that shown through the fabric. Sam used every ounce of will to not pop a boner in front of the archangel. The huge shirt had slipped down further exposing Gabriel’s dark pink hard nipple. He wanted to kiss and suck on it. He wanted to drag his lips across his chest and up his neck leaving his mark on the archangel’s soft body. He needed to feel Gabriel’s lips on his, to feel his light caramel hair between his fingers. To feel his body rocking against his.

            Sam only realized they were still holding hands when a deep blush fanned out through Gabriel’s cheeks. He hastily let go, and reached up to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly feeling his own face redden.

            “Uh… Let’s head downstairs. Dean and Cas are probably waiting for us,” Sam said. Gabriel nodded and followed him out. Dean and Castiel sat at the table chatting and smiling with each other sipping on mugs filled with coffee. Dean’s expression grew bitter once he saw Gabriel.

            “So look who’s not dead,” he said setting his mug down on the counter.

            “Sorry to disappoint,” Gabriel said matching Dean’s sass. He took a seat across from the older Winchester. They narrowed their eye on each other, until the whole room brimmed with the tension.

            “So who’s the baby daddy?” Dean asked with a smirk.

            “Dean!” Cas snapped.

`           “You can’t just ask someone that,” Sam said. The older Winchester shrugged and took another sip of his coffee.

            “It’s just a question. I’m just hoping we don’t have keep his mate in here with us. This ain’t the Winchester Inn, but I’m guessing you can’t keep a boyfriend for more than two seconds, so it’s probably not going to be an issue.”

            “Dean!” Sam and Castiel yelled together. Gabriel scowled at the hunter. If looks could kill, Dean would’ve already been to hell and back. _How dare he push me_? Gabriel thought. _Fucking human mouthing me off, I can turn you into an eg_ g. He clenched his fists then relaxed putting on devious smirk. _If he wants to play, damnit I’ll play._

            “Actually,” Gabriel said to Dean. “The baby is yours.” Dean plastered on a smile that had a pinch of murder hanging on the corner of his lips.

            “You’re hilarious.”

            “I’m not lying. Come on, don’t you remember that crazy night in Monte Carlo?”

            “Even if that were true, I doubt I’d remember doing someone as insignificant as you.” Gabriel fake pouted.

            “What’s the matter, Dean? Did Cas forget your name and call you Sam while he was bending you over?” Dean slammed his fists down on the counter. Gabriel had a shit eating grin while the older hunter was livid. Gabriel laughed to himself. From the rabid look in his eyes he would’ve guessed that this had actually happened before.

            “You motherfucker!” Dean got up in Gabriel’s face ready to punch that smug grin off his face. Sam and Cas grabbed Dean and hauled him away from the archangel.

            “Dean!” Cas snapped at him. “Stop it! You can’t hurt him!”

            “Why not? He’s tried to kill us multiple times! He’s killed people! He’s the type of monster, we hunt! So he gets knocked up, and he’s magically our friend?”

            “I thought I was too _insignificant_ to be hunted after,” Gabriel said. “You can act like I was a simple one night stand, but clearly you just can’t stay from my enormous co-”

            “Might I remind you,” Cas cut in, “that Gabriel was the only reason we actually had a chance at defeating the Devil.”

            “So that’s one good thing, out of a million bad. He’s still a monster.”

            “He’s also my brother. How would you feel if I just started speaking of all the horrible things, your brother has done over the years? For example, how about releasing not one-but two of God’s most evil creations into the world.” Sam lowered his head the shame of his past resting on his shoulders.

            “That’s different,” Dean said quietly.

            “How?” Castiel asked. No one answered him. He sighed. “Gabriel, can I speak with you alone for a second?”

            Gabriel followed his brother reluctantly. He wanted to yell in Dean’s face that he didn’t choose this. That the ‘baby daddy’ was actually his brother. Gabriel smiled at the idea of Dean’s shocked face if he heard who the baby’s father was. Castiel led him up the stairs and into his bedroom. He shut the door behind him.

            “Thanks for the save Cassie, but I can handle Dean-O myself.”

            “Why haven’t you told Sam that he is the father?” he asked bluntly. Gabriel’s face paled as he choked on his spit.

            “Wh-what are you t-talking about?” Castiel crossed his arms and sighed.

            “I’m not stupid, Gabriel.” The archangel leaned on the door, and dropped his façade.

            “I was kind of hoping you were. How do you know?”

            “I’m not a fledgling anymore, I know about the Mate’s Desire. I’ve seen the way Sam’s been acting. I know his behavior is in sync with your pregnancy.” Gabriel ran a hand through his hair. _If Cas can figure this out, what if Sam puts two and two together?_

            “So… What should I do?” he asked. Castiel’s blue eyes widened with anger.

            “You should tell Sam the truth!”

            “I can’t!”

            “Why not?”

            “Because he doesn’t want a baby! He doesn’t even want _me_ in his life! Why the hell would he want to help raise our child? He’d probably get so freaked out by this whole indirect fertilization.” Castiel shook his head.

            “You don’t know how his reaction will be. He might be the father you and your baby need.”

            “But what if he isn’t?” Gabriel said resting his hand protectively over his unborn child.

            “You’ll never know until you tell him,” Cas said softly, giving Gabriel a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. “Come on let’s go back downstairs.” Gabriel jumped in front of the younger angel.

            “You can’t tell him. You have to swear you won’t tell Sam!”

            “He deserves to know about his own child,” Cas shot back.

            “Promise me, you won’t tell him,” Gabriel said pointing a finger in his brother’s face. Castiel glared at the older angel.

            “I won’t tell him, only if you promise to tell him. Tell him soon.”

            “Cas!”

            “You tell him or I will,” he said stepping up in Gabriel’s face. Another wave of frustration pushed through Gabriel. He was his superior. _Castiel shouldn’t be putting me in this position. No one should! I’m an archangel damnit_. But in this situation, he felt helpless. He felt human, and he couldn’t have Sam know the truth.

            “Fine. I’ll tell him, but when _I’m_ ready.”

            “Good,” Cas said with a slight nod. They headed back downstairs to their Winchesters.

            At Sam’s persistence, Dean mumbled a quick apology to Gabriel, and they continued their discussion at the kitchen table. It was decided that Gabriel would stay at the bunker until he gave birth and his powers returned, so he could defend himself against the demons after him.

            “Gabriel can stay in my room, since I don’t use my bed-ow!” Castiel abandoned his words shooting Dean a stern glance. He sucked in a breath and rolled his eyes. “What I mean is that I don’t sleep anyway, so it isn’t required that I have a room.” Dean face palmed quietly cursing Castiel’s response.

            “Are we done now?” Dean asked tiredly.

            “Yep, think so,” Sam said. Dean caught Castiel by the shoulder and all but dragged him upstairs. Gabriel stood up and started making his own cup of coffee.

            “So, do you think our brothers are fucking?” he asked with a smirk. Sam laughed happy to finally have someone else who has to put up with their sexual tension.

            “No, they may act like a married couple, but I know Dean would never go for Cas.”

            “Yeah, I think sweet little Cassie prefers someone a little less man whorish.”

            “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Sam said stealing Gabriel’s mug before it could reach his lips. The archangel scowled and crossed his arms. “Two things. Number one. While you’re staying here, you don’t get to call my brother a man whore. Two. I’m pretty sure, you’re not supposed to drink coffee while pregnant.”

            “Two things,” Gabriel said deepening his voice to mock the younger Winchester. “One. I’m my own man, so I get to say whatever the hell I want. You’re not my dad. Two. That’s a fucking myth, and you know it. Even if it is true, it probably doesn’t apply to arch angels.” Sam smiled mischievously and walked over to Gabriel.

            “One. Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘my roof, my rules?’ And two. For the past few months, you’ve been practically human so I think human pregnancy guidelines apply to you too,” Sam said.

            “One. Have you ever heard of the phrase ‘fuck off, you can’t send me to my room?’ And two. Angel or not I’ll still find a way to make coffee. You can’t stop me.”

            “Don’t test me about punishment. I’ll carry you to your room kicking and screaming.” Gabriel closed his eyes for a few moments imagining Sam sweeping him off his feet and carrying him to his room. Throwing him on the bed, pouncing on his body, attacking his mouth with his. “And I think I know a way to keep you away from coffee.” Gabriel jumped out of his daydream.

            “Is that so?” Sam stepped in closer to the archangel. He planted his hands on the counter trapping Gabriel between his strong arms. His crotch pressed against Gabriel’s stomach, and his hazel eyes bore into his. The hunter’s powerful masculine outdoorsy scent overwhelmed him. He was so close to Sam. So close to his brooding chest. So close if he moved they would’ve been grinding their cocks together. So close he could feel Sam’s breath tickle his nose. So close he could almost kiss those lips.

            Sam snatched the bag of coffee beans and ran to the other side of the kitchen. He threw the bag on top of the cabinets bolted high up on the wall.

            “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Gabriel said defeated as Sam broke out into loud laughter. “You giant bastard!” He playfully smacked the younger Winchester whose face had gone red from laughter. He wiped a joyful tear from his eye and caught Gabriel’s flailing arms. The laughing and smiling stopped as they locked their eyes together.

            “I don’t mean to be rude, but you really don’t know who the father is?” Sam asked. Gabriel broke away from the hunter’s pretty eyes. If he looked at them, he might’ve actually told him without thinking.

            “I do. I know who he is, but he doesn’t know he’s going to be a father.” He frowned.

            “You should tell him. This isn’t the type of secret you can just hang onto casually. This is big. Believe me, keeping secrets this important isn’t good.” Gabriel almost crumbled to tears from Sam’s words. He sealed his lips, but his mind was screaming. _Tell him! Tell him! Tell him!_

            “I know I should tell him, but I can’t,” Gabriel said shakily. “It would ruin everything.” The floor began to blur, and he cursed silently to himself. _No, damn it! Not now._

            “Are you ok?” Sam asked lowering himself to meet Gabriel’s teary eyes. He broke out of Sam’s large hands and backed away quickly.

            “I-I’m fine. I-I-I just need to go!” He ran out the kitchen and up the stairs to his room. He slammed the door and collapsed on the bed burying his cries in his pillow. _Shut up, shut up! Stop crying you little bitch_! Scolding himself only made Gabriel cry harder.

            Gabriel perked up at the sound of two knocks on his door.

            “Can I come in?” Sam asked. Gabriel wanted to spill out everything to Sam. He wanted to throw his arms around the larger man and sob into his chest. He wanted Sam to comfort him, to hold him, to kiss him. To smile at the idea of being a father. He wanted to listen to Sam swear that he would protect their kid with his life. But Gabriel knew none of that would ever happen. _Sam Winchester is a hunter not a dad, and there is no way in hell he could every love me. Not willingly_.

            “Don’t come in,” he called back.

            “Do want me to come back later? I can-”

            “Just go away!” Gabriel wailed. Gabriel assumed Sam had left from the silence that answered him. He sobbed hoping no one else heard how pathetic he sounded.

            Sam sat down on the other side of Gabriel’s door. He listened to the archangel’s cries not remembering a sound so depressing. The powerful and joyful angel reduced to almost human crying alone in his room. _I should be in there_ he thought. _I should be comforting him. I shouldn’t let him be by himself_. With every one of Gabriel’s sobs, Sam’s heart seemed to crack. _He doesn’t deserve to be in this situation. He doesn’t deserve to feel this way. He doesn’t deserve to be alone._

            He almost walked into the room, but Gabriel’s angry words kept crashing into his mind. _‘Just go away!’_ _I should leave_ he thought, but he couldn’t bring himself to neglect Gabriel’s cries. He covered his face in his hands as a couple tears dripped down his face.

            “I’m so sorry, Gabriel,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I'm trying to post every 3-5 days, but I don't know if I'll have service for the next two weeks, so sorry if chapter 6 takes a while, but hopefully that won't happen


	6. Out Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh ok so this one is kind of long. Fluff isn't really my thing so I'm sorry if this is really cringe. I also didn't really look this over to edit so forgive my errors.

            The archangel laughed as his hunter blew raspberries into his swollen belly. Sam kissed the sides of his bare stomach.

            “My lips are up here, dumbass,” Gabriel said. Sam trailed his lips along his body stopping at his chest to tease his nipples with his teeth. He moaned at the touch and Sam smiled continuing to kiss up his neck. His lips met the archangel’s in a warm open kiss. Gabriel gripped the back of Sam’s neck desperately trying to pull him closer. Sam broke the kiss to lift his angel into his lap. They touched foreheads nuzzling their noses together. Sam rested his hand on Gabriel’s bump.

            “I can’t wait to meet them,” he said.

            “Me neither. Being pregnant sucks major ass,” Gabriel said tiredly. Sam laughed and kissed him lightly.

            “I’m so sorry, Gabriel,” he whispered.

            “For what?”

            Gabriel swore into his pillow. _These dreams are turning into nightmares_ he thought reaching out for the empty space in his bed. At first they were blissful, but now they were taunting him with what he could never have.

            He rolled out of bed throwing on one of Sam’s old t-shirts. He went downstairs hoping to find the Winchester’s in their usual spot in the kitchen. He was disappointed to see only Cas waiting for him.

            “Where are the lumberjacks?” he asked opening the cupboard scanning for something for breakfast.

            “On a hunt a couple towns over. They should be returning in a few days.”

            “What and they just left you here like a lap dog?”

            “They left me here to watch over you,” he snapped. Gabriel laughed.

            “I think I’m a few millennia past babysitting.” He found a bagel and popped it into the toaster. “Are the boys afraid I’ll trash the place while they’re gone?”

            “They’re more concerned that you’ll try to leave the bunker or something else stupid that could lead you to harm.” Gabriel scoffed.

            “They’re going to lecture me on doing something stupid? So I’m basically grounded until the baby pops out.”

            “I suppose so,” Cas said. The archangel rolled his eyes. He could’ve snapped his fingers and the younger angel would’ve been stranded on the Moon. But now he was the weaker angel, and Castiel was in charge. The bagel popped up from the toaster.

            “You know there were days when I would give the orders, and you’d have no choice but to obey them,” Gabriel said taking a bite of his bagel. A small wistful smile twisted Castiel’s lips.

            “You’re right, but I guess times are different now.” The next two weeks were uneventful. The Winchesters were rarely home, and the angels didn’t leave the bunker. Gabriel stayed up in his room for most of the days, thinking or praying to God. He would only go downstairs to satisfy his new craving of strawberry jam. Sometimes he talked to Castiel. He was either snapping at him for getting grape jelly instead of strawberry, or Cas was nagging him to hurry up and tell Sam before it was too late. Other than that their days were mostly quite.

            Gabriel went downstairs still rubbing sleep from his eyes. He thought he was in another one of his erotic dreams when he saw the tall arousing figure standing in the kitchen. Sam stood in front of the sink chugging a bottle of water. He only wore a pair of dark athletic shorts with his shirt off slung over his neck. Gabriel sent a quick prayer thanking God for Sam Winchester’s back muscles.

            “Spring’s really coming early this year,” he said swiping a bead of sweat from his forehead. Gabriel stumbled for words, trying to comprehend the sight before him. The broad shoulders looming over him. The firm pecks sprinkled with dark chest hairs. The beautifully sculpted abs.

            “Uh huh…” He mentally kicked himself. _Stop drooling you idiot_! “Well, I wouldn’t really know because I’ve been locked in this prison for the past few days.”

            “I guess maybe it’s time we take a little field trip,” he said with a small smile.

            “What about the married couple?” Gabriel asked. “I thought they wanted me on lockdown.” Sam shrugged.

            “On a hunting trip. Guess they decided it was my turn to babysit. I know that there are demons out for your ass, but staying in here for too long can you drive you mad. Let’s get out for a bit, and if anything goes sideways I’ll handle it.”

            “You’re already a way cooler babysitter than Castiel,” he said trying to keep his eyes on Sam’s face and not the bead of sweat that slowly inched its way down his hip bone.

            “Don’t think I’ll be letting you out of my sight for a second,” Sam said pointing his finger in Gabriel’s face.

            “Yes, sir,” he said with a two finger salute. Sam smiled at his adorable archangel.

            “Alright, I’m gonna go take a shower. Get dressed and then we can go.” Once he heard the door shut to the bathroom, Gabriel squealed skipping around the kitchen. He felt like a fledgling again, falling in love for the first time. It was probably nothing. Sam probably just didn’t want to stay in the bunker all day looking after him. But Gabriel couldn’t deny the question that bubbled in his mind. _Is Sam taking me on a date?_

            He practically inhaled his strawberry jam toast and raced up the stairs to his room. He combed his hair into a clean part and rummaged through his clothes for something nice to wear. _Slow down, Gabriel_ he told himself. _You don’t even know if this is a date. Look good, but not like you’re trying_. He ruffled his hair a little letting a few stands stick out and a few fall over his brows. He scanned through his clothes gagging at Castiel’s selection of gender neutral maternity clothes and cursing at the clothes he liked but didn’t fit anymore.

            He decided on a loose black t-shirt with the words Hell’s Angel on the front and a pair of red fiery wings on the back. He slipped into a pair of blue jeans that were once baggy, but now slim around his waist. He threw on his brown boots and headed downstairs.

            Sam was waiting for him sitting at the map in his dark jeans and green and black flannel the sleeves rolled up strewn over a black undershirt. His hair was still a little wet a few droplets lingering on his neck. He stood up and smiled when he saw the archangel.

            “You ready for me, Samantha?”

            “As I’ll ever be,” he said. He let Gabriel walk a head of him to the door. As they made their way up the stairs, Sam couldn’t help but marvel at the sight in front of him. The tightness of Gabriel’s jeans only accentuated his ass. Ever since his pregnancy started to become more obvious, Sam noticed his hips and ass had grown fuller. He wondered what it would be like to pinch, to grab. _To fuck…_

            “Take a picture, Winchester, it’ll last longer.” Sam looked up, a hot blush rising from his neck, to see Gabriel looking back at him with a cheeky grin.

            “I uh… uh…” Gabriel cut off his attempt at a sentence with a light laugh. They walked the trail Sam usually ran in the mornings because Dean and Castiel took the car. On their way through the park, they didn’t speak, but Gabriel didn’t mind. He was just happy to be out in the fresh air. To see other faces than the three males he’d been trapped with for weeks. To feel the sun on his pale skin. It was early spring. The trees were just budding and the grass was still on the edge between a light brown and green. They walked aimlessly through the park until Gabriel insisted they sit down beneath a flowering crabapple tree.

            Gabriel grimaced as he rubbed his lower back.

            “It’s really that bad, huh?” Sam asked. Gabriel forced a smile.

            “Nah, the back aches, the nausea, the constant feeling that there a couple of fish swimming around inside you; it’s all great.”

            “A couple? You think there’s more than one in there?”

            “Definitely,” he said tiredly. “I feel at least four feet kicking me all night.”

            “Wow,” Sam said not really knowing what to say. A cool breeze whistled through the trees and rose the hairs on Gabriel’s arms. Great, he thought. Another human reaction he didn’t know would ever be possible him. It was so weird to him to get a chill from a puny breeze. When he was fledgling, he would run around in the snow naked and not feel a thing.

            “Are you cold?” Sam asked.

            “Uh…” before he could answer, Sam was already stripping down to his black t-shirt, wrapping Gabriel in the green flannel. He smiled at how the flannel practically swallowed him. Sam’s scent flooded his senses. He felt a new high from the warmth of the Winchester’s clothing. It was even better to see Sam in just a slick black T, his strong biceps free to the world. _He should wear black more often_ he thought. His glossy brown mane blew across his face with the wind’s teasing. The pink petals perfectly placed behind him complimenting his green eyes bordering on lime. It was almost dreamlike. Gabriel was a little worried that it was. Sam blushed at the angel. The sleeves of his shirt fell easily a couple inches past his fingers. He liked the way his dark flannel stood out against Gabriel’s pale skin and pronounced his sweet hazel eyes. _He should wear flannel more often_ he thought. The sun shifted through the leaves and branches letting little bits of sun sprinkle on Gabriel’s face. The filtering sun switched his almond hair to blonde and his hazel eyes to golden. Their eyes held each other for a few moments. If only they knew, they had the same thought running through their heads. _I could kiss him, but would he let me?_

            Gabriel turned away first, looking down at the ground as he pulled up the collar on Sam’s shirt. Sam looked up at the pink petals above him.

            “So what does the great pumpkin, Sam Winchester do for fun?”

            “Go for a run? Maybe do some research at the library?”

            “Yawn! Let’s actually do something not boring,” Gabriel said.

            “Ok then what do have in mind?” Gabriel playfully raised an eyebrow.

            “I could tell you, or I could show you.” He stood up and continued to walk along the trail gesturing for Sam to follow. He followed the angel with a nervous smile. His ideas for fun usually mean trouble. They walked through the park, and the forest until they reached an average supermarket. Gabriel jumped into the shopping cart.

            “I’m tired, push me Samosa!”

            “What can possibly be fun about a supermarket?” Sam asked taking hold of the handle and pushing him though the automatic doors.

            “We need stuff from the supermarket to have fun. Normally I could just snap my fingers and everything we need would be _poof_ right there,” he said his voice ending a little sad. He shook his head as if he could throw the frown off his face. “But hey, this isn’t the first time I’ve been powerless. I’ll manage.” He tried to believe it, but even Sam could hear the doubt in his voice.

            “This isle! This isle! Turn right Sammy! Turn right!” He yelled waving his arms frantically like a small child. Gabriel stopped him at the area of art supplies. He grabbed dozens of packs of glittering confetti.

            “Whoa, slow down there sparklers. What’s with all the confetti?”

            “It’s a surprise,” Gabriel said with a mischievous grin. He had the same answer for all the strange items they picked up. A box plastic wrap, five packs of pop rocks, ten little confetti canons, a dozen feet of string, and two lollipops. The older lady behind the cash register gave them an odd look.

            “Nothing illegal I hope,” she said pushing up her glasses.

            “Prolly not,” Gabriel said pushing the red lollipop into his mouth. She offered them a small smile as she bagged their items. As he pushed the cart out of the store, he watched the lollipop between Gabriel’s lips. _What flavor is it?_ He wondered. _Cherry? Strawberry? Watermelon?_ The obnoxious slurping noises and the way he would pull the lollipop out of his mouth quickly. In and in and out. He imagined Gabriel’s lips over his cock with the same fluid motions. The thought got him hard and distracted crashing the cart into the wall.

            “Easy there, bucko! I’m precious cargo,” Gabriel said. Only then did Sam wake from his erotic daydream.

            “Wh-what?” Gabriel shook his head.

            “Never let a moose drive a shopping cart. Lesson learned,” he said climbing out of the cart. “This is good just leave it here.” With Gabriel standing beside him, he noticed a small cut on the angel’s neck below his ear.

            “Oh god, d-did I do that?” he asked his voice cracking with concern.

            “It’s fine.”

            “No it’s not.” It wasn’t serious, about the length of a pinky finger. Though it was deep enough to allow a river of blood to fall down to Gabriel’s collar bone.

            “Seriously, Sam I’m fine. I’d just worry that I think I might be getting blood on your shirt.”

            “Don’t worry about that,” he said reaching out to his wound. Gabriel flinched as Sam’s finger grazed the cut. Sam quickly pulled away. Gabriel wiped away the trail of blood with his palm.

            “See? I’m good.” No matter how much Gabriel insister he was fine, Sam still felt guilty for the accident. _Because of my carelessness. Because I was thinking about putting my dick in his mouth he got hurt._

            They gathered their bags and walked deeper into town. Sam followed Gabriel without question. He wasn’t even sure if Gabriel knew where he was going. Lebanon was a small town for a population barely over two hundred. There weren’t many fun things to do in town. There were about two stores, a clothing store and a supermarket, a gas station, a library, a clinic and a small fire department. _What can Gabriel possibly find remotely entertaining here?_

            When he stopped in front of a library, Sam knew they were lost. He stood there shocked as Gabriel proceeded to the doors.

            “Do you know where we are?” Sam asked. Gabriel stopped and looked around.

            “Think so,” he said with a small shrug.

            “We’re at a library.”

            “Yeah.”

            “I didn’t really take as the kind of person to read for fun.” Gabriel laughed.

            “We’re not here to read, idiot,” he said wiping a fake tear from his eye.

            “Then why are we at a-”

            “I’ll show you,” he said with a devious half smile. Sam followed him through the doors nervous and excited all at the same time. _Gabriel better not get us kicked out._

            The library was a small building and even smaller in the number of books. The only reason Sam didn’t spend his research in the town library was the fact that the bunker had easily triple the number of books this library had. It was quite and cozy with so little people, an ideal setting for reading. Gabriel didn’t see it that way. He saw an ideal setting for homemade pranks.

            Gabriel walked to the back of the library and walked into the bathroom. Sam started to follow him, but Gabriel held up his hand to stop him. He snatched the bags from his hands.

            “Wait here, and keep watch. If anyone tries to come in the restroom, tell them it’s out of order, but will be ready soon,” Gabriel said.

            “But why do you-” He shut the door leaving Sam alone outside the men’s restroom. He stood there awkwardly in silence for a few minutes until an elderly man approached him. His white mustache turned with his lips as he frowned.

            “I need to use the restroom, young man.” His voice was deep and rustic with age coming out almost in a croak.

            “Uh-err you can’t go in there. It’s a… a…” He trailed off realizing he hadn’t prepared himself for what he was actually going to say. The man’s face scrunched up into a tighter frown.

            “But I have a bladder infection.” Sam didn’t really know how to respond to that. Gabriel popped out through the door just in time to rescue him.

            “The restroom is working now, sir,” he said smoothly, pulling Sam to the side. The man nodded approvingly and stepped inside. Gabriel followed him dragging Sam along by the wrist. The man walked into the second stall and Sam and Gabriel took the fourth.

            “What are we doing in-” Gabriel pressed his finger to Sam’s lips for silence. About ten seconds later a loud popping rang out in the bathroom followed by the old man’s screams.

            “What the- what in the hell?” Gabriel poked his head out the stall to the see the old man running out the bathroom with his pants still down. The arch angel burst out laughing while the hunter tried his hardest not to show any sign of happiness.

            “What the hell was that?” he asked. His body gave up and a small grin escaped him.

“Pop rocks… Under the… Toilet seat,” Gabriel howled between spurts of laughter.

            “This is horrible! That poor man had a bladder infection!” Sam knew he was breaking when he remembered the old man’s pale ass hobbling out the door.

            “Whoops,” Gabriel said with a shrug. Sam’s face had gone red from trying not to laugh. “Oh come on, Sam. No one is going to beat you for laughing at a harmless prank.” With the angel’s approval, Sam doubled over with laughter. He came up for air a few seconds later a few tears falling from the inner corners of his dark green eyes. Gabriel felt a strong sense of pride seeing the Winchester’s wide grin knowing he was the one who made his hunter smile.

            “You can’t just prank people like that,” Sam said struggling to regain his composure.

            “Just did.”

            “It’s wrong.”

            “Wanna do it again?”

            “Oh, hell yes.” Sam guarded the men’s bathroom telling everyone that the restroom would be in use in a couple minutes. Gabriel set up every stall with pop rocks and called Sam in when he was ready. They waited together in the last stall laughing at their victims. A middle-aged redneck who promised to “to beat the living crap outta you fairies”, a young tight business man who swore to sue the library and an obnoxious teen who said “that my mom would ruin your careers”.

            Sam laughed so hard his sides ached. He couldn’t remember a time when he physically hurt from laughter. He couldn’t even remember a time when he was having that much fun. Gabriel’s happiness fed off of Sam’s. He loved seeing the man usually so uptight and stressed actually relax for once.

            Once the whole library became suspicious of their bathroom prank, they moved on to something else. They separated to cover all the doors of the library. Sam waited cautiously until no one was watching and covered the doorway in clear plastic wrap. They continued the prank together when Gabriel realized he couldn’t reach the top of the doors.

            A woman maybe in her early twenties raced into the main entrance only to topple over by the force of the wrap. The fear and confusion on her face when she pulled herself covered in the clear wrap was priceless. Sam couldn’t break the grin from watching their pranks play out until Gabriel stood up and headed over to the lady at the front desk.

            “You doing another prank?” he asked standing up from the couch.

            “Yeah, but I can do it on my own.”

            “You sure? I can-”

            “Just sit back and relax Sambo, I’ve got this one.” He plopped back down into the sofa eyeing Gabriel carefully as he made his way over to the lady behind the desk. She appeared a little older than Sam probably around Dean’s age. She had thin eyes under black eyeliner and garnet full lips. Her skin was pale, popping against her dark brown wavy hair. She wore a short tight black and white dress highlighting her curves. A fat woman collapsed through the plastic wrap coming out of the restroom, but it didn’t have the same effect on Sam while Gabriel talked with an attractive woman. _What is he even doing with her?_ He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but her facial expression were enough to churn the anger within Sam. She smiled as soon as Gabriel approached her and within seconds they were laughing together. She laid a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder, and that’s when Sam realized he had gripped the armrests to point of white knuckles.

            _What are they saying? Why are they laughing? Why is she touching him? Why did he even go up to her anyway? Does she even know he’s pregnant? I mean because it’s kind of obvious? What if this isn’t a prank? What if he just wanted to hit on some hot librarian?_ Sam dropped his head in his hands trying to calm the questions that racked his mind. For some reason, he felt like the prank was on him, his body consumed with jealously. _Why am I even thinking like this? It’s not like we’re- or like I want to be…_ Sam sighed, pushing his hair back. Even in his thoughts, he can’t even form full sentences when he’s with Gabriel.

            To Sam’s relief, the librarian walked into the room behind the desk shutting the door behind her. He hoped that Gabriel would come back over to him with a reasonable excuse to why he had that flirtatious conversation with the librarian. Instead Gabriel walked behind the desk and dropped down to his knees disappearing from Sam’s sight. _What the hell is he doing?_

            Gabriel stayed down there for probably a minute or two, but it felt like hours to Sam. _Did he just fucking disappear?_ He was about to go over there when Gabriel popped back up. He dusted off his shoulder and walked back in front of the desk just in time for the librarian to return. He looked back at Sam and gestured for him to come over. He got up quickly trying to rid his expression of any trace of jealousy.

            “What are you doing?” Sam asked forcing a smile.

            “Just watch.” He pulled Sam off to the side by a tall book shelve.

            “I don’t get why-”

            “Shut up and watch, Winchester,” Gabriel said gesturing to the pretty librarian. That was the last thing Sam wanted to. He wanted to stare at the new curvy figure of the archangel. He wanted to gaze into the honey brown eyes in front of him. He wanted feel Gabriel’s lips on his as he pushed him into the book shelf. He definitely didn’t want to watch the librarian whore who could ruin his chances.

            A clean cut middle aged woman walked up to the librarian. Everything about her looked tight from the bun on her head to her shiny dress shoes. She gave the librarian a book and her library card. She swiped the card and dropped to the floor at the sound of a loud boom. The pristine woman ducked down behind the counter as huge wave of sparkling confetti blasted into the air. Sam and Gabriel broke out in laughter as confetti rained down on them.

            Sam stopped laughing falling into a trance at the archangel in front of him. A warm blush fanned out over his face as he laughed hardily. The sparkles falling from the sky seemed to slow, reflecting in his golden eyes. He was breathless at the glitter that had collected on to his hair and cheeks. He looked majestic, out worldly. Sam pressed his hands firmly to the hem of his jeans trying not to grab the angel and make out with him right there.

            Gabriel felt hot when Sam’s gaze fell on him. Confetti and sparkles had settled on Sam’s glossy locks. It was hard restraining himself from running his fingers through the glittery mane. Time stopped for Gabriel to see the correlation of colors in Sam’s eyes. He couldn’t pinpoint the blue or green or grey. Instead he saw two pools reflecting so much of the colors around them. There were rainbows in the man’s beautiful eyes, and Gabriel felt like he was drowning in them.

            _This isn’t me_ Sam thought. _These aren’t my actual… No, no, no, I can’t but I…_

            “Fuck it,” he whispered quickly before cupping Gabriel’s face and forcing their lips together in a hungry kiss. Sam thought he was melting against the angel’s warm sweet lips. Gabriel thought he was drowning against Sam’s soft wet lips. They were dying and reliving feeling everything they had hoped for. Gabriel wrapped his arms around Sam’s neck yearning for more of this feeling. It was only a kiss, but they felt so much more. It felt fresh, a new beginning to who they would be. It was overdue, feeling like the ending of what they were before. What were they before this moment? What would they be now? What would become of their relationship? What would they mean to each other? Gabriel opened his mouth and Sam took the invitation. He pressed his tongue inside his mouth savoring the taste of the archangel. Sweet and pure. Gabriel moaned into him mouth, and a disgusted noise followed.

            Sam looked behind him towards the noise despite Gabriel’s whines of protests. There was an old lady behind them her face scrunched up in a scowl.

            “Get a room,” she said before turning and walking away. Sam gripped the fat around Gabriel’s hips.

            “Let’s do what the old lady says,” he breathes into his ear. Gabriel has chills going down his spine as Sam guides them to the restroom. He picks up the archangel and pushes him onto the sink. Gabriel let out a rough mewl when his back hit the mirror.

            “Sorry,” Sam whispered between kisses.

            “Don’t be sorry, just help me take this off,” Gabriel said tugging on Sam’s black t-shirt. He lifted his arms and Gabriel pulled the shirt over his head discarding it across the bathroom floor. Gabriel nibbled on Sam’s lower lip while he stripped Gabriel of his flannel shirt. He sucked and sucked until the hunter was moaning and his lip was puffy. Sam undid his belt and started to unzip his pants when his loud ringtone went off. Gabriel tensed at the noise, but Sam decided to ignore it continuing to slide off his jeans while passionately kissing his angel. After a few minutes of persistent ringing, Sam finally pulled his lips off Gabriel’s neck and took out the phone. Dean was calling him, and he already called seven times. Sam mouthed a quick ‘hold on’ to Gabriel before picking up the phone.

            “Yeah?”

            “Sam! Where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling for half an hour! You can’t just go all gone girl on me leaving without a call.”

            “I’m sorry. I just uh…” Sam trailed off losing himself in Gabriel’s pleading eyes. His ruffled hair. The hickies on his neck…

            “Sam!”

            “Oh! Uh-Gabriel and I just went out to get some things from the store. We’re fine. Can you relax?”

            “I can’t relax because last time Mr. Candy pants was outside the bunker people got killed! Now you’re outside the bunker with him and I-”

            “Ok, ok. We’ll be home soon. Just calm down.”

            “I’ll calm down when you get your ass back to the bunker,” Dean snapped ending the call. Gabriel pouted.

            “So I guess we got busted for ditching?”

            “Big time,” Sam said zipping up his pants. Gabriel huffed. _So close_ he thought. _So close to getting dick from Sam Winchester._

            “Too bad big bro had to ruin all the fun.” Sam picked up the green and black flannel that had landed at his feet. He strung it over Gabriel’s shoulders.

            “Gabriel I don’t know what just happened or why it happened. I don’t know if my feelings are in my control or not, but I do know that I really _really_ want to do that again. Would you be willing to pick this up some other time at the uh… bunker?” Gabriel smiled shrugging into the flannel.

            “Oh Winchester, such a poet.”

            “Shut up,” Sam said taking his small hands in his. Gabriel leaned in pecked him sweetly on the lips. They left the library and walked back to the bunker. Neither of them said anything, but they grinned the whole way back just happy to be in each other’s presence.

            As Gabriel and Sam walked into the bunker wearing identical idiotic grins, Dean realized three fundamental truths at the exact same time. One. He recognized the large flannel Gabriel wore. It was one of the newer ones Sam had brought about a week ago. He had it draped over his shoulders wearing it loosely like a boyfriend’s jacket. Two. There were at least four bruises scattered across the archangel’s neck. One was even sporting teeth marks. _Love bites_ , Dean concluded. Three. Sam had sex lips. The red throbbing puffy sign of someone biting on your lip too hard. Dean had seen the same lips on Cas several times after he was done with him.

            Sam expected Dean to snap on them from the odd look he gave them at the door. Instead he remained silent as Gabriel headed to his room complaining about how tired he was. His younger brother’s eyes lingered on the angel as he walked away. _Oh Sammy. Gabriel? Really?_

            “So let’s hear it,” Sam said throwing up his hands.

            “Hear what?”

            “The big monologue about how I should be more careful.”

            “Ok. Uh… Be more careful,” Dean said heading towards the kitchen. Sam followed him his jaw hung open. Dean grabbed a beer from the fridge.

            “So that’s it?” Dean took a sip of the beer and shrugged.

            “Do you want me to scold you then send you to your room?”

            “No! I just thought… You sounded so much angrier on the phone. I thought we were gonna have a talk or something.” Dean took a few more swigs.

            “Well, I guess I’m just happy that you’re ok.” Sam couldn’t really wrap his mind around the fact that Dean was cool with everything, but he didn’t question the blessing of his brother’s calmness.

            “Alright then. G’night!” Sam called disappearing into his bedroom.

            “G’night.” Dean could’ve said it. He could’ve called out Sam’s relationship with the trickster which was so so _so_ wrong. But then how could he? He couldn’t bring himself to be so hypocritical. _Maybe I should tell Sam_ he thought rubbing the gold band across his ring finger _. I mean how can he be mad at me for being with Cas when he’s doing the trickster? Tomorrow I’ll tell him,_ he promised himself. _Tomorrow._

 

            Gabriel wriggled excitedly in his bed as he relived the highlights from the day. He felt a hot blush spread through his body as he remembered Sam lips rocking against his. He replayed the time Sam gave him his shirt to wear under the crab apple tree. The goofy grin on the hunter’s face when they played their first prank. The confetti sparkling in his glorious hair. The way his body hungrily latched onto his in the bathroom. For the first time since Chuck’s fertilization, Gabriel actually felt hopeful for his future.

            _Maybe Sam can love me_ he thought. Gabriel rubbed his extended belly. _Maybe he can love us_. For once he wasn’t afraid of telling Sam the truth. Now that he knew Sam and he could be something. Maybe he’d be ok with raising a child with him _. Tomorrow I’ll tell him_ he promised himself. _Tomorrow._

Gabriel woke with a smile, not remembering his dream, but the feeling of Sam Winchester. He could almost feel his large hands against his waist or his teeth nibbling on his neck. He daydreamed about Sam’s kiss while he dressed. He went downstairs to the kitchen and hopped up on the counter. He grabbed a bagel and doused it in strawberry jelly. In the midst of his daydream about Sam’s dimples he sent a silent prayer to God. _Thanks, Dad._

            He heard the sound of the front door open followed by Winchesters’ voice. He couldn’t see the boys, but he could sure hear them arguing from the other room.

            “You’re out of your mind!” _Dean._

             “And you’re being an ass.” _Sam._

            “There must be something weird going on in that big head of yours. The little runt can’t stay here!” Gabriel’s mouth had gone completely dry. _What?_

            “Dean, you can’t honestly-”

            “Yeah, I do. Look Sammy, what’s the point of having him here? He’s practically useless. Can’t help us in a hunt. Can’t protect us at the bunker.” The bread crusts diminished to crumbs between Gabriel’s fists. _Useless? Just you wait, and I’ll show you who’s useless._ He wanted to storm in there and lash out at Dean, but something held him back. Maybe it was the idea of listening to Sam defend him.

“If you could stop being an insensitive prick for two seconds-”

            “Yeah, I get it. You saw his big puppy dog eyes and now you’re in love with the little guy, but he can’t stay here if he’s just going to sit around on his ass.” A long pause stretched between the brothers as the anger festered in Gabriel’s stomach. He chewed on the inside of his cheek thinking of all the horrible things he could do to Dean Winchester. He already had a list of pranks for the older Winchester. Replacing his beer with cat piss. Painting the impala orange. Spraying his toilet paper with pepper spray.

            Sam broke the silence with his small voice.

            “He needs us, Dean.”

            “He really does, but I’m sure someone else will have a great time taking care of his sorry ass. We can’t waste our time on this one.” Sam sighed. Another silence. _Come on, Sam. Tell him, he’s wrong._

            “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Sam said. _No!_ “I’ll drop him off at the nearest dump and hopefully he can figure it out from there.” Gabriel panted, his body trembling as tears overflowed his eyes. _No, no, no, no, no! He can’t be saying this! He can’t! I thought he…_ Gabriel shuddered. _I thought he loved me_. His mind was burning, rethinking everything. _Yesterday was real. The kiss was real. But what if Sam’s feelings weren’t?_

            He zapped himself out of the bunker. His wings were thin and brittle aching as he forced himself to fly. They gave out, and Gabriel collapsed over some open field. He had no idea where he was, but it was beautiful. The sun had just risen gently poking through the puffy clouds. The warm rays of sun blended with the cool breeze resulting in an almost perfect temperate. The wind whistled through the grass and the morning birds sang along. It was a beautiful day, and Gabriel was broken.

 


	7. Wrong Words wrong Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter took a while. I'm lazy and a slow writer which is a bad combination, enjoy!

~A few hours earlier~

            Dean rolled out of bed and threw on some clothes. He stepped lightly, but he still managed to wake up the other person in his bed. Castiel sat up immediately and Dean smiled at his half naked angel. His hair all ruffled and his sweet eyes still squinty with sleep. It was a good look for him.

            “Morning, sunshine,” Dean said pressing a light kiss to his temple. Cas tilted his head in confusion.

            “Why are you up so early?”

            “I think I’m gonna tell Sam… About us. But I gotta do it before the idiot’s morning run or I’ll never get around to it.”

            “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he asked nervously. Dean shrugged.

            “He deserves to know, and since when are you all hesitant? You’re the one who’s been nagging me to tell him for the past two years.”

            “I know, it’s just… With everything happening with Gabriel, maybe we should wait until this all dies down a little.” Dean smiled warmly at his angel. _Maybe that’s why I married him_ , Dean thought. _Always thinking everything through when I can’t_.

            “Trust me,” Dean said sardonically, “Sam and Gabe are fine. I think he can handle this.” He gave him another quick kiss. “Go back to sleep. I’ll be back before you know I’m gone.”

“I love you,” Cas said quietly, snuggling back into the blankets.

“I know.”

He disappeared shutting the door behind him leaving Cas alone to his thoughts. _I hope Sam can handle all this news at once._

            Dean found Sam already dressed for his morning run, tying his shoes near the door.

            “Hey, wanna come for a ride?” he asked jingling the keys in Sam’s face.

            “What the hell are you doing? It’s dawn. You’re never up this early.”

            “I gotta tell you something. Just come for a ride with me.” Sam gave him a skeptical look.

            “Why can’t we talk here?” Dean fidgeted with the car keys. His only reason to take the Impala was that he figured Sam would be less likely to snap at him from behind the wheel.

            “I can drop you off at that little park you like, and I can grab something to eat. Just-come on!” Sam followed Dean to the car, anxiety biting at his lip. _Does he know about Gabriel? No, no! He has no reason to, but what else would he want to talk to me about?_ They got in the car and drove. No music playing, they only listened to their thoughts. _How the hell do I say this?_ He wondered glancing down at his gold ring. _Oh by the way, I’ve been married to our best friend for over a year._ Sam looked out the window trying to piece his thoughts together _. How can he possibly know? Hold up, you don’t even know if he knows. Only one way to find out._

            “I’m seeing Gabriel,” Sam blurted. Dean’s face lit up, his eyes widening and his mouth slipping open.

            “Like seeing _seeing_ him?”

            “Yeah.” Dean’s shocked expression shifted into a sly grin. _Who knew it would be this easy for Sammy to spill? If only it was that simple to tell him about Cas._

            “Oh.”

            “Oh? Is that all you’re going to say about this?” Sam asked.

            “I kind of already knew. You guys aren’t exactly subtle.”

            “What do you-”

            “The hickies and he was wearing your shirt. You think I wouldn’t notice that?” Suddenly the car felt very warm to Sam. _Why the hell didn’t I think about that_? He rolled down his window trying to cool off his embarrassment. “Really, man? Gabriel? The trickster? The freaking archangel?”

            “I don’t know, Dean. I just-I don’t know.”

            “I mean how do you know this isn’t some kind of trick he’s pulling on you?”

            “Honestly, I don’t,” he admitted. “But I guess I’m tired of fighting my feelings for him.”

            “Oh.”

            “Seriously? Just oh? You’re not gonna-”

            “Look Sam, most of your hook ups are either dead or have royally screwed us over. Compared to your past relationships, I can’t be mad,” Dean said cracking a warm smile.

            “Really?” he asked still suspicious that some demon had crawled inside his brother. _Why is he so calm about this?_

            “Yeah.” They continued their slow drive to town without any more conversation. _Man the fuck up, Winchester! If Sam can tell you this, you can tell him about Cas. There’s no way in hell he could be angry at me when he’s boning his own angel. But then again, three years. How would he feel that I kept this from him for so long?_

            “So have you guys fucked yet?” he asked ignoring his own thoughts. Sam choked and Dean laughed.

            “Um… WHAT?”

            “It’s just a question.”

            “And it’s just none of your damn-WHOA!” The impala jolted to a halt sending the boys crashing into the dashboard. There were no cars behind them or in front of them. The road was empty except for a small orange and white corgi sitting in the middle of their lane.

            “Move outta the way, damnit!” Dean shouted honking the horn. The dog didn’t react to the noise. He just sat in the road, his tongue lolling out unaware of the fact that he was almost run over. “Why the fuck isn’t he moving?”

            “I don’t know,” Sam said unbuckling his seat belt. He pushed the door open and walked over to the corgi. It wagged its tail when Sam approached. _Okay you’re not blind. Then what is wrong with you?_ The dog’s wide eyes bugged out its small head, but there was something off about them. Its pupils didn’t focus, but appeared to lag towards the outside of his eyes. The pup bounded up to Sam and crashed into his leg, falling over to its side. He quickly learned that the corgi was a boy. He popped back up and repeated the same stunt until he had Sam almost dying with laughter. He scooped up the corgi and looked into his lazy eyes.

            “Who’s a dumb doggy? You are!” He panted and drool dribbled down his mouth dripping on Sam’s hands. He carried the corgi to the car and placed him in the back seat. He returned to the passenger seat greeted with Dean’s frown of disapproval.

            “Dude, what the hell? We could’ve just left it on the side of the road.”

            “And wait for someone else to run him over? You saw him, Dean. He wouldn’t move. I think there’s something wrong with him.”

            “Is he hurt?”

            “No, just look at his eyes.” Dean looked into the back seat at the large dead eyes.

            “You think we found a retarded dog?” Dean asked turning back towards his brother.

            “I don’t know. Maybe? Let’s just take him back to the bunker and keep an eye out for someone who’s missing a dog.”

            “Sam!”

            “Come on, Dean.”

            “Dude, he might have diseases and-oh my god. He’s chewing on the fucking seat belt,” Dean said palming his eyes. Sam reached back and pushed the corgi away from the seatbelt. He didn’t even react to the force pushing him to the other side of the car.

            “Just for a little bit, okay? Until someone claims him?”

            “He gets two hours, and that’s it.” They drove back to the bunker in almost silence except for Sam’s cooing over the dog. He didn’t respond to much of Sam’s affection except for when he scratched the white fluff of his chest. _I wonder if Gabriel likes dogs._

            They got out of the car and Sam carried the corgi to the bunker like a baby. He didn’t wear a collar or any sign of identification. _Maybe he doesn’t have an owner_. His chest overflowed with excitement. _Maybe we can keep him_.

            “What if we keep him?” Sam suggested.

            “You’re out of your mind,” Dean said pushing open the door.

            “And you’re being an ass.” Sam let the dog down. He launched himself at the stairs and rolled all the way down. He sat up after the last step and wagged his tail ecstatically. He raced back up the stairs and fell down again. He did it over and over again each time looking more and more pleased with himself. Sam couldn’t help but smile at the destructive idiotic dog.

            “There must be something weird going on in that big head of yours. The little runt can’t stay here!”

            “Dean, you can’t honestly-”

            “Yeah, I do. Look Sammy, what’s the point of having him here? He’s practically useless. Can’t help us in a hunt. Can’t protect us at the bunker.” The little guy rolled down the stairs one last time, yawned and padded over to Sam. He dropped his head down on his sneaker and fell asleep.

            “If you could stop being an insensitive prick for two seconds-”

           “Yeah, I get it. You saw his big puppy dog eyes and now you’re in love with the little guy, but he can’t stay here if he’s just going to sit around on his ass.” He twitched at Dean’s words, stretched and rolled over onto his side his eyes half closed. He stuck his tongue out for a few more seconds, yawned again and wrapped his small body around Sam’s ankle. His heart almost melted at the animal’s tiny snores.

           “He needs us, Dean.”

           “He really does, but I’m sure someone else will have a great time taking care of his sorry ass. We can’t waste our time on this one.” Sam sighed.

           “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ll drop him off at the nearest dump and hopefully he can figure it out from there.”

           “Now you’re finally thinking straight, Sammy,” Dean said patting his brother’s shoulders. Sam perked up and pulled his infamous bitch face.

           “You know what?”

           “Oh my god,” Dean groaned.

           “You’re not the only person living here.”

           “We were so close.” Sam picked up the sleeping puppy.

           “I’m gonna go see what Gabe and Cas want to do with him,” he said heading upstairs.

           “Gabriel’s opinion doesn’t matter, and I’m pretty sure Cas is sensible enough to know that we can’t look after a dog. We’re hunters, come on!” Dean called after him. Sam rolled his eyes and knocked on Gabriel’s door. No one answered. _Of course_ Sam thought. _He’s probably still asleep_. _Gabriel never wakes up before noon_. He smiled as he pushed open the door remembering the angel’s flushed face when he woke up to see Sam. Or the way his hair managed to defy gravity when he first woke up. Or when his night clothes, too big for him, would sulk off his shoulders revealing his soft pale skin. His happy thoughts along with his smile vanished when he entered the room. It was empty. Sam set the corgi down and quickly scanned the rest of the rooms upstairs, his new friend hot on his heels. He checked the bathrooms, his room, the dungeon, and even Dean’s room. There he found Castiel doing up the last buttons on his shirt.

           “Sam,” Cas greeted him. He frowned. “You look distressed.”

           “I c-can’t find Gabriel. Have you seen him?”

           “No, not since-”

           “Holy shit, we gotta find him. Can you sense the fledglings grace in the bunker?” Castiel closed his eyes focusing on extending his senses.

           “I don’t feel them, but Sam that doesn’t mean-”

           “What if something happened to him?” Sam paced around the room the corgi matching his speed running around in the small circle. Dean walked into the room, stopping Sam’s circle of anxiety with a hand on his shoulder.

           “Easy there, buddy. What’s wrong?”

           “Gabriel! I-I don’t where he is! He’s gone! What if something happened to him? What if he got taken by demons or-”

           “Calm down,” Dean said shaking his brother. “No demons can get into the bunker. If he’s not here, he must’ve left willingly. Maybe he went for a walk or something?”

           “Without telling any of us?” Dean shrugged.

           “Ok since you’re so paranoid, why don’t you go into town and ask if anyone’s seen him. Cas and I will hang back, and keep our ears open for anything demonic or angelic.” Sam took a deep breath and smoothed out his hair.

           “Ok.” He grabbed the keys and headed for the door, the pup running after him. He pushed the dog away and left leaving the corgi to whimper at the door.

           “Do you really think Mr. Candy man got himself killed?” Dean asked. Castiel shook his head.

           “I don’t think so. Gabriel may be powerless, but he’s not helpless. He survived on his own for a while before he came to us.”

           “Yeah, barely. You see if you can sense the baby’s grace, and I’ll check and see what I can find on the angel station.” As soon as Dean sat down at the map the corgi started barking. At first Dean ignored him, trying to focus on the angels closet to them. _If he’s on his own Gabriel couldn’t have gotten far. Then again, if he’s been taken, he could be anywhere in the world by now._ The puppy ran up to Dean and caught his pants leg in his mouth.

           “Hey!” He shook his ankle until the dog fell off. “Go to sleep or something.” The dog gave up on chewing the end of his jeans, but continued to bark. _Damn, for a tiny dog he’s pretty loud_. “Would you shup up?”

           He heard the front door open, and the barking ceased. He hoped it was Gabriel coming back from a morning stroll, for Sam’s sake. Instead, it was a kid. Probably around sixteen or seventeen with a face full of acne and round rim glasses. Tears fell down his face, and he held a knife tightly in his hands.

           “I’m s-sorry,” he croaked. “They’re making me do this.” He bent down and picked up the doormat.

           “Hey! What are you doing?” Dean headed up the stairs. The boy scraped away the Devil’s trap with the knife and the door flew open. Before Dean could stop them, a bullet exploded the young boy’s head.

           “Ya know, demons always try to overpower humans just by flinging them against the wall, but we forget that weapons can be just as useful,” Crowley said stepping into the bunker. Six more demons followed him in. He flicked his wrist and Dean fell backyards down the stairs. “Though it is still fun.”

           “The hell are you doing here?” Castiel was quickly by Dean’s side helping him to stand followed by the yapping puppy. The other demons scattered throughout the bunker. Crowley casually stepped down the stairs twirling the pistol in his fingers.

           “Come on boys, do I have to break out the Metro Station? Where’s my angel?”

 ***

 

 _God, I hope he’s not with her_ Sam thought stepping into the library. He had two fears running wild in his mind that whole day. _Maybe he’s fine, but he just left the bunker for a secret rendezvous with sexy librarian_. _Or maybe something seriously bad happened to him. What if he’s hurt?_ He had checked the morgue and hospital, neither matching his vessel’s description. Which is good he thought. But what if that means he’s with her?

           He approached the lady’s desk with his fists clenched hidden deep in his pockets. Her long hair pulled up in a messy bun spilling into her face. A loose red blouse cut low enough for some cleavage and dark blue skinny jeans. She tucked a dark lock of hair behind her ear and smiled.

           “Hello, Sir. How may I help you?” Her grin was wide, and her voice had a cheery bounce to it. _Maybe that’s why he fell for her. Maybe she can match his enthusiasm where I can’t?_ Sam cleared his throat trying to clear away his jealous thoughts.

           “Hi,” he said reaching into his coat pocket, and pulling out a badge. “Agent Samson. I’m looking for my partner, Agent Miranda.”

           “Oh, you mean the cute guy you were with yesterday?” Sam felt his cheeks redden. _Did she see the kiss?_

           “Um… Yes. He’s gone missing on a case we’re working and I’m wondering if you’ve seen him?” Her grin dropped and her eyes lit up with fear.

           “He’s missing? What kind of case are you working here?”

           “Any information on my partner would be helpful ma’am,” Sam said ignoring her question.

           “I haven’t seen him since yesterday. I’m so sorry. I hope you find him.” He couldn’t tell if the sigh of relief that escaped him was of relief or distress. He almost asked her what Gabriel and she were talking about the other day until a blast of energy knocked them off their feet.

           “What the hell?” Sam muttered. Everyone in the library, sprawled out on the floor with the same confused faces. It almost felt like a giant gust of wind, but… The whole ground moved.

           “Is everyone ok?” An older man.

           “Dude, what the fuck?” A teenager.

           “Was that an earthquake?” a young woman. Sam stood up while the lady at the desk began fixing everything on her desk that had fallen over.

           “Wow, that was some-” She froze staring off behind Sam. Her eyes brown eyes grew wide reflecting the intense light behind her. “Whoa.” He turned around to see bright lights falling through the window. A crowd of people had gathered around to see the golden and blue lights. Sam walked over to see the sparkling celestial lights, and he heard it. The pull on his mind from something else to the point where he could hear a feint voice.

_How could you do this to me, Sam?_

           He broke from the crowd in a dead sprint out of the library, following the lights. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt the archangel yearning for him. He didn’t know what he would find at the source of the lights, but as he got closer he continued to hear the angel’s resentful words clash in his mind.

_I trusted you! I gave you my heart, and you ripped it to shreds! If you want me out of your life, then fine! I’m gone! You should’ve started with that instead of tricking me into believing I could be happy with you. You played me for a fool, and I hate you for that. You deceived me! I thought I loved you, but I don’t. I hate you, damnit! I hate you!_

           Sam collapsed to his knees, the words knocking the strength out of my legs. Tears brimmed in his eyes, and confusion raced in his head.

           “Gabriel, what did I do?” he asked aloud. Nothing answered him. He clasped his hands together in a desperate prayer _. Gabriel I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry. Just please come home, and we can talk about it_. He wiped away a stray tear. _I love you_.

           He started to run again, away from the town and towards the lights. In all of Gabriel’s heartbreak, Sam found a pinch of hopefulness. Gabriel wasn’t in danger, and he wasn’t seeing that hot librarian. _He loves me_ Sam thought with a smile. _Now that I know his intentions were true, maybe I can convince him so are mine. Maybe I can explain that this is some sort misunderstanding. Soon I can hold him in my arms. Soon I can tell him I love him. Soon._

           He ran through the forest almost giddy. _God, I can’t wait to see him again._

 ***

 

           Gabriel shivered under his sobs despite the sun’s warm rays resting on his skin.

           “I thought you were mine,” he whispered. He didn’t bother trying wipe away his tears or to silence his cries. No one would hear him anyway. He couldn’t remember a time when he felt so broken. He’d been in thousands of relationships, and he never had his heart so wounded. _Why this human? Why does Sam Winchester get the right to turn my affections against me? Why him?_

           “You see what you’ve done to me?” Gabriel shouted at the sky. He remembered when he almost had trust in his father’s plan. He let his guard down for an oversized flannel wearing idiot, and look where it’s gotten him. “Is this what you wanted? If you wanted me to get hurt, then you succeeded! You won, but I’m done playing! To hell with your plan! You can’t play with my life anymore! It’s mine, and you may have meddled in it to ruins, but only I get to decide how it ends!” Gabriel looked down at the angel blade trembling in his hands _. I can end this_ he thought _. I can end it for both of us_. But Sam… His mind kept wondering to the tall Winchester. His smile, his kiss, his eyes. _I wonder what color they would be in this morning light._ He thought of how amazing it would feel right now to cuddle up in his arms. To hide his tears from the world in the crook of his neck. _But Sam doesn’t want that. He wants me gone. He doesn’t want me. He doesn’t want to hold our child. How could he? If he doesn’t love me, why the hell he would he love our child?_

           He clutched the hilt of his sword, watching the blade glisten in the sunlight. _I could go back to him. I could beg for him to take me back, and maybe… Why should I even try, when I already know the answer?_

           He cast one more desperate glance at his blade. _No more baby, no more heartbreak. I can end this_. He looked up at the sky. The clouds had separated into large white puffs taking their turn to dance in front of the sun. A few geese flew overhead, breaking through the blue sky with their sharp formation. He didn’t want to remember the last things he heard Sam say. The words that broke his heart. He just wanted to remember this. The beautiful morning sky, just beginning to wake. _The last sky, I’ll ever see._

           “I’m so sorry, father. I can’t do this anymore.” He looked down at his swollen stomach. _You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve a shitty parent, and you don’t deserve to have your life taken away from you_. “I’m sorry.” He gave the handle one last squeeze, pointing the tip of his sword to his middle. With as much strength he could gather, he forced the blade into his stomach.

           The pain ripped a scream out of him, but he didn’t stop. He slowly dragged the sword up to his chest. He stopped for a moment, right before the blade could pierce his heart. _Maybe I shouldn’t… Then again, it’s already broken_. He ripped the blade through his chest, listening to the tear of his vessel’s skin. His grace raced through his body, for a few moments. Over flowing his veins until Gabriel felt dizzy. His eyes lit up with grace, and then they were empty. His eyes snapped shut, empty of the broken archangel who once lit up those eyes.

 


	8. An Offer You Can't Refuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, 1000 hits?? I thought like two people were gonna read this. Thank you to everyone who's still reading this fic. And now I will repay you with a tiny shitty chapter. Enjoy!

            Gabriel sucked in a long deep breath, choking on the sudden oxygen that rushed into him. He looked down at his swollen stomach resting his hand over the blood stained shirt. The wound was sealed. Under his palm, he could feel it. They tiny bumps of life beneath his skin.

            “Now you decide to heal me,” he said with an exhausted groan. He picked up his angel blade and slit his throat making sure to clip the jugular vein in his neck. The blood erupted from his vessel, and he was dead within seconds. But that didn’t stop the fledglings inside him from emitting their grace throughout his body. Gabriel shot up from the ground, tears falling down his face. _No, no, no, no, no!_ He attempted every form of suicide that he could think of. Slitting his wrists, carving out his heart, slicing off his own head, but nothing worked. He died over and over again, and to his dismay he was revived over and over again. Each failed attempt left him more frustrated.

            “Why won’t you die?” he yelled, his voice ending in a deep growl. The wind quickened with his voice and the ground shuddered beneath him. He dropped his angel blade into the grass and buried his face in his hands.

            “Why won’t you let me die?” he asked breaking into a sob. Anger burned hard in his stomach. At first he didn’t know where to place his anger. On Chuck for starting this whole mess? On his child that didn’t even ask to be brought in to this world? On himself? Through all his loathing, he kept seeing those eyes. The eyes that watched Gabriel so innocently yet so sensually. The eyes that shrunk under his brows when stressed or the ones that clamped close crying tears of laughter in the bathroom stall. The bright green eyes in the harsh light. The hazel eyes in low lighting. The green streaked with blue speckled with gold in just the right sunset. He cried until his chest ached, and dehydration began to creep up on him. _How could you do this to me, Sam?_

           “No,” Gabriel said to himself. For a while now, so much of his life was out of his control. The indirect fertilization, the loss of his powers, being grounded to the bunker, and now this. The feeling of having his soul ripped out of from under him. “No, I don’t have to feel this way. You may have broken me, Sam Winchester, but you don’t have the right to control my emotions.” He palmed at his eyes stopping the tears before they had a chance to fall. He forced a grin while crushing a clump of grass in his fists. He thought about the tall handsome Winchester. He thought of throwing the same heartbreak back into his face.  _I trusted you! I gave you my heart, and you ripped it to shreds! If you want me out of your life, then fine! I’m gone! You should’ve started with that instead of tricking me into believing I could be happy with you. You played me for a fool, and I hate you for that. You deceived me! I thought I loved you, but I don’t. I hate you, damnit! I hate you!_

           A woman appeared in front of him, and Gabriel sighed.

           “If you’re going to kick my ass, just do it quick,” he said tiredly. All the crying had left his body exhausted, and his throat dry and sore.

           “I’m not going to hurt you, short stack” Dagon said.

           “Yeah. Heard that line a million times from a million other demons.”

           “But I’m not like other demons,” she said placing a sincere heart over her chest. Gabriel scoffed at her attempt at fooling him.

           “Su-re.” His voice shorted out into a painful croak. He swallowed only to cough dryly on the lack of spit in his mouth.

           “Do you want water?” she asked.

           “No.”

           “It’s important to stay hydrated while pregnant.”

           “Go to hell.”

           “Be right back,” she said sweetly. She reappeared in an instant before Gabriel could blink. She held out a plastic bottle of water.

           “I don’t want anything from you.” Dagon rolled her eyes.

           “It’s not like I poisoned it or anything.”

           “How am I supposed to know that?” The prince of Hell let out a long breath. She tossed the bottle to the side and sat down in the grass beside the archangel. _I better hurry this up. Lucifer only has so much time._

           “What’s wrong?” she asked. Gabriel fidgeted with the angel blade tucked up under his sleeve.

           “Why are you doing this? Why are talking to me? I’m tired of playing stupid games, just kill me already.”

           “Look I know, you won’t trust me, but I’m not here on my own behalf. I’m here to bare a message from Lucifer.” His eyes widened at hearing his brother’s name. Gabriel said nothing, dropping the angel blade and reaching for the bottle of water. “He knows about your pregnancy, and he knows how to end it. He wants to help you, Gabriel. He just wants you to be happy.” The angel emptied half the bottle in seconds.

           “How does Lucifer know about the baby?” Dagon’s black eyes glimmered with pride.

           “I don’t know. I guess he just gets these things. He’s amazing like that.” He offered a scornful smile taking a few more swigs of the cold refreshing water _. If amazing meant a deceitful bastard, then yeah he’s amazing._

           “So you say you’re telling the truth. Say there is way my big bro can help me. If he knows everything, he should know that I can’t kill the pregnancy. What is he planning to do?”

           “All he’s told me is that he’s found a spell, and all he needs to complete it is you. He swears he won’t hurt you in any form,” she said.

           “That’s all he told you?” Dagon shrugged.

           “Guess it’s not for my ears.”

           “You do realize this sounds super shady, right? A demon comes to me at my lowest point and offers me a free ride out.”

           “This isn’t a deal, I promise,” she said raising her hands up innocently.

           “How am I supposed to trust you?”

           “You should because my only intention is to help you, short stack. I don’t know how else I’m supposed to prove myself.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “You have trust issues, Winchesters will do that you.”

           “Shut up.”

           “You trusted them, and they betrayed you. The boys will always do that to people, dragging everyone they can carry into their hell.”

           “Did they break your heart too?” Dagon smiled and shook her head.

           “Never had the pleasure to meet one, but I’ve heard a lot. So which oversized lumberjack did it?” she asked. He allowed himself a sour laugh as tears pooled in his eyes. He’d rather be getting his ass kicked by Dagon than thinking of Sam.

           The prince of hell watched the archangel peculiarly as a few tears spilled from the corners of his eyes. With her soul twisted and dark, she lost the ability to feel empathy, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t understand emotions.

           “That’s a Winchester baby isn’t?” Now Gabriel was shaking and biting his lip, trying his hardest not to break down into a sob in front of her. His silence was all she needed for an answer. “And judging by the size of you, the tall one is the baby’s father.” He squeezed his eyes shut pleading for the tears to stop. _Stop crying over him, damnit!_ “But you don’t have to go through with this. It’s your choice; I can’t tell what to do with your body. I’m just letting you know that there is another option.”

           He shouldn’t be listening to Dagon. He shouldn’t even be considering what the demon was saying to him, but yet the thought kept coming back to him. _Maybe I should get rid of it_. It would make everything so much easier. He could regain his powers, no more of the constant feeling of helplessness. He wouldn’t have to hide from demons. He could be free of all of this. _But Sam…_

           A distant familiar voice interrupted his thoughts. _Gabriel I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry. Just please come home, and we can talk about it_. _I love you._ Now that was what broke him. He buried his face into his hands crumbling into heavy sobs _. He prayed to me_ he thought. _Why would he say this if he wanted me gone? What is he playing at? Does he really-No! This is a trick-a game! “I love you”. “I love you?” He was going to abandon me at a dumpster. I can’t fall for this again_. Gabriel sniffled peeling his palms away from his eyes. _Not again._

           He looked up at the prince of hell who had now positioned herself to kneel in front of the weeping angel.

           “I know you may want to think about this decision, short stack, but demons are coming. We have to go now.” Gabriel scrambled up off the ground and backed away from Dagon. He silently cursed himself for standing up so quickly as a sudden dizziness forced him to his knees.

           “You said you wouldn’t hurt me! You lying c-”

           “They’re not my demons! They’re Crowley’s and they want the Nephilim, so they can influence it into their monster and use it to bring hell on Earth. People are going to die, if Crowley gets his hands on your child. You can stop it. You can save yourself, and you can save everyone, but you have to come with me,” Dagon said extending her arm out to the archangel. “Now.”

           Gabriel stared at her outstretched hand with anxious eyes. He wanted to go with her. He just wanted it to be over. He wanted things to return to normal. Not a care in the world. Having what he wanted, doing what he wanted whenever he wanted. Not having to live his life for someone else. _But Sam…_ Life before the pregnancy, was a life without him. _Without the mate’s desire what if Sam can’t love me? “I love you.” “I love you.” “I love you.”_ Gabriel squeezed his eyes shut, firmly sliding his hand in Dagon’s. _No you don’t, Sam. You don’t love me._

           Dagon teleported them, disappearing just in time to miss the younger Winchester’s panicked scream.

***

 

           “Gabriel!” Sam shouted, but they were already gone. “No, no, no, no! Damnit!” Just seconds ago he saw his angel sitting with a woman in the middle of the clearing. Then _poof!_ Vanished before Sam could do anything. Tears threatened his eyes as he paced in small circles _. A demon! I let a demon get her hands on Gabriel! Oh god. I’m so fucking stupid! How could I let this happen?_ _But he left willingly_ Sam thought remembering Gabriel hesitantly taking the woman’s hand. _I chased him away. I chased him into the comfort of a demon, damnit! How could I do this?_

           He stopped his pacing, took a deep breath and pulled out his phone. _Come on Dean, pick up._

           “Hey, speak of the devil.”

           “I fucking lost him. I almost had him and then a demon fucking took him! Now I have no idea where Gabe is. I don’t know if he’s hurt? What if something terrible happened, Dean? What if he got himself killed? I can’t lose him. I just-”

           “You gotta calm down. You’re talking so fast I can’t even understand you.” Sam took a few shaky breaths.

           “I-I lost him, Dean.”

           “You can’t blame yourself on this one, man. I think I know where he is though.”

           “What? How?”

           “Crowley. He’s going to help us get your boyfriend back.”

           “Crowley? What the- never mind. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

           “You’re not coming on this one.” Dean could almost feel Sam’s bitchface through the phone.

           “The hell you mean I’m not coming?”

           “Look, you’re about two seconds away from a heart attack. You’re no good to us on the verge of a mental breakdown. Go back to bunker and take care of that stupid puppy of yours. Cas and I got this one.” Every fiber in Sam’s body wanted to scream at his brother. _You can’t treat me like a kid anymore!_ He silently raged and reluctantly agreed.

           “Fine.”

           “And wish me luck, I’m going to hell.” The line was silent for a few moments. “Again.”


	9. O Brother Where Art Thou?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! New chapter that didn't take a week to post, that's surprising haha, enjoy

~Half an hour earlier~

            Once Dean was standing the pup padded over to Crowley. He sniffed his shoes then sneezed.

            “Well I see you’ve added another idiotic fur ball to the team.”

            “What are you doing here, Crowley?” Dean asked stepping in front of Cas. The angel rolled his eyes. _Like I need protection_.

            “Do I have to spell it out? I’m here to collect. You have the archangel I need. Give him to me.” Dean shook his head.

            “No idea what you’re talking about.”

            “Oh really?” A wicked grin stretched over the king’s face. He raised his gun and shot Dean squarely in the shoulder.

            “Ugh-fuck!” He stumbled back, the impact pushing him into the wall. Castiel rushed to his side, placing his hand over the fresh wound. The corgi winced at the gun shot and galloped away from Crowley his tail between his legs. Dean grimaced as the angel’s grace healed the bullet hole.

            “Now, Squirrel. Want to tell me where you’re stashing Gabriel or do you want to a play game: see which is fastest. My bullet stopping your heart or your angel’s ability to heal you.”

            “I won’t let that happen,” Castiel said stepping protectively in front of Dean.

            “Oh, yes Cassie, I know you’ll try, but I just need your boyfriend for a few seconds.” Dean and Crowley disappeared leaving the angel alone with a whimpering puppy.

            Crowley teleported them to a dark closed room. The small cramped space allowed Dean to rub his elbows against the walls and his knees to brush against Crowley’s leg.

            “Where are we?” he demanded. The king of hell shushed him.

            “Quiet! I don’t want your angel to hear us. Remember I can still shoot you.” His eyes adjusted to the darkness, and he immediately recognized the room.

            “What the- are we in my closet?”

            “I needed somewhere away from your over protective angel,” Crowley said with a small shrug.

            “Over protective? You shot me!” He shushed Dean again wetting the hunter’s face with his spit.

            “Doesn’t matter. All I want is the archangel. Give him to me and I won’t hurt you… Unless you want me too,” Crowley said resting his hand on Dean’s thigh. He tried to back away from Crowley’s cold touch, but he had nowhere to go, confined in the tight space. “Stop squirming, big boy. I know how you like it.”

            “A-alright. Gabriel was here, but he’s gone. We have no idea where he went.”

            “What if I say you’re lying?” Crowley’s breath rested gently on Dean’s jaw. He turned his head pushing those memories to the back of his mind. Back where they belonged.

            “Then I’d say I’m not.” Crowley’s hand grazed the hunter’s cheek. He tilted Dean’s face towards his. In the dark he could only see the outlines of his face, but _god he’s so handsome_ Crowley thought. He smiled remembering biting those full lips until he drew blood.

            “Come on, love. You’re not going to do the thing where you lick your lips, flash those pretty eyes and beg me to trust you?” Crowley said teasingly. Dean rolled his eyes.

            “Why do you even need Gabriel?”

            “He’s carrying one of the most powerful beings in the universe. I’m trying to keep that Nephilim out of the wrong hands.”

            “Who’s hands?”

            “Let’s think. Who do we know who’s batshit crazy, evil and has wanted to destroy mankind since the beginning?”

            “How can Lucifer even get to Gabriel?” Dean asked, tired of Crowley’s games. “He’s in the cage.” Crowley sucked in a breath.

            “Not exactly…”

            “What the hell, Crowley? We gave him to you, so you could lock him in the cage and now-”

            “Shhh!” Crowley pressed his finger against Dean’s lips. “I captured the devil, but restrained him a little differently than planned.”

            “Crowley…”

            “I put him on display, made sure the other demons could see him tied up. I thought if other demons could see me holding the devil to his knees, they would be too afraid to try and over throw me again. Oh, Bollocks!” The king of hell shook his head.

            “What?”

            “Lucifer is probably with Gabriel right now hatching some massive escape plan right under my nose. We have to go. Right. Now.”

            “Hold up,” Dean said. “If we go to hell, in league against Satan, you can’t have Gabriel. He stays with us.”

            “Did I ask your permission?” Crowley snapped. “I could just go on my own, and you can fondle your own angel.” Dean caught the demon’s wrist.

            “What can I do to make you promise that the archangel stays with us, and you don’t lay a hand on him?”

            “Hmm…” Crowley broke out of his grasp to thread his fingers in Dean’s. “There is… One little thing you can do.” Dean ripped his hand away.

            “No!”

            “Come on, love. Just one last time. You and I together in one last game of hide the zucchini.”

            “I can’t! I’m with Cas, now. I love him.” Dean subconsciously rubbed his wedding ring.

            “Yes, I know. It’s sickening,” Crowley said with a mock gag, “Just because you tied the knot doesn’t mean we can’t have fun.”

            “I…” Under any other circumstance, Dean wouldn’t have risked his relationship just to save the trickster, _but Sam_ … He remembered the dreamy look in his eyes as they lingered on the archangel after he walked away. He remembered Sam’s anxious pacing when he couldn’t find Gabriel. He was in love with him no doubt. The last time Dean saw him like this, was when he was with Jess. _For once Sam is actually happy with someone-a douchebag, but he’s happy. How can I let that get taken away from him? But Cas…_

            _I made a promise_ he thought twisting the gold band around his finger _. I can’t do this to him. I can’t do this to the man I love_. The idea of Castiel going behind his back made Dean furious. _Just imagine how he would feel if you did that to him. He would be heartbroken. Our trust, our relationship would be ruined! But if he never knew… I could give Sam the life he deserves, and nothing has to happen to Cas and me._

            “Come on, darling make up your mind,” Crowley whispered, scratching his beard against Dean’s ear. “Gabriel and his fledgling are safe from me and all of my demons. We have one night of fun, and your hubby doesn’t even have to know about it. So?” Dean sighed shooting a glance down at his wedding ring. It cut through the dark reflecting what little light they had. _Nobody needs to know._

            “Ok. Deal.”

            “Good, let’s get started.” Crowley gripped the Winchester’s shoulders closing the tiny amount of space between them. Dean pushed him off.

            “Not now, first we save the archangel.” Crowley pouted.

            “You were so much more fun with the black eyes, Squirrel. Call me anytime you want them back.” Dean scoffed and Crowley zapped them back downstairs. They reappeared just in time to see Castiel threatening a demon. He held his angel blade to a young looking demon.

            “Where did they go?” He grimaced when Cas pressed the blade harder drawing a spark of blood from his neck.

            “I don’t know!”

            “Cas!” The angel released the demon whipping around to Dean’s voice.

            “Dean,” he said quickly pulling his hunter into an embrace. He sunk into the hug wrapping his arms around his angel’s waist. Castiel glared at Crowley before planting a long wet kiss on Dean’s lips. He tensed at the suddenness of the kiss and began to feel hot under the eyes of the demons that watched them. He pulled away, his heart breaking at Castiel’s small frown.

            “We uh… we know where Gabriel is.”

            “We?”

            “He’s in hell,” Crowley said. “I’m taking you two and my team downstairs, to make sure Lucifer hasn’t peeled Gabriel’s skin off. Who’s ready for a road trip?”

            “Lucifer?”

            “I’ll tell you on the way,” Dean said stroking his husband’s lower back. “But first I gotta call-” The electric guitar playing in his back pocket cut him off. He checked the caller ID and answered it. “Hey, speak of the devil.” Dean pulled the phone away from his ear grimacing at Sam’s yelling.

            “I fucking lost him! I almost had him and then a demon fucking took him! Now I have no idea where Gabe is. I don’t know if he’s hurt? What if something terrible happened, Dean? What if he got himself killed? I can’t lose him. I just-”

            “You gotta calm down. You’re talking so fast I can’t even understand you.” He heard Sam take a few breaths on the other line.

            “I-I lost him, Dean.” The fragile defeat in his voice ripped a hole through Dean’s chest.

            “You can’t blame yourself on this one, man. I think I know where he is though.”

            “What? How?”

            “Crowley. He going to help us get your boyfriend back.”

            “Crowley? What the- never mind. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

            “You’re not coming on this one.” Dean smiled imagining Sam’s bitch face at the comment.

            “The hell you mean I’m not coming?”

            “Look, you’re about two seconds away from a heart attack. You’re no good to us on the verge of a mental breakdown. Go back to bunker and take care of that stupid puppy of yours. Cas and I got this one.” He would’ve taken his brother on any other mission in his state. Hell, if he was seeing the devil dancing in a tutu, Dean would’ve taken him over any other hunter. But Lucifer, Hell and the cage. They’ve been down that road before, and the last thing Dean needed was to drag his brother back into that mess.

            “Fine.”

            “And wish me luck, I’m going to hell.” Dean almost laughed at all the times he must have said that. “Again.” He ended the call and turned to the angel and the demon. His new lover and his ex-lover. “Let’s go.”

*******

 

~Back to real time~

            Gabriel locked his gaze on his feet walking down corridors flanked by two demons. He wasn’t one to hang his head low like a disobedient puppy, but in Hell things were different. Dagon warned him that, even though Crowley’s demons were on Earth, there were still demons that didn’t have any loyalties to Crowley or Lucifer. _They are dangerous_ she said. _They don’t know why there is an arch angel here, and they will attack anything that doesn’t belong. Keep your head low, and don’t look anyone in the eye._ Besides, a couple demons were bound to recognize him, and he'd rather save face than relive his old memories in Hell.

            He obeyed reluctantly but could still feel the curious black eyes on him. Most of them refrained from hurting him because of Dagon’s hostile demeanor. He didn’t recognize the other demon beside him. Not one of the ones who attacked him in the past. He possessed a tall muscular, dark man, but the way he wore the man made him look small. He walked with a hunch, slipping his hands in and out of his pockets. He darted his eyes back and forth at each pair of wondering eyes, every now and then checking behind him. There was no sense of dominance in his manner, like Dagon who had demons jumping with the stomp of her heels _. Why does he seem so… scared?_

            They walked down a smaller corridor, losing most of the prying demons. Gabriel dared to look up at the charcoal walls. He had been to Hell before, on accounts to see his brother or demonic lovers, but he despised the place almost as much as Heaven. He groaned aloud, earning scolding glances from each of the demons.

            “Are we almost there?” he asked raising one hand to rest on his lower back. “Why can’t we just teleport?”

            “Not long now, and teleporting here is different than on Earth. There are rules. You’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.” Gabriel sighed long and hard.

            “It’s like we’ve been walking for miles.” Dagon froze in her tracks and the two men stopped with her.

            “We’re here,” she said. Gabriel looked around at the long hallway in front of them. It faded out in an ominous darkness. There were no doors other entre ways. The archangel opened his mouth ready to sass the prince, but the other demon silenced him with a light _shhh_. Dagon took a small knife out from her pocket and drew a thick red line across her wrist. She waited a few moments, watching the blood bubble over. She dipped her finger and thumb into the fresh pool of crimson. She flicked her fingers shooting little droplets of blood into the air.

            “Ne me propter me dignus. Fiat mihi, quia pura est sanguis meus!” Her Latin spell brought a black tall door into existence. The symbols and pictures engraved into the door were ancient, but had the same meaning. The Devil Within.

            “Barry, you’re free to go,” Dagon said. He wasted no time, turning and running back the way they came. “Are you ready?” Gabriel took a deep breath. It had been years since he last seen his brother. The last time he spoke to Lucifer… _He killed me_.

            “He’s not going to hurt me,” he said more to himself then to Dagon.

            “He’s not going to hurt you,” she repeated. Dagon pressed chaste kiss to the arch angel’s cheek. Gabriel shivered at the coldness of her lips. “I do hope we never meet again.” She disappeared back down the corridor, before Gabriel could say anything.

            He waited in front of the door for a few minutes, wondering if he should go back. Wondering _What if this is a mistake? What if this is a trap? Maybe I should’ve stayed back at the bunker. Maybe I should’ve stayed with Sam. Maybe I should keep the baby? No! No way. Besides it’s too late for that now. Man up Gabriel. It’s just your brother. It’s just one of God’s most evil creations_. He pushed open the heavy doors, and walked in to the dimly lit room.

            Torches decorated the black walls, casting long shadows across the rooms. In the center was a chair, constraining Lucifer with chains. A grin so genuine it terrified him, pulled at Satan’s face.

            “Gabriel,” he said slowly drawing out the name. His eyes flashed red when they landed on his swollen stomach. “ _Clearly_ , we have some catching up to do.”


	10. The Good, The Bad And The Dirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry this chapter took so long. School is starting so I'm a little busier, but I am determined to finish this.

            Gabriel scratched patterns with his shoe into the dust on the floor while Lucifer’s glowing eyes traced over him. The tense silences was broken by Lucifer’s jeer.

            “So… You’ve gained weight.”

            “Very funny, Lucy,” he said crossing his arms over his stomach.

            “Aren’t you going to tell me who did this? My baby brother gets knocked up, I deserve to know who the father is.”

            “That’s not what I’m here to talk about,” Gabriel said curtly.

            “I haven’t seen you in years. You can’t blame me for actually wanting a conversation.”

            “The last time you saw me, you killed me!” Lucifer tipped his head to the side, pondering the thought.

            “Touché,” he said shrugging in his chains.

            “And if everything Dagon said is true, then you know what happened to me.”

            “Yes, Dad’s whole indirect fertilization, but he still needed a seed, Gabriel. Do you know who it is?”

            “No,” he said quickly. Lucifer inhaled deeply.

            “Well, lemme just take a shot in the dark here, but I’m gonna go with ‘What is Sam Winchester?’” Gabriel’s face paled then deepened into a deep purple.

            “How the hell could you-”

            “I guess I’m just that good,” he said, “plus you’re still wearing his shirt. I could smell his stench as soon as you walked in through the door.” Gabriel clenched his fists, hidden by Sam’s long sleeves. “So does daddy Winchester, know about this celestial abortion?” His brother’s silence was enough for the devil.

            “He doesn’t know?” Gabriel turned his head away from his brother’s question. _Stop thinking about him. Stop thinking about him damnit!_ Lucifer studied his brother carefully. Under the large flannel, he was shaking. His body racked with sporadic breaths. Lucifer squealed like a child rattling his chains. “Sam doesn’t know he’s the father! Christ, this is too good! So this is damage control. You find out Sam doesn’t love you enough to raise a baby, so you take the baby out of the picture? Huh, how like you to run from your problems.

            “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gabriel said his voice barely above a whisper.

            “Try me, Gabriel. I know you better than anyone, and I’ll let you in on a little secret. You’re making the right choice. I’ve been inside Sam’s grapefruit, and trust me. There isn’t an ounce of love in that man’s body.”

            “Shut up,” Gabriel hissed. “You don’t know him like I do.”

            “I’ve seen him from the inside. I’ve seen how damaged and broken his soul is. There is pain trapped in him that you and I can’t even imagine. Any attachments he had, has been gone for years now. He isn’t capable of loving you-he isn’t capable of loving anyone! He can’t be your lover, and he definitely can’t be a father. The only thing Sam Winchester cares about is killing and slaving after his big brother.”

            “You’re wrong! He isn’t like that. He’s…” _sensitive, forgiving and fun. He’s as amazing as God’s sun, but as humble as the clouds. He’s loyal, he trusts me. He gave me a second chance. He… He’s perfect._

            “If you love him so much than why are you with me instead of Sam?” Lucifer’s words pushed a new set of tears into Gabriel’s eyes. _Because he doesn’t want me_. He tilted his head back, refusing to cry in front of his brother.

            “So how does this spell work?” he asked desperately trying to change the subject.

            “I’m not trying to hurt you, Gabriel. I’m just warning you. I don’t want to see you get hurt, but I guess I was too late,” Lucifer said, his voice trailing off in an ominous tone.

            “What do you mean?”

            “I saw you in the field.” Gabriel froze.

            “How?”

            “A vision. I watched you die. I watched you kill yourself! How dare you do take your own life?”

            “Since when do you care about my life, might I remind you that you fucking killed me?”

            “That doesn’t mean I wanted to!” Lucifer snapped. He looked down into his lap. His next words came out in a pained whisper. “I had to watch you die, again. Do you know how much that hurt me?” They sat in silence as a few tears fell down the archangels’ cheeks.

            “Come here,” the devil said.

            “Why?”

            “Just come here.” Gabriel obeyed walking slowly up to his brother.

            “Give me your hand.”

            “Why?”

            “It’s for the spell. All I need is your contact, and a little Latin and bam! Baby gone.”

            “It’s that easy?” Gabriel asked suspiciously. “I thought God created this to be irreversible.” Lucifer shook his head, curling his lips into a smug smile.

            “If you knew Dad as well as I did, little brother, you’d know that he doesn’t make anything without an undo switch. If anyone knows how to kill one of god’s creations, it’s me.” Lucifer outstretched his hand as far as the chains would allow him. “Are you ready, Gabriel?”

            The archangel stared at the devil’s open hand. His mind kept racing back to the younger Winchester. _Would Sam let me do this if he knew? What if he actually wants a child? What if…_

            “I know this is a big decision for you, but we don’t have much time before Crowley comes back. Then there won’t be a choice and you’ll be stuck with this.” Gabriel tried to push Sam to the back of his mind, but it was almost impossible. The ever changing quality of his eyes. His athletic toned body. The roughness of his kiss. _If I get rid of this child, the mate’s desire will end. I might lose him. But I guess he was never mine to lose._

            He took Lucifer’s hand, shivering at his brother’s cold touch. Lucifer couldn’t hide his grin _. He’s actually doing this_ he thought.

            “Da mihi hanc fortitudinem, de puero: da sua essentia, omnia da mihi eum!” Lucifer’s eyes glowed a deep red and Gabriel’s a light blue, almost white. “Da mihi hanc fortitudinem, de puero: da sua essentia, omnia da mihi eum.” Gabriel crumbled to his knees as a strong burning filled his abdomen. He screamed as it inched up his chest. Lucifer wrapped his other hand around Gabriel’s. _Please stay with me, brother_.

            “Da mihi hanc fortitudinem, de puero: da sua essentia, omnia da mihi eum! Da mihi hanc fortitudinem, de puero: da sua essentia, omnia da mihi eum!” The louder his chanting grew, the dizzier Gabriel felt. He squeezed his eyes shut as the burning crawled up his throat and into his head. His skin blistering, his brain on fire. Lucifer could feel how weak his brother was. He knew he was on the verge of passing out. He pulled Gabriel close allowing him to rest on his knee. _Just a little longer._

            “Da mihi hanc fortitudinem, de puero: Da sua essentia, omnia da mihi eum!” The heat twisted into freezing. A cold blackness that filled his body, filled his mind. The bones of his vessel cracked as ice worked its way into them. His blood slowed and eventually stilled, but he could barely feel it. The coldness numbed him to the point where he couldn’t feel his own breathing. He couldn’t feel his heart pumping. He couldn’t feel the crack of his skull against the floor.

 ***

 

            “Where the hell are we?” Dean asked looking around at the neatly tailored demons. It looked like a basic conference room rather the blood and fear dripping dungeon he remembered. The demons wore suits and sat at the table hurriedly typing away at their laptops.

            “Hell, you moron,” Crowley snapped.

            “How can we be in Hell, this place seems-”

            “You know Hell isn’t all guts and tortured souls. There are nice areas. I could show you to the bedrooms.” Castiel cleared his throat.

            “Where is Gabriel?”

            “Probably with the devil himself.” Crowley turned to the working demons. “Ok which one of you traitors wants the least painful torture?” All of the demons exchanged nervous looks. They looked back to Crowley without any answer. “So no one knows about Lucifer’s daring escape?” They all shook their heads. The king rolled his eyes. “I guess we’ll figure it ourselves. Let’s go boys.”

            Crowley sent his demons to the gates to check if Lucifer was already escaping and led Castiel and Dean to Lucifer’s prison. Crowley walked down several corridors, the other two men following him from behind at a distance. In the hunter’s hand the colt, and in the angel’s his angel blade. They laced their fingers together with their free hands. Normally Dean wouldn’t subject himself to physical affection outside of his bedroom, but Hell left him with a bad feeling. A haunting of all the horrible memories he left there. It was comforting to have his angel’s touch.

            “Almost there,” Crowley said turning right into an empty corridor. A woman with a crimson smile and black eyes blocked their path. Before Crowley could shoo her away, she flicked her hand up and the three of them flew backwards.

            “Who the hell do you think you are?” Crowley demanded.

            “Dagon, Prince of hell,” she answered with a small curtsy.

            “Well, I’m the king!”

            “You’re not my king.” Dean jumped up and aimed the colt for Dagon’s head. Before he could pull the trigger she forced him into the air and pinned him to the wall. She twisted her outstretched hand and the colt melted in his fingers.

            “No!” She turned attention to Crowley, forming a fist and his face darkened into an angry red. He choked clawing desperately at his coat collar. The king collapsed to his knees spewing up vomit and blood.

            “I’m…Going to turn your… lungs inside out,” he managed to spit out.

            “Good luck with that one, Crowley.” She squeezed her fist tighter, and steam rose up from the demon’s face. His skin blistered into red bubbles. They crackled as the skin began to pop.

            Castiel rammed into Dagon, and Dean dropped down from the wall. The redness left Crowley’s face as he sucked in long breath.

            “Go!” Cas said kicking the prince in the stomach. “I’ll hold her off.” Dean starred at his husband like he was crazy. There was no way in hell, he was leaving him with some supercharged demon. Dagon reared up and fired a blow to the angel’s jaw. He stumbled back with a fresh drop of blood hanging from his lip.

            “We can’t leave him,” Dean said stepping up to the fight.

            “Yes we can,” Crowley insisted tugging on the Winchester’s arm. “Without the colt, you’re useless in this fight. You’re coming with me.” Crowley guided Dean away from the scene, but he kept looking back to his angel under the demon’s fists. He took them down another corridor, but Dean could still hear the cries and cracks of bones.

            Crowley stopped suddenly, reached in Dean’s pocket and pulled out the demon knife.

            “What the hell Cr-”

            “Shh!” he hissed, slicing open his wrist. He dipped his fingers in the fresh wound and flicked droplets of blood into the air. “Ne me propter me dignus. Fiat mihi, quia pura est sanguis meus!” With Crowley’s ancient words, a tall dark door materialized in front of them. “He’s in there.”

            Dean kicked open the door, and Crowley rolled his eyes. _Every Winchester has to make a dramatic entrance_. It wasn’t even locked.

            Lucifer stood stretching out his arms high over his head. He rolled his shoulders flexing his back muscles. “Ahh, feels so good to be free.” Dean starred at the lump next to Lucifer on the floor. _Oh shit Gabriel._

            “Is he dead?”

            “Probably not,” Lucifer said nonchalantly. “I think he suffered a minor celestial stroke.” He poked at Gabriel’s body with the end of his shoe, rolling the archangel over onto his back. “Then again, you may want to check his pulse.” Dean raced over to the archangel dropping to his knees to examine him.

            His skin was pale and clammy. His hair plastered to his forehead with sweat, and dried blood clung to his red lips. His eyes were wide open and bloodshot, despite him obviously being unconscious. He pressed his thumb to the archangel’s wrist and felt nothing. _Damnit Gabriel, if you’re fucking dead_ … He cupped his hand over his cold parted lips. Dean relaxed feeling a tiny breath of air against his palm.

            “Oh thank, god.” He didn’t know why, but Dean found himself hugging the half dead angel.

            Crowley remained in the doorway, staring in awe at the devil. _No, he couldn’t have gotten free. He doesn’t have enough power-no one has enough power to open those chains! It’s impossible! They were warded by God himself!_

            “H-How did you g-get free?” Crowley asked his voice shaking. Lucifer tilted his head to the side cracking his neck.

            “Just needed a little recharge from Sam’s baby mama.” Dean let go of the angel and turned to face Satan.

            “What?” Lucifer slapped his hand to his forehead.

            “Oh, whoops! Slip of the tongue. I forgot if little Sammy doesn’t know, you wouldn’t know.” Dean looked back at Gabriel. _No. No! That can’t be Sam’s kid. This is fucking crazy!_

            “You’re saying Gabriel is having Sam’s kid. My Sam? As in my brother Sam?” Lucifer nodded a sly grin creeping on his lips.

            “Yep. You should’ve seen how mortified he was! Gabriel was so terrified of having your brother’s child, he came running to me for help.”

            “You’re lying!” Dean shouted.

            “You wish I was.”

            “I don’t believe you! I don’t believe any shit that comes out of your mouth.” Lucifer shrugged.

            “You don’t have to. Just ask my little bro.” The devil’s grin brightened as he watched doubt crawl over the hunter’s face. _He was lying to us the whole time?_ Lucifer turned his attention back to the king of hell. “I’ll be back for my throne, Crowley, but I have some errands to run. Keep this dump warm for me.” He snapped his fingers, and was gone.

            Dean looked at Gabriel rage boiling in his chest. _How could you do this to Sam? Liar or not, I’m not letting you die, you bastard_. He scooped up the archangel in his arms and carried him to the door. Crowley stood still gazing out at nothing in particular.

            “Hey!” Crowley jumped like he just woke from a dream. “You coming?” He nodded slowly, his mind still a haze. He followed Dean through the door lingering back a few steps. They found Castiel outside the door, bloody, beaten and alone.

            “Dean,” he said, his voice almost swallowed in his heavy breaths.

            “Cas.” He would’ve hugged the angel, if he wasn’t already carrying one.

            “Is Gabriel ok?”

            “We don’t know. Can you heal him?” Castiel placed his hand over the archangel’s head. He gently eased his grace into him, but it didn’t work. Gabriel’s body rejected it. Castiel pulled his hand back and shook his head.

            “This is Lucifer’s grace. More intricate than mine; I can’t get through. We’re just going to wait and see how he is when he wakes up.” _If he wakes up_ , Cas wanted to add, but he couldn’t have that doubt right now. He had to hope that Gabriel was ok. He had to have faith.

            “Ok,” Dean said coolly, but _god damnit!_ This was anything but ok. “What happened to Dagon?”

            “Just disappeared. Lucifer?”

            “Gone. Hey Crowley can we get a lift back to the bunker?” The king of Hell ignored him staring numbly into the wall _. Lucifer had a prince of hell working under my nose all this time. Bollocks, how did I not know this? What other powerful beings does he have up his sleeve?_

            “Hey Crowley!” He finally stirred snapping his attention to the older Winchester. “Can you zap us home?” Crowley gave him a quizzical look then disappeared into thin air. “Son of a bitch!”

            “It’s ok. I think I left my car not too far from here,” Cas said. They trudged out of hell and onto Earth where it wasn’t any less bleak. The sky was masked by thick grey clouds, and heavy tears dropped down on them. It had been about twenty minutes into their walk back to the car, when Dean started to complain. His clothes were soaked, his feet sloshed in water with every step he took, and his arms had grown sore from carrying the archangel. Yeah, it was definitely time to bitch.

            “When you said the car wasn’t too far, I didn’t think you meant a couple miles.”

            “Do you want me to carry him?” Castiel asked, sensing the hunter’s discomfort.

            “No, I got him.” He wanted to rest his arms, but his angel was already suffering enough. Cas’ bruises were beginning to settle in on his pale face, and there was a small limp in his right leg. “You should heal yourself. You look pretty banged up.”

            “I’m fine, besides I have to save my energy. Maybe I can heal Gabriel once Lucifer’s spell wears off.” Dean scoffed at his husband’s stubbornness, but said nothing else. The rain didn’t pity the three men, seeming to fall harder the closer they got to the car. The rain was practically going sideways once they reached the pimpmobile. Dean all but dropped Gabriel into the backseat. He climbed into the driver’s seat despite Cas insisting he was well enough to drive. He started the car and almost moaned at the heat that filled the vehicle. He could finally stop chattering his teeth.

            “You know I’m fine, Dean. You don’t have to worry about me,” Cas said about twenty minutes into their drive of silence.

            “Shut up,” Dean snapped. “You’re not fine so don’t even act like it.” Castiel sighed. He knew he couldn’t be angry at Dean for caring about him. _Especially when he looks like this_. There was just something that Castiel found adorable whenever his husband was drenched. The way his spiky hair fell flat against his head, or the way his clothes sulked off his body making him appear smaller than he really was. Kind of like a wet sheep, their big exterior shrunken into the small innocent animal they actually are.

            “I don’t get how a demon could get the jump on us like that. She fucking destroyed the cult!”

            “She’s not just a demon,” Cas said, “Dagon is a prince of hell, one of the first demons created by Lucifer.”

            “Do you think we’ll be having trouble from her any time soon?” Castiel offered a weak smile.

            “I hope not. What about Lucifer? We have no idea where he is.”

            “I don’t know,” Dean said. “He didn’t seem too intent on hurting me when I talked to him. He said something about ruling Hell again, and I could give a rat’s ass about who rules that dump.”

            “Maybe we should care about who rules hell. Under Crowley’s rule, demons seem to be more lenient. With Lucifer, that might change.”

            “We’ll worry about that when we get there. We have bigger issues to deal with,” Dean said looking back at the sleeping arch angel. “Do you think Lucifer was telling the truth about Gabriel and Sam?” Castiel shifted uncomfortably against his seat belt.

            “I don’t know,” he said slowly. Dean shot a suspicious glance towards the angel.

            “You _know_.”

            “No I _don’t_.”

            “Jesus Cas, I know when you’re lying so just tell me. Was Lucifer right? Is Sam the father?” Castiel sighed. _Why didn’t you just tell Sam when I asked you to, Gabriel?_

            “Yes,” he said in small whisper.

            “WHAT? You knew about this?”

            “I promised Gabriel I wouldn’t tell.”

            “How long have you known?” Castiel glanced out the window only to be shaken by Dean’s voice. “HOW LONG?”

            “Since he passed out at the bunker.”

            “Oh my god!”

            “You’re mad,” Cas said softly.

            “I’m not mad I’m just-” Dean ran a hand through his wet hair. “I just can’t believe this. Sammy is gonna be a father. Does he know?” Castiel shook his head. “Jesus fucking Christ. I hope he’s ready. How the hell did he get mixed up in all this indirect fertilization?”

            “I don’t know. I guess God believes him and Gabriel are soulmates.” A small cough grabbed the attention of the two men in the front seat.

            A few more coughs racked Gabriel’s body until his eyes shot open, and he was panting hard. His hand immediately fell to the bulge of his stomach. A small gasp escaped his lips when he felt it. The tiny fluttering of life inside him. _No! The spell didn’t work! No, no, no, no!_ He sat up trying to recognize his new surroundings. The action caused a ripple of pain throughout his body and sent him back down into the seat. The only thing he could recognize were the voices from the front seat.

            “Look who’s not dead.” Dean.

            “Gabriel, how are you feeling?” Cas.

            “Uh… I-I…” His brain felt like it had been deep fried in holy oil. He could barely form words, and only one thought replayed consecutively in his mind. _The spell didn’t work. The spell didn’t work. The spell didn’t work!_ “W-what happened?”

            “I’ll be the one too ask the questions. Now you start explaining, and don’t even try to lie to me. Anything but the truth, and I’ll stop this car and ditch you in the rain.”

            “Dean!”

            “I’m serious,” Dean said giving Cas his _seriou_ s face.

            “How are you feeling, Gabriel? Is the baby ok?”

            “M’fine. Baby ok.”

            “Good, now that we know everyone is ok, start talking,” Dean said gruffly.

            “Can you give him a break?”

            “No. Now tell me why the hell you left my brother. You know he was a wreck because you decided to ditch us. You broke his heart you son of a bitch.”

            “Dean!” _Sam was worried about me? After everything they said? That can’t be true._

            “Where’s Sam?” Gabriel asked massaging his temples. Only two people were in the car, but the voices seemed to echo against his ears creating a major headache.

            “Sam’s fine. Now tell me what the hell is going on.” Gabriel closed his eyes trying to tune out the thousands of voices that scratched at his head. “Gabriel!” He jumped at Dean’s voice sending another spiral of pain through his body.

            “I’m sorry! I just c-can’t right now. I can’t think!”

            “That’s ok,” Cas said sweetly, shooting Dean a sharp glare. “You’ve been through a lot.”

            “You up to answers some questions?” Dean asked hesitantly. The angel’s cold blue stare narrowed.

            “Dean.”

            “Just two questions.” Castiel looked back at the archangel.

            “I’m ok, Cas. Sure, ask away.” Without skipping a beat, Dean blurted the one thought on his mind.

            “Is the baby Sam’s?” If Dean made eye contact with his husband’s fiery gaze, he probably would’ve exploded. All the color drained from Gabriel’s face. He wished he could just fly away and avoid that question for the rest of his life. He was about to attempt it, but the ache in his wings told him otherwise.  He couldn’t tell if it was the baby draining his grace or whatever the spell did to him, but for now he was grounded. The once strong powerful wings were nothing but deadweight appendages. _I can’t run from this one anymore_.

            “Yes.”

            “Motherfucker,” Dean muttered slapping his hand down on the steering wheel. “You haven’t told him?”

            “No,” Gabriel said his voice beginning to shake.

            “Do you know how freaked out he’s going to be? You can’t just keep this shit secret from him for this long.”

            “I had my reasons!” Gabriel snapped. “And I won’t defend myself to you.”

            “Then answer this; what were you doing with the devil?”

            “That’s more than two questions,” he said bitterly.

            “Just tell me.”

            “It’s none of your concern.”

            “Whatever the hell he did to you helped him escape. Now Lucifer is running wild with some new juiced up power he apparently got from you, so _yes_ it is _my_ concern.” _He used me_ Gabriel thought _. He was never going to actually help me. Why I am so naïve-so stupid? All the talk about wanting to help me, and I fell for it. I’m going to kill that bastard. Now he’s free because of me. Because I was fucking selfish. Because I wanted to kill my child…_

            “Gabriel, you don’t have to tell us anything right now. You should really get some-”

            “No, Castiel. It’s fine! I’ll tell why I went to my brother. Because I thought he was the only one who could kill this parasite inside of me!” The two men gasped and Gabriel laughed bitterly at their shocked expressions.

            “You don’t mean that,” Cas said quietly.

            “Yes I do! I tried everything to kill this child! I even tried killing myself, but that didn’t even fucking work. I was desperate! I went to the devil, but even he couldn’t destroy the baby. The most evil creation in existence couldn’t kill my child. Do you know how screwed I am? I have to bare the child of Sam Winchester! A hunter who can’t settle down for two fucking seconds! A hunter who doesn’t even love me! Who wants me out of his life! I can’t give my child that life. They don’t deserve my shitty life, and Sam doesn’t deserve this burden. So yeah, that’s why I left.”

            The archangel was livid, eyes glowing and panting hard. He wanted to be upset. He wanted to cry to his heart’s content. He didn’t know why the tears didn’t come. Maybe the day left his vessel drained of tears. Or maybe he was just tired of feeling sorry for himself. Gabriel sent a quick prayer to his father. _“I blame you.”_

“You’re wrong about Sam,” Dean said. “He really cares about you.”

            “Bullshit,” Gabriel muttered. He laid back down into the leather seats passing out almost instantly. The rest of the ride was silent except for the consistent rain fall. The hunter was oblivious, but Castiel noticed something strange while the archangel was talking. It was already a heavy rain, but when Gabriel spoke of killing himself it escalated into a storm. There were four lightning strikes. One for each time he mentioned killing his baby. Once he fell asleep the storm retreated back into a light rainfall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you've probably noticed but there will be some usage of Latin, Enochian and other languages. Sorry if it's really incorrect, I'm just using google translate.


	11. The "I" in Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! I'm finally uploading this chapter. As school kind of settles down I'll start to update more regularly, but for now I guess it's only on weekends. Enjoy!

            The rough shaking of his shoulder pulled Gabriel from his dreamless sleep. He recognized the dark room as the garage of the bunker and the firm hand on him as the older Winchester.

            “Get up, we’re home.” Gabriel shrugged him off.

            “I’m awake. Jesus, would it kill you to be a little gentler?” A ball of dread dropped into his stomach as a terrifying realization overcame him. “Did you tell Sam what happened? Did you tell him he’s the father?”

            “No.” _Thank God._

            “You can’t tell him. You can’t tell him a word I said!”

            “I’m not going to tell him anything.” Another sigh of relief escaped him. “You’re gonna tell him.” And the fear was back. _Everyone knows except Sam, I can’t keep it a secret much longer._

            “Ok. I will.” _I have to_.

            “Then come on. He’s inside.” Gabriel inched his way to other end of the seat. He stepped out of the pimpmobile and collapsed onto the garage floor.

            “Whoa, whoa.” Dean raced over to the other side of the car. “What the hell?”

            “I-I don’t know.” He started to stand, but his knees gave out once again. His legs felt weak as if they hadn’t been used in years. The feeling reminded him of the sensation Gabriel had in his vessel for the first few days after Chuck brought him back.

            “I guess Lucifer’s voodoo hit you harder than we thought,” Dean said. Gabriel grunted in response as he gripped the car door trying to wrench himself up. This time Dean was there to catch him before he hit the pavement. He guided Gabriel up until he was standing with shaky knees. “Here, just lean on my shoulder.”

            “I don’t need your help.” Gabriel took a step forward, Dean caught him by the waist before he face planted.

            “Uh yeah. You do.” He huffed angrily and wrapped his arm around the hunter’s shoulder. He hated needing help from anyone. _Especially Dean Winchester_. He rolled his eyes at the reluctant archangel. _Act proud, I had to fucking carry your ass out of the fire._

            He took him to the front room where Sam and Cas we’re waiting for them.

            “Gabe,” Sam said running to his angel.

            “Sam I’m-” Before Gabriel could finish his sentence the younger hunter had thrown his big arms around him and was showering his face with kisses. Gabriel tensed at the suddenness, but Sam didn’t even care about Dean and Cas watching. He was too thrilled to have his angel home.

            “Oh god…I…missed you… so much,” he whispered between erratic kisses. He was sloppy like a dog, planting his lips everywhere except his lips. Gabriel placed his hands on Sam’s cheeks and pulled him into a long soothing kiss. When they pulled away Gabriel noticed tears in his hunter’s eyes. “I was so scared. I was afraid something happened to you. I was so…” Gabriel brushed away the tear that fell down Sam’s cheek. “I thought I was never going to see you again.” _Me too_.

            “I’m fine, Sam. I’m not going anywhere.” _What about all the shit he said about me before? Why is he acting like this?_

            A little orange pup bounded up to them and licked Gabriel’s foot. He smiled and pet the puppy until he found his sweet spot on the chest and the corgi was rolling over begging for more attention. When Gabriel stopped, the corgi whimpered as he licked his foot again.

            “Who’s this little guy?”

            “Some runt Sam and I found earlier today,” Dean said looking at his brother’s hopeful eyes. He sighed. _I’m going to regret this_. “That I guess we’re keeping.”

            “Yes!” Sam cheered. The dog barked with excitement, and Dean was already regretting his words. Gabriel laughed at how happy his hunter seemed to have a pet. His excitement was so childish, it was hilarious to see a man so serious so thrilled to have a dog. Then he realized. The runt. Runt, runt, runt. _Dean called the dog a runt. The little runt can’t stay here… Oh fuck. They were talking about the damn dog, not me!_

            Gabriel broke out in loud sobbing, his body trembling as he buried his face in Sam’s shirt. Now it was Sam’s turn to be surprised. He pulled the smaller man in close to his chest, murmuring soothing words into his ear. _The dog! The fucking dog! I’m so stupid. When will I stop screwing up? Fucking Christ! All of this for a little dog._

            Dean awkwardly backed away from the sobbing archangel. ‘What’s wrong with him?’ Dean mouthed to Castiel. He shrugged. ‘Hormones.’

            Gabriel pulled away from the Winchester’s chest slightly embarrassed by his scene. He sniffled and dried the last of his tears looking up at the ever changing eyes in front of him. In this light they were jade with the speckles of gold sparkling beautifully. It didn’t matter if he literally made the worst mistake of his life. If he could look up and see those eyes shining down on him he knew everything would be ok. Everything would be ok as long as he could have Sam.

            “You’re ok now,” Sam whispered, and Gabriel believed him. He _really_ believed him.

            “I’m s-sorry.”

            “Don’t be,” he said resting his hands on the archangel’s hips. He anchored himself to the shorter man and kissed him, long and slow. Gabriel reached up and left his hands on the hunter’s neck pulling him down into the kiss. They could’ve stayed like that forever, lips moving softly against each other, until Dean cleared his throat. They separated with a matching blush on their cheeks, but Sam kept his arm around the angel’s hip.

            “So uh… Gabriel dontcha wanna tell Sam about your little adventure,” Dean said. Gabriel could almost hear the thud of his heart dropping into his stomach. _Shit, shit, shit!_

            “Um…”

            “That can wait until morning, Dean,” Sam said. “It’s late, and Gabe’s probably exhausted.” Gabriel nodded quickly happy to have an excuse to leave Dean’s murderous glare. Sam let Gabriel cling to him as they walked to his room. Once he heard the door shut, Dean practically exploded with words.

            “ _Really?_ We’re just going to let Sam go with all this shit under his nose?”

            “We’ll tell him everything in the morning,” Cas said latching on to the hunter’s waist. “We should go to bed.” Dean jerked away from him.

            “This isn’t a ‘wait til morning’ kind of thing! Sam is going to be a fucking dad, and Lucifer! The bastard that’s screwed him over more than anyone else is free! I don’t think this is something that you can just sweep under the carpet!”

            “Maybe Gabriel will tell Sam tonight.” Dean scoffed.

            “After he’s been lying all these months? You think he’s finally gonna tell the truth now?”

            “So what’s one more day?”

            “It’s just-Sam deserves to know this stuff! If you were pregnant, I’d expect you to tell me right away.”

            “I think Sam and Gabriel’s situation is a little different than our hypothetical one,” Cas said.

            “Whatever. This is just-It doesn’t feel right keeping secrets from Sam.” Castiel hugged his husband from behind wrapping his arms around his waist. He nuzzled his cheek into Dean’s neck.

            “You’re right,” he whispered. “This isn’t ideal, but it’s what it is. Come to bed with me, and we’ll see how this plays out in the morning.” It was tempting. The light kisses the angel sprinkled on his neck and the promise to forget everything sleeping by his husband. It was a long day. A long _eventful_ day, and he definitely needed sleep. _But I can’t_ … Not with Crowley’s deal looming over his head _. I’m so sorry Cas for what I’m going to do. For your sake, I hope you never have to know._

            “I think I’m gonna stay down here for bit. Have a few beers.” Castiel frowned and pushed a weak goodnight kiss to his lips.

            “Love you,” he called.

            “Mhm,” Dean grunted already heading for the kitchen. Castiel sat up in bed alone again. Another night of losing Dean to alcohol.

***

 

            With a few grunts and curses, Sam managed to help Gabriel into his bed. He sat on the edge of the bed, while Gabriel snuggled up under the covers.

            “Do you think Cas could heal you?” Sam asked. Gabriel shook his head.

            “I think this is a little above Cassie’s paygrade.”

            “You’ll feel better after some sleep,” he said rising from the bed. He planted a soft kiss on Gabriel’s forehead and headed for the door.

            “Sam wait!” The hunter froze, his hand on the door.

            “Yeah?” A hot blush fanned out across Gabriel’s face.

            “Will you stay with me? In like t-the bed with me? Like sleep-together?” Sam laughed and the archangel’s cheeks burned.

            “Yeah. Of course.” He climbed under the covers placing his arm over Gabriel’s waist. He rested his head on Gabriel’s shoulder soaking into the angel’s warmth. Gabriel couldn’t remember a feeling so safe, so comforting. Being wrapped up in Sam’s strong arms. His back pressed up against the hunter’s chest. Sam’s breath tickling his skin. He snuggled in closer smiling when he felt the Winchester’s hard crotch pressing into his lower back.

            “Jesus, Sam. Can you stop poking me? I just wanna go to sleep.”

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sam said thankful the archangel couldn’t see his blush. The playful tone in the air diminished with Sam’s words. “I know you need to sleep; it’s been a long day, but I need to ask you something.”

            “Yeah.” Dread quickly replaced any ounce of happiness he had left in him.

            “Do you hate me?”

            “What?” Gabriel broke away from the hunter rolling over to face him. He noticed Sam had lost all greenness in his eyes. They were a dark stormy grey with a dark blue cutting through them. Sam bit his lip averting his eyes from the archangel.

            “I-it’s just while you were gone. I think I heard your thoughts, and you sounded angry towards me. You said you hated me.” Gabriel cringed remembering that the Mate’s Desire allows for the mate to hear intense thoughts of their lover.

            “I did think that for a little bit.”

            “Oh.” Sam looked down while Gabriel silently cursed himself over and over. “So is it true? Do you not want to be with me? Do you hate me?”

            “No! Sam, I could never hate you.”

            “Then why’d you think that?”

            “I-I was scared. I was scared you didn’t want me.”

            “How did you get that idea? Of course I want you!” Sam’s stormy eyes shot up to glare at Gabriel. He turned away from Sam’s painful gaze.

            “I don’t know. It’s stupid. It’s just there’s so much going on. I’ve never been powerless for this long before. I’ve never loved someone, I’ve never had a child. I just don’t know what-” He froze when he saw Sam’s lips break into a smile.

            “You _love_ me?”

            “Yeah,” Gabriel said confidently. “Sam Winchester, I’ve been with thousands of mortals and immortals from all over the world, and I’ve never felt something like this.” Gabriel laced his fingers with Sam’s. “I think you’re the first person I’ve truly fallen in love with and that’s terrifying.” Maybe it wasn’t the exact truth. He’d fallen in love more times than he can count and been in enough relationships to make Sam’s head spin. Still, he really wanted to keep this one.

            “Why are you scared?”

            “Because… I’m afraid I’ll lose you. Lately I’ve just been screwing up so much. I don’t want to ruin this.” Sam gave Gabriel’s hand a small squeeze.

            “You’re not going to lose me, Gabriel. I love you, and I’d be an idiot if I let you go. I want you in my life, and I promise I won’t let anyone hurt you. I’ll always be here for you, and I help you with whatever you’re struggling with,” Sam said resting his hand over Gabriel’s bump. As he melted into the Winchester’s words, a scary thought crept into his mind. _Now would be the perfect time to tell him… but I can’t. What if he takes back everything he said? What if he hates me? No, he loves me. I have to tell him. I will tell him. Tomorrow_ he thought. _Maybe Sam will be happy to know he’s the father._

            He flipped back over, and the two resumed spooning as they drifted sleep. Sam dreamt of fucking his angel senseless while Gabriel dreamt of the domestic life. It wasn’t going to be perfect, with the dangerous Winchester lifestyle, but he could see it. Sam and him raising a child together. He imagined Sam as the kind of dad who would be strict when he needed to be, but would also be fun letting their child ride on his shoulders pretending their flying. Gabriel smiled _. He’s going to be a great dad._

_***_

Gabriel stood on his tip toes to reach the cabinet. _Jesus, why do these guys have to keep everything seven feet in the air?_ He gave up when his hand didn’t even come close to the plates. He sighed, climbed up to his place on the counter and bit into the toast sopping with jelly.

            Dean walked into the kitchen and jumped when he saw the archangel.

            “Jesus, fuck! What are doing down here at-” Dean looked down at his watch. “Three am?” Gabriel gestured to the toast not wanting to explain his pregnancy cravings.

            “What are doing here? I thought mortals needed sleep.”

            “That’s what I came here to do,” Dean said reaching into the fridge and pulling out a beer. He popped the tab and drank until it was half empty. He leaned against the counter closing his eyes as the alcohol soothed his body.

            “You didn’t tell Sam, did you?”

            “What makes you say that?”

            “I know my brother… and I didn’t hear him scream.”

            “You don’t know how he’ll react,” Gabriel snapped. Dean laughed.

            “You’ve been fucking for like- what? A day? And now you think you’re so in love with him, you know how he thinks?” Gabriel opened his mouth ready to snap, but Dean wasn’t finished. “Well, you don’t. I raised that kid. I know my brother like I know my own mind. He doesn’t take well to crazy shit being dropped on him knowing from past experience.”

            “Why are telling me this? It’s not like I can go back in time and tell him before all this.” Dean shrugged and took a long swig of beer.

            “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up for this apple pie life with Sam. He’s not like that.” Gabriel looked down away from the cold green gaze, fiddling with his bread crust. He fought the urge to cry as he listened to Dean confirm all his fears. He had to believe that Sam loved him. That he would be ok with raising a child. He had to.

            “So how are you doing anyway, and do not say ok.”

            “What?” Gabriel couldn’t tell if he was more surprised by the idea of someone asking about his well-being or those words coming from Dean Winchester.

            “I remember your whole scene in the car when you talked about killing-terminating your pregnancy. The things you said… It just didn’t sound like you, man. This whole thing… I just wanna know how you’re dealing.” Gabriel let out a harsh laugh.

            “You must be drunk to worry about how I’m dealing.” Dean’s lips curled into dreamy smile.

            “You’re probably right. This ain’t even my first drink,” he said tapping on the empty bottle. The hunter’s face scrunched up in confusion as stared at the beer. “In fact, I don’t even know what drink I’m on.” Gabriel smiled at the older Winchester.

            “I like drunk Dean.”

            “Always says the shit on his mind and the mind on his shit,” he said walking back to the fridge. He grabbed another two beers and jumped up on the counter beside Gabriel. He started to hand the archangel a drink but immediately retreated. Gabriel sighed.

            “Just gimme the drink.” Dean shrugged and handed him the beer. He downed it in a few seconds hoping now that he was human, alcohol would finally have an effect on him.

            “So how do you really feel about all this baby mama drama?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “I think you do,” Dean said. “That whole fit in the car. You didn’t seem too happy about it.”

            “I guess I’m pretty fucking terrified.”

            “Of having a child, or telling Sam?”

            “Both. I mean raising a baby can’t be that bad. The world could use more me,” he said with a cocky grin. Dean scoffed at the idea. _More tricksters to keep in line_. “I just don’t know if I can do this alone. I need Sam.” The hunter tapped his chin.

            “So you wanted to get rid of your baby because you were afraid Sam wouldn’t support you?”

            “I guess, yeah.”

            “Mhmm… I get where you’re coming from-well I really don’t, but you have to base your decision on how you feel not Sam. You don’t know what he’s gonna do or how he’s gonna react. It’s your choice. You have to decide what you want to do with your child.”

            “Well part of that decision has already been made for me. Nothing can kill this baby.”

            “There are other options,” Dean said slowly.

            “Are you suggesting that I drop off my powerful angel baby to some random human family?”

            “It’s an idea.”

            “A bad one.” He changed the subject trying to push away the idea that Sam wouldn’t want to raise his child. “So why are you getting drunk on this early Tuesday morning?” Dean’s lips stretched into a devious half smile. He leaned across the counter and whispered in Gabriel’s ear.

            “Tonight, I’m gonna sin.” The archangel pulled away from the hunter as he broke out in chaotic laughter. He jumped down from the counter and slowly backed away from Dean.

            “Oh, and Gabriel,” he said almost sounding sober. “Make sure you tell Sam. If you don’t do it in the next twenty-four hours then I’ll do it and trust me. I’m the last person he wants to hear it from.” Gabriel nodded.

            “Ok, I will.” He headed back to his room and saw the silhouette of man sitting on the edge of his bed. He flicked on the lights, and relief swelled over him when he realized it was just Sam. He took a step a closer and frowned when he saw that the hunter was livid. His arms crossed over his chest and his face pulled in a tight expression. His eyes had settled into an unnaturally bright green. The bright eyes narrowed on him and the stare was starting to give him a headache.

            “Sam, are you ok?” he asked reaching out to rest his hand on the hunter’s shoulder.

            “Don’t touch me!” he snapped. Gabriel jumped back as Sam stood up. He looked down at the shorter man, and Gabriel felt he was dying under the hot gaze. _This can’t be him. This can’t be Sam. This can’t be real!_

            “So when were you going to tell me I’m the father of your child?”

*** 

 

            Castiel raced down the stairs his heart threatening to jump out of his chest. He tried to calm himself, but he couldn’t shake the tears that threatened his blue eyes. _This is ridiculous! Just a dream. It was just a nightmare. I shouldn’t be worrying about this. He’s faithful. He would never hurt me. He is faithful_. No matter how hard he tried, the angel couldn’t push away his doubt. _Maybe Lucifer is right._

            He busted into the library, and his heart sank into the ocean of tears that fell from his eyes. He gripped his hair pulling until it hurt, willing the sight before him to disappear. _No, no, no!_ He didn’t wake up. The two men in front of him didn’t vanish. _This can’t be him. This can’t be Dean. This can’t be real._

            The younger man sitting on top of the demon jumped off the couch whipping around to face his angel. He was shirtless, sporting a black collar and angry purple love bites. A few tears ran down his freckled face. Castiel broke into a sob ducking his head away from the wide green eyes. Dean’s brain fumbled for words. What could he say to the man he loved? To the man he betrayed.

            “Cas…”

 


	12. In My Time of Lying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for all your freaks (haha jk) I promise what little smut I have in there gets smuttier in the later chapters. Enjoy!  
> Also I edited because I forgot to name the chapter whoops

~A few minutes earlier~

            Sam moaned as Gabriel’s nails raked down his bare back. The action stung his skin but only motivated him to thrust faster. The angel screamed beneath him arching his back into his orgasm. That’s when Sam let himself go into his beautiful angel. He grabbed Gabriel’s hips as he rode out his own orgasm.

            He opened his eyes and leaned over to kiss the archangel sleeping beside him. Gabriel didn’t stir but made a happy noise in his sleep. _We have to try that position someday_ Sam thought closing his eyes. He was on the verge of falling back asleep when a familiar voice shook his ears.

            “Sammy! Wake up!” He pulled the pillow over his head trying to block out his nightmare. “Say it with me, now. GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!” They beat the devil again and again, but sometimes Lucifer still haunted his sleep. _Why can’t I go back to my dream of fucking Gabriel?_

            “He’s not real. He’s not real,” Sam whispered to himself.

            “Sorry, kiddo. This time it’s the real deal. I escaped Crowley’s trap and I’m free.”

            “Not real. Not real.” Lucifer crossed his arms.

            “If I’m so unreal, why don’t you try your little hand trick your big bro taught you?” Sam pushed his thumb into the scar across his palm. It had been years since he got that injury, but it still worked in his nightmares. Or at least it used to. He looked up, and the devil was still there standing beside his bed with that dumb smug smile on his face. _No, no, no, no! This can’t be him. This can’t be Lucifer. This can’t be real._

            “So I’m not dreaming?”

            “Of course you’re dreaming! That doesn’t mean what I said isn’t true. I’m walking your very Earth, no strings attached. If Gabriel knew I was here talking to you in the middle of the night he’d probably smite me on the spot. Such a jealous little thing he is. I have to talk to you like this because I can’t find you, babe. How about you peel off that little warding, and we can have a real chat. Outside the mind, and I’ll show you how real I am.”

            “You must think I’m stupid.”

            “I think you’re gullible,” Satan said. He looked down at the sleeping archangel. “You believed every lie that cunt said to you.” Sam climbed out of the bed glowering at the angel who dared to insult Gabriel.

            “How the hell did you escape the cage?”

            “Can’t escape something if I was never in it,” Lucifer pointed out.

            “No, we captured you. There’s no way-”

            “Do you really want to talk about this Sam? I have some news about my little bro that I think you’ll _looove_ to hear.”

            “I want to know how you got out of the cage, and I wanna know how to cram your ass back in!” Sam shouted.

            “What a coincidence, I was just about to tell you that, but first lemme give you a little back story.” A devious grin gripped the archangel’s lips. “You’re the father of Gabriel’s child.” Sam almost laughed at the idea.

            “You’re full of shit.”

            “I’m not lying, Sam. I’ve never lied to you, and I never will.”

            “After everything you’ve done, why the hell should I trust you?”

            “You don’t have to trust me, you just have to trust your instinct. Think about how Gabriel, of all angels, crash landed at your bunker at the same time he figured out he was pregnant. Think about how just out of the blue you suddenly wanted to screw him six ways from Sunday. He got stuck with your child, so he’s controlling you, turning you into the perfect lovey dovey baby daddy.”

            “You’re lying,” Sam said quietly.

            “It’s pretty sad actually. Daddy gave him one of the hardest humans to win over, so little Gabe had to cheat his way to your heart with a little angel mind control.”

            “I love him!”

            “That’s what you think, but here’s the best part; when Gabriel realized the mistake he made-when he realized that he could never love a human so twisted and broken, he came running to me for help.”

            “Shut up!” Lucifer was laughing now practically howling out his words.

            “He was so terrified of bringing your deranged offspring into the world, he tried to kill the baby-he tried to kill himself, and when that didn’t work he came to me. He thought I was the only thing that could kill his cursed child. That’s where he was while you were pulling out your hair looking for him.” He swung at Lucifer missing entirely with his blurry eyes. The force of his punch brought him to the ground, and the devil’s mocking laugh grew louder.

            “Don’t lose it now, Sammy. This is where it really _really_ gets good. Gabriel thought I was going to give him some celestial abortion, but instead I absorbed the excess grace from the Nephilim and used the extra juice to break out. Isn’t that brilliant?” Lucifer doubled over laughing at his success as tears escaped Sam’s eyes. _Gabriel wouldn’t lie to me. He wouldn’t, but how would I know if he was controlling me the whole time? How could you do this to me? How could you lie to me, Gabriel? Why didn’t you tell me the truth?_ Sam trembled as sobs threatened his body. Lucifer dropped to his knees, caught Sam by the collar of his shirt and pulled him in close to where their noses touched. Sam curled away from the red eyes that burned into him.

            “But here’s the piece de restance; I’m not going to use this extra power to solve crimes in LA. I’m going to kill you! I’m going to rip up your innards with my teeth, and when you’re dead I’m going to kill everyone you love. Dean, Cas, Gabriel and even your unborn child. Once they’re all dead, I’m going to kill every person you and Dean ever came in contact with. Then I’m going to kill everyone they love, and everyone they love and everyone they love, until everyone is dead. Do you know why? Because I’m feeling good. I’m feeling great! And I’m tired of the pathetic human race abusing my planet!”  He let go of Sam throwing the hunter back onto the floor.

            “Give Gabriel a kiss for me.”

            Sam snapped awake and instantly stretched his arm out to the other side of the bed. When he felt nothing beside him, he shot up out of the bed and paced in the dark. _It all made sense!_ He never would’ve gone for Gabriel before he played him for a marionette. _I can’t believe you’d do this to me! I thought I loved you…_

            He sat on the edge of the bed, crossing his arms and willing himself not to cry _. If it was never real I shouldn’t even be sad. I should be happy that this whole charade is over._ The door hesitantly creaked open and the lights flashed on. It was hard to be mad at the adorable angel in the doorway. At the golden wavy hair that laid flat on one side and poked out in all directions on the other. At the pink lips surrounded by a ring of bread crumbs. Gabriel walked up to the hunter his face falling when he saw the bright green eyes folded under stern brows and the soft lips pulled into a tight line. It was so different from the little boy grinning from ear to ear when he learned he was getting a puppy.

            “Sam, are you ok?” Gabriel asked reaching out his hand toward the hunter.

            “Don’t touch me!” The archangel jumped back at his words. Sam knew if he felt the angel’s soft skin. If he could have his touch, feel his lips… He would fall right back into his spell. _Not again. You won’t fool me again_. He stood up looming over Gabriel. He glared into those golden brown eyes. _Those lying beautiful eyes._

            “So when were you going to tell me I’m the father of your child?”

***

 

            Even after a night of continuous drinking, Dean couldn’t calm his nerves. He sat on the counter swinging his legs finishing another bottle. He switched over to whiskey shivering at the hard alcohol. He yawned and peeked at his watch. It was almost four in the morning. _Maybe he’s not coming. Maybe he forgot about the deal_. He hopped off the counter with a hopeful smile _. Thank God_. As he headed out of the kitchen, a short clad in black man appeared in front of him.

            “Jesus Christ, Crowley. Would it kill you to use the door?”

            “And risk being greeted by the Mrs? I don’t think so. You ready, darling?” Dean shook his head, took another shot of whiskey then nodded. “Then let’s get started.” He had to keep reminding himself that he was doing this for Sam, so he wouldn’t back out thinking of his loyal blue eyed angel _. So Sam can be happy. So he can finally be in love- have a family_. But he kept wondering, _is Sam’s happiness really worth risking my relationship?_ Crowley gripped the hunter’s bicep and transported them to the bunker library. If he wasn’t gagged, Dean would’ve screamed at what the demon put him in.

            All but naked in a tight black leather briefs, a pair of chains binding his wrists together, a leather strap between his lips tied around the back of his head and a leather collar with spikes and a leash. Crowley held the end of the leash. He wore a dark robe and a devious smile as his eyes gleamed red. He missed seeing the hunter like this. The outline of his cock against the tightness of the leather. His beautifully sculpted god like chest. The wild fear rounding out his green eyes. Crowley licked his lips. _It’s been too long._

            Dean tried to speak, but the strap diminished his words to inaudible grunts. Crowley yanked on the leash, drawing his hunter closer.

            “What was that love?” he asked pulling down the leather to rest on Dean’s chin.

            “We can’t do it. Not like this.”

            “You seemed pretty into the last time.”

            “I’m different now. I’m not a demon anymore. I don’t do _this_ ,” he said rattling the chains.

            “That angel really softened you squirrel?”

            “Just take this off.” Crowley frowned.

            “Might I remind you that you’re part of the deal has already been fulfilled. Now it’s my turn to call the shots.” Dean glared down into the stubborn dark eyes. If he was insistent on the BDSM wear three years ago, he probably wouldn’t be changing his mind now.

            “At least get rid of the gag and the chains,” Dean suggested. “It’s a little much.” Crowley rolled his eyes.

            “Fine,” he said snapping his fingers. The chains disappeared along with the tight leather gag. “But the collar stays,” he added tugging on the leash. He sat down on the couch guiding the hunter. He sat down beside the demon and Crowley pushed him on the floor.

            “You really have forgotten all the rules,” Crowley said shaking his head.

            “Thankfully, I don’t remember much of that summer.”

            “Just do as I say.” He undid his robe revealing his bare hard cock. Dean’s mouth went dry at the sight. _I’m doing this for Sam_. “On your knees, darling. Get to work.” _I’m doing this for Sam. I’m doing this for Sam_. His lips trembled as he slipped his mouth further and further down the shaft. _I’m doing this for Sam!_ He made a strained noise when the tip pushed against the back of his throat, and Crowley moaned. Dean started to move, but the demon stopped him with a slap to the head.

            “I tell you what to do, remember?” the hunter agreed, silently waiting for command. Crowley smiled down at his human. He wanted to savor the look on his face. His light green eyes round and scared, his full pink lips around his cock. He wanted to remember that the king of Hell brought Dean Winchester to his knees in all senses of the word. He yanked on the leash and Dean choked.

            “Move with me, darling.” He jerked on his collar and the hunter’s head bobbed sporadically around his dick. Crowley kept this up until pre cum dribbled into his mouth and his neck was sore. Dean could already feel the bruises on his neck from the tight leather digging into his skin. _How am I going to explain this to Cas?_

            Crowley placed his hands on his human’s cheeks and slowly guided him away from his throbbing cock.

            “You’ve done well. Get up here, so I can finish you off.” He grunted as Crowley yanked on the leash pulling him on to the couch. The demon sat him on his lap, and he kissed the hunter harshly. Dean almost yelped when Crowley’s teeth drew blood from his lips. He sucked hungrily, growing euphoric on human blood.

            Crowley pushed his lips downward leaving a trail of blood and bruises across the hunter’s chest. Dean couldn’t help but think of Cas. He was so gentle compared to the demon. He missed the fragile touch. His kiss so soft like he was afraid he would break Dean with his lips. _I’ll be with him soon. I just need to get through this_. A little smile played on his lips as he thought about his docile angel. _God, I can’t wait to see him again_.

            While Crowley worked on a deliciously bloody hicky, Dean heard it. He heard the slight click of the door knob being turned. He heard the soft footsteps against the carpet. He heard the sharp gasp from the other end of the room. He heard his heart drop to the floor and shatter.

            He jumped up from the couch turning around to face the man he loved. He watched the angel’s face fall from an expression of horror to a deep sorrow. His blue eyes swelled with tears, and Dean saw him shake his head like he was convincing himself that it wasn’t real. Castiel dropped his face into his hands muffling his sobs _. Please don’t cry, Cas. I’m so sorry_. He wanted to say that. He wanted to apologize and explain everything. He wanted to hug him and wipe the tears away from his beautiful eyes, so undeserving of those tears. He wanted to undo everything, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know what to do or what to say. He stood there frozen, like an idiot. _How do I fix this?_ He felt helpless, a few tears trickling down his cheeks. Only a small word escaped his trembling lips.

            “Cas…”

 ***

~A few minutes Earlier~

            Castiel gripped the sheets, his back bent over the edge of the bed as Dean sucked on his neck. The hunter drew his lips away, and Castiel whimpered. He grabbed the angel’s thighs hoisting his ass to his dick.

            “You ready to take me, babe?” Dean looked down into the hungry blue eyes. He smiled as the angel nodded.

            “Yes. Give it to me, Dean. Give it all to me.” He obeyed the angel’s pleas and slowly slid his cock into him. He tensed at first and slowly let himself relax into it. He closed his eyes and nodded. Dean pulled out slowly, waiting long enough to make his angel whine in protest. He bucked his hips into him and the blue eyes shot open. They began to glow as Dean pumped harder and harder. Cas gripped the hunter’s side anchoring himself to the man as he rocked his body. He arched his back and moved his ass to the hunter’s rhythm. When he knew he was close, he reached up and placed his hands on the human’s freckled face.

            “Dean,” he whispered. “I’m gonna-”

            “I know.” He closed his eyes and Castiel placed his hands over his ears. Dean thrusted one last time as Cas orgasmed screaming out in his real voice.

            He snapped awake and quickly shut his eyes yearning for the exhilaration of Dean Winchester. He missed him. He saw him every day, but when they spoke it was like a long distance call. Since Gabriel’s arrival, they had been extra careful about their affection. He couldn’t remember the last time Dean had him feeling _like that_.

            The door creaked open, Cas, assuming it was his husband, rolled over to the side of the bed. _Finally_ he thought glancing at the clock. Four am was pretty late for Dean. At this point Castiel would’ve just assumed he fell asleep on the couch again.

            “Really, Castiel? The craziest place you’ve done it is the side of the bed? I have to say I am surprised.” He jumped out of bed and glared at the taller blue eyed man. “I mean I know Dean has probably done it in a dumpster on the side of the road. I just thought he would put a little more freak in you. Spice things up a bit.” Cas slowly reached for the angel blade under his pillow. Lucifer rolled his eyes and kicked him launching the angel over the bed and into the wall.

            “Do you have to make everything so dramatic? Why can’t we just have a good old fashioned fist fight like they did in the Cenozoic era?”

            “Why are you here?” he asked picking himself up off the floor. The devil kicked him in the jaw smiling as the angel crumbled back to his knees. He spit blood and started sucking on the thick cut on the inside of his cheek.

            “Well, I wanted to have a little chat, but then you tried to stab me.” His feet were a flurry taking turns to strike Castiel in the stomach, the head, his sides. He curled into a ball his attempt to protect himself almost pointless against Satan. “Can we talk? Can we talk like gentlemen instead of trying to stab each other like barbarians? Can you do that for me Castiel?” He yanked the angel up by his dark hair and threw him on the bed. He winced as he hit the mattress. His face once clean and smoothed had been reduced to a bloody pulp, and Dean’s white ACDC t-shirt now a marred with garnet splotches.

            Lucifer sat down beside him on the edge of the bed.

            “I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” Satan shrugged.

            “Doesn’t matter. Either way I could wipe the floor with your ass.”

            “You can’t find us because the bunker is warded. Because we’re all warded against angels,” Cas realized.

            “Took you that long to realize it? Jesus Castiel, you’re supposed to be one of the brains of Team Free Will.”

            “Why are you here when you can’t even hurt me?”

            “Oh trust me,” Lucifer said laying down on the bed. He rolled onto his stomach resting his chin in the palm of his hand. “I don’t need my fists to break you. You’re already broken.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “So insecure in your worth, and in your relationship.” Castiel turned his head to glare at the devil, but the sharp pain in his neck forced him to only look at the ceiling. Lucifer fiddled with the sheets between his fingers. “By the way, when was the last time he said it?”

            “What?”

            “Dean. Your big scary hubby. When was the last time he told you he loved you?”

            “What?”

            “You say it all the time, but you’re either ignored or given the famous “I know”.”

            “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know anything about my relationship.”

            “But I know you, Castiel. I practically raised you. I know a jilted lover when I see one.”

            “Dean loves me,” Cas insisted.

            “How would you know if he’s never said it?”

            “You’re lecturing me on love?”

            “I’ve been around for a long time, Castiel. You telling me I don’t know love is like a bird telling a fish he doesn’t know the ocean. I’ve lived a thousand lives and felt a thousand emotions. I know what love is, and I know what love isn’t. It’s not what you and Dean have. The way he hides you like a shameful addiction. That isn’t love.” The angel closed his eyes willing himself to wake up. He rarely had dreams, let alone nightmares. _How do humans controls these?_

            “Ever wonder why he hasn’t told anyone about you? Well for starters he’s hella embarrassed to be with the fallen pathetic angel.” _Wake up, wake up, wake up_! “Secondly, maybe he’s taking precaution by keeping your relationship a secret. For when he finally finds someone better, he doesn’t have to tell his lil bro about all the damage he’d done. This way no one gets hurt except you.”

            “Dean married me.” _He has to love me. He wouldn’t have proposed if he didn’t_.

            “To have an excuse to fuck you whenever he wants. Brother, you of all people should know that the Winchesters don’t love. They can’t! They’re broken beyond repair, they only use people to get what they want. It won’t be long until Dean decided he’s bored with you. Oooh, wait. Think I jinxed it.” Lucifer smiled as the angel stiffened at his words.

            “What do you mean?”

            “Why do you think Dean doesn’t spend the nights with you anymore? Always out late, never asking for sex. What has it been a month now? And he hasn’t wanted to bone you. It’s sort of like a dog when he doesn’t eat. You know there’s something wrong with it. Or maybe it found somewhere else to eat. Hate to break it to you, Cassie, but Dean’s not hungry for you anymore.” The devil had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing at the angel as a tear rolled down his cheek _. Dean is faithful. He would never hurt me like this! He loves me. He loves me. Lucifer’s lying! All he does is lie!_ A tiny smidge of doubt crawled out from the back of his mind. _What if he’s telling the truth?_

            “I won’t listen to this. I won’t listen to you making accusations about my husband.”

            “You don’t have to listen to me,” Lucifer said scooting in close to Castiel. He let his breath brush against the angel’s bloody ear. “Just go listen to the sounds coming outside the bunker library.”

            He jolted awake quickly scanning the room for any signs of the devil. He sighed, relieved to finally be alone. His wounds had sealed for they had never happened, but it all felt too real. _The things he said_ … He reached out to the empty space in his bed _. He probably just fell asleep on the couch again_ Cas thought. He wanted to believe that. He _really_ wanted to, but he couldn’t help admitting that some of the things Lucifer said were true. _When was the last time he said it?_ The only times that stood out were the time he proposed under the stars and the day he married him. _That doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean that he’s unfaithful._ Thinking about it almost seemed weird to imagine the course hunter uttering those words _. I love you. Why doesn’t he say it?_

            Before he could think, he found himself in front of the door, hand frozen outstretched toward the door knob _. I should check, just to make sure…No! That would be implying that I don’t trust him when I do._ He wanted to go back to bed, forget everything Lucifer told him and kiss Dean first thing in the morning, but he couldn’t tear himself away from the door. _Dean wouldn’t do this… but if he is, I sure as hell won’t stand for it._

            Castiel raced down the stairs his heart threatening to jump out of his chest. He tried to calm himself, but he couldn’t shake the tears that threatened his blue eyes. _This is ridiculous! Just a dream. It was just a nightmare. I shouldn’t be worrying about this. He’s faithful. He would never hurt me. He is faithful_. No matter how hard he tried, the angel couldn’t push away his doubt. _Maybe Lucifer is right._

            He busted into the library, and his heart sank into the ocean of tears that fell from his eyes. He gripped his hair pulling until it hurt, willing the sight before him to disappear. _No, no, no!_ He didn’t wake up. The two men in front of him didn’t vanish. _This can’t be him. This can’t be Dean. This can’t be real._

            The younger man sitting on top of the demon jumped off the couch whipping around to face his angel. He was shirtless, with a black collar, his chest and neck decorated with purple love bites. A few tears ran down his freckled face. The same tears swelled over Castiel’s eyes. _No, no, no, no!_ A deep ache shot into his chest as he broke down into a sob. He had adapted to all the emotions. He felt sadness and anger before, but nothing as powerful as this. He dropped his head away from the hunter’s eyes. The same green pools that reflected the sparkle of their very ring. It hurt too much to see the eyes that brought him so much joy. _How could he do this to me? Why Dean, why?_ Dean’s brain fumbled for words. What could he say to the man he loved? To the man he betrayed.

            “Cas…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might edit the rating on this fic because I haven't been on this site very long, and I don't really know what's appropriate to what rating so if anyone's got any info on that, I'd appreciate it in the comments.


	13. What He Don't Know Will Break Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe to anyone in the hurricane area! Also everyone please just stay safe in general. Enjoy!

            “Cas…” Dean’s brain scrambled for the right words. He didn’t know where to start. On an apology? On an explanation? The words refused to leave his mouth. He stood there mouth agape unsure of how to mend his angel’s broken heart. His own began to crack as he listened to his sobs.

            Castiel peeled his hands away from his face wishing he could snap awake. That he could pass this off as just some vivid nightmare. That he could kiss the man he loved. That he could _trust_ the man he loved. But now, every second he looked into those merciless green eyes he felt a stab of pain in his chest.

            He turned his gaze to the man lying on the couch. Rage ripped through his body as the hairs on his neck bristled and his hands formed fist. He only realized his eyes were glowing when the demon and hunter gasped. He wanted to be mad at Crowley. He wanted to kill him. He wanted to rip out his chest and return the feeling of heartbreak, but he knew Crowley wasn’t really the one to blame. He took a deep breath, his white eyes falling back to their neutral blue. Crowley smiled teasingly.

            “Hey angel, care to join?” The only response they got was the quick slam of the door. Finally woken from his trance, he hurried after his angel.

            “Cas! Wait! I-” He gagged as the jerk of the leash cut into his windpipe. Dean glared at Crowley.

            “Let go! I gotta talk to him!”

            “Listen, Squirrel. We had a deal. If you don’t complete your end, I’ll call off mine.”

            “Damnit, Crowley.”

            “I’m serious. If you blow me off, your archangel comes home with me.” Dean pushed his hand through his hair cursing himself over and over again _. How did I get into this? How can I get out of this? The two most important people in my life, and only one of them can be happy._

            “What will it be, darling? Give Sam the apple pie life he deserves or mend what’s left of your crumbling marriage?”

 ***

 

            “So when were you going to tell me I’m the father of your child?”

Gabriel thought he was going to be sick. No, he _knew_ he was going to be sick. He placed his hand over the swell of his stomach trying to quell the nausea brewing inside him. A cold sweat beaded his forehead, and his hands trembled against his sides. He had to look away from the fiery green eyes or he might’ve puked right there. _I’m so sorry Sam. You weren’t supposed to find out this way._ He had three options to handle the angry hunter. Tell the truth, play dumb or cry, and right now he was contemplating all three.

            “W-what?”

            “You heard me. Don’t play dumb!” He tilted his back, knowing he was on the verge of tears.

            “You heard Dean and me talking downstairs?”

            “Dean knows about this too? Am I the _only_ one you haven’t told?” _Shit, shit, shit, shit._ If there was an undo button in life, Gabriel would’ve hit it faster than the speed of light. “How long have known it’s mine?” The archangel hesitated not knowing if Sam really wanted to hear the answer to that. He grabbed Gabriel by the collar of his shirt pulling him in close, forcing him to burn under his hot gaze.

            “How long have you known?” Gabriel couldn’t stand his eyes. Usually so cool, were now strikingly bright to the point where it hurt his eyes to look into them. He jerked out of the grasp falling to the floor. He looked up at the hunter as a few tears slipped down his cheeks.

            “Three months,” he said quietly.

            “Three months?”

            “Since I found out I was pregnant, I knew it was yours.” Sam ran his hands through his hair.

            “Motherfucker…” He clasped his hands together and paced around the room.

            “How did you know?”

            “Lucifer told me.” Gabriel groaned dropping his face into his hands. _That bastard_.

            “I’m sorry,” was all the angel could think to say.

            “You’re sorry?” Sam snapped. “Sorry for lying to me for months about being the father? Sorry for making me go crazy searching for you, while you were talking to the devil? Sorry for trying to kill our baby without even talking to me? Sorry for helping Lucifer escape? Are you sorry for controlling my mind, making me believe I could love you?” Gabriel perked up at the last comment. _The hell did he just say?_

            “What?”

            “All this time I thought I had miraculously fallen in love with you, but it was all a trick. Just controlling my emotions for fun.”

            “That’s not true!” Gabriel snapped, rising up to glare at the hunter. _Why would he think that? Why-Oh. Oh! The Mate’s Desire. He thinks I’m doing that to him_. “I can explain all this-”

            “So is it true that I’m the father?”

            “Yes, but-”

            “And it’s true that you asked Lucifer to kill the baby?”

            “Yes, but I never controlled how you feel about me. It isn’t my doing. I promise.”

            “Why do I have a hard time believing you?” Sam shouted throwing his hands up in the air.

            “Just calm down, and listen-”

            “Calm down?! The devil himself is free, how the hell am I supposed to be calm? You know he’s after us, right? He wants to kill everyone and there’s nothing stopping him from doing it! So please explain why I should be calm!” Sam sat down on the edge of the bed palming his eyes. “I just-This is crazy!” He looked up hesitantly at the archangel. “A-are you sure it’s…mine?” Thunder roared as Gabriel’s amber eyes flashed into a bright golden. His voice had a sharpness that frightened him more than the sudden thunder.

            “I know it’s your child. You don’t trust me? Do you want like a paternity test or something?”

            “I’d like one-yeah!” The shorter man clenched his fists, and his eyes boiled.

            “Are you kidding me?” Gabriel couldn’t tell if his anger was directed toward his hunter for not trusting him, or towards the devil for ruining the trust they had _. I will fucking kill you Lucifer. How could you ruin this for me?_

            “Well it’s not like we had sex or anything. How am I supposed to know it’s mine?”

            “There are ways you can tell who the father is. The sudden lust we have for each other, the ability to hear each other’s thoughts. You said you heard what I thought yesterday. That has to mean something to you,” Gabriel said, the golden in his eyes fading back into a desperate amber.

            “You could be making this up. After everything Lucifer said, why should I trust you now?”

            “How can you take his word over mine? I thought you loved me.” Sam winced, his heart cracking for the angel’s small voice.

            “I really thought I did,” he admitted. He looked at the floor away from Gabriel’s teary eyes. “But I was wrong.” Tears flooded over his cheeks. Those words knocked any strength out of him. He fell to his knees willing himself not to break down sobbing in front of the hunter.

            “Please, Sam. You have to believe me.” He forced himself to look down at the archangel. He was shaking, half dressed, apologetic. A mess, he looked pathetic, he cried, “Please, believe me Sam!” He wanted to scoop him off the floor and pull him into bed. He wanted to kiss away his tears, and hide his cries in his arms. _No! It’s not real. He’s just controlling you. Don’t fall for it_. He stood up, and Gabriel started sobbing.

            “Stop, crying goddamnit. Get up!” He shook his head burying his face in his hands. _How could I do this? How I could ruin the only thing going well in my life?_

            “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know any better. Just please, stay with me.” Sam ripped his gaze away from the helpless angel. _I’m never falling for your tricks again_. He stormed out the room.

            “I don’t want you,” he said slamming the door shut. He left Gabriel alone to throw curses at the sky.

            “Why did you do this to me?” he screamed at the ceiling. “Fucking Lucifer! Why can’t you just let me be happy? Why do you have to ruin everything?” The thunder escalated into a malicious growl as his cries grew louder. He eyes glowed as he thought of the man who put him in this position in the first place. “How many times do I have to break my heart for you? Is this fun for you? Watching me fail over and over again. I have just one request. Kill me. End my life, get rid of this cursed child and spare me of further suffering!” He should’ve expected it, but the silence fueled his rage.

            “Why won’t you talk to me?” he howled, his last few words shifting to his real voice. Rain beat down on the bunker, and the power went out. The lights clicked off, and Gabriel almost laughed in his the midst of his hysteric fit. _Is this you speaking to me? How fitting._ Without Sam he couldn’t imagine a bright future.

 ***

 

            Sam sat on the stairs too exhausted to pace out his stress. The whole confrontation with Gabriel had left him drained. He couldn’t believe how fast everything was changing. He had fallen in love so quickly and just as quickly fell out of it. And now he was going to be a father. _Whoa_. The thought of it just felt so strange. He needed proof to truly believe it. He wondered, if they were alive today, what would his parents say if they found out they were going to be grandparents? How would John Winchester react if he knew his grandchild was born from an archangel? Sam almost smiled at the idea of his dad throwing a fit over his child’s maternity. _What would Bobby think about all this? What would he say to me? Probably along the lines of “balls” or idjits”_. He missed them. He missed having someone wiser and older to guide him through this kind of stuff.

            All he had now was Dean. _He already knew I was the father. Why didn’t he tell me? How long has he known? A better question, why did Gabriel tell him before me? Shouldn’t I have been the first one he tells because I’m the father? Isn’t that how it works?_ He dropped his face into his hands and groaned. Years ago this would’ve been the happiest day of his life. When he was with Jess, he wanted nothing more than to start a family with her. _But now_ … He was a hunter. _How can I give a child that life? Never having their father around. Always having to worry if he was going to come home in one piece_. He hated that life. How could he willingly give it to someone else? _I can’t be a father_.

            The thudding of footsteps pulled Sam from his thoughts. He looked up at the angel in front of him. His eyes were red with tears, and he wore a similar expression as the hunter. They both were angry and scared, unsure of what to do with the secrets of their lovers. Castiel rubbed his eyes and sniffled. He started to walk past Sam.

            “Wait, Cas. What’s wrong?” He forced back a sob. He didn’t want to talk about Dean. He didn’t want to think about what he’d done. He just wanted to forget.

            “Sam I-” The loud angelic scream rang through the bunker. Sam covered his ears, and Cas recognized it immediately as Gabriel’s troubled voice. The lights went out and it was silent again. The red glow of the emergency lights flooded the stairway.

            “What the hell just happened?” Sam asked. Castiel looked around at the lights, stolid to the change around him.

            “We’ll figure it out tomorrow,” he said. “It’s been a long day.” Sam nodded. He couldn’t agree more. He had never seen the angel so depressed. He wondered if Castiel had a worse day than him. Neither of them were eager to share their troubles.

            The angel and the hunter separated into their rooms not sharing another word. The bunker was so quiet and still, one would assume the inhabitants were dead. But the three men were restless. The stress of their day preventing them from sleep. There was an unresolved sense that filled their home. They were all angry, upset and just wanted things to go back to the way they were. Maybe they couldn’t sleep because they were missing their lovers. Sam had only slept with Gabriel once, yet his bed still felt empty and cold. Gabriel had felt so protected with Sam pressed against him. Now there was vulnerability in him that he couldn’t shake.

            For years, Castiel didn’t sleep. He never needed to. For a while, he didn’t even know how. Until he met Dean. He used to sit up and watch his hunter as he slept. Dean told him that was “creepy” and “just plain weird”, so he suggested that the angel sleep with him.

            _“How do I sleep?” the angel asked climbing under the covers. Dean laughed and Castiel tilted his head in confusion._

_“I’ve just never had to teach someone how to sleep before. It’s kind of something humans just can do naturally.”_

_“Humans make it look so easy.” Dean couldn’t help but laugh at his clueless angel._

_“It is easy. Just-here, lean up against me.” Castiel followed his instructions scooting in close, pressing his back against Dean’s bare chest. Dean rested his arm over the angel’s waist smiling at the familiarity of his forearm in the warm dip in his side. “Now all you gotta do is close your eyes and just think about something.”_

_“But I don’t know what to think about.”_

_“It can be anything.”_

_“What do you think about while you sleep?” Dean sighed wistfully._

_“Sometimes about my parents, or maybe the fun stupid things Sam and I used to do as kids.” He kissed the angel’s neck. “Mostly you.” Castiel blushed at the idea of his hunter thinking about him even when he was unconscious._

_“Ok, I’ll think about you,” Cas said._

_“And I’ll be thinking about you.”_

            The memory left a fresh set of tears in his eyes. He would think about Dean to fall asleep, but now doing so only pained his heart. For the first time in a year the angel didn’t sleep. He sat up in bed and waited.

***

 

            “Stop crying, squirrel. You’ll be with your husband in the morning to smooth things over.” Dean sat on the edge of the bed wiping tears from his eyes.

            “I don’t think I can fix this,” he said remembering the look of trauma across his angel’s face. “I fucked up.” Crowley rolled his eyes.

            “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Adultery, infidelity. You screwed up big time Winchester, but it’s little Cas we’re talking about. The little soldier who’d follow you into any battle. After this you can go bat your pretty eyes at him and go skip off into the sunset. But first you have to do something a little more important. Like me.” He sat down on the red satin sheets lightly tugging on Dean’s leash.

            “I don’t think I c-can,” Dean said his voice cracking on a light sob. “The look in his eyes… I just-I can’t.” Crowley yanked on the collar drawing a gag out of the hunter.

            “Don’t make me gag you again.” He tried to respond but his words were muffled by his cries. He felt so stupid. _Why did I have to do it in the bunker? How did I even get caught up in this mess with Crowley anyway? God, I’m such an idiot._ He thought about Sam and Gabriel, looking like excited little twelve year olds in their first relationship. He thought about the pain that flashed across his angel’s sweet blue eyes. _Was it really worth it?_

            The demon sighed and scooted in close to Dean. He felt the human’s shuddering as he rubbed slow circles in his back. Of course, he loved seeing him in helpless positions, but a crying Winchester wasn’t exactly a turn on.

            “Believe me when I say, he will take you back. You’re too damn perfect. With the spiky hair and the pretty lips. No one can stay mad at you.” That was the last thing Dean wanted to hear. He felt like the true scum of the Earth, and here he was listening to compliments on his appearance. How fitting, that the king of hell would be praising him. He rubbed his eyes, sniffled and tilted his head back hoping the tears would retreat _. I just have to get through this_ he told himself. _Then I can go back to Cas and tell him everything. Hopefully, Crowley is right. Maybe after he hears me out, he’ll forgive me._

            “Ok,” Dean finally said.

            “You ready, Squirrel?”

            “Let’s just get this over with.” Crowley smiled and wasted no time stripping the hunter naked attacking him with hot kisses, as he lured him into a night of fiery demonic passion.

***

 

            Dagon jumped when Lucifer appeared in front of her behind the old diner. The devil was probably the only thing in existence that could leave a prince of hell shaking in her boots. She dipped her head respectively to the taller man. Dagon’s heart skipped as his beautiful eyes flickered into a glowing red flashing light through the dark parking lot.

            “Where have you been, my lord? You told me to meet you here at midnight.” Lucifer shrugged lazily.

            “Sorry, my errands with the Winchesters ran a little past schedule.”

            “The Winchesters? I thought we were trying to overthrow Crowley and take his crown! Why are you fooling around with these negligible humans?”

            “Have patience, Dagon!” Satan slowly walked up to her. He stopped just inches away letting his cold aura crawl on her skin. She had to look up to meet those glittering eyes. “Don’t worry about Crowley. He’s barely a threat to us. Our real danger is the Winchesters. Other than God, they’re the only beings that have beaten me. So instead of wasting our energy on these heroic little humans, I set them so they’ll be fighting each other and we can get back to what’s really important.”

            “Wow…” Dagon blushed. “That’s brilliant.” The devil grinned.

            “I know,” he said. He eyed the prince noticing something odd about her appearance. Her hair seemed a little bit curlier, and her shirt hung a little lower. He squinted to see the slight color on her eyelids. She ducked her head growing hot under Lucifer’s prying eyes.

            “Are you wearing eyeshadow?” he asked.

            “Yes, my lord.” The devil tilted his head in genuine confusion.

            “Why?” Dagon tucked a few curls behind her ear.

            “Well, it’s like you always say. Humans always trust attractive vessels.”

            “Mmhmm,” Lucifer bent down and touched his nose to the crook of the demon’s neck. She held her breath as he nuzzled against her. Her skin had a softness like other humans but carried a strange scent. _Roses?_ He pulled away and a deep sigh escaped Dagon’s lips.

            “Dagon, do you love me?” She answered calmly, but the devil sensed the rapid pounding of her human heart.

            “Of course, I do. You’re everything, my lord. You’re my master, my ruler, my creator. I’ll always love you.”

            “That’s right,” he said turning away from her round eyes. He honestly wouldn’t mind sexing up the prince of hell. She did choose a very delicious vessel indeed, but he knew the risks. Angels and demons weren’t invincible to the risks of love. The obsession, the distraction, the heartbreak and tying that all together in a business relationship. It would never work. “And I am nothing more than that do you understand?” She nodded briskly.

            “Yes, my lord.” He cupped her chin in his fingers sending chills down her spine.

            “Promise me, you won’t get any ideas.” Dagon licked her plump red lips. Lucifer bit his tongue until blood pooled in his mouth trying to refrain from kissing her. “Promise me,” he said a little more urgently.

            “I promise,” she said with so much sincerity Lucifer thought she was telling the truth. He stepped back with a satisfied smile.

            “Good. Now let’s go eat. Tonight we celebrate: my freedom and the Winchesters out of our hair.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was bit of a mess, so sorry for any grammatical or continuity errors


	14. Where I'm Supposed To Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeek sorry this ones just a little late, enjoy!

           Dean hobbled up to the bunker door, the chill morning breeze nipping at his skin. He almost collapsed as soon as he walked inside. _I deserve this._ He forced himself to trudge on with the intense soreness up his ass. He was practically dead after the sixth round. The rest of the night was spacy with faint memories of Crowley’s lips, his hands running up and down his sides, his cock… _The ceiling spun, and he was naked with blood spilling over his neck. He closed his eyes for a second, and he was propped up with pillows in the bed beside the king of hell. Naked, with a blanket over his waist and lighting a cigarette. “Ready to go again, love?”_ He shook his head trying to rid the awful memory from his mind.

            He grabbed a coat from the closet, pulling up the collar then discarded it on the floor. _What’s the point in covering Crowley’s bruises? He knows what I did_. Fear pushed his heartrate as he approached his bedroom door. _What if he doesn’t want me back? Of course he doesn’t, you asshole!_ He sighed trying to calm the tears that bubbled in his eyes _. I have to try._

            He knocked on the door lightly to no avail. Maybe he’s sleeping. He pushed open the door to see the angel sitting upright in bed his back to him.

            “Cas,” he said hesitantly. He flinched slightly at his name, but paid no attention to Dean. “We need to talk.”

            “No,” he said sharply.

            “Please, Cas just let me-”

            “I don’t want to talk to you.”

            “Then you don’t have to say anything. Just let me explain, and you can listen,” Dean said sitting down on the other side of the bed. The angel finally looked up at him with swollen red eyes. Dean’s heart broke at the tear stains down his cheeks. His innocent blue eyes hardened into a glare.

            “I can’t stand you. I can’t even stand to hear you speak right now!” he shouted scooting off the bed. He walked over the doorway and paused. “You can have the bed. I won’t be needing it, and get some sleep. You look terrible.” He slammed the door shut and tears dripped down the hunter’s face.

            Dean collapsed on his stomach burying his face in the pillows _. He won’t even talk to me! He won’t even look at me! How do I fix this?_ He rolled onto his side and winced at the hard object that poked his hip. He pulled it out from under him and rested it on the night stand breaking down in a sob. In their marriage they had many stupid quarrels that left Dean sleeping on the couch, but Castiel _never_ did something like this. _He never took off his wedding ring. Does that mean it’s over? It can’t be! I can’t just let him go like that_. He cried himself to sleep trying to comprehend what a morning would be like without waking up to his angel in his clothes sipping coffee in the morning, what a night would be like without Castiel’s kisses. What a day would be without the angel’s blatant sass or his adorable confusion to humans. Without his thick messy black hair or pure blue eyes. Without the slight crinkle in his features when he smiled. _What would a life be without Cas?_

_***_

            Sam woke to a warm tongue running over his cheek.

            “Gabriel, quit it,” he said breaking off into a giddy smile. The tongue washed over his lips, and he laughed. “Can you give me a second to wake up?” He opened his eyes and pushed the animal off his chest. “Jesus Christ.” The pup settled down on his shoulder curling into a ball fitting perfectly on Sam’s collar bone.

            The realization of yesterday hit him like a wall of bricks. He had so many questions. _Is the baby really mine? How can I know for sure? Where exactly was Gabriel that day? How the hell did Lucifer escape? Did I really love Gabriel? Is all of this some sort of trick?_ Sam sat up and the corgi whimpered losing his comfy spot.

            “Are you hungry?” The pup blinked twice as to answer him. “Yeah, me too. Let’s get some breakfast.” He walked to the kitchen with the puppy bounding after him wagging his tail excitedly. Castiel sat at the table fully dressed staring numbly at the wall.

            “Morning Cas.” The angel waited a full ten seconds before responding.

            “Good morning,” he said not taking his eyes off the wall. Sam eyed him carefully. The tears he saw in his eyes from the night from before had vanished, but a strange hollowness took their place. He opened the fridge looking for something that could pass for dogfood.

            “Is everything ok? You seemed pretty down last night.”

            “I think you should ask Dean that question,” he said leaving a bitterness on his brother’s name.

            “Did you guys have a fight or something?” Castiel shrugged.

            “Sort of.” He sighed knowing he wasn’t going to get a straight answer out of the angel. _Damnit Dean. What did you screw up this time?_ He grabbed an old hamburger out of the fridge and tossed it on the floor. The puppy happily dug into the stale meat.

            “The power is still out,” Cas said looking up at the red lights. Sam nodded.

            “I’ll take a look at that later.”

            “So how is Gabriel?” he asked finally adverting his attention to the hunter. Sam cringed at the archangel’s name. Images of Gabriel on his knees, tears flowing over his face as he pleaded for Sam to stay with him. He shook his head trying to push the painful memory out of his mind.

            “I don’t know,” he said grabbing a box of cereal from the cupboard.

            “From what I understand, he was quite upset last night.”

            “You talked to him?”

            “No, but I sensed his heartache. There was so much pain emitting from him, he cried out in his real voice, causing the power to go out.”

            “Huh.” He stirred his cereal around in slow circles. Castiel tilted his head to the side eyeing the hunter carefully. He sensed so many emotions inside him, but saw none portraying in his expression. Anger, Heartbreak, fear, confusion. He pulled out of his mind cringing at the emotions that were all too familiar.

            “So, Gabriel told you?”

            “Nope,” Sam said dryly. Castiel furrowed his brow even more confused _. Then why does he feel this way?_

            “But you know that you’re the fledgling’s-”

            “Yeah, I know.” Silence hung in there as Sam continued to stir his cereal. Somewhere in his thought, he lost his appetite. He put the bowl down on the ground, and the corgi lapped up the milk. Sam sat down at the table across from the angel.

            “So what really happened yesterday? When you and Dean found him, did he tell you why he left?”

            “Why don’t you ask Gabriel?”

            “Because I’m asking you.” Castiel sighed.

            “Sam… What does it matter now? You mustn’t dwell in the past. Nothing can change what Gabriel did. You should think about your future. How you’re going to handle everything with Lucifer, Gabriel and your child.” Sam looked away from the angel’s blue gaze. The last thing he wanted to hear was Castiel’s self-meditative everything will be better tomorrow crap.

            “Where’s Dean?” The angel’s soft features hardened into a scowl.

            “Probably sleeping off his hangover.” _Ah, so Dean got drunk then did something stupid. Perfect, just what we need right now. I better talk to him when he wakes up._

            “Ok, I’m going for a walk. We’re gonna need supplies if we’re keeping the puppy,” Sam said standing up from the table. He headed out with the pup stumbling at his heels, but Castiel’s small voice stopped him.

            “You should talk to Gabriel.”

            “Why don’t you talk to Dean?” he snapped. The angel remained silent turning back to the wall daydreaming about what used to be.

            Sam grabbed a rain coat and headed outside. The pup ran after him, spinning around in the rain, splashing in every puddle they passed. He paused every few minutes to dig a worm out of the dirt. He dropped the half chewed worm on his shoe.

            He held up the slimy animal between his fingers.

            “What am I supposed to do with this?” The puppy sneezed in response. They made it to the supermarket, drenched with a pocket full of worms. A few circumspect eyes fell on Sam and the muddy pawed puppy. He scooped him up and held him with one arm inside his jacket. Now people were staring because of the moving lump on his chest. _Better than leaving him outside_ he decided.

            He found the pets’ aisle and picked up all the basics. A bag of name brand dog food, a black leash, a water bowl and a brush that looked more fit for humans than for dogs. He browsed through the tiny section for collars. There were about eight each having an idiotic pet names. He let the puppy down on the ground and slipped a dark blue collar over his chubby neck. He read the bright white letters and sighed.

            “I guess you’re Raguel now. You like that?” He rolled his wet body around on the floor, leaving a brown puddle on the tiles. He barked excitedly and Sam hushed him with a finger to his lips.

            “Alright, then Raguel. Let’s go.” He tucked him back up into his jacket and headed to the register. He stood in line in front of a younger college aged couple and behind a middle aged woman accompanied with four small children. He started to step forward in line when he slipped to his knees, his hands landing in something soft and wet.

            Sam looked down at the mush between his fingers and screamed. He knelt in a warm pile of entrails. He almost threw up at the animal carcass in front of him. Unlike the rest of his body diminished to shredded guts, Raguel’ head remained intact, staring up at him with round glossy eyes. Sam reached down to touch the dismembered head, but it was kicked away rolling like a soccer ball leaving a trail of blood across the white floors.

            Sam looked up, horrified at the man laughing in front of him. Lucifer stepped in to the pile of guts kneeling down next to Sam. He picked up a long tendril of meat. He waved it in front of Sam’s face. He turned away fighting nausea, and the devil laughed.

            “You’re squeamish, cuz of this? Well you’re gonna _hate_ what’s gonna happen to the rest of the planet.” Sam tried to focus his thoughts, to figure out a way to attack Lucifer without being killed on the spot, but the only thing that came to mind was Raguel’ innards across the floor. _My knees are in his guts, my hands are wet with his blood. How did I let this happen?_ Lucifer swallowed the chunk of flesh slurping it loudly like a noodle.

            “Americans think eating their beloved house pets is such grotesque thing to do, but in other countries it is quite the delicacy.” He scooped up an organ that appeared to be the heart and swallowed it whole. He wiped the blood away from the corners of his mouth. “Mmm, come on Sam there’s enough to share.”

            “Why are you here?” he asked quietly.

            “Well, one I needed a little snack.” He dipped his finger in the mush and sucked on the red juices. “And two. I needed to show you that I’m not gonna go easy on anyone. There’s no little boy, old lady or four-legged parasite that is going to be safe from me. Just look around.” He nudged Sam’s jaw to look at the stores inhabitants. Everyone was dead, with their torsos split open spilling out blood and organs. The cashier was impaled by the cash register, the couple behind him were an unrecognizable red sopping pile and the children in front of him were like Raguel. Their heads still intact, their eyes still open. “Doesn’t it look beautiful? Think about it. A world run by me…”

            Raguel’ warm tongue on his cheek pushed him out of his daydream. Lucifer vanished and the corpses renewed into lively people except now they were all staring at the crazy thirty-five year old man panting, knelt in puddle of half dead worms. _Damnit, they must’ve fallen out when I tripped._

            The mother of four kids offered her hand to him.

            “I’m sorry, you tripped over my son’s toy let me…” she trailed off taking her hand back when she saw the pile of chewed up worms.

            “I-uh… it’s not…” He had no explanation for the worms. He hastily shoved them back into his pocket, paid for the dog shit and got out of there as quickly as possible. He dumped the worms outside the store for Raguel to chew on while he caught his breath. _It was just a hallucination. Just a mind trick_. He rubbed Raguel' soft fur trying to forget feeling his warm guts between his fingers.

***

 

            Gabriel woke to brittle blades of grass tickling his cheek. Tall ominous trees surrounded him and distant screams echoed across the grey sky.

            “Where am I?” he asked standing slowly. He felt for his angel blade up the sleeve of his coat but found nothing.

            “I’ll give you hint: it’s a place perfect for monsters like you.” Gabriel jumped at the voice. He spun around to face the archangel behind him.

            “Michael.” The older archangel paced around him slowly using a branch as a walking stick. Gabriel had never seen his brother in this vessel before, but the resemblance was uncanny. When he knew Michael was wearing the younger John Winchester, he realized. “I’m dreaming.”

            “Well, good for you. Have any clue where we are now?” Gabriel inhaled deeply taking in strong scent of monsters and fear.

            “Purgatory.” Michael paused digging his stick into the Earth. “I like you’re flare for the dramatic big bro, but why don’t you just drag my ass into the fire to really teach me punishment for my sins.”

            “Oh, you’re not a sinner; you’re much worse.” Gabriel glared at his brother.

            “What do you mean?” Michael drew a few Enochian symbols into the dirt.

            “You committed one of the worst sins of all. You lied.”

            “Oh, no! Don’t tell daddy!”

            “You lied to Sam Winchester. You broke his heart,” Michael said. Gabriel scoffed crossing his arms over his chest.

            “Since when do you care about Sam?”

            “I care about humanity.”

            “Always such a goody two shoes.”

            “You set Lucifer free,” Michael said pointing a finger in his face. The younger angel scowled.

            “You say that like I planned to. Lucifer tricked me!”

            “Well, you should’ve known better! You asked our brother to kill your child? Are you out of your mind?”

            “You have no right to judge me! You have no clue what I’m going through! You have no idea of the position God has put me on!”

            “God sets us up for the right path,” Michael said coolly.

            “That’s easy for to you say. You’re dad’s perfect little soldier destined for greatness, and I… I’m just a fallen angel set up for failure!” Gabriel dropped to his knees hiding his face in his hands as tears creeped into the corners of his eyes. Michael sighed crouching down beside his brother debating whether or not to rest a hand on his shoulder. His younger brother’s cries pained him, but Gabriel was never the one to want affection, especially from him. He ended up sitting down a respectable distance away.

            “You’re not fallen, Gabriel.” He laughed bitterly through his tears.

            “You said it yourself. I’m much worse.”

            “Well you don’t have to be.”

            “What’s that supposed to mean?”

            “We’ll talk again, Gabriel. Soon and hopefully not like this,” Michael said gesturing to the forest around them. “Take care of yourself.” As soon as he woke, Gabriel forced himself back to sleep. He didn’t want to wake up to a world where Sam Winchester hated him. He wanted to be alone in the dark forest home to the world’s worst monsters. Where there was no pity or mercy _. I deserve this. I deserve Sam’s hatred. I deserve the curse of bringing another Winchester into the world._

_***_

 

_Castiel looked up at sky. The cool summer breeze ruffling his dark hair, and the stars reflecting in his blue eyes. He’s so perfect Dean thought. The moon was almost full casting a white glow on his face, shifting his hair into a beautiful silver._

_“It’s getting late,” the angel said. Dean didn’t pay much attention to his boyfriend’s words. He nodded, knowing that some sort of sound was coming between those lips. Those sweet, full, kissable lips…_

_“We should be heading back to the bunker, Sam might get suspicious.”_

_“Mmhmm…” He leaned against the hood of the impala resting his hand over Castiel’s. He took the angel’s hand and kissed it slowly._

_“Dean?”_

_“What?”_

_“What about Sam? Won’t he be wondering about us?”_

_“Don’t worry about him. He’ll be fine,” Dean said continuing to kiss his hand._

_“So why did you bring me out to this no-name field anyway?” He blushed as the hunter worked his lips up his arm and to his collar bone. Dean undid the buttons on Cas’ shirt and loosened the tie. He parted his lips sucking lightly on the angel’s skin._

_“Can’t I just… take my angel outside… to make out under the stars?” Dean asked between kisses. “Fuck, Cas… You’re just so… hot. I could kiss you forever.” The angel’s blush darkened._

_“You and I know both know you would rather do so much more than kissing.” Dean smiled into the fresh hickie he left right below the angel’s neck._

_“You’re right, but I had something else in mind.”_

_“Oh?” Dean stepped away slipping his hands into his pockets. He tucked his chin into his chest and shifted from foot to foot. Cas had never seen the hunter so nervous. He couldn’t remember the last time he ever saw the confident bad boy demeanor fade. It was almost child-like. Adorable wasn’t the right word for a vicious killer, but it was the first thing that came to mind._

_“Why are you anxious?”_

_“Shit um…” Dean ran his thumb along the small black box in his pocket. “Guess I’m just a little scared of how you’re gonna react.” Cas tilted his head to the side._

_“Cas,” he started, taking his hand dropping to one knee, “I don’t have a dollar to my name, a long life span or any real friends that are still alive. All I have’s my brother, my baby, and a long rep of saving people and hunting things. I never thought in this life, I would be able to find someone like you.” His angel was still confused but a tiny smile had touched his lips. “You’ve saved me in more ways than I can count. You’re always there, and you’re more than just family; I love you.” Castiel’s smile fanned out into a full grin._

_“I love you too, Dean.”_

_“Well, I’m glad to hear that. It makes this a little easier.” The angel’s eyes rounded as Dean pulled out the box from his pocket. He popped it open revealing a little diamond ring. It wasn’t much, a small circle resting on a thin diamond band. As much as 2,000 dollars could buy. But it was marvelous, appearing to catch the light of the moon and every star, radiating a white glow between them._

_“I don’t know when my last breath is going to be. Whether it be on the next hunt, or in thirty years. I just know, I want to spend it with you. Will you marry me?”_

            Dean woke to painful sight. The right side of his bed empty, and the wedding ring sitting on the nightstand. The same ring that left so much pride in seeing on the angel’s finger, now left a deep shame in his chest. _So this is real. I really lost him_. Dean buried his face in his pillow forcing himself to sleep. He didn’t want to wake to a world without Cas _. I did this. I don’t deserve a world with him._

_***_

            Michael leaned up against the bars of his cage as the angels walked in carrying the young librarian. She was unharmed just as he requested but flushed red as she fought against their grasp.

            “Let go of me! I swear to-Put me down! Ugh!” They dropped her on the floor in front of the cage. One of the three angels bowed his head to the archangel.

            “We believe she has made contact with the Winchesters and your brother, sir.” Michael nodded and suddenly the woman was inside the cage with him. She stood up quickly scanning her surroundings. Her eyes rounded as they swelled with tears.

            “Please just let me leave. I’ll give you anything you want.” Michael lightly touched her cheek brushing away the stray tear. She flinched from his touch, and he smiled.

            “Oh, you will.” He looked back at the angels. “Leave us alone, and smite some demons while you’re at it. I want this place purged of abominations. They nodded, hands on their blades eager to kill.

            “Why am I here?” she asked. “What is this place?”

            “It has many names. The Lake of Fire, the Netherworld, Tartarus, but you probably know it as Hell. We’re in the deepest darkest part; the pit.” The woman rested her hand over the cross dangling from her neck.

            “Am I dead?”

            “No, I won’t let you die.”

            “Then why I am here?”

            “Because you’re important. I can’t leave here without a human body.” Michael twisted one of her dark curls between his fingers. “Are you strong in your faith…? I’m sorry, what’s your name?”

            “Iris.”

            “Iris… Would you say that you’re a strong believer in God’s plan?” She pinched the end of her cross and swallowed.

            “Yes.” Michael grinned, taking her hands.

            “Then you shouldn’t be afraid. I am Michael the archangel.” Iris started to pull her hands away, but he tightened his grip around her wrists. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

            “This isn’t right. Angels aren’t supposed to be in hell.”

            “You’re right,” he said. “I wasn’t meant to be left here. That’s why I need you. I need a human body to return to Earth.”

            “Possession.”

            “Yes.”

            “Why me? Why does it have to be my body?” Michael inhaled deeply pulling her close to taste her sweet fear.

            “Because you’ve been in contact with my brother and the Winchesters.”

            “What? I don’t-” Michael slapped his hand down on her forehead.

            “Show me what you’ve seen!” Her eyes rolled back into her head and her scream echoed off the cage as he took in her memories. He slowed himself when he found the most recent. He could hear his brother’s voice in her thoughts. _“So you come here often?” His childish wit. “Enough to get my paycheck.” The jump in her heart when Gabriel’s confetti canon went off. The intense kiss between the tall young man, and the cute short one. The celestial earth quake._

            He jumped out of her mind, both of them falling to their knees breathing heavy. Michael messaged his temples. He forgot how overwhelming the feeling was to take in millions of human thoughts at once. _When was the last time I’ve done this?_ The intense migraine subdued into a steady ache, and he was able to stand. He helped Iris to her feet. Her knees trembled, but she looked unharmed.

            “Iris… Invite me in to you… Let me…” Michael collapsed only to be caught by the librarian. She dropped down with him letting his head rest on her breast.

            “Michael! Are you ok? What’s wrong?” He squeezed his eyes shut feeling as though the cage was being spun around in God’s worst storm. He wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his face into her chest as the pain worsened. She started to return the embrace, but he stopped her.

            “No! You have to-ugh! Cover your ears!” She did quickly, and Michael’s real voice rose from hell ringing out onto the Earth. For so long, his grace had been subdued by the pit. Now that he was using his powers again, it came back to him like painful bolt of electricity. He could feel his unused grace resurging through his body. It felt so foreign. _How long have I neglected my grace? How long have I not been an angel?_

            “Ok.” Michael sat up to look Iris in the eyes. “I’m ok now.”

            “What happened?” she asked. He swiped his palm over his forehead surprised to find disgusting human perspiration soaking his skin.

            “I’m weak. I’ve been in this hell hole for so long. Iris, I can get us both out of here safely. You just have to let me in. Invite me into your body, into your mind… Do you trust me?” She rubbed his wet hair out of his face to reveal his pure blue eyes.

            “I trust you.”

            “Then say it.” Michael laid his trembling hand on her pale cheek. She rested her hand over his _. I’ve been chosen to save God’s broken angel_. _How could I say no to this?_

            “Yes.”


	15. On My Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter took a WHILE. School has been kicking my butt, but I'll try to get better at updating, enjoy!

            The peaceful morning was interrupted by a sharp angelic cry. Castiel set down his coffee mug and listened to the celestial voice. The sound emitted from below just barely shaking the Earth above. _Why would an angel be in hell?_ He closed eyes taking in the last remnants of the scream. It was powerful, enough to rise out onto the Earth. An alarming thought crept into his mind. _Only archangels’ voice can be heard between realms. Does that mean…?_

Cas knocked a little harder than he should have on the archangel’s door. He heard a muffled groan and a few curses.

            “Gabriel, open up! It’s important!”

            “Will it still be important in two hours?” he called back.

            “It’s almost noon!” A few more grouchy complaints and curses before Gabriel opened the door. Cas visibly winced from the archangel’s appearance. Still in yesterday’s clothes, and straggles of bed head falling into his face. Deep bags hung from his eyes making his vessel appear almost as it were aging. His hazel iris once playful in color looked dull with red lines crawling out from the center.

            “Gabriel… You look unwell.”

            “Thanks,” he said bitterly.

            “How are you?”  The archangel turned away from him heading back to his bed.

            “How do you think?” Castiel followed him, cautiously sitting on the edge of the bed as Gabriel crawled back under the covers.

            “I know that Sam found out. I’m so s-”

            “Why are you here?” Gabriel cut him off. “You said you had something important to tell me, and if it has anything to do with Sam, I don’t wanna hear it.” Cas could have pressed him. He was curious to what happened to the two of them, so happy and in love the other day now so angry towards one another they couldn’t even bare to talk to each other. He wanted to help his friends smile again, but Cas knew what it was like to want to ignore the person you love. To want to forget everything about them. To forget how they hurt you.

            “Did you hear the scream?” he blurted. Gabriel sat up, suddenly less irritated and solemn in expression.

            “Yeah, I heard it… Thought it was some part of my dream. It sounded so far away. In so much pain…”

            “I think the voice came from Hell.” Gabriel shook his head.

            “That can’t be. Lucifer is on Earth.”

            “There’s another archangel still down there,” he pointed out. “It could be-”

            “No! There’s no way.” Then he remembered seeing his older brother in his dream. _We’ll talk again, Gabriel. Soon._ The thought left him breathing hard, verging on hyperventilating. “No, no, no, no, no! This can’t be happening! You don’t think Michael is actually trying to escape the cage? Do you?” Cas shrugged.

            “I suppose it’s possible. Archangels seem to be rising from the dead lately.” _What the hell is Michael doing? Is this because of me? Because of Lucifer? Is he trying to correct my mistakes? Soon. Soon. Soon… No! I can’t be responsible for releasing another dangerous archangel into the planet_. “Gabriel are you alright? You seem-”

            “This can’t be God’s plan! He wouldn’t bring the archangels back just for the hell of it! Does Chuck know of the madness that the Michael and Lucifer will cause?”

            “To be fair,” Cas said, “he did resurrect you.”

            “I didn’t ask to be brought back. I didn’t _deserve_ to be brought back!” As his voice rose, his body began to tremble.

            “No stress. We’ll figure it out. I was thinking we could go to Heaven, talk to some angels, and see if we can figure out what’s happening. Get some information on Michael-”

            “I’m in no position to fight! I’m practically useless, more so than humans, in my condition.” Cas couldn’t tell if he was referring to his pregnancy or his current mental state. Either way Gabriel was a wreck. “I can’t fly. I can’t heal anyone. I can’t kill anything. You know what I’d be doing if I was at full strength. I’d be gone! Some other planet. Some other universe. Some other dimension! I wouldn’t be forced to witness Armageddon two point O.”

            “You’re overreacting. We don’t even know if Michael is free from Hell.” Gabriel didn’t answer him, staring intently at the floor as he calmed his breathing. Cas had to admit that he was right. The archangel would be nothing but dead weight. _I guess I’m doing this on my own._ He turned to leave, but Gabriel’s small voice stopped him.

            “Are you bringing the Winchesters with you?”

            “No, they have enough on their minds.”

            “Not even Dean?” Gabriel didn’t need his angel sense to know that there was something wrong between the angel and the hunter. The way his body tensed and his eyes seemed to darken at the sound of his name. Castiel shook his head.

            “I’ll be fine on my own.”

            “Not that I need to worry,” he said losing most of hysteric tone, almost sounding like the carefree archangel Cas remembered. “But come back in one piece. I need you, brother.”

            “I will.” He left the bunker, not bothering to tell Dean where he was going. _Like he would care_. He left Sam a brief text and hopped into what the hunters called “the pimpmobile”.

            He drove to Metatron’s portal now a few hours away from the bunker. He tried to focus on his mission, the dangers of having Lucifer and Michael together on earth, but he kept wondering _why? Why would Dean do something like that? What have I done to him? Was I not enough for him? What does Crowley have over me? How long has this been going on? Has he been unfaithful since the day we married?_

            He pulled over at the gas station, still pondering over his failing marriage when a hand tapped on his shoulder.

             “Yes?” It was a short chubby middle aged human with glasses, a black tie and a nervous smile.

            “Hi, I understand you’re looking for Heaven,” he said. The angel squinted trying to decipher if there was anything supernatural about the man. There was nothing special about him other than the rash on the side of his neck.

            “Who are you?” Castiel let the angel blade fall from his sleeve and into his hand. The man jumped back with his palms up.

            “A friend! A friend of the angels. They asked me to send a message to you.”

            “Why you? Are you some sort of slave?”

            “Not a slave.” He pulled out the necklace from his shirt to reveal a gold cross. “A believer.” Cas sighed. He tucked the angel blade back into his coat and the man exhaled deeply. “The angels think something big is coming, and they need all the information they can get. You’ve been on the Earth for a while, Castiel. They think you know more than they do.”

            “I’m on my way to Heaven now to speak with them. You’re service is no longer required.” The man shook his head quickly.

            “You can’t go up there. Heaven is in chaos.” The angel raised a skeptical eyebrow.

            “Do you mean war?”

            “As I’ve been told,” he said, “tensions are high. There’s so much happening down here, and the angels feel God has given up on Earth. He’s not doing anything to help them.”

            “How much did the angels tell you?”

            “Enough.” Cas crossed his arms unsatisfied with that answer. The man ran a hand through his thinning hair. “About Lucifer escaping, about Michael trying to escape, the Nephilim, you-”

            “How do the angels know about the Nephilim?” Castiel snapped.

            “They don’t know much. They barely told me anything-I swear. They can tell from the power that it’s unleashed, they know it’s being born from an archangel, but that’s about all they know.” _Just what we need_ he thought tiredly. _Angels and demons hunting Gabriel. Great_. “Castiel, you have to listen to me. There’s an angel who wants to see you.”

            “This could be a trick.”

            “Her name’s Ariel, and she’s amazing!” The man’s dark eyes glazed for a moment as her stared out at nothing in particular. He shook his head, an idiotic grin taking over his lips. “She isn’t far from here, and she wants to meet alone. I promise you she doesn’t want to fight.” Castiel remembered the name. She was in his battalion under Anna’s control. He didn’t speak to her much. She was more of Balthazar’s friend than his. He was about to agree to it, but the hunter’s angry voice interrupted his thoughts. _Don’t do anything stupid, Cas_. This would definitely pass as stupid in the Winchesters’ book. _How is Dean going to lecture me on stupid decisions?_ He knew he shouldn’t even be considering it. He should call them at least, tell Sam or Dean what he was doing. That he was going to meet with an angel on a tip from some random dude _. I shouldn’t_ … He kept seeing Dean straddling Crowley’s hips.  He couldn’t figure out why, but a sense of recklessness sparked in his chest. _What does it matter if I die? He threw all the risks of danger out the window. How do the hunters say it? Dean Winchester can go screw himself._

“Alright, I’ll meet with her. Where is Ariel?” The man rubbed his hands together excitedly, before reaching into his pocket and taking out a folded slip of paper. Cas took the address and the man grinned.

            “She’ll be there tonight. You can probably make it in a few hours if you keep driving.”

            “Thank you. What’s your name?” he asked as the man started to turn away.

            “Ben. Benjamin Gardner.”

            “How much do you know about me, Ben?”

            “The angels told me a lot,” he said darkly. Castiel sighed, knowing he deserved the reputation the angels had given him.

            “I wouldn’t get involved with them. Mixing with angels, never ends well for humans.”

            “They told me you’d say that,” Ben said quietly. “They told me you’d lie.” The angel was silent as the man walked away from him. “Good bye, Castiel. Good luck!” He disappeared into a grey minivan down the street. Cas opened the paper, and his eyes grew wide _. Denver, Colorado…_ It’s further than he planned on going. He pushed his hesitancy aside and got in the car.

            Out of habit, he turned on Dean’s Zeppelin mixtape. He ripped out the little box, throwing it in the back seat trying to catch his breath. His heart caught in his throat, as he forced the tears back. Just hearing the few chords of Dean’s music brought back the pain, fresh and chilling. He gripped the steering wheel, waiting in the empty gas station trying to regain his composure. He banged his head on the wheel, as a few tears slipped down his cheeks. He wiped them away impatiently. He wanted Dean, to see those precious green eyes gaze down at him. He wanted to run away forever and never see that remorseless face ever again. He wanted to kiss every inch of his freckled skin, and he wanted to scream in his face, let him know how much it hurt _. How much it hurt to be betrayed_.

He sucked in long slow breath. His eyes still watery, but the tears remaining stagnant. His hands trembled, but he was calm. It hurt bad, _real bad_ , but he was ok _. I can get through this_ he told himself _. I just need to get away._

            He pushed the key into the ignition driving in silence to Colorado.

***

 

            Castiel frowned, looking down at his address to make sure he got the destination right. From the outside it looked like a pretty normal restaurant, but inside… The room had a purple glow and was over flowing with women in… A server walked up to him with a tray of drinks, wearing nothing but a purple G-string bikini.

            “Can I get you anything sir?”

            “Uh…” He immediately averted his eyes up from the woman’s bare chest. She giggled leaning in close to the angel.

            “You must be hot under all those layers,” she said toying with his tie. He backed up a little jolting when he hit the wall. She laughed again, sliding closer pressing her bare chest against his. “You scared?”

            “Uh…” He scanned the room for Ariel, but his senses felt hindered by strong scent of alcohol wafting through the air, the loud base of the pop music pounding against his head. The hollering of the men, as they showered the barely dressed women with dollar bills.

            He spotted Ariel in the center of the club. Her vessel was different than before, but intoxicating… She was alone on stage, high up in the air her, a pole between her thighs. Her vessel had long wavy dark hair and olive skin. She grinned, as she pulled off the most inhumane stunts. She rolled her hips around faster and faster, with the encouragement of the men around her.

            She froze when her eyes caught Castiel’s. She hopped off the stage heading over to him ignoring the men’s complaints. She nudged the blonde strung over Castiel with the jut of her hip.

            “I had him, Ari,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Ariel barely acknowledged her, taking Castiel’s hand in hers.

            “But he came here for me,” she said sharply. “Keep the guys entertained, Callie. I have business to attend to.” Callie huffed loudly but followed orders, setting down the drinks and climbing up on stage. “Come on let’s go somewhere more private.” She led him away from the crowed and down a small hallway. There were doors along the corridor and Ariel finally found one that didn’t house a hooker and her client.

            The room was about as big as an average bedroom with one red queen size bed, decorated with rose petals and cream colored pillows. The walls and carpet matched the pillows almost too perfectly, and to the right of the bed was a black end table littered with bedroom supplies. Castiel recognized a few of them from Dean’s selection. A few dildos, lube, and condoms. Then there were… other things. Whips, collars, paint… He picked up a wad of chains eyeing it carefully. Ariel laughed.

            “You like that one?” He set down the chains and crossed his arms.

            “What are you doing here? In this den of iniquity? You’re an angel! You don’t belong here.” She shrugged and plopped down on the bed.

            “You’re here too,” she pointed out. She leaned back reaching her arms up over her bed. Castiel looked back at the golden dildo, trying to ignore the sharp curves of her body. The way her hips fanned out, confined only by the deep scarlet G-string. Her full breasts riding up closer to her color bone. _Right. The dildo. Gold Dildo…_

            “You were different the last time I saw you,” he said finally. The corners of her red lips turned in a small frown.

            “We’re all different, Castiel. You’ve changed, I’ve changed. Every angel who isn’t dead has changed. It’s how we survive. We adapt.”

            “So now, you sell yourself on stage for these libidinous men?”

            “And now you and Dean Winchester screw yourselves silly.” Castiel shot her a stern glare.

            “How did you know about that?”

            “I didn’t,” she said grinning deviously. “Balthazar told me about your little crush. I never thought you’d actually put out.” Cas tugged on his shirt collar, uncomfortable where the conversation was going. “Who knew our little Cassie would finally get some? Our little rebel, getting with Heaven’s most infamous human, Dean Winchester.” She stretched out the last two words, almost as if she knew how much it hurt him. He sat down with his back to her on the edge of the bed.

            “You sent a messenger for me,” Cas started to say.

            “You could do this,” She sat up and tugged lightly on the collar of his coat. “I mean no one will ever be as good as me, but with practice, you might be a close second.” Her fingers trailed down his back, pausing to swirl at his waist. “You’ve got those shoulders…” her hands inched around to his thigh. “Slender legs.” She cupped his balls, and Castiel tensed snapping his head to look at her. “And those pretty blue eyes.” His heart was pounding, with her fingers drumming lightly on his crotch, and her hazel eyes just inches from his. She noted his chest was rising rapidly beneath his shirt. She laughed at the scared sheep-like look in his eyes. Ariel drew her hands away, and Cas could finally breathe easy.

            “You may be banging a hunter, but you’re still the same old Castiel. And I wasn’t joking before. You’d be a perfect fit here. Do you think Dean would mind if you stripped on the weekends?” Ariel tilted her head curiously as he visibly winced at Dean’s name. “Is something wrong?”

            “You sent a messenger to come find me,” Cas said trying to push past the wall of pain building in his chest. “You wanted to tell me about Heaven and the arch angels.”

            “Right,” she said a little more serious. “I want to swap information.”

            “Why?” he asked defensively. Ariel held her hands up innocently.

            “I haven’t been in contact with any angels who’re on the inside in years. Just rogues and rebels, since the fall. I’ve just heard bits and pieces I’ve managed to gather from my spies.”

            “You mean your human slaves.”

            “Newsflash: you’re not the only one who’s unpopular with the angels. I’m a rogue too, and with our numbers decreasing, they’ll do what they can to recruit more angels, and I just-” She cut herself, and took a deep breath. “I need to stay informed so I can protect myself.” Castiel nodded.

            “You first.”

            “Well, everyone knows the big G is back, but I’ve heard he hasn’t done anything. The angels were hoping he would repair our wings or create more angels, but all he’s done is sit around in the garden. He barely talks to them.”

            “He resurrected an archangel,” he said not really paying attention to his words.

            “I’ve heard, so which one was it?”

            “Gabriel.”

            “Gabriel?” She straightened up, her eyes beaming. “He’s alive?” He nodded, smiling at Ariel’s enthusiasm. “Have you seen him?” He nodded, and she squealed. She gripped Castiel in a tight hug.

            “I’m guessing you two were close.”

            “Not like you’d think. He was one of my closest friends before he left Heaven. How is he?” Castiel though hard about that question. He’s alive but has been almost killed twice, since God brought him back. He’s safe, but is pregnant with one the universe’ most powerful beings. He’s in love, but just got his heart broken by Sam Winchester.

            “He’s fine,” he said stiffly. “And pregnant.” Ariel’s eyes lit up.

            “Gabriel? Our Gabriel? He’s carrying the Nephilim everyone’s been talking about? I can’t believe this. This is incredible! I’d never thought he’d actually want to settle down like that. How far along is he?” Cas refrained from telling her about how much Gabriel hated his pregnancy and forced a smile.

            “He’s about three months now.”

            “Wow. I wish I could be there with him. We could go shopping, and I could throw him a human themed baby shower…”

            “Do you want a child?” he asked. Ariel laughed.

            “God, no! It’s more fun when my friends are having them.”

            “You could come back with me. I’m sure Gabriel would love the company.”

            “I wish I could, but it’s just too risky right now. With all of Michael’s angels after the Nephilim, I don’t want to leave a trail for them to follow.”

            “Michael?”

            “You heard the scream right? The cry of an archangel trapped in Hell?” Castiel nodded enthusiastically. “Rumor is that Michael is rallying angels to help him escape from the cage.”

            “Do you know why he’s suddenly trying to escape now?”

            “Other than the fact that Hell just sucks? Maybe because Lucifer is free, or because of God’s lack of activity. The angels are really upset about the lack of order in Heaven. I’ve heard some are picking sides between Michael and God.”

            “Michael is trying to take over Heaven? He’s trying to be the new God?” Ariel shrugged.

            “I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to keep tabs on him when he’s on Earth.”

            “If’s he on Earth.”

            “It’s only a matter of time, Castiel.” A long silence passed between them and Cas didn’t look like he wanted to break it. Ariel sighed.

            “So what’s been going on with you?” He raised a curious brow. “Other than Heaven’s looming civil war, Gabriel’s pregnancy and banging a Winchester. Got anything to report? Come on, Cas. I get bored out here all alone.”

            “You didn’t look bored with all those men trying to slip money into your thong.” Ariel laughed, and Castiel smiled.

            “I guess you’ve got a point. It’s not as thrilling as you’d believe, and I’m surprised you know what a thong is. Does Dean dress you up in one when he’s trying to get freaky?” His expression dropped as she mentioned the hunter’s name. “Am I wrong? Does he wear the thong? Give me the details. Spill the T. You must feel pretty special to sleep with the righteous man.” He scoffed. _Special? Yeah. Righteous? How dare that title be bestowed on a cheating, lying…_

            Castiel stood up quickly tilting his head up at the ceiling.

            “Did something happen?” Ariel asked slowly. He turned away from her prying eyes and focused on trying not to cry. “What did he do?” He took a long deep breath, and realized he hadn’t told anyone what happened.

            “He committed an act of adultery, with a demon,” he added quickly.

            “Oh that cheating bastard. That ungrateful unappreciative manipulating son of a bitch.” He smiled, but her insults didn’t make him feel any better. “You know you still have a handful of angels who are loyal to you. Get Dean out in the open, and I’d make sure he felt the wrath of Heaven. Just you wait.”

            “Ariel…”

            “Yeah, you’re right. You don’t need other angels. You could definitely take his human ass. Make him sorry he dared to even think about someone else.”

            “I don’t want to hurt him,” he said softly. “I still love him.”

            “Oh, Castiel.” She stood and left her hand on his shoulder.

            “What should I do?”

            “It’s your call.” Frustrated, he pushed his hand through his hair.

            “I just don’t know how to handle this. I love him but I can’t even look at him. What if I give him a second chance and he hurts me again? I don’t think I can bare that pain again.” She turned him around and pulled him down into a hug. He was shocked by the action but happily accepted the embrace.

            “Relationships with angels and humans… They’re always so complicated.”

            “Are you saying I should be with an angel?”

            “Oh, no. That’s worse. It’s just… humans they’ve felt these emotions all their lives. We’ve just been given that luxury. It’s still new to us. It’s harder for us to use our judgement over such powerful feelings. You’re still getting used to it all.”

            “You think I should break up with him?” he asked not really listening to what she was saying.

            “I think you should talk to him.”

            “How can I do that? I can’t even stand in the same room as him without wanting to scream.”

            “Then wait a while. Let everything cool down, and when you’re ready go to him. Say what you need to say, hear out his apology and if it’s worthy, you take him back.”

            “And if it’s not?” Ariel stepped out of him arms, lips turning up in a devious smile.

            “Then I’ll kick his ass.” He smiled.

            “So what’s been happening out here? Have any human suitors proven worthy for you?” Ariel ducked her head as a light blush spread across her cheeks.

            “Not recently.”

            “In your vessel? I thought men would be doing back flips to get your attention.”

            “Yeah, I don’t know… I don’t think I have that soft spot for humanity like you and Gabriel do…” Her voice trailed off a little darker. Castiel tilted his head.

            “So, angels?” She laughed dryly. She looked past him like there was someone standing behind him.

            “Well, there is one angel.”

            “What’s his name?” he asked.

            “Castiel! You’re so nosy.”

            “I’ve already given you plenty of details on my relationship. I’d figure you’d return the favor.”

            “Well, I don’t really have much to report. I haven’t seen him in over a millennia. He’s probably forgotten me by now.”

            “How could someone forget an angel like you?” Ariel’s whole face glowed red as she tucked her hair behind her ear. “You’re kind, compassionate, protective, and you have humor. I think any angel would love to be with you.”

            “Stop flattering me. It’s embarrassing for the both of us.”

            “But it is the truth.” Ariel sat back down on the bed, legs crossed, dazing off staring at the wall. Castiel could almost see the distant memory replaying in her mind. He couldn’t help but wonder, _what is she thinking about?_ “You know you’re always welcome to visit Gabriel and me. If you get bored of dancing on a pole.” She smiled warmly.

            “That sounds nice. I’ll think about it.”

            “I lied,” he said quickly. Ariel frowned tilting her head in confusion. “Before, Gabriel… He’s not well. He’s miserable.”

            “What?”

            “He never planned on having a child. God chose him for an indirect fertilization, and he was quite upset about it. He came to us because demons kept attacking him. He was barely alive when we found him. Then he tried to terminate his pregnancy and almost got himself killed in the process.” A part of his mind knew he shouldn’t be telling all of this to Ariel, but he was on a roll and his mouth had no intention on stopping. “His mate is very angry with him at the moment. I tried to get Gabriel to come with me today, but he was too upset. I wish I could do something, but I-” he cut himself offand started to speak slower. “I don’t know how to help him.”

            “Oh.” Ariel dropped her face into her hands.

            “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to burden you with-”

            “No it’s fine. I just-I hate thinking of Gabriel unhappy. He was one of my best friends. I’ve barely ever seen him cry. What happened with his mate and him?” Castiel shook his head and sighed.

            “It’s complicated.”

            “It doesn’t matter. He’s his mate, and Gabriel’s having his child. He should be there for him. He’s human, right? Who is he?”

            “You can’t kill him,” Cas said. Ariel scoffed.

            “I wasn’t going to _kill_ him.”

            “You had that look in your eyes.”

            “What look?”

            “The one you always had in a battle. Your eyes would have this little gleam in them right before you killed someone with your angel blade. It actually was quite terrifying.” She huffed and rolled her eyes. “He’s a good man… He’s just confused and hurt.” Ariel narrowed her eyes on Castiel.

            “You know him,” she concluded. Cas shifted from one foot to the other.

            “I never said that.”

            “But you never said you _didn’t_ know him.” Castiel rolled his eyes not wanting to go into the petty argument with Ariel. He had to end it fast before she got even more suspicious, but Ariel already had a hunch on who it could be. _Cas only knows so many humans_ she thought. _What if it’s the other Winchester? Better send someone to look after him just to be sure_. A sly grin spread her lips.

            “Well, I should be going,” he said. “Sam and Dean are probably wondering where I’ve gone.” Instinctively he grabbed his phone from his pocket. Noted; he missed several calls from Sam Winchester. More painfully noted; not even a text from Dean Winchester.

            “Oh ok.” He could almost hear the sadness in her voice, but she brushed it off with bright smile. “But you can’t leave…” Ariel disappeared into a closet in the back of the room. Cas waited a good two minutes before she returned with a normal looking shoe box. “Can’t leave without a parting gift.” She dropped the box in his hands and Cas flinched at how heavy it was.

            “What is in this?” he asked starting to lift up the lid. Ariel slammed it shut with a force that could’ve taken his finger off.

            “It’s a surprise! So only take it out when you’re at your worst.” He nodded, and her eye grew intense. “I’m serious Castiel. This is only for you in darkest loneliest moments. When life feels hopeless, and you feel like no one is there for you, just open this box and think of me.” Now Cas was really nervous, but he had no intentions of opening the box any time soon.

            “Uh… Thank you.”

            “Anytime you want to talk Castiel, I’ll always be here.” He smiled tucked the box under his arm and hugged Ariel. She sighed and practically melted into the embrace. She knew it would be a while before she would feel another angel’s touch. She missed Heaven. She missed the grace of other angels. And she hated being alone.

            “We’ll keep in touch,” he said pulling away. As soon as he disappeared a man stepped in his place. She had to bite her tongue to keep from hissing at him. Humans. Some days she felt sorry them. Sure they could be beautiful but inside their souls they were simply disfigured angels. Other days, she was disgusted. Those flabby meat sacks walking around with no purpose. How could they compare to angels? They barely compared to demons or monsters for that matter.

            “Ariel.” The man dipped his head in respect, and she forced a smile. She had forgotten his name, but the face was familiar. He was one of the men she had working for her in the club under the influence of a tiny love spell. In his eyes, he saw Ariel as the most perfect women in existence. In hers, she saw a stupid blind broken soul. “Do you want me to follow him back?”

            “No, no.” She threw on a black robe. “I have a tracking device on him. I want this to be sneaky…” She paused to risk a guess at his name. “Jason.” He nodded and she smiled. “In a few days, I’ll send you out to make sure it’s safe for me. But for now, we can’t raise suspicion. I want Castiel to trust me.” He bowed his head.

            “Of course, Ariel.”

            “Leave.”

            “As you wish.” He shut the door, and she was alone again. She laid down on the bed and for the first time in a while, allowed herself to daydream. She never liked to think too far ahead into the unknown or too far back into her past, but she missed Cas already. She sighed burying her face into a pillow. She couldn’t deny her feelings anymore. It had been over a millennia, but knowing he was alive… _I could see him_. She rolled over hugging her chest. She kept going back and forth to their last conversation before he left and everything she heard today.

            “Oh, Gabriel.” She could’ve said so much more, but she wouldn’t let her mind go that far. “I can’t wait to see you.”

~Rome, 640 BC~

            Ariel pulled continually at her toga. It was too loose almost falling at her chest, and the fabric was too itchy.

            “What is this made out of?” she whispered to herself. _At least Gabriel looks comfortable_ she thought. She sat on the bench bare feet playing with the grape vines below listening to Gabriel roughing around with the local Roman boys. She noted he did choose an attractive vessel for their little venture to Earth. Tall, tan with the figure of a roman god. Long curly blonde hair and bright green eyes. Of course she was drawn to what the humans couldn’t see. The six gorgeous golden wings sprouting from his back. They were massive and strong. The only other angels who had wings like were the other arch angels. _But they didn’t have his smile_ she thought fighting one of her own. _No one else had his laugh so free and child-like. No one had his jokes, his pranks, and his humor. No one had that ability to just turn everyone’s problems into nothing_. His only fault? _He loved them. Those clumsy stupid mud monkeys_. He had a home with the most powerful beings in the universe and he wanted _them_.

            Ariel tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and readjusted her toga as Gabriel left the group to jog over to her.

            “Hey you should come with me and the guys. We’re going to get some wine.”

            “I’m good. I think I’ll just stay here.” Gabriel sighed dramatically plopping down beside her on the bench.

            “Come on Ariel, we didn’t sneak down here to smell the daisies. These humans want to party with us. A couple of them think you’re pretty cute,” he added elbowing her side.

            “Man should be bowing down to us.”

            “Now where’s the fun in that?”

            “Can’t we just go home? Michael is bound to worry about you.” Gabriel huffed a frustrated breath.

            “Stop being such a sissy, and quit mentioning my brother. I’m starting to think you have a crush on him.” She frowned and Gabriel let up on his teasing. “What’s wrong with Earth, Ari?” She turned her head hiding the blood rushing to her vessel’s cheeks, a feeling she hadn’t quite gotten used to yet.

            “It’s not the planet. Earth is beautiful it’s just…” she trailed off looking back over at the teenage boys kicking some rock around. “I don’t like the humans.”

            “What? They’re the best part about this place.”

            “I’m glad you think that Gabriel.”

            “Come on, we’ll hang for a little while and if you still don’t-” He cut himself off, sucking in a sharp breath and raising his a hand to massage his temple. He shut his eyes and curled away from her. Ariel listened for the angels that she knew had to be calling for the rogues that flew to Earth without permission. She knew leaving Heaven would be bad idea, but she couldn’t bring herself to pass up an opportunity to be with Gabriel away from all the other angels.

            “What’s wrong?” He barely acknowledged her except to take her hand and squeeze it. “I can’t hear them. Is it the angels? Are we in trouble?” Ariel let her words run, but she already knew the answer. Gabriel always got these headaches when they snuck out to Earth, and they usually meant it was time to head home. “Is it Michael again?” He winced at the name and nodded.

            “Let’s go back,” she said helping him to stand. Ariel spread her navy wings, but Gabriel stepped away from her.

            “I don’t…” he paused for a second breathing deeply, as the pain lessened, but left two fingers on his temple. “I’m not going home.”

            “Gabriel, do you want Michael to smite us on the spot?”

            “I don’t give a damn about Michael.” Ariel hushed him nervously, thinking of all the angels that could be listening to them.

            “Are you crazy? Or has all that grape juice gone to your head? Michael wants us back in Heaven right now!”

            “I know what he wants!” Gabriel hissed letting a little glow slip over his green eyes. “I hear him screaming in my head every second of the day!”

            “He wouldn’t be so angry with you, if you weren’t always running away,” she said it more to the ground than to his hot gaze.

            “You think I’m here so I can just get drunk and flirt with humans?”

            “You sure act like it.”

            “You don’t know anything about me, Ariel!” His hands clenched into tight fists, and dark clouds appeared over the blue sky.

            “I know you,” she said barely audible over the thunder.

            “You don’t know me, and you don’t know my family! My brothers-the way they fight! Michael wants to turn this whole universe into a battle field. It’s like since dad bounced, everyone is racing to see who can break Heaven first?”

            “Then fix it! I’ll come with you, we can talk to your brothers-”

            “You don’t think I’ve tried that?” Gabriel plopped down on the bench, his shoulders sulking as his gold eyes faded back to the light green of his vessel. The brewing storm softened into a light rain. He glanced back to the humans splashing around in the fresh puddles. A tiny smile pressed his lips. “I can’t watch Michael destroy the only thing I’ve ever loved.” Ariel felt something snap in her chest as hot angry tears flooded her eyes.

            “Well if you’re _sooo_ in love with them, why don’t you stay here and rot with these apes?” His voice was soft but clear, with not a pinch of defiance, only truth.

            “I think I will.”

            “You can’t!” she screamed her voice breaking on a sob.

            “I can,” he said standing up, eyes shining with determination. “Come with me, Ariel. We can live far away from those winged dicks.”

            “Those winged dicks are your family.”

            “You’re my family,” he said taking her hand. He used the other to brush a tear from her cheek. “We can be happy and free, to do whatever we want-whenever we want it! No one to tell us what to do-or who to kill. We can live peacefully on Earth. We no longer have to kill innocents in Michael’s name. I know you’re scared, and I know how you feel about the humans, but I promise, if you come with me I’ll keep you happy and safe forever. What do you say? Me and you against the world?” Ariel almost said it. She almost threw out everything- her home, her family, her purpose for this one angel. Oh, she wanted to. To drop everything for Gabriel. _Me and you against the world_ she liked the sound of it. _I love you, Gabriel, but I…_

            “I can’t.” She flinched at the hope that seemed to be sucked out of the angel’s expression. “I won’t, and I won’t let you betray our home.” He dropped her hand to wipe the tears that glistened over his eyes. _Please, Gabriel_. He stepped back away from her, spreading his golden wings.

            “No one lets us do anything. Goodbye, Ariel.” She cried out for him letting her scream shift into her real voice, not caring about the humans that heard, but he was gone. She scanned the area, but there was no trace of the archangel. She let her senses reach for him all throughout the planet, but she couldn’t get a read on Gabriel.

            “No, no, no, no, no! Gabriel!”

            “Why are you yelling?” A French voice asked behind her. Ariel whipped around to face Balthazar all glammed up in his white and gold toga. “Seriously, if I had a gold piece for every time your hollering disturbed this poor planet, I’d own Mesopotamia.”

            “He’s gone!” she sobbed. “I let Gabriel get away!”

            “Wait, you two were having a party down here, and didn’t invite me?”

            “This is serious!”

            “I know, I know,” he said dropping his playful tone. “Come here.” She collapsed into his arms, and he gingerly stroked her shuddering wings. “Shh, shh. It’s ok. This isn’t Gabriel’s first temper tantrum. He’ll come back soon, and if he doesn’t… he can’t hide from Heaven forever. We’ll find him.” _He’s right_ she thought with a sigh. _We’ll find him_.

            They alerted Heaven, and Michael sent out search parties       across the universe. It was hard and damn near impossible, Gabriel had warded himself from all of Heaven’s sensors. There were a couple of sightings that led them on a trail, but nothing concrete. At first she was hopeful, Gabriel was known to disappear for a few weeks. Then the weeks become months, and the months became years, and hope became fear. She never heard a word from him, nothing to tell her that he was ok, or happy or alive. The angels began speculating that Gabriel had died, and as the search grew more and more futile that became the accepted truth. Even Michael and Raphael gave up looking for him.

            Centuries passed, and Ariel still visited the cities she knew he liked. She knew it was pointless, but she still asked the humans if they had seen him. No one ever gave her a clear answer. _Clever bastard_ she thought. Eventually, Ariel stopped searching. Started spending her days buried in her work, and her nights praying.

            “I know you’ve left, but please… if you have your ears on. I have a plea. My heavenly father, look after Gabriel. Please keep him safe. I hope to you, his life is full of love and laughter. I hope he still smiles, parties and snacks on human sweets. I hope he’s free to do whatever he wants-whenever he wants. Please, make sure he has the life I could never show him.” She looked up at the stars, wandering, hoping God heard her prayers. “And please, I don’t care if it’s big or small, or if it takes a millennia, but give me a sign so I’ll know that he’s okay.”

 

~Present Day~

            Ariel opened her eyes, a little watery from the memories and smiled. She pressed her palms together and looked at the ceiling.

            “Thank you.”           


	16. Hope This Isn't the Last Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe I'm a little late, sorry guys, enjoy!

            Dean stumbled out of bed with a major headache and even worse heartache. The alcohol left his brain, but left a serious hangover in return. He tried not to look at the painful objects in his room, but almost everything reminded him of his angel. _The small box TV_ , where Cas and him shamelessly stayed up watching Netflix, taking on seasons of Game of Thrones and Orange is the New Black together. _The bed_ , where Dean kissed him so gently, loved him so tenderly, where the angel asked him to strip him of his innocence. _And that ring…_ Dean pushed himself to the bathroom, despite the ache settling in his body. He washed his face and tried to seem somewhat presentable in his post-comatose state. He couldn’t take another second thinking of Cas being upset with him _. I have to fix this. No matter what it takes._

            Dean didn’t find Cas, his brother or the smell of bacon in the kitchen. Then again, he realized it was almost ten o clock at night. _I’ve been out for that long_? He found Sam hunched over the control box, connecting and pinching some wires together.

            “Dude.” Sam jumped and grunted as his head bumped against the box. Dean laughed, and Sam turned around to glare at him. “What are you doing?”

            “Trying to turn the main power back on. You didn’t notice the emergency lights on?” Dean looked around at the ceiling just noticing the red lights. Sam rolled his eyes. _Great, he’s still pretty smashed._

            “How did the power go out?”

            “Not sure,” Sam said quickly. “Maybe from the storm last night.”

            “Where’s Cas?”

            “I don’t know. I saw him this morning, then he just took off. I got a text from him, something about meeting up with an old friend.”

            “You let him go alone?”

            “Cas is a big boy, Dean. He seemed to have it under control.”

            “And when was the last time one of Cas’ friends turned out to be friendly?” Sam sighed.

            “He’s probably fine.”

            “We don’t know that.”

            “Ok, fine! Go get dressed, then we can track his car-”

            “Hello.” Castiel stepped into the control room, and Dean breathed a huge sigh of relief.

            “Where the hell have you been?” Cas looked to Sam, even though Dean was the one who asked.

            “Denver, Colorado. I was with an angel at a strip club.” Sam raised an eyebrow, and Dean bristled. _A strip club? Since when does Cas go to a fucking strip club? Is he trying to get back at me?_ Dean took a deep breath, forcing his anger to the back of his thoughts. _One problem at a time, Winchester._

            “You can’t just go partying with strangers without telling me.” Castiel finally looked at Dean, giving him the coldest stare those sweet eyes could muster.

            “Next time, I’ll remember to tell you before I see other people behind your back.” His words left an abrupt silence between the three of them. Dean took in a sharp breath as if he had been wounded, but Castiel’s eyes didn’t seem quick to show mercy. He glared daggers into him, and Dean looked like he was on the verge of tears. _Babe, please don’t be this way._

            Sam cleared his throat and Dean and Cas jumped almost forgetting the younger Winchester was there.

            “So Cas, did you and your friend talk about anything important? They got a name?”

            “Her name is Ariel. I went to see her after Gabriel and I heard an archangel’s cry from hell.”

            “An archangel? You mean like Lucifer?”

            “No, Lucifer is already free. We think it came from the pit.” Castiel paused and lowered his voice like someone was listening. “We think it’s Michael trying to escape.”

            “What? How?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “I dragged both of their asses to the pit-this is madness!” Castiel shrugged.

            “I suppose if Lucifer can find a vessel and walk free, so can Michael.”

            “Great.” Sam sighed running his fingers through his hair.

            “All we gotta do is pop those dicks back in the box,” Dean said. “We’ve kicked their ass before, we can do it again.”

            “It’s easier said than done,” Cas said. “Before was the apocalypse, everything was so planned and calculated. It was easier to stop them because we knew exactly where and what Michael and Lucifer planned to do. Now, everything is so… messy.”

            “We’ve dealt with mess before, Cas. Hell, we’ve cleaned up more apocalyptic messes than I can count. And we can fix this too, we just have to do it together.” Sam eyed the two men in front of them. He noticed somewhere in Dean’s tone, the conversation didn’t feel like it was about stopping the archangels anymore.

            “There are some things you just can’t fix, Dean. Sometimes we can’t just overlook these obstacles and pretend they’re not an issue. There are some things you just have to let go. Sometimes you need to move on.” _He can’t possibly mean that about us?_ Dean thought worriedly _. Is he really ready to give up?_

            “You can play the broken mirror crap all you want, but I’m gonna try and fix this. I promise if you just stick with me, and hear me out I can make it right.”

            “Good luck with that,” Cas said coldly, “but I doubt a few nice words in an apology is going to make up for everything you’ve done to me.” Sam raised an eyebrow, but the two of them didn’t seem to notice that he was there.

            “I know I messed up, but if you let me explain everything. Just give me two minutes, and if you don’t like it, you don’t have to forgive me,” Dean said.

            “Are we still talking about Michael and Lucifer?” Sam asked annoyed at his obliviousness in the conversation.

            “We’ll talk more about this tomorrow,” Cas said. Sam honestly couldn’t tell if his answer was directed to the pressing issue or whatever was going on between him and Dean. “I’ll be in the library. Sam you should get some rest, you’ve been at that all day.”

            “I will,” he promised half-heartedly. The angel nodded at the two hunters and headed off. Dean smiled. _At least he’s talking to me_.

            “I have about twenty hours of sleep I gotta work off. How bout you catch some shut eye and I’ll finish this,” Dean said. Sam shook his head.

            “I’m almost done. I got this.”

            “Fine. I just think you should be burning your energy into something more productive than the electricity.”

            “Like what?”

            “I don’t know. Maybe Gabriel for instance?” Dean winked at his brother, and Sam rolled his eyes. “Go get some archangel action.”

            “How bout you make yourself useful and give him the sandwich I made for him. I left it on the counter like an hour ago. He’s been in his room all day.”

            “You’ve had this whole day to screw him, and you’ve been sitting here playing with wires.” Sam shrugged.

            “What?”

            “Sammy, you seriously need to work on your sex game.” He ignored Dean and turned back to the control box. “Help me to understand. There is a hot angel, all charged up on sex hormones, waiting alone in bed, that for some wild reason wants to have sex with you, and you’re not gonna bang?” Dean didn’t have to look at him to feel the wrath of Sam’s bitch face. “Did something happen with you guys? I mean you seemed all loved up the other day. Did he tell you that-”

            “Is there something wrong with you and Cas?” Sam snapped.

            “What?”

            “You two were having some kind of lover’s quarrel right in front of me. So do you wanna talk about that, or why I’m not getting laid?”

            “I’ll take the damn sandwich.” Dean headed for the kitchen leaving Sam alone in the control room. _This is perfect_ he thought picking up the cold ham and cheese sandwich. _Cas and I are hanging by threads, Sam and Gabriel had some sort of falling out and Michael and Lucifer are back for Apocalypse round two. Great, just what we need._

            “Hey! Open up. I gotchya some grub.”

            “It’s open,” Gabriel yelled back tiredly. He opened the door to see the archangel all wrapped up in blankets sitting in bed with the puppy beside his legs. Dean stepped in and set the sandwich down on the end table. He turned on the lamp trying to make the solid room feel less depressing. “Wow, I didn’t know Camp Winchester had room service.”

            “Don’t get used to it. This ain’t a five star hotel.”

            “You’re telling me, you guys don’t even have cable.” Dean grabbed the remote and sat down beside him on the bed.

            “We got Netflix,” he said with a small smile. “Trust me, it’s better.”

            “Mhm.” Dean looked at the archangel’s red sunken eyes and his disheveled appearance.

            “Are you ok? You look like you’ve been crying all day.”

            “I could say the same to you. You look like hammered crap.”

            “Mm, thanks.” Gabriel picked up the sandwich and fed the whole thing to Raguel. He wagged his tail and licked the plate clean. Dean gave him an odd look and Gabriel shrugged.

            “I’m not hungry. At least Rags can appreciate it.”

            “Did you name him?”

            “Nah, I think I Sam did,” Gabriel said petting his fuzzy head. Raguel rolled over on his back whimpering for more attention. Gabriel smiled and rubbed his chubby white belly.

            “So what happened?” Dean asked.

            “What?”

            “Obviously something went down between you and Sam, or you’d be talking with him instead of me.”

            “Is this going to be a routine thing?” Gabriel asked sounding exhausted. “Every time you get drunk, we’re gonna have a heart to heart then make bad decisions.”

            “I’m not drunk this time. Barely,” he added. “I just want Sam to be happy, and I thought he could be with you, and now…”

            “I’ll tell you what happened. If you tell me what you did to Cas.” Dean perked up.

            “What do you know?”

            “I know that when I said your name, he looked like was about to throw up.”

            “So are we just gonna braid each other’s hair and swap sob stories all night?”

            “Sounds fun, doesn’t it? Maybe we can make popcorn and watch a movie too,” Gabriel said bitterly. “Believe me, I’m concerned for the well-being of my brother just as much as you are for yours. If you broke his heart, I want it fixed.”

            “You and me both, buddy.”

            “So spill.” Dean laughed and shook his head.

            “Uh-huh. You first.”

            “Why do I have to go first?” Gabriel whined.

            “Fine.” Dean made a fist and dropped it in his palm. “We’ll do this the old fashioned way.” Gabriel groaned.

            “Are you serious?”

            “You afraid you’ll lose?”

            “Fine!” They played two rounds of rock paper scissors and Gabriel lost both of them. “Fuck.”

            “Haha! Spill it princess.” Gabriel sighed dramatically.

            “So after we got back, Sam took me to my room and he got into bed with me-”

            “Whoa!” Dean raised his hand. “Don’t need all _those_ details.” Gabriel rolled his eyes at the hunter.

            “Nothing happened, not like that. We just talked, and I told him I loved him.” Dean cringed while a dreamy look washed over Gabriel’s eyes. “And he said he loved me.”

            “Big red flag right there.”

            “What?”

            “You guys are acting like middle schoolers. Dropping the L word when you’ve barely been together a week. Don’t you think it’s a little dangerous to fall in love so quickly?” Gabriel didn’t feel like mentioning that the Mate’s Desire probably caused the sudden attraction. He couldn’t let himself believe that Sam only liked him because of a plan created by God. He wouldn’t.

            “Since when do you know about true love?”

            “A lot more than you, but this isn’t about me. You haven’t finished your side of the story.” Gabriel sighed again more frustrated than before, and Raguel licked his hand for reassurance.

            “After that, I thought everything would be perfect. I thought as long as he loved me, he’d be ok with raising our child together. I thought for a second I could have that sweet apple pie life with Sam.”

            “Hate to break it to you, but you’re never gonna get that with a Winchester.”

            “Yeah, I’ve learned. I was going to tell Sam first thing in the morning, but after I talked to you, he told me he already knew.”

            “How?” Dean asked.

            “He said that Lucifer told him everything. He must have visited Sam in a dream.”

            “How did Sam take hearing this through the devil?”

            “Not well,” Gabriel said quietly. “He was so angry, and I know I deserved it. I should’ve told him the truth from the beginning, but Lucifer…” He lowered his head as he felt tears pooling in his eyes. _I’ve lost a lot of pride this week, but not enough to break down alone in front of Dean Winchester. No way in hell._ “Lucifer twisted everything. He told lies about me, and…” He took a deep breath pushing through the painful memory. “Sam believed him! Now he thinks all I’ve done is lied to him. He doesn’t trust me-he hates me!” He was shaking now, voice cracking with tears falling down his cheeks. “I thought I could fix this whole mess, but Lucifer made it ten times worse than it already was, and I don’t know what to do! I-I can’t fix this!” Before he could reject, Dean pulled Gabriel into his arms. He swallowed him in a hug letting the archangel crumble against him. He crumpled Dean’s shirt in his fists and sobbed into his chest. Dean stroked his hair as the angel shuddered against him. They stayed that way for a while even after Gabriel’s sobs died down to nothing. They just remained, holding each other in every sense of the word. Gabriel wished it could’ve been Sam’s arms wrapped around him, and Dean wished he could hold his own angel like that, but they were both just grateful to have someone.

            “I just want Sam to trust me again,” Gabriel whispered.

            “I know,” Dean said. “It’s gonna be ok. I promise.” Gabriel pulled away from him, sniffling and clumsily using his sleeve to wipe his face. “Do you need a tissue?”

            “Um… Yeah,” he said like he wasn’t really sure of his answer. “It’s just… weird.”

            “Yeah, I wouldn’t think archangels get runny noses.” Gabriel laughed, and Dean smiled. He went to the bathroom and returned with a wad of toilet paper. “Here ya go.” Gabriel dried his eyes, blew his nose and composed himself best he could.  

            “Ok, it’s your turn. Let me hear the Dean Winchester shit storm.” Dean laughed as he climbed up on the bed.

            “That’s a way of putting it. I don’t even know where to start.”

            “You better figure it out,” Gabriel said playfully. “All my shits are already on the table.” Dean couldn’t help but break into another grin.

            “I think you saying shit is my new favorite thing.”

            “Stop trying to distract me. Spill your shit, shit, shit!” Now Dean was red in the face from laughing.

            “I can’t deal with this! You’re too cute to be cursing like that.” Gabriel’s face flushed red as he replayed that word over and over again. _Cute, cute, cute. Dean thinks I’m cute?_

            “So what happened with you and Cas?” Gabriel asked breaking the playfulness in the air. He took a long deep breath.

            “You know I’m with Cas, right?”

            “I think anyone with eyes could tell that. Except for Sam.”

            “Well, we’re married,” Dean said.

            “Didn’t really see a Winchester as wife material.”

            “Yeah, me neither.”

            “You can tell me the wedding details later, just get on with your epic tragedy.”

“Ok, so it was after you left. Sam had gone out looking for you, and Cas and I hung back. Crowley shows up demanding for us to give you to him.”

            “Why did he want me?”

            “He said something about keeping the Nephilim out of Lucifer’s hands. I basically told Crowley to fuck off, and that we had no idea where you were. Crowley figured you’d be in hell, and he said he’d steal you away from us. I didn’t know how to stop him so I made a deal.”

            “You struck a demon deal?”

            “No! It wasn’t like that. He promised he would leave you to us, and in return I gave him… me.” Gabriel cocked his head to the side, and a pang of hurt flashed across Dean’s chest just as he recognized the gesture in his own angel. “You know… _me_.”

            “Oh. _Oh!_ ”

            “Yeah, and I agreed.”

            “WHAT?” Gabriel’s eyes flashed golden for a second. “You cheated on Cas!”

            “To save your ass, after you decided to pay Lucifer a visit.”

            “My ass doesn’t need saving. I can take care of myself!”

            “Oh yeah, I could really tell when I was literally carrying your ass out of the fire for miles.” Gabriel almost said something else, but couldn’t find the words to put up a good argument.

            “So what happened next?”

            “Everything worked perfectly. You were safe, Sam was happy and I almost thought I could find my way out of this stupid deal with Crowley. Then later that night, he showed up.”

            “You should’ve killed him,” Gabriel said darkly.

            “I really should’ve. Anyway, we went down to the library and started to… ya know.”

            “No,” he said feigning innocence, “I don’t know.” Dean pushed him playfully and Gabriel rolled back into the pillows laughing.

            “That’s when Cas saw us. I thought he would sleep through the night, and no one would ever have to know, but he walked in and saw everything.”

            “Oh.”

            “It gets worse.”

            “How could you have fucked up more than that?”

            “After he caught us, I tried to talk to Cas and explain everything, but Crowley wouldn’t let me go until we... finished. He said if I didn’t hold up my end of the deal, he’d take you from us. And we had just gotten you back, I couldn’t risk losing you again…” Gabriel sighed.

            “You should’ve let me go.”

            “He would’ve killed you, or had you imprisoned in the cage.” Gabriel palmed his eyes in frustration.

            “I should have never gone to Lucifer, or none of this would have happened. I’m so sorry, Dean.” The hunter shrugged off his apology.

            “We can play the blame game all day, but it’s not going to fix anything. We need to figure out how to win them back.”

            “You got a game plan, Winchester?”

            “Not much, but it’s a start. Maybe you can talk to Cas for me, and I can talk to Sam. We can try and smooth things out with our brothers, and then maybe they’ll want to meet us halfway.” Gabriel nodded.

            “That sounds good. I have a question.”

            “Yeah?”

            “Why did Crowley want to sex you up? I mean aside from your _not_ hideous face and _decently_ attractive body.” Dean turned his head to the side, to hide his nervous blush from the angel. “I thought the king of hell was more interested in killing you.”

            “Let’s just say that wasn’t the first time we’ve done… _that_.” Gabriel wrinkled his nose in disgust.

            “You had an affair with the king of hell?”

            “It wasn’t like that,” he said quickly. “It was before Cas and I were together. During the summer, a few years ago. I guess I was Crowley’s _summer fling_.”

            “That’s disgusting.”

            “I was a demon-I wasn’t thinking! I don’t miss it, and thank god I barely remember any of it.”

            “Demon sex. That sounds kinky.”

            “ _You’ve_ never had sex with a demon?” Gabriel laughed nervously.

            “You say that like I would. Are you saying I’m a whore?”

            “You’ve been around a while, and you seem like the adventurous type. I don’t know. It just sounds like something you wouldn’t be scared to try.”

            “Hmm I guess you’re right. I’ve had sex with thousands of gods and monsters, but I draw the line at demons. They’re not the best lovers..." he drifted off the remnants of a distant memory lingering on his voice.

            “You’re telling me,” Dean said.

            “But humans, ugh Christ!” Gabriel quickly changed the subject flashing the hunter his flirtatious smirk. “I never knew you guys were so good in bed.” Dean laughed nervously and reached up to scratch his burning neck.

            “Have you ever had sex with an angel? We can’t possibly compare to you.” Gabriel took a second to count on his fingers.

            “Eleven times as a matter of fact- well eleven different angels. Didn’t really live up to the hype.”

            “How can it not? Angels…” Dean closed his eyes and tilted his head back humming a low moan. He bit his bottom lip, and Gabriel shifted in the covers suddenly feeling uncomfortably warm. “First of all you don’t sweat all over us, like we do.” Gabriel laughed.

            “I guess that’s true.”

            “And the energy angels have- they’re ready to go five, six rounds and we’re practically dead after three. And feeling an angel’s grace… it’s like a whole new level. I mean it starts off like normal sex, there’s the touching and the feeling all of each other. My hands everywhere, tracing every inch of his body. The two of us moving together, pressing, pulling, grinding.” Gabriel readjusted himself again, trying not to make it obvious that he was hiding something under the blankets. “And then you feel the angel’s grace, radiating inside him and it consumes you. That cool soothing feeling-it’s just… god. I’ve never felt something so pure. Like dunking your head in a clear pool, after going without water for days. It’s rejuvenating.”

            “T-that’s a pretty big word for you,” Gabriel said, silently cursing his stutter.

            “I mean my words aren’t the only thing that’s big.”

            “Oh my god!” Gabriel punched him playfully, as Dean broke out laughing. Dean caught the angel’s fists and laced his fingers through his. Gabriel stared in shock at their hands intertwined, but didn’t pull away.

            “But the best part about angels, is their wings.” Dean let go of his hands to snake his arms around the archangel, pulling him in closer, resting his fingers right between the start of his wings. Gabriel stifled the chill that worked its way down his spine. “The way they react to your every touch, curling and flexing. Kind of like an indicator of what the angel wants. You can pin an angel down by them, grip them, and tug them into the perfect position. Then just feeling those thick feather between your fingers, feeling them get wet and silky when you turn them on. And the way, you can only see their wings once you’ve had sex. The whole thing, just feels so intimate and special.” Gabriel sent a silent prayer, thankful that Dean couldn’t see or feel his wings soaked, dripping all over the bed.

            “I feel so bad for humans sometimes,” Gabriel said wrapping his hands around the hunter’s neck, practically pulling himself into Dean’s lap. “Your senses are so limited.”

            “H-how are they limited?”

            “You don’t understand the power of a human soul. When it touches you, in the most intimate way possible, you can feel this radiant energy flowing through your body. It’s like someone captured the rays of the sun and let it run wild in your veins.” Gabriel let his finger gingerly trace the hunter’s cheek going over all those freckles. “It’s intense and fiery… and deep.” Gabriel placed his hands on either side of Dean’s face, his thumb just grazing the hunter’s bottom lip. “I’ve always been in love with humanity. You’re so raw and passionate. Oh the things you do to me.” He leaned in close, and Dean felt his whole body heat up feeling the archangel’s breath on his ear. “You leave me shaking… breathless.” He pulled back a little to look at the hunter’s eyes. Dean let his hands wander down the archangel’s back, shamelessly going down and down until his hands cupped the curve of his ass. Gabriel tensed at the touch, but then relaxed closing his eyes and all Dean could focus on were his pink lips just barely parted. Dean slowly closed his eyes and leaned in.

            Dean felt a warm tongue go across his foot and jumped sending Gabriel off the bed.

            “What the-” Dean glared at Raguel wagging his tail mischievously. Then his attention snapped back to Gabriel on the floor. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry.” Gabriel laughed.

            “It’s fine, just help me up.” Dean helped Gabriel back into the bed with Raguel now curled up in a ball on the edge of the bed.

            “Do you want me to stay here tonight?” Dean asked. “We could watch a bad Christian movie.” Gabriel loved the idea of staying up late, watching the hunter’s pretty face in only the glow of the tv, but he shook his head.

            “Nah, I’ll be fine and Cas is already pissed at you enough. The last thing he needs is catching you in bed with me.” Dean smiled through the pain and nodded.

            “You’re probably right,” he said rising from the bed. “Goodnight, Gabe.”

            “Goodnight,” Gabriel waited a few seconds after Dean shut the door. Then he slipped his hand into his underwear and let his mind wander back to the older hunter. To his fresh earthly eyes, to those perfectly placed freckles and those strong hands going over his body. He whispered to himself, letting the name stretch over his tongue as if to taste it.

            _“Dean.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really had fun writing this chapter, I hope you guys liked it :)


	17. Boys/Boys/Boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, I'm so bad at updating it's getting sad. I promise I will get more regular once Thanksgiving and Christmas break roll around. Enjoy!

            Gabriel winced as the hunter added another finger inside him. _What was that four now?_ He lost count a while ago. The foreplay had been going for what felt like hours. The chains had formed bruises around his wrists, they were both sticky with sweat and pre-cum, his knees were wobbling ready to slack beneath him and he was on the verge of begging. Oh, he wanted it so bad. He _needed_ it. Gabriel felt like he was going to explode.

            “Please, Dean. Just do it already.” He yanked his hand out of him, and Gabriel whined.

            “I thought I told you not to talk.”

            “I’m s-sorry.”

            “Don’t apologize to me,” Dean said. “Sam, why don’t you come finish him off?” Gabriel couldn’t see the younger hunter behind him, but his strong low voice sent chills into his wings.

            “With pleasure.” Gabriel felt Sam take the place of his older brother. He reached over the archangel to unlock the chains. Gabriel rolled over on his back to see his hunter fully clothed in one of his cheap black suits.

            “You’re freeing me?”

            “Maybe.” Sam rested his hand on his angel’s cheek and smiled at him. He kissed him softly, but when Gabriel started to deepen the kiss, Sam pulled away. Gabriel let out another frustrated groan. “I’ll let you stay untied as long as you follow my rule.”

            “I’ll do anything,” he said quickly.          

            “Aww.” Gabriel felt his whole body redden as Sam’s finger traced around his lip. “So devoted, so desperate… You’re so embarrassing, it’s adorable.” He pushed his finger into Gabriel’s mouth and he moaned around it. “The only rule is I call the shots. You don’t move without my permission, you don’t touch me without my ok.” He leaned closer, breathing low in his ear. “You don’t cum unless I say so.”

            “Anything you want.”

            “Call me by my name.”

            “Sam, anything you want Sam.” The hunter shook his head and Gabriel was lost watching his long shiny hair swish across his face. _God._

            “Call me. By. _My_ name.” Gabriel swallowed any pride he had left and stared confidentially into the bright lime eyes glaring down at him.

            “Yes, Daddy.” Sam nuzzled his nose into the archangel’s neck.

            “Good,” he mumbled into his skin. He kissed him like an animal, sloppily licking and biting his angel until Gabriel’s torso was painted with splotches of red and purple. He sucked on his nipples until they were hard and Gabriel could barely contain his moans. Sam’s lips moved down his chest and past his waist. He gave his shaft a slow lick all the way to the head and Gabriel squirmed impatiently.

            “Remember the rule,” he ordered.

            “I know,” Gabriel said breathlessly. “I’m sorry.”

            “Sorry what?”

            “I’m sorry, daddy.”

            “That’s a good boy.” Sam lowered his mouth onto Gabriel fully until his lips brushed the base. Gabriel crushed the sheets in his fists as Sam’s tongue worked its way around. Up and down, in circles around his slit. At first he was steady, that didn’t last long. Colors were blurring together as he sped up, and the heat was building in his waist, his thighs, his cock… He felt as if Sam could suck his grace out of him with those lips.

            “I’m gonna- I think I’m gonna-”

            “Don’t,” Sam said slightly muffled. Gabriel moaned loudly.

            “Daddy, please. I can’t- I’m gonna-”

            “And I said, don’t,” he said a little firmer. Gabriel willed himself to keep going. He wanted to obey but with Sam’s mouth on him _like that_. He could barely think, let alone control himself.

            He came in the hunter’s mouth digging his fingers into Sam’s hair as he orgasmed. Gabriel came back from his high breathless and with an angry hunter over him.

            “I wasn’t finished with you yet.” Gabriel didn’t really know what to say, so he said nothing and waited for his inevitable punishment. “I gave you one rule, and you broke it. Do you know what that means?” The archangel shook his head fear and excitement pumping through him. Sam sighed and started undoing his belt. Gabriel watched intensely waiting for him to undress, but he remained fully clothed. Sam cracked his black belt and the harsh snap made Gabriel jump.

            “Turn over.” Gabriel complied and flipped over onto his stomach. Sam grabbed his wrists and chained them together. The archangel groaned and the hunter slapped his ass to shut him up. “Quit complaining. You know you like it.” Gabriel started to say some witty remark, but the sharp sting of Sam’s belt turned his words into yelps. He hit him again and again and again, yelling at him between each whip.

            “This! Is! What! Happens! When! You! Dis! O! Bey!” Sam let up his whipping to lick the fresh welts on the angel’s ass. “Do you like this?” Gabriel was trembling, his mind was racing and the only response he could form was to nod slowly. Sam forced him to his knees and stroked Gabriel’s hard cock. “Of course you like it, you little slut. God, you’re hard again all ready. You love it. You love being my slut.” Sam gave Gabriel’s balls a small squeeze and the archangel let out a shaky moan. Sam smiled deviously and took his hand away. “My little slut.”

            “T-take off your c-clothes, Sam.”

            “Don’t tell me what to do, slut,” he said, but Gabriel could already hear him undressing. “Do you like defying me? Do like seeing me get mad?” The archangel whimpered in response. “Of course you do.” Gabriel waited anxiously, face in the pillows, arms pinned over his head and his bruised thighs in the air. Then he felt the head of Sam’s cock touch his ass.

            “Please, Daddy. Just fuck me, daddy.”

            “Since when you do tell me what to do?” He gave Gabriel a little slap and the angel shuddered beneath him. “You’re breaking all my rules, but since you asked so nicely…” Sam pushed himself into him and Gabriel bit into the sheets. Sam waited for a moments admiring this view of his angel. Then he immediately picked up the pace. Gabriel’s moans synched up with Sam’s, and their heavy breathing sounded like one. Gabriel felt his heart pumping erratically, like Sam’s hips pumping into him. Everything felt so intertwined. Sam’s powerful soul reacting with Gabriel’s grace. Gabriel was losing it. He couldn’t think, he could barely breathe, all he knew was that he was about to-

            Gabriel snapped awake moaning as he came all over himself. No one else was in the room except for Raguel passed out by the door, but he had never felt so shocked and embarrassed. He laid there uncomfortably wet and pulled a pillow over his burning face. _Angels don’t have wet dreams_ he thought. _That’s so… human_. He had never lost control of himself like that. Then again he never had a dream _like that_. It didn’t feel like one of his hazy daydreams. _It felt so vivid. Like it could’ve been from my memory_. He sighed dramatically into the pillow. _One of the perks of angelic pregnancy I guess_. He rolled out of bed and took a shameful shower. He dried off, changed into something clean and headed downstairs with Raguel staggering after him.

            Gabriel just wanted a fucking biscuit glazed with jelly and to go back to bed for the rest of his days. What he got was Sam fucking Winchester in the kitchen in the same black suit doing up the same fucking black belt from his dream. Only after Sam finished putting on his belt did he greet the archangel.

            “Hey,” he said blankly.

            “Hey.” Gabriel wanted to scream and he wanted Sam to fuck him right on the counter. _This is so unfuckingfair_. In the uncomfortable silence that stretched between them Raguel bounded up to Sam and licked his foot in greeting. The hunter allowed a small smile for the pup. He rubbed his head, and Raguel wagged his tail. Dean walked in to the kitchen with his robe, coffee mug and sporting the hedgehog bed head. Gabriel’s mind immediately flashed back to beginning of his dream. The chains, Dean’s body on top of his, his fingers… _“Sam, why don’t you come finish him off?”_ Gabriel thought if he cringed anymore his whole body would curl in on itself. _Why couldn’t Cas have come down here to save me from this hell?_

            “Dude, why you all dressed up?”

            “I’ve found a case,” Sam said turning his attention away from Raguel and back to his laptop.

            “A case?” Dean and Gabriel asked simultaneously.

            “Yeah, so get this; in Dickinson, North Dakota four teenagers, no connection except they all go to the same school. According to the police all of them committed suicide in the same hall over a two week period.”

            “You think they could just be normal kids at a crappy school having mental breakdowns about their future?”

            “I think it’s a case. Could be a haunting.”

            “So you want to drive out all the way to North Dakota? What is that like a twelve hour drive?” Sam shrugged.

            “Eight if you step on it. Skip the bathroom breaks and we might have time to talk to the victim’s families.”

            “Why can’t you just get some other hunter on it?”

            “They’re preoccupied,” Sam said casually.

            “Don’t you think _we’re_ a little _preoccupied_?” Dean asked shooting a not so casual glance at Gabriel. The archangel rolled his eyes at the hunter.

            “Look, we have no idea what’s going on with Lucifer- or Crowley for that matter. Michael doesn’t seem to be causing any trouble yet. So I figured instead waiting around here for something terrible to happen we could go save some kids. I can do this on my own if you want.” Dean paused for a moment mulling it over then he sighed.

            “Fine. I’ll go get dressed.”

            “Good.” For once Sam turned his attention to the archangel that used to mean so much to him. “Gabriel, do you think you could walk Raguel while we’re gone?”

            “Yes, daddy-err I –Sure Sham- _Sam!_ Yeah.” The brothers looked at the archangel with matching raised eyebrows. Gabriel thought his face was going to boil off. He wished Cas would walk in right then or at the least God could drop something large and heavy on him to put him out of his suffering. Dean cleared his throat.

            “I’m gonna go get changed. Gabe could you come with me?” Gabriel walked with the hunter silently until they were out of earshot from Sam. “Are you ok?”

            “I feel like I want to die.” Dean laughed as they walked into his room. “This is awful.”

            “You’re telling me. Who knew you had a daddy kin-”

            “That’s not what I’m talking about! Sam wants to go on this fucking expedition of a case. How am I supposed to fix things if he’s running away from me?”

            “Relax, princess. While I’m out with Sam, I can work on our plan.” Dean dropped his robe and to Gabriel’s relief and dismay he was wearing boxers underneath. He adverted his eyes away from the almost naked Winchester. Well, he peaked every now and then when the hunter wasn’t looking.

            “Our plan?”

            “Yeah, while Sam’s trapped with me in a car for a few hours maybe I can get inside that big head of his and figure out how he can trust you again.”

            “And while Cassie is stuck with me for a few days I could try and convince him to hear you out.”

            “Exactly.” Dean reached for his belt and Gabriel concentrated real hard on the fact that belts weren’t just made for sexual purposes. He turned around to face the archangel, mostly dressed with a tie hanging off his neck and a determined grin on his lips. “We’ll be getting laid in no time.”

            “You’re optimistic.”

            “Someone has to be,” Dean said sloppily tying his tie. Gabriel pushed Dean’s hands aside and took over, tying it for him.

            “Awe, you’re the single ray of sunshine in this world of darkness.”

            “It’s a pretty depressing world if _I’m_ the only sunshine.” Gabriel finished up the tie and straightened his collar. _Damn he looked good in a suit._ When Gabriel ran out of sensible excuses to touch him, he pulled away. “So we got a deal?” Dean held out his hand for the archangel.

            “Deal?”           

            “I’ll do everything in my power to save your relationship and you’ll do the same for mine?” Gabriel shook his hand firmly.

            “Deal.”

            “Awesome, we’ll be back in a week tops.”          The Winchesters said their goodbyes to the angels and Raguel with barely a wave from Castiel. Gabriel was a little grateful for the brothers’ departure. He could shamelessly dream about them without having to face Dean and Sam the next day with nothing but a threesome on his mind. It was a relief, but he was lonely. Castiel barely talked to him spending most of the week inside the library. Raguel was the only one who wanted his attention which was- he had to agree better than nothing, but he missed human interaction. He missed Sam. Hell, he missed him before he left. He missed the Sam who laughed at his pranks, the Sam who kissed him so clumsily and passionately, the Sam who held him so tight as he emptied his heart into the hunter’s chest. _But I pushed that one away_ he thought. He even missed Dean with his bad jokes, drunk advice and what could be called “optimism”. About three days after they left, Gabriel remembered his end of the deal.

            One afternoon he found the younger angel hunched over his phone sitting in the library.

            “Who you texting?” Gabriel asked peering over his shoulder. Castiel drew his phone in close to his chest.

            “An angel. We’re discussing the rising of Lucifer and Michael,” he said flatly.

            “Can’t you guys just zap each other on angel radio?”

            “She’s very secretive and afraid of other angels listening.”

            “Hot. She any cute?” Castiel rolled his eyes and tucked his phone into his pocket.

            “What do you want Gabriel?”

            “To talk about something other than my big bros and the end of the world.”

            “The weather sure is nice, how about you take Raguel for a walk?”

            “Stop trying to get rid of me Castiel,” he whined.

            “Then what do you want to talk about?” Gabriel considered coming back to him when he was less testy, but this was the most Cas had talked to him for the past week and he wasn’t about to waste it. There was no way in hell Gabriel was qualified at fixing relationships. _I’m better at breaking them_ he thought to himself. _But if Dean can get Sam to meet me halfway then I owe him at least to try._

            “How about something that starts with D and ends with ean?” Cas crossed his arms and tried his best to ignore the shorter angel. “Got anything to say on the matter?”

            “No,” he said curtly as he walked out of the library.

            “Damnit.” Gabriel followed him almost jogging to keep up with Castiel’s long stride. “This was so much easier when I could read your mind. Or better just command you to tell me what’s on your mind.”

            “Fortunately that’s not the case anymore.” Gabriel pushed his speed and stopped right in front of Castiel so quickly the taller angel almost ran him over.

            “Come on, Cas. He’s sorry.”

            “How noble of him,” he said bitterly. Castiel started to walk past him, but Gabriel outstretched his arms wedging himself between the doorway. He knew Castiel had no problem lifting him up and throwing him aside, but he had to try.

            “Look, I’ve never been cheated on before, but I imagine it sucks.” The younger angel glared at Gabriel, but at least he wasn’t running away. “I think you’re actually handling this pretty well. If I were in your shoes I would’ve killed him the second I caught him.” Gabriel might’ve imagined it, but he thought he saw a ghost of a smile press on the angel’s lips. “I get that you’re angry- you should be- but I know you’re hurting too. I know you need time, but you’re going to have to figure out if you really want to throw away everything.”

            “Why do you need an answer? Why does everyone need to know exactly what I’m feeling?” He stepped up to Gabriel and the shorter angel had to look up at him to reach those cold eyes.

            “Because he’s scared. He doesn’t know what you’re thinking. He doesn’t have a clue on whether he should be trying to fix it or if he should just give up. He can’t read your mind Cas.”

            “What if I don’t want to talk to him?”

            “I think it would help you heal, maybe even help you forgive him.”

            “What if I don’t want to forgive him?” Gabriel cringed at the hopelessness in his voice. _Well this is going magnificently._

            “Then I’d say that’s your call, but Cas… We need this family back together.”

            “Why?” Gabriel scanned his mind for any logical answer, but he couldn’t find anything.

            “Because you’re all I have.”

            “I’m sorry you can’t have the perfect healthy family you want, but that’s not my concern. I’m trying to keep you, Sam and Dean safe and I can’t do that worrying about my relationship. I have a bigger purpose. Now get out of my way.”

            “Come on Cas just-”

            “I said move,” Castiel said a little louder than before.

            “No.” Gabriel tightened his grip on the door frame and puffed out his chest.

            “Please don’t make me hurt you.” Castiel flashed his glowing blue eyes and Gabriel matched him with golden. He smirked breaking off into a laugh at the younger angel’s bluff.

            “You wouldn’t dare-” Gabriel yelped as Castiel caught him by the shirt and pushed him against the wall. Raguel galloped in on his fat little legs and started barking. Gabriel was shaking with Castiel’s fist pinning him to the wall. He didn’t hurt him, he’d just never seen Castiel act that way towards him. It was humiliating and horrifying all at once.

            “I appreciate your help, brother, but do me a favor; and just. Stay. Out. Of it.” He let Gabriel go, and the archangel finally felt the air return to his lungs. “You should take Raguel for a walk,” he said retreating back to the library. Raguel wagged his tail at hearing his name and looked up at the archangel excitedly.           

            Even with the little corgi jumping up to lick his hand, Gabriel was furious. No other angel lower than him had ever put him in his place. _I used to lead armies_ he thought sadly. Back to the days when he was one Heaven’s most feared-most powerful. He could do anything and no one would dare to challenge him. Now he was owned in every sense of the word. Gabriel grabbed the leash, and Raguel yapped happily. _And now I take puppies for walks._

            He took Raguel through their established trail around the bunker. It was barely a walk, and Raguel always wanted to go further. This time he let Raguel lead the way until neither of them could see the bunker. _Castiel wouldn’t approve of this_ he thought with a tiny smile. They kept walking until they reached the little civilization of Lebanon.

            It was a nicer day, compared to the stormy ones before. The sun’s warm rays pushed out from behind the puffy white clouds and a cool breeze sent flower petals flying off trees. The beautiful weather drew out the few people the town had to offer. A couple families sprawled out in the park with blankets and picnic baskets. Some older kids throwing a Frisbee around. A few joggers and parents pushing strollers past him. For the first time in what felt like forever, Gabriel felt like he was enjoying himself. It wasn’t his ideal setting, he loved big cities, but to see so many different faces was refreshing. He picked a bench on the top of hill where he could watch all the human activities. _They’re so beautiful_ he thought. And clumsy, and selfish and horrible. He watched a young woman scoop up a small child into her arms. She helped the child, maybe two or three years old with a bright spring dress and pink bows in her hair, sit up on her shoulders and joined another taller woman who he presumed to be her wife _. Still, so beautiful_.

            Gabriel outstretched his wings to their full length soaking up all the sun. They had lost most of their luster, now a light brown as opposed to the once sparkling golden. They used to be supple and soft, but now they were brittle and rough to the touch. He combed through his wing and watched dozens of feathers fly off with the wind. Gabriel winced at the loose feathers. The last time his wings shed was over millions of years ago. Before the Earth even came to be, and he was just a little fledgling basically going through celestial puberty. He couldn’t tell if it was the pregnancy or the lack of self-care that left his wings so damaged. _Probably both_ he thought. Either way, his grace was draining and his wings were dying. They were useless and even worse, hideous. At least he didn’t have to show them too anyone. Only mates and an angel’s closest companions could see their wings. He’d been dying to show off his glorious wings to Sam, but now he wasn’t so sure. _What if he doesn’t like what he sees?_ Gabriel wondered rubbing the brown sickly appendages. He’d seen other angels go through pregnancy and come out fine, but that didn’t stop the irrational fear crawling within him. _What if they never heal? What if I can never fly again? What would I become if this baby takes my grace away forever?_

            Before Gabriel could worry himself further, Raguel ran down the hill leaping and biting at the feathers flying through the air.

            “Raguel! Get back here!” The pup returned proudly with a wad of Gabriel’s feathers in his mouth. He sat down in front of the archangel waiting for praise. Gabriel took the feathers from his mouth.

            “Why would I want this? What possibly made you think this was a good idea?” Raguel sneezed and went back to collecting the feathers scattered around the hill. “So you can see my wings?” Gabriel said more to himself than the dog. Raguel had created a small pile of the dry feathers and started rolling around in it. Gabriel laughed. “You’re a disgusting little fur ball, you know that?” Raguel woofed in agreement.

            “Excuse me, mister?” Gabriel turned around to see a little brunette boy with missing front teeth and his hands pushed deep into his pockets. He looked back at the women and little girl from before. The two women nodded at him encouragingly and the boy turned back to Gabriel with a sheepish grin. “Can I pet your doggy?” The archangel smiled at the small boy.

            “Go right ahead.” The boy’s face lit up as he wrapped his arm around Raguel’ neck. Raguel wagged his tail and licked the boy back. “Yay! He’s so fluffy!”

            “Samuel let go of that poor animal before you choke it to death,” said the taller of the mothers. Gabriel perked up at the familiar name.

            “I wasn’t choking him,” the boy said drawing his arms back. Raguel rolled on to his back and Samuel rubbed him excitedly. She walked up to Gabriel with a warm smile but keeping a cautious eye on the boy.

            “Sorry, Sam has always been a little aggressive with animals,” she said. Gabriel shook his head.

            “It’s fine. I don’t think Rags minds.”

            “Did you hear that mommy? His name is Rags. His name is Rags!” The woman laughed tiredly.

            “Yes, I heard.” She held out her hand to Gabriel. “Jane.” Her aesthetic was everything Gabriel loved about the human race. She had dark dreads pulled up into a neat bun, dark purple lipstick, black overalls tucked into her brown combat boots. He shook her hand and flashed his charming smile.

            “Gabriel.”

            “Gabriel,” she repeated drawing out the name.

            “So your boy’s name is Samuel?”

            “Sam, Sammy, Samuel. Just depends on the mood I’m in.”

            “Huh.” He watched the little Sam, so enthralled by Raguel, and he couldn’t help but think of his own. “That’s funny.”

            “What is?” Gabriel shrugged.

            “It’s just a lovely name that’s all.”

            “Thank you. My wife Amy,” she glanced over to the shorter woman holding the little girl. She had fairer skin, shorter curlier hair and freckles scattered all over her cheeks. “She picked out the name, and our daughter Eve. She’s quite biblical.”

            “Are you?”

            “Not really much of God believer. You?”

            “I used to be,” he said. She gave him a quizzical look and Gabriel tried to shrug out any of the pain that lingered in his voice. “God just hasn’t really been there for me lately.”

            “I can understand that.” Samuel rolled onto the grass laughing while Raguel licked his face. “So, when’s the baby due?” Gabriel jumped at her question and his whole face almost immediately flushed red.

            “What?”

            “Oh, god.” She stepped back physically and verbally. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to- I’m so-”

            “No, no, no. I mean you’re right. I just…” Gabriel slipped his hands into his pockets pushing his hoodie away from his body. “I didn’t think it was that noticeable.” She let out a sigh of relief and a small nervous laugh.

            “Hate to burst your bubble, Gabriel, but this isn’t something you can hide anymore. How far along are you?” Gabriel took a second to convert angel pregnancies to humans.

            “A little over six months.”

            “Won’t be long now.” He smiled, but her words sent chills down his spine. “Is this your first child?”

            “Yes.”

            “Good luck. No matter how prepared you are…” she looked back at Samuel chasing Raguel down the hill. “You’re gonna need it.” Gabriel nodded not really sure of what else to say. “I’m sorry, am I overstepping my bounds?”

            “Of course not.”

            “You just seem a little uneasy around me. Is there something wrong?”

            “Nothing’s wrong,” Gabriel reassured her. “Actually it’s the exact opposite.”

            “I’m not following.”

            “You’re cool with this?” Gabriel gestured dramatically to himself. “I kind of thought people would freak out over someone _like_ me.”

            “Maybe,” she agreed, “but I lived in West Hollywood. I’ve seen all types of men and trust me, you’re not the first _one_ I’ve seen.” Gabriel breathed a sigh of relief. At least he could pass as a pregnant Trans man to humans. He’d take that over being a freak any day. “Sorry, I’m such a sap for new families. You got any names in mind?”

            “Not yet.”

            “What about your partner?”

            “He hasn’t… given it much thought.”

            “Well, just remember Jane can be gender neutral and goes with almost any last name.” Gabriel laughed as Jane cracked a broad smile.

            “I’ll keep that in mind. Honestly, the baby’s name has been the last thing I’ve thought about.”

            “You scared?”

            “Terrified,” he said quietly.

            “I know it seems like a lot, but I promise you these little tantrums aren’t that scary.”

            “I don’t want everything to change. My relationship, my body, my lifestyle- it’s all changing so fast. I don’t think I can keep up.”

            “Mhm. Lemme guess, you’re more of the partier type. Am I right?”

            “Hell yeah.”

            “I was too, before I met Amy. Your life is going to change Gabriel. A baby always brings change, but it doesn’t have to be bad. Sure, you’ll be sleeping less and changing diapers more, but I guarantee you it’s worth it. And besides…” she trailed off looking back at Amy. “When you have the right people, life is always an adventure.” Gabriel felt his mind drifting back to Sam. To his life full of blood and pain and death. Yeah, the Winchester lifestyle was _definitely_ an adventure. “And if your partner really loves you, he won’t care what you look like. I’d bang her even if she pushed out a thousand kids.” Amy had joined Raguel and Samuel still balancing the toddler on her hip. She jumped nervously as Raguel showered her ankles in licks while Samuel laughed.

            “You have great taste in women.”

            “Don’t get any ideas,” Jane said punching him playfully in the shoulder. “I better go rescue her; she’s allergic to dogs. Take care, Gabriel.”

            “You too, Jane.” He watched Jane take her kids and leave with a now sneezing Amy. Raguel followed them to the end of the hill and Gabriel thought he’d have to chase after him. He started following the pup, but Raguel eventually came to his senses and retreated back up the hill. Gabriel headed back tugging on Raguel’ leash as he chased after Gabriel’s loose feathers. “Is this funny for you?” Raguel sneezed three times in response.

            Gabriel stopped in front of a little pond and Raguel took a drink. It could’ve been confused for a small pond, but was probably just an oversized puddle left from all the rain. Either way, it didn’t seem to matter for the family of ducklings that took refuge there. There were seven ducklings floating in the puddle and one mother herding them together. They were adorable with fuzzy yellow heads and little pink beaks. Raguel wadded into the water, sniffed the baby ducks and immediately got chased out by the mother. Gabriel knew too much about ducks from the ornithologist he dated in the twenties to enjoy their cuteness.

_“Ducks rape each other you know.” Gabriel could still hear the jazz band playing down below. Trumpet riffs and saxophone trills carried up into their room. He could still feel his foot tapping and remember the piano player tipping his hat when he was suggested a song._

_“What?”_

_“It’s true,” she said stepping out of her heels. She sat down beside Gabriel on the bed and lifted the fedora off of his head._

_“Is this your idea of foreplay?” She ignored him and took off his suit jacket._

_“There’s almost no consent when it comes to ducks. After breeding the female is often injured or even killed in the process.”_

_“Wow,” Gabriel said, not really knowing how to respond. “That’s awful.” She undid his tie and tossed it on to the floor._

_“I know. Males… They’re insatiable. Always taking and taking what doesn’t belong to them, and expecting the female to just live with it.” She rested her hands on Gabriel’s shoulders and kissed him lightly. “All you males are the same, from animals to man, but we’re not. Women don’t just lie over, endure the pain and push out your beautiful babies. We are smarter than those animals, and we won’t take any of it.”_

_“Do you tell this to all your guys?” he asked nervously. She flashed him the sharp little smirk he fell for._

_“I like you Lucas, and it’d be a shame if something were to happen to you.” Gabriel wasn’t scared of the ninety pound flapper he picked up at the club, but it was sure the first time someone threatened him before sex. She pulled him in close where he could feel her warm breath against his lips. He locked in on her cold silver eyes. “Don’t treat me wrong.”_

_“Whatever you say.” He pulled her into his lap wrapping his arms around her little waist. She tightened her grip on his shoulders and kissed him until kissing wasn’t enough. Until the jazz band left and the sounds of lust we’re the only thing that carried through the building._

            Raguel shocked Gabriel out of his memory as he rubbed his wet fur all over his pant leg.

            “Thanks for that,” he said rubbing Raguel’ muddy head. Gabriel thought about Jane and Amy and their adorable kids. The happy gleam in Jane’s eyes as she watched her family. He wanted that, now more than ever. But to him it felt unattainable. _The hell am I thinking? They’re human. I wasn’t meant for this_. He felt like that mother duck. Both were expected to make something beautiful out of their horrendous situations, but they were fucked in all sense of the word.

            Gabriel moped back to the bunker with Raguel pausing to sniff every bush and tree. Then it hit him. He froze in his tracks while Raguel took a piss on a rock. The last thing he could do with his child. The one thing he didn’t dream of ever doing, but it was the last idea he had and now it was starting to sound like a pretty good one. He couldn’t have Sam, he couldn’t raise the perfect child in his environment, but he could do this. _I can get out of this. Without heartbreak and risking someone’s life._

            He picked up his pace a new confidence in his step. Raguel ran after him panting and exhausted but excited all the same. _I can do this._

            “I can be free.”


	18. I Know What You Did Last Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even have school as an excuse for this late chapter. Smh. Sorry it's late, enjoy!

            Dean pulled out the last few clumps of ginger hair from under the toilet seat. He held it up in the light and grimaced. It was one of their less gory hunts, but still gathering hair of a ghost from a toilet in the girl’s bathroom wasn’t exactly pleasant.

            “Who would’ve thought after all these years of being dunked in toilets Maddison’s hair would still be stuck here?” Sam was a laying a salt circle outside of the stall. His head was still throbbing from the last time little Maddison caught them in her school. Now he wasn’t taking any chances.

            “Are you impressed with the sheer force of someone dunking your head in a toilet to get your hair caught on the seat or the fact that this proves that the janitors haven’t cleaned the toilets in a while?” Dean smiled as he scanned the area for more ginger locks. It was probably the most they had talked to each other the entire hunt. Sam talked to the victim’s families, while Dean checked out the bodies. Sam talked to the students, and Dean checked the history of the school. They were on the same case, but it felt like two separate hunts. Sam knew Dean wanted to talk to him about everything that had happened, but he wasn’t going to make it easy for him. Combining their information they discovered that Maddison Merkel was a senior who hung herself in the school two months before the other suicides. According to kids in her class, she was “very weird” and was bullied daily by the other girls. Her parents had her cremated and town’s gossip led them to pulling hair strands out of a toilet.

            “Alright Maddison, time to graduate this dump,” Dean said taking the lighter out his pocket. Sam sighed grateful that this was finally over. He was almost finished with his salt line when two pale feet appeared in front of him. He looked up at the skinny ginger girl as a twisted grin broke her cracked lips. _Oh, fuck._

            Dean winced hearing his brother crash into the other stall.

            “Sammy?”

            “Just burn the hair!” Dean clicked on his lighter, but nothing came out. He tried over and over again to no avail.

            “Crap.” The little girl ripped off the door to his stall. “Crap, crap, crap!” She looked almost normal, well as normal as a ghost could look. With long curly red hair, big green eyes and dark bruises around her pale neck. She held a thick rope in one hand.

            “Never again!” she shouted and lunged at Dean. She latched onto his shoulders like a cat, and he dropped the hair and lighter as he stumbled back into the wall. She clawed and bit his face until his eyes stung from the blood.

            “Get off me, bitch!” He swatted at her blindly without success. She took her rope and began erratically tying it around his neck. She laughed as Dean’s face began to turn blue.

            “You will never hurt me again!” Suddenly Madison’s lithe body blew up in flames. She jumped back screaming and writhing on the ground until there was nothing left of her. Once she was gone the rope disintegrated into nothing. Dean sucked in a huge breath choking and coughing on the rush of oxygen. He stumbled out of the stall breathing heavy and saw Sam breathless, bloody and holding his lighter.

            “Couldn’t have done that any faster?” Dean asked wiping the blood from his eyes.

            “What happened to you lighting her ass up?”

            “Whatever. Let’s get out of here.” They headed back to their motel exhausted with an awkward silence looming over them. Dean was going over the cuts scattered across his face in the mirror, while Sam sat on the bed icing his head down with a cold beer.

            “You look like you were mauled by a crazy cat,” Sam said finally.

            “I feel like it.” He turned away from the mirror and sat down on his bead. “How you doing? You took a pretty nasty fall. How many fingers am I holding up?”

            “I’m fine.” _Sure_ Dean thought. _He would live, but was he really ok with everything?_ The room settled into another tense silence. Sam knew it was coming. The whole trip felt like Dean was holding his breath, as if he were about to say something but couldn’t find the right words.

            “Are you really fine?” Dean asked.

            “I just said I was.”

            “No, with the whole mess with Gabriel.”  Sam opened up the bottle and took a long swig. He shrugged.

            “I’m dealing.”

            “Really? Finding out you’ve been used in some predestined angelic pregnancy from the words of the devil doesn’t sound like you something you’d just be dealing with silently.”

            “Then what do you want from me, Dean? Want me to scream? Want me to throw some kind of temper tantrum about how frustrated I am?”

            “I want you to talk to me! Or Gabriel at least.”

            “I don’t have anything to say to him,” Sam said darkly.

            “I’m sure he has a hell of a lot to say to you. What happened to you guys?”

            “Since you’re _so_ close to him, I bet you already know the answer to that.” Dean was taken back by the sharp tone from his brother. _Was that jealousy?_

            “I want to hear it from you.” Sam readjusted himself to face his older brother. He took a longer drink then took a deep breath.

            “He used me, Dean. It was just like you said, he pulled one of his elaborate tricks on us and I got played.”

            “Come on, you can’t seriously believe that?”

            “How can you defend him?” Sam asked firing one of his bitch faces.

            “So he lied to you, get over it.” Sam rolled his eyes. “But he’s not tricking you. Gabriel is in love with you.” Sam scoffed but Dean continued. “The only reason he lied is because he didn’t want to scare you off. He knew you wouldn’t be thrilled about being a father.”

            “Well he got that right.”

            “Can’t you just forgive him enough to hear him out?”

            “Dean I can’t trust myself around him. The things I felt for him…” Sam shook his head. “They weren’t my thoughts or my actions. He was making me fall in love with him, and I can’t be controlled like that again. I won’t.”

            “Did Lucifer tell you this? You know the devil lies, right?”

            “A lot less than Gabriel,” Sam said softly.

            “Look, Sammy. I can’t give you some sure way of knowing if Gabriel is trustworthy, but I know he’s sorry. He feels awful, and if he could he’d fix all of this with a snap of his fingers he would. All he wants is for you to trust him again, could you at least give him that?”

            “What if I can’t trust him?”

            “Then I’d say that’s your call, but you’re having a kid with him. I think you guys have to find some kind of common ground.”

            “I know.” Sam ran his hands through his hair. He laughed nervously. “This is crazy.”

            “Even for us.”

            “I can’t believe I’m having a…a… I’m actually having a…”

            “A baby?” Dean finished for him.

            “Yeah.” Dean thought for a second he almost saw a smile touch his brother’s lips. “I never thought it would happen to me. God, do you think I have to give up hunting?”

            “Nah, Dad hunted while we were kids.”

            “And we turned out _great_ ,” Sam said. “What do you think Dad would say, if I told him an archangel was having my child?”

            “He’d probably kick your ass.” The brothers laughed because they knew it was true. The air had been so tense between them for a while and it felt good to just be brothers again, joking about their parents not worrying about the future ahead.

            “What would Mom say?” Sam asked once the laughter died down. Dean thought it over for a second.

            “I bet she’d be happy, that you have a shot at a normal domestic life.”

            “ _Normal_ isn’t exactly how I’d describe it,” Sam said.

            “Yeah, leave it to you to have a kid that’s half archangel. Ya freak.” Sam smiled and laid down with a happy bubbly feeling in his chest. “So you’ll talk to him?”

            “Yeah, I think I will.” Dean grinned and turned out the lights. He slipped out of his jeans and buried himself under the covers. _My work here is done_. His mind started falling into a well deserved sleep. He could feel the promise of nostalgic dreams that he knew he wouldn’t remember in the morning. An abrupt voice yanked him out of his near sleep.

            “What happened to you and Cas?” Dean saw the dark silhouette of his brother sitting upright in his bed. He sat up and turned on the lights. The curious and determined look on his face reminded him of little Sammy when he was still clueless to horrors of their world. Back in one of their dad’s old safe houses. Sam was sitting on his bed legs criss crossed with Dad’s journal in his lap. He looked up at Dean with round green eyes and asked him that fateful question. _Are monsters real?_ Now Dean felt like he was a kid again being confronted with a question and he just wanted to hide the answer from Sam forever. “What did you do to him Dean?”

            “Can this wait until morning?”

            “No, I want to know everything. I want to know why I found Cas crying the other day, and why you guys are fighting.”

            “Do you want me to cite my sources too?”

            “This isn’t funny,” Sam insisted.

            “It’s really not.”

            “Then tell me what happened.”

            “Alright.” Dean took in a long deep breath. _Here goes nothing_. “I’m going to tell you some shit that I should’ve told you a long long time ago. I’m sorry this took so long, but I really didn’t know how to tell you. It was just easier to keep it a secret.” Sam tilted his looking a little concerned but he nodded for him to continue. “Cas and I are married.”

            “Married?” He looked serious, for the most part, but Dean could see the little twinge on his lip and he knew he was trying not to laugh. “You’re serious? Like you guys are in love?” Dean nodded.

            “Well, technically we eloped, but yeah.” He reached under his shirt and pulled out the little string necklace dangling his diamond ring. He held it up for Sam and all the laughter fell from his brother’s face.

            “That’s a real diamond,” he said in awe.

            “Yep.”

            “And you’re really married to him?”

            “Yep.”

            “Oh my god.” Sam rolled back into the pillows palming his face. “Wow. For how long?”

            “We’ve been together for almost three years.”

            “THREE YEARS?”

            “We got married about two years ago.”

            “That’s insane. I can’t believe I didn’t know for so long.” Sam’s mind flashed back to the first time he noticed Dean was wearing a ring. _“What are you, married?”_ To all the times he found Dean and Cas up together in the morning, the petty arguments that left the two ignoring each other, the way Dean looked at Cas… “How could I have been so stupid? I should’ve know this!”

            “We kept it under rap, Sammy. There was no way you could’ve known.”

            “Why didn’t you tell me?”

            “I didn’t know how you would react. Cas is our friend and the whole tying the knot- It just didn’t seem wise when we were all so close. I didn’t want to mess everything up.”

            “Did you think I wouldn’t approve? You guys are my family, I’d support anything that made you happy.”

            “Wow.” Dean smiled suddenly feeling a thousand times lighter. “It means a lot to hear you say that.” He noticed Sam didn’t look as happy as he felt. “Are you mad?” Sam shrugged, but a small frown crossed his face.

            “I’m not mad. I don’t know. I just thought I was supposed to be there for that kind of thing. I thought I would be your best man…” He trailed off looking away from Dean, a little embarrassed. “Never mind, it’s stupid.” Now, he felt awful. _I didn’t know Sam would be upset over something like that._

            “I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t know it meant that much to you. If it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t really much of a wedding. Cas and I don’t really have many friends to invite. I just had a good night with a pool game and bought two rings. It wasn’t special.” Sam smiled and Dean felt a little less guilty. “And hey, I’ll be the best man for your wedding.”

            “I’m not getting married, Dean,” he said coolly.

            “Course you are. You’re more wife material than I am.”

            “I don’t know. I kind of gave up that dream after Jess. I’m happy for you, I really am, it’s just not meant for me.” Dean almost pointed out that he could have something with Gabriel, but he didn’t want to start another argument. They felt good, and Dean was in no rush to ruin it.

            “Whatever Casanova.”

            “So why is Cas upset with you? Are you guys having some sort of domestic dispute?”

            “I guess you could say that.”

            “Care to elaborate on that?” Sam asked annoyed.

            “It’s my business.”

            “Cas is my friend!” He snapped. “I deserve to know what’s going on, and I’ve already told you everything, the least you could do is tell me.”

            “The least I could do is tell you shut it, and we call it a day. This isn’t a two way street.”

            “Was it so bad that you’re afraid to tell me? What the hell did you do to him?”

            “It’s real bad.”

            “You afraid I’m going to take Cas’ side in this? Is that what you’re afraid of? Is this why I’ve been kept out of the loop for so long?”

            “No,” Dean said quickly. “It’s not about that. It’s just…” He broke off into a deep sigh running his hand through his hair. His voice fell to barely over a whisper. “I don’t want you to hate me, Sammy.”

            “I can’t hate you, Dean. No matter how hard I try,” he added with a hopeful smile. _Damn, I hope he’s right_ Dean thought.  

            “I cheated on him.”

            “Oh.” It wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. Dean was thinking more on the lines of Sam yelling at him, telling him how horrible of a human being he was, but this was worse. Sam was crestfallen with the look of a little boy who just found out Santa Claus wasn’t real. Dean saw a boy who lost the hero he looked up to his whole life. It hurt him to see his little brother so disappointed, but he knew it was hurting Sam more _. I’m so sorry Sammy_. He wanted to explain himself, he wanted to give Sam some justifiable reason for what he did, but nothing was good enough.

            “Why?” Sam asked his voice barely above a whisper. Dean could’ve imagined it, or maybe the cheap motel lighting was playing tricks on him, but he saw the start of tears in his brother’s eyes.

            “It’s a long story.”

            “Was Cas not enough for you?”

            “It wasn’t like that!” Dean snapped.

            “Then why? How could you do this him?”

            “I didn’t want to, but it was the only way to keep Gabriel safe.”

            “What?” Dean took a deep breath and spilled everything to Sam. He listened to Dean silently. _He’s taking everything pretty well_ Dean thought. Then he got to his deal with Crowley.

            “Crowley? Are you serious? Are you are out of your mind? You and the king of hell?” There was the rage he was expecting.

            “It’s not like I wanted to! I was kind of in a position where I couldn’t say no.”

            “You could’ve told me! Or Cas! We should’ve just killed that bastard.”

            “I didn’t know what to do, Sammy. In that moment all I could think of was that the one thing that made you happy was about to be gone for good. I couldn’t think straight.”

            “Well that’s for damn sure,” Sam said bluntly. Dean winced at his brother’s words, and Sam softened his tone. “But I get why you did it.”

            “What?”

            “You were just trying to protect me, in a stupid reckless way, but you tried to keep everyone happy. That has to count for something right?” Dean sighed as a huge wave of relief settled over him. It was all out now, and Sam didn’t hate him. He had his brother on his side and with that, he felt invincible.

            “You think I can win him back?”

            “With your crappy attempts at romance? No way in hell, but maybe someone who actually knows what they’re doing in a relationship can help smooth things over.”

            “You’re actually going to help me?” Dean asked.

            “It won’t be easy, but when is it ever to pull your ass out of the fire?” Sam paused for a moment before smiling. “Literally and figuratively.” Dean laid back down on his bed with a warm smile plastered to his face.

            “You’re the best, Sam.”

            “Don’t get all girly on me, jerk.”

            “Bitch.” Sam turned out the lights and crawled back under the covers. Nothing was right in their world, but at least he had his big brother, and that gave Sam a little hope to cling to. A mischievous grin spread across his face before he fell asleep.

            “So what was it like to have sex with Crowley?”

            “Shut up.”

***

 

            “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Castiel asked hesitantly from behind the wheel. He didn’t say much when Gabriel crashed into the bunker sputtering about some wild idea he had. He followed along because it was the first time he had seen the archangel have the tiniest pinch of hope. So he drove to the address Gabriel shouted at him, he couldn’t bear to crush the smile on his face, but now he was starting to have second doubts.   

            “I didn’t say it was a great one, Cassie, but I’m out of ideas. This is the only way, I know everyone can be happy.” Gabriel slumped against the window, talking tiredly as if the excitement earlier had drained him. He stretched out his arms on a long yawn. “This way no one else has to get hurt.”

            “Unless we get killed today,” he muttered just barely loud enough for the archangel to hear.

            “Maybe the angels have a bounty on your head, but I was once the most respected of Heaven. They’ll be bowing down to me.”

            “Might I remind you of Michael and his team of angels out there looking for you?”

            “And who told you that?” Gabriel snapped. “Your secret oh so reliable angelic source?” Castiel rolled his eyes and focused his attention on the road. “You ever think she’s lying to you Cas? She could be a spy? There’s been wait lemme recalculate here…Zero angel attacks on my life, and the only weird thing we’ve heard is that tiny peep from the pit. It doesn’t mean anything! It’s probably just bullshit rumors.”

            “She’s trustworthy. I can assure you.”

            “Then who is she?”

            “It doesn’t matter.”

            “It doesn’t matter? Of course it matters! I’m in no position to be trusting no name angels. I’m too… too…” Gabriel trailed off not able to bring himself to the words, but Castiel gladly finished.

            “Weak? Incompetent? Vulnerable?”

            “I was going to go with not at full power, but thanks for those,” he said bitterly. The younger angel sighed.

            “I trust her, Gabriel, and I will respect her wishes to keep her identity a secret.” _From you._ “I promise I won’t put you or the baby in harm’s way. I’ll protect you –both of you.” Gabriel scoffed and turned away from the other angel watching the road fly past them.

            “Whatever. Let’s just not talk about all this Michael Lucifer Angel deal. I have enough on my plate. One problem at a time. Let’s deal with this first, and then I can think about the end of the world two point O.”

            “Are you scared of them?”

            “Of my big bros? Hell no, I’m excited! If it’s true, I can finally give Michael what he deserves for all those years. And Lucifer, all the times he screwed me over, I’m ready to shove my angel blade right up that bastard’s ass.” Cas, the angel who was known for missing sarcasm and social cues, could even tell that his words were laced with a false confidence.

            “Are you sure?”

            “I’m tired, Cas. Maybe after we deal with this, we can have that girly talk about my feelings.” Cas nodded not wanting to press him too much.

            “Alright.” They drove in silence for another half hour until they reach the little yellow house. It was pretty average with a well-kept lawn and a brown mail box with the paint chipping off, surrounded by three other similar houses in a little cul-de-sac. Gabriel got out of the car and headed up the driveway. Cas followed cautiously eying the quiet suburban neighborhood, hanging on to the angel blade up his sleeve.

            Gabriel pushed the door bell and waited anxiously tapping his foot and chewing on the inside of his cheek. No one answered after a few minutes and Castiel sighed.

            “Maybe they’re not home?”

            “Shut up. You still have all your abilities. Can you sense anyone in there?” He closed his eyes and let his mind wander into the house, but was met with the equivalent of a spiritual brick wall.

            “It’s warded,” he said finally.

            “Warded? Like against angels? We can’t get in?”

            “It’s not strong enough to keep us out, but enough to cancel out my powers.”

            “Well, that’s just great,” Gabriel said bitterly. “Now you’re just as useless as I am.” The door swung open to an angel in young male’s vessel holding up an angel blade. Castiel let his fall from his sleeve, and Gabriel pulled out the one from his pocket. Cas and the newer angel held fearsome glares, but Gabriel dropped his threatening stance to break into a peaceful laugh. “I guess we all had the same idea.”

            “Gabriel.” The newcomer softened his gaze but held his blade angled towards Castiel. “What are you doing with this traitor?”

            “Angelo, he’s with me. He’s not a traitor, so could you guys quit pretending that you’re going to stab each other. It’s getting embarrassing.”

            “Him first,” Angelo said. Gabriel sighed annoyed and gave Castiel a pleading look. Cas slowly dropped his blade into his coat pocket, and Angelo tucked his weapon back into his belt. Gabriel admired the familiar angel. He was in a new vessel since he last saw him, but it was similar to the old one. _Angelo always had a type_ Gabriel thought. He was a little taller and little more muscular with black curly hair tanned olive skin and dark brown eyes. It had been over a century and Gabriel could still remember the things he felt for this angel. He realized that through those dark eyes, he was being scrutinized as well.

            “Gabriel, you’re… you’re-”

            “Knocked up harder than Mary with the big bad baby Jesus. I know.”

            “Is it…” Angelo trailed off shooting a questioning glance towards Castiel.

            “No!” They said simultaneously. Angelo released a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. Another man stepped up to the door way, and Gabriel had to crane his neck to see him. He was really tall and broad like Sam. Maybe taller. Only he had dark brown skin, thick dreads flowing down his back and a gap toothed smile that could raise souls from the dead.

            “I told you to wait in the kitchen,” Angelo hissed. The newcomer shrugged mindlessly.

            “I didn’t hear any danger, so I thought I’d introduce myself. Are these friends of yours?” His voice was deep and smooth like it was made to break tension.

            “Angels,” he said stiffly. Angelo stood up on his tip toes to whisper something in the man’s ear. He gasped and took a little step back.

            “You’re Castiel. I’ve heard uh… a lot of things. Nice to finally put a name to a face.” Cas tilted his head absently at the man not getting his icebreaker at all. The tall man turned his attention to Gabriel and his smile broadened into a warm grin. “And you must be Gabriel. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Tod. Human,” he added sheepishly.

            “We got that,” Cas said flatly.

            “Why don’t you two come in? I’m making tea.”

            “That doesn’t sound like a great idea,” Angelo said.

            “Oh come on, Angie. These guys seem pretty cool, right?” Castiel nodded.

            “Like ice.”

            “My man!” He pulled Castiel into shoulder embrace, and the angel followed clueless.

            “We really would appreciate it,” Gabriel added quickly. “Please, Angelo. We need to talk to you. It’s important.” Angelo sighed knowing he was going to succumb to those pleading eyes one way or the other. He remembered all the times Gabriel came back to him for his help, how he always got screwed because of his mistakes. How he always fell prey to the archangel’s wit and charm. He was over him for sure, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t help Gabriel one last time. _Every time he shows up, something goes wrong. When will I start learning not to let this idiot back into my life? This adorable playful idiot._

            “Sure,” Angelo said regretfully. He led them into the little living room with a box tv, a coffee table sporting coasters and couch made for two. Tod took to the kitchen and the angels squeezed on the couch with Castiel balancing on the armrest. Gabriel watched Tod as he disappeared into the kitchen with a smirk that made Angelo uneasy.

            “You got a pretty fine human servant. Think I could borrow him for a couple hours?” Gabriel teased.

            “Tod is not a servant, he is my husband, and anymore jabs at using him for sex will send both of you out this house. Is that clear?” Castiel nodded nervously, but Gabriel couldn’t take the threat seriously.

            “Oh, Angelo. You always were so domestic.” For a few minutes none of them said anything, and the quiet dragged on into an awkward silence. Gabriel cleared his throat. “Cassie, dear, why don’t you go help Tod in the kitchen?” Castiel shot him a glare that could’ve easily been translated into a _hell no_. He barely trusted Angelo, and it was his job to keep Gabriel safe. _If something were to happen to him_ … “Go. I’ll be fine.” Castiel reluctantly joined Tod in the kitchen keeping his ears peeled for anything suspicious.

            “So why are here Gabriel? Do you want to stir up my life one more time?”

            “If you want me too,” he said suggestively raising his eyebrow. Angelo rolled his eyes.

            “You’re revolting.”

            “And you were into me.”

            “Not anymore,” Angelo said quickly, “so why don’t you just cut the jokes and spill it. Why are you really here?” Gabriel shrugged sheepishly.

            “You were good to me, much more than I deserved.” A tiny knowing smile pressed the corners of Angelo’s lips. “So I’ve come to give you what you always wanted.”

 ***

 

~New York, 1789~

            Gabriel watched the people scatter about within the town through his window. All bundled up in their coats as a cold breeze filled in. He outstretched his arms like he was on the cross and let his long curly hair rise up with the wind. He laughed, but he didn’t know why. Maybe it was the cool breeze that barely effected his temperature but tickled his bare arms. Or maybe it was the marvelous new house, built by real human blood and sweat. _Or maybe it was them_ he thought dreamily. The city was beautiful still fresh with scars from the war but bustling with the promise of new life. Thousands of humans. They were loud, rude, unforgiving and right below his bedroom. He loved it.

            Angelo stepped in to their room and frowned when he saw his archangel leaning over the window. Gabriel had chosen a new vessel for the move and didn’t seem to have a problem showing it off to the world. She was a short young woman rounded out with ample curves and thick curly black hair. She had green eyes that outmatched the greens of the Earth and a smirk that could make any man sin. Angelo shut the window and pulled down the curtains.

            “What are doing flashing yourself to the city? Do you want all of New York to see your undergarments?” Gabriel played with the ends of his white nightgown with a coy grin.

            “I wasn’t flashing, I was people watching.”

            “I’m sure the people enjoyed _watching_ you. Why, look, your breasts are a slip away from falling out your dress!”

            “That’s not my fault,” he insisted. “That’s a default on the clothing.”

            “Are you saying I bought you cheap clothing?” Gabriel laughed and threw himself into the arms of his lover. Angelo pulled Gabriel in close to his chest and rested his chin upon the archangel’s head. Gabriel made a pleased humming noise, and Angelo smiled. “I take it you like this place.”

            “I do, it’s just…”

            “What?” Angelo pulled away to stare worriedly down at Gabriel. “Do you not like the view of the city? Is it too flashy? Are the flower beds outside too much? I can have them removed. I’ll just snap my fingers and change it all.”

            “Angelo, it’s fine. I love the city and the flower beds.” Angelo rolled his head back in a happy sigh. “And what happened to a no-angel power fresh start? I thought you wanted to be normal.”

            “Not if it means making you unhappy.”

            “Well, I’m very happy.” Gabriel stood on his tip toes to push a chaste kiss to the angel’s lips. “It’s just this house. It’s so big! There are way more rooms than we need. Unless you plan to be throwing lavish New Yorker parties every night.” Angelo smiled shaking his head.

            “You know that’s not me. I do books and you do parties remember?”

            “Ah, yes. I do. Then why all the space?”

            “Well, Gabriel. We’ve been together for almost nine years now. With you I almost feel like I’m free of all the ties of being an angel. I love being human! I want to do all the humans things with you, get a house, buy a ring and now…” Angelo paused laughing nervously as his pale cheeks glowed red.

            “You’re blushing like a school girl,” Gabriel teased.

            “Oh, shut up.” He took the archangel’s hands but the nerves refused to leave him. “Do you want to have kids?”

            “What?”

            “Err do you want to have a baby with me?” Gabriel tilted his head, confused looking like he saw a ghost speaking a different language. “I mean, we finally have a life. Not on the run from angels and God. We can start a real life here. A family.” Gabriel shook his head.

            “Angelo, I’m always on the run. My brothers won’t stop looking for me until they find me dead.”

            “You can’t just run forever!” he snapped. Gabriel turned his back on Angelo and headed back over to the window. “I thought this was forever.” Gabriel winced at the soft pain in his voice.

            “Nothing is forever with me, Angelo. You know that.”

            “Then why did you trick me? Why did you let me fall in love with you?”

            “I warned you from the start! There is no permanence with me. I have to stay low, and I have to keep moving.”

            “Then what was this?” Angelo asked. Gabriel couldn’t look at him. He could hear the tears in his voice.

            “A good time?” Gabriel answered softly.

            “Is that all I am to you? Just some game you play for ten years?”

            “Of course not.” Gabriel watched the people scattering about outside. They were just below him, but they looked so small. Like they were miles away. Their little happy lives felt so far away. Gabriel turned back around to see tears falling down his angel’s cheeks. “I love you Angelo, but the way we live our life. It’s not right for kids.”

            “Do you think we can stop travelling all over the world? Maybe one day we can just settle down and live normal lives? Not worrying about angels or Heaven?”

            “I don’t think so. It’s not safe.”

            “I’ll protect you. I won’t let Michael take you away, and I wouldn’t let anything happen to our family. Please, could you have a little faith in me? In us?” Gabriel laughed bitterly hiding a sob behind it.

            “You can’t protect me from him, and _I_ can’t protect you from him.”

            “We could try.”

            “Or you could get killed and I’d have to face the wrath of Heaven alone. No thanks.” Angel breathed out long and slow and rubbed the tears out of his eyes.

            “I don’t think I can do this life with you anymore,” he said quietly. Gabriel’s mind flashed back to all the promises. The time Angelo promised to leave Heaven and run away with him. _I promise_. The time Angelo swore to fight any angels who got in their way. _I promise_. The time he vowed to never abandon him pushing a ring to his finger and a kiss to his mouth. _Promise my ass._

            Gabriel couldn’t even process what he wanted to say or how he felt. He shut his eyes and screamed for a solid ten seconds, easily blowing the glass out the windows and deafening half of New York. He opened his glowing eyes to glare at the angel cowering in fear. He thought of all the angels, humans and gods he’d gotten with since he ran away. _None of them! None of them could understand!_ They all left him. They couldn’t deal with how _“complicated”_ he was. He thought Angelo would stay, but he was wrong. For a few years he didn’t feel alone. He felt safe, and now the security was being ripped out from under him. He was alone again, scared and upset and lost. The archangel without a home. The archangel without a family. A part of him wanted to kill that bastard, and he could too. It wouldn’t take any effort on Gabriel’s part to reduce Angelo to a pile of dust, but there was something in his chest that wouldn’t let him do it. Maybe it was the bright fear in Angelo’s round blue eyes. Or maybe it was his dark green wings that wrapped around Gabriel at night. _Maybe it was all of his promises and I love yous._ Gabriel let out another cry of pain feeling like something had snapped in his vessel’s heart. He dropped to his knees collapsing into loud sobs.

            “Gabriel?” Angelo asked hesitantly. He knelt at Gabriel’s side, a hand on his shoulder with that sincere face that could always heal him. _The one he wore when he said he loved me._ Gabriel sniffled and shrugged off Angelo.

            “Take this bitch and have a thousand babies with her.” Gabriel ejected himself from the vessel and flew until he couldn’t hear Angelo’s cries anymore.


	19. Baggage and Lifetime Guarantees

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhhh this chapter is pretty late, sorry. I've been sick, enjoy!

~Present Day~

            “So let me get this straight, Lucifer killed you, and then a few years later God revived you just to put you in this Indirect Fertilization. Then you found Castiel and the Winchesters and got them to help. Now you’re here, asking me and Tod to adopt your child or possible many children.” Gabriel ran a nervous hand over his stomach.

            “Well, Angels, you know what they say: Can’t just get one.” Angelo stared ahead like he was watching something unfold in another world or another time, and Gabriel began to grow more anxious. He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. “Feel free to say something, before I vomit.” Angelo snapped back into reality as his eyes rounded with fear.

            “Are you actually going to…?” Gabriel waved him off.

            “No! No, I’ll be fine.”

            “I’m sorry this is just so much. I really want to just stab you in the neck, for showing up here without any warning at all.” There was a small a comfort for Gabriel in knowing that Angelo hadn’t changed too much. _Still a tight ass who hates surprises_. “But then I also want to hug you. I thought I’d never see you again.”

            “Did you seriously think I’d die without you?”

            “You already have apparently.” Gabriel pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. Angelo remembered all the vessels he saw Gabriel pull that pouty face. No matter the vessel they all had the same angry eyes too mean for the adorable bottom lip.

            “I’ve been doing fine on my own!” Angelo almost pointed out basically the entire story as evidence as this so called “fine”, but he let it go. “I know I’m probably the last person you expected to see, but I remember you wanted kids. So maybe we can help each other. You can have my babies, and I can keep up my amazing bachelor lifestyle.”

            “First of all, ‘having your babies’ doesn’t sound right,” he said suppressing a grin. “Secondly, after you left me I wasn’t just pining for the perfect domestic home life. I gave up on that dream because you were the only one I wanted that with.” Gabriel winced inwardly at his words but forced himself to appear unaffected. “Once I realized you weren’t coming back, I returned to Heaven. Sure, I wasn’t the most appreciated angel there, but at least I had a family again. It was safe and structured and then… Then the fall happened and my world was thrown into chaos.” Angelo’s expression darkened for a moment, but he shook it off quickly repressing the memory. “I wasn’t thinking about love or kids-I just wanted to survive.”

            “I thought you’d be rejoicing after the fall,” Gabriel said. “You were the one who always wanted to be a real boy.”

            “Huh, yeah, but being stripped of my wings and ejected from my home wasn’t exactly how I planned on starting my human life. It was… lonelier than I expected.” Gabriel remembered the time he felt abandoned by Angelo. The eternal loneliness that surrounded him once he again. He hated it, but he survived with that terrifying isolation for years. He never thought to realize that he _abandoned_ Angelo. Angelo had never been on Earth alone, and to be cast out of Heaven… _He must have been so scared_. “Then I found Tod or he found me I should say. Stealing bus passes from his old apartment.” A wistful glaze danced over Angelo’s eyes.

            “I was wondering about your six foot sexy rebound.”

            “He’s not a rebound!” Angelo snapped. “It’s been centuries since we’ve been together.”

            “Ok, ok.” Gabriel put up his hands defensively. “Was he your first since me?” Angelo felt a wave of warmth rush over his neck.

            “W-what does it matter? That’s none of your business!” Gabriel laughed, and Angelo fumed.

            “Ok, I’ll stop. I’m sorry… Is he better than me?”

            “ _Gabriel!_ ”

            “No, I get it. Riding humans is quite a trip, especially the one you got there. I bet he’s packing-”

            “We’re not here to talk about that,” he said tiredly.

            “Then let’s get back to my offer. You want a kid or not?”

            “Why would I even consider this? You know Tod and I can have our own children right?”

            “Yeah, I know you two are _way_ more than capable of producing babies, but I also know you, Angelo. You want to live the normal human life. I don’t think society is going to be too kind to the pregnant gay couple.” Angelo glared at the archangel, and Gabriel knew he thought this through. _Angelo always thinks things through_. He kind of reminded him of a tall flannel wearing dork. “Besides you don’t really seem like the pregnancy type.”

            “Neither do you, yet here we are.”

            “Touché,” Gabriel said.

            “But you’re right.” Gabriel perked up, not expecting those words to ever come out of Angelo’s mouth. “I’ve found someone who actually wants to settle down with me. It would be foolish for us not to look into this opportunity.”

            “So you admit it. He is better than me.”

            “Tod is uncomplicated,” Angelo said knowing he hit a nerve on the archangel. Gabriel played it cool outwardly and pressed a small smile. “We will have to talk it over.”

            “Of course.” Angelo nodded and headed off into the kitchen. Gabriel sat alone anxiously waiting for someone to come join him. _Is Angelo actually considering this?_ He couldn’t let himself believe that far. He knew it was a stretch, but _what if everything actually worked out? Does Angelo really want this child? God, what if he thinks I’m just dumping some other problem on him? No, if he didn’t this I wouldn’t have gotten this far._ It was always hard to read Angelo’s feelings _. Is he annoyed? Is he excited_? Always hiding his emotions behind a sharp sternness. Gabriel couldn’t help but think of the parallels to Sam. The precious hopeful eyes of a puppy hiding under cold refined gaze of wolves. _Maybe I do have a type_.

***

 

~A few Minutes Earlier, In the Kitchen~

            Tod proceeded to brew some green tea while Castiel typed away on his smart phone.

            ‘When can I tell Gabriel who you are? He’s starting to become suspicious.’ She responded a few seconds later with several emojis with a finger over their lips. Cas grinned at his phone. _Ariel always uses emoticons_.

            ‘Have patience. I don’t want to stress him out. We didn’t exactly leave on the best of terms. He deserves to see me in person. You can understand that right?’ Cas wanted to ask her what this falling out was, but every time he did she always managed to dance around the question.

            ‘Fine.’

            ‘Thank you!’ she texted back with three pink heart emoticons. Castiel realized he had been ignoring Tod the entire time and hastily stuffed his phone back into his pocket.

            “You know you don’t have to make tea for us. Gabriel isn’t too fond of it, and Angelo and I don’t even need beverages,” he said lamely attempting conversation.

            “I know,” Tom said coolly. “But tea calms Angie down. Might help both of you if he’s less tense, right?”

            “Huh.” It reminded him of what alcohol did for his hunters. “So how did you and Angelo meet? Are you a hunter?” Tod chuckled.

            “Nah. Guess I’m just lucky.”

            “I wouldn’t call it luck to be in love with an angel. Relationships between us aren’t safe. It is greatly unwise.”

            “You sound like Angie when we first met. Once I finally realized he was an actual angel, and not some crazy homeless person trying to rob me.”

            “You humans are often hard to believe our existence,” Cas said quizzically. Tod shrugged.

            “It’s not every day you find an angel in your living room. It’s kind of hard to believe, but after that global meteor shower and he flashed me the glowing eyes, I pretty much got it all from there.”

            “Why did Angelo tell you who he really was?”

            “I didn’t really give him much a choice,” Tod admitted with an embarrassed grin. “I lived in a bad part of the city at the time, and it wasn’t uncommon to come home and see people robbing you. Then I see Angie, taking my cash and bus passes all beaten and bloody, muttering to himself something about Metatron and the Angels falling from Heaven.” Cas cringed remembering that fateful moment years ago. When the angels fell and almost all hope was lost. Because of him. “Normally, I’d take these guys to the nearest homeless shelter, but I was curious. I told him he couldn’t leave my place unless he told me what was going on. So he spilled; the whole deal with the angels falling out of Heaven, Metatron, you, the fact of angels actually existing-”

            “You know Angelo could’ve killed you,” Cas said still confused about their meeting. “Or at least disabled you, to get what he wanted.”

            “Knowing what I do now, totally, but back then I didn’t know how powerful he was. I don’t know why he told me the truth. I guess he thought I deserved to know.”

            “Huh.”

            “So I let him stay at my place until he healed from the fall, he taught me some angel warding and banishing sigils. I read up on Christian lore, taught him to make roman noodles and clean the dishes. Then a few days became weeks, and weeks became months. I didn’t know much about Angel biology, but Angie looked healed up to me. I guessed he preferred me and my ratty apartment over Heaven, so I asked him to a movie and the rest is history.”

            “Wow,” Cas said. He never thought about angel and human relationships beside the ones between angels and their vessels or hunters and angels. He found it perplexing that they could fall in love without supernatural ties, but also beautiful that humans were so adaptive. They were willing to give up so much for the ones they love. “That is incredible.” Tod laughed and the contagiousness of it spread a smile across the angel’s lips.

            “Well it’s not the Notebook, but it’s our story.” Angelo pushed his way into the kitchen shooting a predatory glance at Castiel.

            “We need to talk,” he said to Tod. He fixed his sharp gaze back on the innocent blue eyed angel. “Alone.” Cas nodded understandably.

            “Yeah, I’ll just go back in the other-”

            “No.” Angelo took Tod by the hand and led him towards the other door. “We’re going upstairs.”

            “Why?”

            “Because I know Gabriel.” They disappeared without another word of explanation. Cas opened the door to the living room, and Gabriel stumbled in barreling into him. Castiel caught his brother in his arms and steadied him. Gabriel pushed his hair out of his face and flashed a sheepish grin.

            “So um… Any decision being made?” Castiel pushed past the archangel rolling his eyes.

            “No use in trying to listen through the door. They went upstairs.” Cas plopped down on the couch, and Gabriel followed with a pout on his lips.

            “This wait is going to kill me!”

            “Calm down. What has it been thirty seconds? And you’re already impatient.”

            “Patience isn’t really one of virtues, Castiel.”

            “Then you better make it one. This isn’t some knee jerk decision. This is the life a living child. I doubt Angelo and Tod will even make this decision today.” Gabriel rolled his head back in a tired sigh.

            “I know,” he said. “I just really want to know, ya know?”

            “No,” Cas said flatly. “I have never been in a situation remotely similar.” Gabriel groaned at the angel’s cluelessness.

            “You’re supposed to humor me, Cas.”

            “Oh.” Cas awkwardly patted Gabriel on the shoulder. He plastered on a fake grin. “Yes, I completely understand your pain.”

            “Cas?”

            “Yes?”

            “Stop.”

***

 

            “So, what’re you thinking?” Tod asked. Angelo paced around their bedroom biting furiously at his nails. Tod couldn’t help but smile at the history of his angel’s nervous ticks. Angels weren’t supposed to pace, they weren’t supposed to bite their nails. They were regal and infallible, but Angelo wanted all of his angelic attributes gone. He picked Tod for his human role model, and studied all of his human quirks.

            _“You shouldn’t bite your nails,” Tod said emptying his third piggy bank. This piggy had white wings painted on its sides and a little harp below its porcelain nose. Tod picked out at a garage sale and gave it to Angelo for the previous Christmas. He wasn’t amused, but Tod found it hilarious. Tod counted up thirteen dollars and eleven cents. He pushed it into their growing pile of cash and coins. He glanced up at Angelo and smiled. The angel had three fingers in his mouth and the other he concentrated intensely on counting the pile of pennies they found at the laundry mat. “Stop that.”_

_“Why?” he snapped. “I’ve seen hundreds of humans do it. You do it!”_

_“I know. It’s just a bad habit to get into.”_

_“I’m confused. You admit to doing it yourself, but you want me to stop?”_

_“Just never mind,” Tod said tiredly. “How much you got?”_

_“Four dollars ninety-seven cents.”_

_“Wow, we actually acceded our rent this time.” It took a while to get Angelo to understand the concept of rent, but he seemed to get it, letting a toothy grin fall over his face._

_“That’s incredible! What are you going to do with the extra money?”_

_“Not sure yet…” Tod admired the angel on his couch. He wore an idiotic grin that looked almost out of place on the stiff angel, and Tod’s clothes a couple sizes too big. He couldn’t believe this precious man in Avengers boxers was one of the most powerful creatures in the universe. Tod watched Angelo push a few strands of hair out of his face, and Angelo watched him back. Not the way Angelo watched people, like he was studying them for some sort of test, but with a gleam of admiration in his eyes and a sweet rosiness in his cheeks. Tod felt bad that Angelo’s first experiences with becoming human were scraping coins off the laundromat floor. He wanted to show him what humanity really had to offer, but he could barely afford rent. Maybe I can show him a good time he thought rubbing two quarters together. “Do you want to see a movie with me?”_

_“A movie?” The redness in Angelo’s cheeks deepened, and Tod smiled. “I-I don’t understand. We have a TV right here.”_

_“Yeah, a crappy box TV that has four channels. Have you ever been to a real movie theater? With the big screen and popcorn?”_

_“You should spend the money on something more important, and not on me. I can’t possibly-”_

_“Then it’s a date. Go put on some pants and a jacket. I’ll see if there’s any horror films playing tonight.”_

_“A d-date?” Angelo stammered out nervously rubbing his hands together._

_“You scared?” Tod teased._

_“Of course not!”_

_“That’s too bad,” Tod said grabbing Angelo’s jacket from the coat rack. He draped it over Angelo’s shoulders smiling at how the fabric seemed to swallow him. “I was gonna hold your hand if you got too scared.” Angelo tilted his head to the side in a confused stare. He carefully laced his fingers around the taller man’s and Tod stepped in closer so Angelo had to look up at him._

_“You want to take me out on a date because you like me. Correct?” Tod knew he wasn’t Angelo’s first, but he knew Angelo didn’t like to think about his past relationship. He acted like his first relationship never happened, and from the fearful look in his eyes you’d think he’d never been with anyone._

_“Yes, Angie. I want to go on a date with you because I like you. I like the cute flashes of light I see in your eyes whenever you’re pissed. I like your laugh that’s so hard to get out of you. I like how you manage to block out the entire world when you lock yourself in a book. I **like** you.” Angelo shifted from one foot to the other, feeling something strange blooming in his vessel. Something that ignited in his chest and fanned out through his body. He felt weak in the knees and lightheaded. He hadn’t felt something like this in centuries. He couldn’t put a name to the feeling, but he knew he liked it. “And I’m thinking you like me back?” Tod said with a playful smirk. Angelo planted his hands on Tod’s cheeks pulling him down into a long kiss. Tod began to deepen the kiss and Angelo jerked away. _

_“I’m sorry. That was inappropriate. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have-”_

_“Angie. I love hearing your voice, but shut up.” He caught the angel by his hips and drew him into another kiss. Angelo moaned around his lips, and Tod picked him up, switching his grip to clutch his ass. Tod laid Angelo on the couch and crawled over him. “You still want to see a movie?”_

_“Tomorrow,” he said hastily tugging down Tod’s sweat pants. “I’d rather see the rest of you.”_

_“Sounds like a plan.”_

            “Hey!” Tod snapped out his memory to his angst ridden angel pacing in front of him.

            “Sorry I was just daydreaming.”

            “What do you think of all this? Should we really consider adopting Gabriel’s baby?” Tod shrugged.

            “I don’t see why not. The timing is right. We’ve been looking to adopt a baby, and now he shows up offering us one. This would be easier than going through the process of adopting a human baby.” Angelo plopped down on the bed sighing frustratingly.

            “I didn’t even think of that. This baby isn’t even going to be human!” Tod rubbed his husband’s back in slow circles.

            “To be fair, neither are you.”

            “Can’t I pretend to fit in?”

            “You fit in great, Angie,” he said reassuringly. “It’s just this would be easier, explaining angels and demons and everything to a kid who’s actually an angel. Also you’d have someone to look after once I’m gone.” Angelo pinched the covers in his fists not wanting to think about the day he’d have to watch Tod grow old and leave the Earth without him.

            “I know. It’s just…” Tod took Angelo’s small hand in his.

            “What is it baby?”

            “It’s Gabriel! You know I have a history with him. I don’t know if I can raise my ex lover’s child. It’d be too weird-too painful! What if I can’t look into my child’s eyes because all I can see is Gabriel?” Angelo was shaking now biting back tears, and Tod had his arm around his shoulder bringing the angel in close to his chest.

            “I know, I know, but remember this kid isn’t all Gabriel, and he isn’t even wearing the vessel you knew when you were in love. This child could be entirely different than Gabriel. In personality and in looks, and maybe they won’t. Maybe it will hurt too much to adopt his baby, but we don’t know that yet. I’m not asking you to commit to this a hundred percent, but maybe we could consider it? Once the baby is born, and if you don’t want to we won’t. You wanna try?” Angelo nodded against Tod’s chest.

            “I just want a baby,” he said quietly. Tod pressed a light kiss to Angelo’s head.

            “Me too.”


	20. Maybe I'll Medicate, Maybe Inebriate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh I'm sorry this chapter took so long, I'm not getting better at updating, but I'll try. I had a lot of fun with this chapter, so hope you guys enjoy

           Michael looked over his vessel in the gas station bathroom. Her once dark shiny hair was now matted with garnet splotches, and her porcelain skin was splattered with demon blood. _Some of it’s my blood_ he thought warily going over the deep gash just below the side of his neck. In the angel’s mission to rescue Michael from the cage, they found no sign of Lucifer or Crowley. They told him that there were rumors of Lucifer rising up to take over the Earth again, and that God was doing nothing in his power to stop the devil. _They need me_ Michael thought. He loved his father, but he loved Heaven more _. They need a ruler who will take charge. Someone who will make Heaven right again. Someone who will give the angels a purpose. They need me._

            _But I’m weak_. He pressed his hand against the cut on his neck willing his grace to heal his vessel, but to no avail. The wound remained and began to fester.

            “No,” he said in disbelief. _All those years in the cage have ruined me_. He would heal eventually. His grace was still intact, _but how long would it take to recover? What if the angels find out how powerless I am? Who will lead them?_

            He outstretched his wings and gasped in pain, immediately drawing them back to his body. They were sore from years of being cramped in to the cage. The inactivity of his grace left them dry and limp, once broad rich black feathers now a greying deadweight appendages. _They were hideous for sure_ he thought. Unable to strike fear into any demon nor angel. But worse, they were futile. _What type of angel am I if I can’t fly? An angel with broken wings. Just as hopeless as an angel with no wings._

            “No.” He turned on the sink and washed the dried blood off his vessel’s skin. He took a few wads of paper towels and padded down the open wounds. _I am not weak. I will be well again. It just takes time_ he reminded himself. _I will be strong again. I will be the leader the angels deserve, and the god humanity needs_. He decided to wait until he recovered to strike against God. _In the meantime, I’ll have to stay informed_. What he got from the angels who rescued him were just broken bits of rumors and gossip. All they knew is what they could configured from upstairs. He needed the angels on Earth. The ones on the inside.

            He left the bathroom feeling confident and looking almost presentable with a black coat strung over him covering most of the blood. He charmed his way into getting some money from the cashier, after walking a few blocks managed to get a taxi. He was the most powerless he had ever been in his entire existence, but he had a plan and that gave Michael security. It gave him hope.

            “Where to, sweetie?” He knew of all the rogue angels and their general locations. He thought he’d start off with an old loyal friend.

            “As close as you can get to Denver, Colorado.”

***

 

            Gabriel and Cas sat on the couch quietly. Well as quite as it could be with Gabriel slurping on his tea. He wanted alcohol-oh he _needed_ alcohol to get through this anticipation. But of course _, Mr. Buzzkill_ insisted it could be bad for the baby and served him the green tea Tod had left on the counter. Castiel busied himself by engaging in an emoji war with Ariel. She sent him the monkey covering his eyes, and he responded with the suggestive winking emoji. Gabriel sipped idly on his tea, not really caring about the loud slurping noises he made.

            “Could you sip that any louder?” Castiel asked annoyed. Gabriel looked him dead in the eye and took one long swig slurping as loud as he possibly could. He rolled his eyes at the archangel and returned to texting Ariel.

            Angelo and Tod walked in through the kitchen each with a cup of tea in their hands and giddy grin on their faces. Gabriel could’ve imagined it, knowing the cold stoic angel Angelo was, but he could’ve sworn he saw the glint of tears in his eyes. Angelo sat down on the couch beside them, and Tod took his seat on the coffee table.

            “We’re not saying yes,” Angelo said flatly, “but we will consider it.”

            “Really?” Gabriel eyes lit up. “You’re serious?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Thank you!” Before either of them could register what was happening, Gabriel had thrown his arms around Angelo’s neck. He yelped at the sudden embrace suddenly thinking back to the last time he touched Gabriel like this. He hadn’t felt the comfort of his grace or the brush of his wings in centuries, but he welcomed it whole heartedly. They drew back from the hug, and they both realized they each had the promise of joyful tears shining in their eyes. Angelo cleared his throat trying to regain his serious composure.

            “We do have some concerns.”

            “And questions,” Tod added.

            “Ask away.” Tod and Angelo exchanged a few glances like they were having some telepathic conversation. Finally Tod spoke up.

            “If it’s not too personal,” he said gently, “we would like to know who the baby’s biological father is.” Gabriel winced visibly, and Angelo and Tod looked nervous.

            “Would it affect your decision if you knew?”

            “Of course,” Angelo said like it was a stupid question. “I don’t want my kid to have a drug addiction in his blood.” Cas almost pointed out that Sam did in fact have an addiction to demon blood in the past that could possibly affect his offspring, but for the time being he decided to keep quiet. “You do know who the father is right?”

            “I do!” Gabriel insisted. “He’s just not the most popular with Heaven.”

            “Half the angels aren’t welcomed by Heaven. We’re living in the era of rebellion. Just tell me Gabriel.” The archangel took a deep breath, and began to wonder if he named some no name hunter _would they be ok with it?_

            “His name is Sam Winchester.” Angelo’s eyes rounded, and Tod’s jaw dropped open.

            “ _The_ Sam Winchester?” Tod asked.

            “The Sam who saved the world?” Angelo asked.

            “Depends who you ask,” Gabriel said sheepishly. Their shocked expressions didn’t falter, and Gabriel began to panic. _Shit, shit, shit! Why didn’t you just lie?_ “I know he has a history with heaven and angels, but I promise you won’t regret raising his child. He has so many good genes, I can barely count them all. He’s tall for one thing, athletic, beautiful head of hair and the most amazing eyes. He’s strong willed, you might not like that when you have a teenager, but he won’t take shit from anyone. He’s kind and one of the bravest humans I’ve ever met. He’s determined and passionate-”

            “Gabriel!” Angelo shocked him out of his rant. A warm smile fell over Angelo’s lips. “We’d be honored to have Sam Winchester’s child.”

            “Really?” Angelo took Tod’s hand and they seemed to have another conversation, the others couldn’t hear.

            “Yes.”

            “I thought angels hated him.”

            “Oh they do,” Angelo said. “A lot of them that is. He disrupted Heaven’s entire plan, but he stopped the apocalypse. I love Earth, and I love the humans,” he added shooting a soft glance to Tod. “Michael and Lucifer almost destroyed everything I loved. I am in debt to Sam Winchester.”

            “Wow.” Gabriel couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He never thought this would actually work out. He had given up over and over again, but maybe now it was safe to have hope again. “This is just awesome.”

            “I do have one more concern,” Angelo said his voice sounding a little nervous.

            “Shoot.”

            “Do you think God would want us to do this? I mean he doesn’t do anything without reason. He put you and Sam into this Indirect Fertilization, so you could have a family together. Should we be messing with his plan?”

            “I personally don’t give rat’s ass about his ‘plan’ for Sam and me.” Angelo didn’t appear any less concerned, and Gabriel tried to sound more sincere. “But if you’re worried God will interfere or take your baby away, he won’t. I’ve seen him do this process before, and he won’t do anything past impregnating the couple.”  That seemed to ease Angelo’s nerves a little. “So, have you guys thought about any names?” That brought a giddy smile to the angel’s face.

            “I like the names Eleonore and Trey.”

            “I prefer more traditional biblical names,” Tod said earning an eye roll from Angelo. “Maybe John or Adam.”

            “You’re just saying that to mess with me. I swear! You know I don’t want any stigma to Christianity.” They spent another few hours together bickering about names and cooing over Gabriel’s pregnancy. They were having fun, and the painful break between Gabriel and Angelo was starting to mend. Sure, neither of them had the humility to apologize for the way they left off, but somewhere in their time together there was an understood forgiveness. They could never be what they were centuries ago (obviously), but in Angelo Gabriel found a friend he didn’t know he needed. They day felt peaceful and lighthearted, and the sun shone brightly down on their cul-de-sac.

            Castiel laughed at all of Tod’s jokes, and he smiled watching the bond between Angelo and Gabriel strengthen. He wanted to be happy with them, he wanted to celebrate, but an uneasy thought loomed over his head. _What if Sam wants to keep the baby?_ Ultimately, he knew it was Gabriel’s choice, but how would Sam feel if he changed his mind? _How would he feel if Gabriel went behind his back and made another knee jerk decision?_ He accepted a cup of tea from Tod. Gabriel was saying something, talking too fast for Castiel to comprehend and Angelo was laughing, going completely red in the face. He sipped on his green tea and pushed the Winchesters to the back of his mind. _One problem at a time._

_***_

 

            Michael walked into the strip club earning a chorus of hoots and hollers from the men. One of them pinched at his skirt, and he slapped the foreign hand away.

            “Touch me again, mortal and it will be the last thing you ever do.” The man put his hands up like he was innocent and slowly backed away. Michael kept his eyes peeled for the angel and for any other horny men who wanted to try him. He hated being without his angelic senses. He felt blind in the midst of humans, lights and alcohol. Even worse, he felt vulnerable. He didn’t want to admit it, but if they wanted to those guys could have totally got the jump on him. _Maybe I should have brought back up_ he thought eyeing a large male who continued to flash drunken winks at him. But he couldn’t let the angels know he was going to visit a rogue. _The angels need to respect me, and if these drunkards knew who I was damnit they’d be kissing my feet._

            A young blonde woman slung her arm over Michael’s shoulder. She blew a puff of smoke in his face, and Michael coughed.

            “You look a little lost sweetie,” she said with trails of smoke falling over her pink lips.

            “I’m looking for someone.”

            “You wanna work here?”

            “Her name is Ariel.”

            “Damn you sure have the figure,” she said going over his vessel. “How much would it take to get you on that pole?” Michael broke out of her grasp at the sound of a car racing out of the parking lot. He sprinted outside almost to get run over by a white convertible. The car jerked to a stop kicking up rocks and dirt into the archangel.

            “Get out of the car, Ariel,” he said trying to sound forceful in his weakened state. She stepped out slowly keeping her hands respectively behind her back. She dipped her head in greeting.

            “M-Michael.” Her voice was trembling and a new confidence surged through the archangel. “It’s an honor.”

            “Why are you here Ariel? You were loyal and a strong soldier. You deserve to be in Heaven.”

            “Why are you here?” she shot back. “I’m just a rogue. Why aren’t you punishing me?”

            “Because I need you. I need to know what’s going on around Earth. I’ve been gone for so long. I want to know everything God has done in my absence. I want to know what my brothers have been up to. I want to know everything on the Winchesters. Anything you have on those matters could be helpful to me.” A tiny smirk twisted Ariel’s lips.

            “If you wanted all that information, then you would’ve gotten it already. Why don’t you just search my memories, Michael?”

            “I wanted to give you choice in the matter,” he said.

            “Since when do you believe in free will?” He was able to go through Iris’ head and scan through her memories, but the action had taken its toll on his vessel. He needed to heal, but he was in no position to let go of his pride. He placed his hand over Ariel’s forehead and pushed into her mind. He felt his grace reach out then retract back into him striking him like a bolt of lightning. He fell back onto the road, and Ariel stood over him laughing tauntingly.

            “I knew it! Those years in the cage weren’t too kind to you, huh?” Michael forced himself to sit up groaning at the heat burning in his chest. _It’s worse than I thought._

            “You can’t tell anyone about my condition.”

            “Who’s going to stop me?”

            “When I heal, I will kill you,” he promised.

            “Or I could kill you now and end all of this.” She took an angel blade out of the car door holding it up to catch the light. “I know about your little plan to take over Heaven. To become the _new god_.” She knelt down to the archangel, caught his collar in her fist and pressed the tip of her angel blade into his neck. “That hasn’t ended well for anyone. Not for Cas, not for Naomi and not for Metatron. We don’t need someone _pretending_ to be God again.” She pushed on the blade a little harder just barely breaking Michael’s skin. “Now, what should I do? Drag your ass back to pit or kill you right here in the parking lot?”

            “You wouldn’t.”

            “Oh, I really would.”

            “Ariel, you have to admit; Heaven is falling apart. God isn’t what he used to be, we need a new leader.”

            “That’s what they all said.” Her blade went a little deeper, and Michael coughed spitting up blood.

            “I’m not those angels. I’m an archangel, I was with God when he was at his prime. I know how to restore Heaven.” Ariel drew her sword out of his skin but kept it close just hovering over his neck. “I remember you. I remember how much you hated the humans. If God knew, you would’ve been cast out over a millennia ago.”

            “What’s your point?”

            “My point is you hate Earth, and now you hate Heaven because it’s been ruined. If you help me, I can fix it. Then you can come home. All those rogues and renegades, they can come home. They’ll want to come home.”

            “How do you plan to do that?”

            “I’m working on it.” Ariel snorted.

            “That’s reassuring.”

            “It will start with a regime change of course, but I need your help.” Ariel let go of the archangel and he flopped back down to the pavement.

            “I’ll help you, give you the information you need, a place you can stay to heal, anything you want, but you have to do me some small favors.”

            “You must take me for a fool,” he spat. “I don’t make deals.”

            “And I don’t kill archangels, but I’m willing to step out of my comfort zone.”

            “Fine.”

            “First off after I help you, I want this deal to have never happened. You don’t speak of it to anyone, and our relationship is unchanged.” Michael rolled his eyes.

            “Trust me, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

            “Secondly, I want protection. Me, Castiel, Gabriel and his child. They’re to remain unharmed by any of your angels.” Michael perked up.

            “Gabriel is expecting?” he asked curious.

            “Do we have a deal or not?”

            “Yes.” Ariel stripped Michael of his angel blade and helped him into the passenger seat. She drove off without saying another word, and Michael began to wonder if he could really trust her.

            “Where are you taking me?” he asked.

            “A safe house. I’ll send some of my men to look after you, but after that I’m gone.” He nodded as they pulled on to the highway. “So what do you want to know?”

            “Everything.”

***

 

            The sun had set leaving a hazy pink and orange sky. Gabriel and Cas were on their way out all of the men (except Gabriel) a little buzzed from Tod’s wine collection. He didn’t mind that Cas insisted on his sobriety. He was too happy to be bothered. His child would have a safe home with people he trusted, and Tod and Angelo seemed ecstatic to have a baby on the way. Everything was working out perfectly. _Soon, everything could go back to normal_ he thought.

            They exchanged good byes at the doorway; Angelo shooting the angels a respectful nod, and Tod swallowing them both in hugs.

            “We’ll keep in touch,” he said with Gabriel crushed into him. Gabriel laughed into the man’s ribs.

            “Of course.” He didn’t want to pride either of them too much, but Gabriel had to admit Angelo found a great guy. He was poise in manner and handled everything with a sincere kindness. Funny, adaptive and no doubt he loved Angelo. He smiled pulling away from the taller man. He knew his child was in good hands.

            Castiel headed back to the car, and Tod went inside. The former lovers waited on the porch neither of them knowing what to say, but knowing something had to be said. Angelo leaned against the door and smoothed out his hair.

            “You’ll be alright?” he asked.

            “Probably,” he said jokingly. Angelo tilted his head as he stared at Gabriel. The archangel looked away suddenly feeling hot under those eyes. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

            “Sorry.” He shook his head breaking out of his trance. “It’s just-does it hurt?”

            “What?”

            “Your wings.” Gabriel flinched drawing in his wings close to his body suddenly very self-conscious. He forgot with the intimate connection they had, Angelo was the only one in that house that could see his true wings. _He saw how hideous they are_. He plucked at one of the dry feathers.

            “Sometimes. Some days it’s worse than others. Mostly they just feel heavy.”

            “Oh.” Angelo reached out like he was about to touch the archangel’s wings, but drew his hands in to scratch his neck.

            “But hey, it’s better than not having wings I guess. I mean- I’m luckier than most angels.” Angelo crossed his arms and shrugged. “How have you been doing since the fall?”

            “Pretty well I guess. I have a roof over my head and an amazing partner. It’s more than I could ever ask for.”

            “Do you ever miss Heaven?”

            “No,” Angelo said almost smiling. “The fall was terrible and chaotic, no doubt, but it was a release. I can finally be who I want to be.”

            “That’s great, Angelo.”

            “What about you? Do you ever miss the pearly white gates?”

            “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I guess I missed what it used to be. Back when God was running the show, and he actually knew what he was doing.”

            “That was a long time ago.”

            “It was.”

            “But anyway, um… This is kind of embarrassing to admit.” Angelo smiled sheepishly at the ground. “Before the fall, when I was on Earth some hunter or witch-I don’t really know- she attacked me with some curse or spell. It wasn’t serious, but I was really sick for a few days. My grace was working overtime to heal me, and my wings were practically deteriorating.”

            “Were they as bad as mine?” Gabriel asked watching a cluster of his feathers fall to the floor. Embarrassed, he bent down to pick them up. “Sorry.” Angelo laughed which Gabriel knew was a rare thing for him.

            “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it, and yeah, way worse. I know your wings will heal after the baby is born, but I found a cure if you’re looking for a fast solution.”

            “No, I like the sagging decaying wing look. It’s totally in right now.” Angelo cracked another laugh. _Twice in a row? He must be drunk_ Gabriel thought.

            “I was reading on angel anatomy, and the hands of an angel’s mate will cure their broken wings.”

            “That sounds like you just took it out of a nursery rhyme.”

            “It’s true! Well, from what I’ve heard from other angels it works. You should give it a try sometime.” Angelo shook his head quickly backtracking. “I didn’t mean you should try it with me. That’s a little…” Now they each had a matching pair of blush across their cheeks. Angelo cleared his throat. “You should uhh ask Sam. Yeah.”

            “Thanks, but I don’t think Sam’s really the masseuse type.”

            “It’s worth a try.” When they felt that neither of them had anything left to say, Gabriel started to leave, but Angelo pulled him into a tight hug. It should’ve felt familiar. It should’ve felt like all those times they held each other so close, but it didn’t. There was no nostalgia in the embrace, but a new friendship. They didn’t have to be enemies or lovers anymore. Maybe they could do this. Maybe they could just be friends.

            “Stay out of trouble.”

            “You only say that because I’m having your baby,” he said teasingly. They broke away from the hug, with Angelo’s arm still left on Gabriel’s back.

            “I mean it.” Gabriel smirked, pushed a chaste kiss to angel’s cheek and headed back to the car.

            “Ok, mom!”

            “And Gabriel.” He whipped back around halfway up the driveway to see Angelo shuffling his feet. He looked up with an apologetic look in his eyes.

            “About before, back in new York. I’m really-” Gabriel held his hand up to stop him, the past long since forgiven.

            “I know uh… Me too.” He reached the car with one last wave from Angelo when a black car pulled into the cul-de-sac. Castiel stepped out of the pimpmobile eyeing it suspiciously. Two men and two women stepped out of the new vehicle. He didn’t have his angel senses, but he knew they were angels from their stiff pant suits and identical blades. Gabriel rubbed his hands together nervously.

            “Sorry, guys. You just missed the party. Try calling tomorrow, we might be available.”

            “So it’s true,” one of the woman said. She stepped up to Gabriel. “You’re alive.” Gabriel recognized her. Dina, one of the spit fires under his command. _I guess they finally gave that pain in the ass a battalion._

            “Thanks for noticing.” She kicked him in the shin sending the archangel to his knees. Castiel raced over to him angel blade in hand, but the other angels held him back.

            “Get away from him!” Cas shouted. Gabriel gritted his teeth forcing himself to smile through the pain.

            “I don’t understand. God could have repaired Heaven- He could have given us our wings back, but you! He used his power to restore a runaway archangel.”

            “Guess I’m just his favorite.” She caught Gabriel’s collar and slugged him right in the mouth.

            “Maybe he’s sentimental, but what have you done to repay him? You were given this once in a lifetime opportunity, to be an angel again. You could’ve helped us. We needed you, but no, you spend your days screwing yourself until you get pregnant.” Gabriel licked the fresh cut on his bottom lip.

            “Wow, you guys really do think I’m a whore.” She punched him again this time barreling her knuckles into his soft cheek. “Ok! Ok! Just so you know, I didn’t choose this. I always wrap it before I tap it. _This_ was God.” Dina tilted her head in shock.

            “He put you in an indirect fertilization?” Gabriel nodded. She looked back at the other angels. “Do you hear this? God has been ignoring our prayers, our pleas so he can give this pathetic archangel a baby.” She launched several more punches screaming between each one. “He is weak! He is spineless! He is a negligent fool!” Gabriel spit blood on the road and wondered if she was talking about him or God.

            “Stop it, Dina,” Cas said. “Gabriel hasn’t done anything wrong. Your fight is with God.”

            “Maybe he will finally listen to us if we break all his favorites.”

            “We can’t kill him,” one of the other angel’s said. “You know we’re under Michael’s orders to leave them be.” Dina pulled her angel blade from her belt. She pressed the tip above Gabriel’s eyebrow and trailed it around his face.

            “I know, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun.” Dina let go of Gabriel as her eyes lit up in fluorescent blue. Gabriel crawled back just dodging her body slump forward onto the road. Angelo yanked his angel blade out of her back and faced the other angels.

            “Angelo,” the other woman said. “What are you doing?”

            “Saving the idiot who dumped me.” Angelo charged at her and the other angels released Castiel to surround him. Cas ran over to Gabriel and helped him up.

            “Are you alright?” Gabriel wiped a smear of blood away from his eye with the back of his hand.

            “I’ll live. Come on.” Gabriel took out his angel blade, and Cas shook his head.

            “You can’t fight.”

            “What? What am I some cheerleader on the bench?” Castiel ignored him to throw the woman off of Angelo. Gabriel jumped in, back to back with Angelo while the other two angels circled them.

            “Took you long enough. I’m assuming you like to watch me in pain.”

            “Oh definitely.” Angelo ducked as one of the angel’s swung at his head. “And whatever happened to staying out of trouble?”

            “You say that like I provoked this.” Gabriel was fighting an angel at least a head taller than him, but he was sloppy in his attack _. A crippled human could beat this lug_. He twisted the angel’s arm back forcing him up against the car.

            “So why are Cas and I on the no hit list?”

            “I’m not telling you a damn thing.” He reared up his leg and kicked Gabriel in the knee sending him back sputtering a string of curses. He kicked the Gabriel in the wrist knocking his angel blade to the ground. He threw Gabriel on to the pimpmobile shattering the windshield. He pummeled the archangel’s face until his fist were stained red, and Gabriel was spitting up chunks of his tooth.

            “You know if I was at full strength, you’d be a pile of ashes by now.”

            “I’m so scared,” he said tauntingly. Gabriel tilted his head to see the blue eyed angel behind him.

            “You really should be.” His eyes flashed white as Cas drove his angel blade through his chest. His vessel flopped down on the hood of the car.

            “Stop!” They whipped around to see the other woman holding Angelo in front of her with an angel blade across his throat. “I can’t kill you two, but I will kill him. I’ll do it! I swear!”

            “You won’t,” Gabriel challenged. Angelo shot him the harshest _‘I’m going to fucking murder you’_ looks he had ever seen.

            “You wanna bet on that?”

            “Let go of him, Lailah,” Cas said.

            “I will, once you hand Gabriel over to us.” Gabriel pressed his hand over his heart mocking offense.

            “Why does everyone think they can bargain me around? I’m not an object, I have feelings.”

            “Barely,” Angelo muttered.

            “Why do you want him?” Castiel asked.

            “It’s like Dina said, God isn’t listening to us. I don’t know what his game is, but he put his effort into resurrecting an archangel. He has to care about us. Maybe if we take one of his prized possessions he’ll start to be God again.”

            “Awe, Daddy isn’t giving you enough attention.”

            “Shut up!” Lailah jerked Angelo a little closer, and he winced.

            “Hate to break it to you sister, but God has his ears off for good. Using me as a bargaining chip isn’t going to work. I’ve prayed to him for months, and I’ve gotten nothing. He doesn’t care about me, he doesn’t care about any of us. He’s done.”

            “We have to try, right?” she said her voice breaking. A few tears slipped down her cheeks. “He has to care about us. He can’t leave us like this.” The Angels said nothing not knowing what to say to her. She sniffled and straightened her grip on Angelo.

            “I’m not giving up, and I won’t ask again.” Gabriel walked towards her, and the other angel took out a pair of Enochian handcuffs. Castiel caught his arm and yanked him back.

            “You can’t do this.”

            “I have to. I owe him that.”

            “Gabriel don’t-” Lailah slapped her hand over Angelo’s mouth.

            “Come on.” He held out his wrists trying to ignore Angelo aggressively shaking his head. _He’s gonna hate me for this, but at least he still has a life to live._

            “Slap em on me.” A loud gunshot made them all jump, except for Lailah who had a fresh bullet hole in the center of her head. Tod smiled proudly as her body slumped to the ground. _Damn, angel killing bullets and a marksman’s ability. Angelo better keep him_.

            The remaining angel charged at him, and Tod started to cock his gun. Tod took his aim, but he was too slow.

            “No!” Angelo ran up the driveway, stabbing the angel in the back just as the blade slipped out of Tod’s chest. “No, no, no, no, no!” The two bodies collapsed, but Angelo caught Tod in his arms. He pressed his palm onto the fresh wound. Tears bubbled over his eyes when Tod didn’t wake up. “No!” He applied more pressure, but Tod remained limp in his arms. “Wake up, wake up! Please, you’re not supposed to be dead. You’re supposed to live until I’m pushing you around in a wheel chair and you can barely remember my name. Remember all the babies we wanted, the trips we planned. God, please don’t be dead.” Angelo was sobbing now while the other two angels stared in shock. Gabriel couldn’t believe what he was seeing- he refused to! This wasn’t Tod’s fight. He didn’t deserve to get tangled up in their angel mess. He didn’t deserve this. Gabriel looked up at the darkening sky. _How could you have let this happen?_

            Gabriel kneeled down next to Angelo.

            “Angelo, I’m so-”

            “Leave.” Cas tugged on his arm.

            “Let’s go Gabriel,” he whispered. Gabriel shook his head. _How can I leave Angelo alone like this?_ He laid a hand on Angelo’s shoulder.

            “Angelo, please-”

            “Don’t touch me!” He hissed with glowing eyes. “I should have never let you back into my life. All you do is screw everything up. Get off my property and stay away. Don’t even think of looking for me again, or… I’ll kill you- I’ll kill you both.” Now Gabriel was on the verge of tears.

            “I just want to help.”

            “You’ve helped enough!” he snapped. A steady rain began to fall. The light fell from Angelo’s eyes, and he lowered his head to look at Tod’s lifeless body. “Just stop ruining my life, why don’t you go and off yourself Gabriel?” Gabriel left reluctantly with Cas’ persistence. Angelo didn’t deserve to be left alone. _Hell, he doesn’t deserve to lose the one he loved trying to save me._ Gabriel watched Angelo burying his face into Tod’s shoulder until they were just a speck in the distance.

            They drove silently and slowly, Cas being cautious with the rain and shattered windshield. Gabriel curled himself into the window hiding his face in his hands, but Castiel could still hear his cries.

            “There will be other angel families that want to adopt a baby,” he said pushing hope into his voice.

            “I killed him.”

            “Gabriel…”

            “If I wasn’t so hell bent on giving away my child, Tod would still be alive right now. Angelo would still be happy. I thought with this I was finally making things better, but I made everything worse.” He rubbed his eyes with the back of his sleeve. “You know they followed us right? Yeah, I admit it. Angels are after me. I can’t give up my child to anyone, Michael will probably track them down and kill them too.” _First Lucifer, now Michael. Why can’t my brothers let me have a happily ever after?_

            “So what are you going to do?” Gabriel shrugged.

            “I don’t really have much of a choice anymore.”

***

 

            Gabriel and Cas reached the bunker empty of any life except a giddy Raguel. He followed Gabriel to his room only to be locked out by the archangel. Gabriel plopped down on his bed reliving the day. He thought about Tod and his smooth demeanor. The way he answered the door with a bright gap toothed smile. His warm hugs that left Castiel so confused. They excited look in his eyes when he came downstairs with Angelo. His laugh that spread like the plague. _He didn’t deserve any of my shit. “Why don’t you just go and off yourself?” I wish I could Angelo, I really wish I could._

            When his body grew tired of crying, he headed into the kitchen. To his relief, Cas was nowhere to be seen. With Raguel as his only witness, he downed as much alcohol as he could possibly consume. He drank so much in his lifetime, that the taste of whiskey barely burned him anymore, but the effect… Now that he was practically human, it worked way faster. Gabriel stumbled into a chair, and Raguel barked.

            “Shut up, mutt.” He snatched as many bottles of scotch and beer as he could carry and headed up to his room.

***

 

            Sam and Dean got back to the bunker later that night. They split off with quick good nights, Sam heading up to his room and Dean heading to the kitchen. The car ride was long, and between spilling everything to Sam and hunting a crazy ghost he felt drained. He walked in to the kitchen with a cold beer on his mind. _I deserve this_. He opened the fridge and saw that it was mostly cleared out except a few of Sam’s smoothies. Dean shut the fridge with a new frustration brewing inside him. Only then did he notice Cas sitting at the table buried in some book.

            “Hey, Cas.”

            “Hey,” he said not looking up from the page.

            “Where’s all the beer? And my scotch?”

            “I didn’t drink any of it. Maybe you just forgot how much you drink when you got drunk.”

            “I didn’t drink _all_ of it. The fridge was stocked when I left, so only you and-crap.” He whipped around and headed for Gabriel’s room with Castiel not too far behind. They burst into the room to see Gabriel sprawled out on the floor, surrounded by empty bottles with Raguel sleeping in his lap. “You’ve got to be freaking kidding me!”

            “Hey, Dean-O, Asstiel,” Gabriel greeted them with a drunken salute.

            “What do we do?” Cas whispered. He reached out with a pinch of his angelic senses to feel the dog’s physical state and gasped. “Dean, the dog is drunk.”

            “Really?” The angel nodded, and Dean sighed. He scooped up the unconscious pup in his arms and handed him to Castiel.

            “Don’t take him away from me,” Gabriel whined. “Rags is the only one who understands me. He loves me!”

            “Can you heal the dog?”

            “I’m not sure,” Cas said giving Raguel a quizzical look.

            “If you can’t, take him to the vet, but don’t let Sam know. I’ll take care of Mr. Happy Hour.” Castiel tilted his head to the side.

            “Are we still talking about Gabriel?” Inwardly, he was smiling at the question that was so undoubtedly Cas, but outwardly he was still pissed that all his beer was gone.

            “Just go.” Dean locked the door behind him and kneeled down next to the archangel.

            “Are you gonna kiss me? I feel like we’re going to kiss. Is that what’s happening?” Gabriel puckered his lips and leaned in. Dean pushed his face away, despite his slight yearning to kiss those drunken lips and taste the whiskey on his own tongue.

            “What the hell is wrong with you? Getting drunk when you’re pregnant? And stealing another man’s whiskey is a whole new low, even for you.” Gabriel burped, and Dean winced at his breath. _Scratch that, maybe kissing him wouldn’t be the best idea._ Gabriel cleared his throat and swallowed down the liquor that threatened to rise up.

            “I got someone killed.”

            “We all have! Everyone in this bunker has blood on their hands, but we deal with it, and we don’t make stupid _dangerous_ decisions.”

            “Have you met me? Stupid, dangerous and stupid decisions is the title of my autobiography.”

            “Well start rewriting, ok. This isn’t you anymore. You’re having a kid, you’re not the wild impulsive trickster anymore. You need to buckle down and start taking all this shit seriously.” Gabriel’s eyes widened like a small child who had just been scolded by their parent. He covered his face as he began to sob. Dean pulled him into his chest and patted his back. “Ok, ok. It’s ok.”

            “I don’t want things to change, Dean! Everything is changing so fast, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m falling in and out of love faster than I can blink, I’m barely even an angel anymore, and I have a baby on the way. Me? _Me?_ I don’t do kids, Dean. I can barely take care of myself. How the hell can I take of another life?” Dean shushed the trembling archangel, and stroked his hair. “I’m so scared.”

            “I know. I know. It’s ok to be scared. If I were in your shoes I’d be terrified, but you’re going to be ok. Sam, Cas and I we’re here for you. We’re going to help you with this.” Gabriel sniffled.

            “Sam doesn’t care about me anymore, you guys don’t want me. You want me gone. That was the plan, right? After I have this baby, you kick me out. That was your idea, right? You never wanted me to set foot in the bunker.”

            “That was my first thought, yeah, but things are different now. I know you’re more than some mischievous Trickster. You’re good, and you’ve seen some of the worst parts of me. You’re family.”

            “You’re lying,” Gabriel said quietly.

            “No, I’m not.” Dean smiled. “Hell, you’ve died and come back enough times to be an official Winchester.” That made Gabriel laugh a little, and Dean felt a little lighter. “And Sam does care about you. I talked to him the other day, and he wants to talk to you about everything. I can’t guarantee you a happy relationship, but maybe some hospitality.” Gabriel threw his arms around Dean’s neck.

            “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” He pulled out of the hug with a broad grin on his face. His face fell like the Earth had suddenly crumbled beneath him. “Oh no. Sam wants to talk to me. He’s gonna see me like this! I’m a drunk mess. I’m gonna make a fool of myself, and he’s gonna hate me!” Gabriel started bawling again, and Dean sighed. Ha wondered why Gabriel couldn’t have been a sleepy drunk. It would have been at least a thousand times easier to deal with. _But no, I get the over emotional wasted archangel._

            “Sam’s not gonna hate you because Sam’s not gonna find out. You’re gonna go to sleep, sober up and then talk to Sam tomorrow. Alright?” Gabriel nodded sloppily wiping at his eyes. “Ok, lets get you to bed.” Dean helped Gabriel into his bed avoiding all the empty bottles. _Jesus Christ, if he was human this mother fucker would’ve been dead_. Dean made a mental note for next time to drink _with_ Gabriel. He tucked him into the covers, started to leave but Gabriel held onto his hand.

            “Hey, Dean?” he said drowsily.

            “Yeah?”

            “I love you.” Dean nodded.

            “You’re drunk.”

            “But I mean it.”

            “Mhm.” Dean bent down a pressed a light kiss to the angel’s forehead. Gabriel closed his eyes and smiled. “Goodnight Gabe.”

            “Goodnight, Dean,” he said breaking off into a yawn. Dean scooped up the empty bottles and stuffed them into the trash bin. It wasn’t a permanent solution, but it sounded like a problem for another day. He gently closed the door careful not to make any noise, and almost bumped into Sam outside the door.

            “Hey,” Dean said silently cursing the nervous jitter to his voice. Sam pushed an awkward smile.

            “Hey.” They waited a few moments in silence while Dean tried to gather his thoughts. “Could you move out of the way?”

            “Why?” Dean asked dumbly. Sam made a weird face. He talked slowly trying to gauge his brother’s behavior.

            “Because I want to see Gabriel.”

            “W-why would you want to do that? It’s getting pretty late. Gabriel is tired, you’re tired –I’m tired. Look at us… We’re all just… One big happy family… who’s… really tired.” Sam raised an eyebrow, and Dean grinned like nothing was wrong.

            “What?”

            “What?” Sam crossed his arms.

            “If Gabriel’s so tired, then how come can he talk to you and not me?”

            “Ease your jealousy, tiger,” Dean said regaining confidence in his words again. Sam pulled one of his sharpest bitchfaces, and Dean knew he hit a nerve. “I’m not trying to steal your boyfriend.”

            “Dean, he’s not my-”

            “I know. Baby mama, whatever you wanna call it. The point is I was just telling him that we were back safe and sound.”

            “Then why did I hear crying?” Dean felt the connection between his brain and his mouth sever.

            “What?”

            “I heard Gabriel crying, and I wanted to know what was up so I-”

            “He just doesn’t want to see you right now, ok?” Sam’s bitchface fell into one of his sad kicked puppy stares.

            “He doesn’t?” he asked softly. Dean cursed himself for the pain in his brother’s eyes, but kept up his front.

            “Now’s just not a good time, Sammy. You can talk to him tomorrow.” Sam forced a small smile.

            “Ok, yeah. Yeah, I will.” He turned back to his room. “Goodnight, Dean.”

            “Goodnight.” Dean released the huge breath he trapped in his lungs. He went down to the garage of the bunker, to go for a beer run and found Cas sitting on the trunk of his pimpmobile.

            “Hey, Cas.”

            “Hey. How’s Gabriel?” Dean risked leaning against the car hoping Cas wouldn’t mind him being so close.

            “He’ll live. The dog?”

            “I think I cured him of any alcohol poisoning he suffered. He still seems to be a little out of it.”

            “That thing has always been a little out of it.” A tiny smile crept up the angel’s face. Dean thought it was the first time he smiled since Cas saw him with Crowley. Now that Cas wasn’t blatantly trying to ignore him, Dean thought it would be a good time to bring up the elephant in the room. “Cas, about what happened-”

            “Dean,” he cut him off. “I don’t know if you have some valid explanation or a worthy apology, I just can’t think about it right now. It’s all…” He closed his eyes for a second, then continued looking away from the hunter. “It’s too painful right now. I know we have to talk about it, but can we just not do it right now?” Dean was a little hurt, but he nodded understandingly.

            “Sure, Cas. Whenever you’re ready to talk.” He wanted to just get the apology out of the way, and get back to holding his husband. _But this is good_ he reminded himself. _At least he’s agreeing to talk to me._

            “I would like your help if you can.” Dean perked up.

            “Anything. Whatchya need?” Cas jumped off the trunk and walked around to the front of his car. Dean followed him and gasped when he saw the shattered windshield. “The hell happened?”

            “Gabriel and I were visiting one of his friends, and we were ambushed by a group of Michael’s angels. We’re alright-well,” he added thinking of Tod lying dead in Angelo’s arms. “There were… some casualties.”

            “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

            “I didn’t think there’d be a fight. I thought I had everything under control.”

            “Yeah, you _really_ had it under control,” he said gesturing to the shattered windshield. Castiel glowered at the hunter.

            “I was just trying to help Gabriel.”

            “By almost getting him killed?”

            “I do my best to protect him,” Cas snapped, “but Gabriel is not a child, as much as he may act like it. I don’t make his decisions for him.” Dean pawned around his brain for a good way to retaliate. “Why are you so interested in Gabriel’s well-being, anyway?”

            “What?” Dean felt the back of his neck go hot.

            “I’m just saying. It wasn’t too long ago, when you barely trusted him. Now, you seem to be spending a lot of time together…” Dean was fuming, but he couldn’t find the right words to defend himself. “It almost seems like you _like_ him.”

            “You think I have feelings for him?” Cas didn’t say anything, but that was enough for Dean’s answer. “Just no. _No_. I tolerate him for Sam and no other reason. I think he’s good for my brother, so I may as well get on his good side.” Castiel almost pointed out that Dean didn’t really start talking to Gabriel until after he and Sam split. _How convenient._

            “Are you sleeping with him?” Cas blurted.

            “What?-No! Is this really what you think of me?”

            “It wouldn’t surprise me,” he said softly. Cas turned away and headed back inside. “I was going to ask you, if you could help me replace the windshield, but I’ll figure it out. Maybe Sam can help me.” Dean sighed wishing that’s how this could’ve went. He could just spend the day fixing up the pimpmobile, stealing looks at his pretty blue eyed angel, and maybe earn back some of his trust _. But no, we had to start another petty argument. Good Job, Winchester_. He got in the Impala and headed for the nearest supermarket still open. Now he _really_ needed that beer.

 ***

 

            Angelo sat alone in his backyard. A large bright fire looming in front of him, wet grass between his toes and Tod’s blood dried on his hands. He burned the bodies of the angels that attacked him before the neighbors got suspicious. _Now there was only one thing left to do_ he thought looking at Tod’s body lying in the grass. But he couldn’t. There wasn’t anything left of the man he loved, but he couldn’t bring himself to burn the body. He couldn’t let go of Tod just yet. He couldn’t let go of their dreams of a perfect family. He couldn’t let go of Tod’s laugh, his smile, his habit of making tea in any situation. _He was my everything_. Angelo drew his knees into his chest and began to cry. _How am I going to survive without him?_

            A loud gasp drew Angelo out of his cries. He looked over and saw Tod sitting upright and breathing heavy. Before Angelo could allow his senses to believe it he raced to the kitchen. He came back with the whole nine. Salt, silver, holy water. He ran every test he could think of, and Tod was undoubtedly human.

            “Is it really you?” Angelo asked hesitantly. Tod looked up and down at his arms, still in shock from the whole resurrection. One minute he was in Heaven watching Angelo eat cotton candy for the first time at the county fair. The next he was waking up under the night sky next to his weeping angel.         

           “I think so.” Angel threw his arms around Tod and they melted into the embrace each of them breaking down in happy sobs. After a few minutes of synchronized crying, Angelo pulled away just to look at his face. To see those eyes alive once again. He felt his cheeks now warm and not a deadly cold. He kissed those lips that he missed so desperately. “How is this possible?” Tod shrugged.

           “Maybe it’s God.”

           “Guess again big guy.” They snapped their attention to the angel watching them from behind the fire with glowing red eyes and a wicked grin on his face.

           “Lucifer,” Angelo said scooting in front of Tod. “You did this?” He nodded and started to pace around the fire.

           “Yeah.”

           “Why?” Tod asked trying to stifle the trembling in his voice.

           “Is it so unlike me to do a good deed for once?” A long silence settled between the three men with only the sound of crackling flames. Lucifer rolled his eyes. “I heard some angels killed an innocent in Michael’s name. I was intrigued.”

           “But you wouldn’t do this unless you wanted something in return.” Satan stopped pacing to pat Angelo on the head.

           “You got a point there buddy.”

           “Then what do you want?”

           “Your service.” Angelo shook his head.

           “I don’t work for the devil.”

           “You know I gave him life again. I could take it away with the snap of my fingers.” Angelo looked at Tod, usually so calm and diplomatic now had wild fear in his eyes. “You work for me, Angelo. Don’t make me doubt my decision.”

           “What do you need me to do?”

           “For now? Enjoy having your hubby back. Go on a second honeymoon, get couples’ massages or whatever you like to do. Live your life, and I’ll call you when the dirty work begins.”


	21. Seasons Change, but People Don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapter is just a little late. This one was a bit of a wreck, but I hope you guys enjoy!

Dean _needed_ this. He was the man who saved the world. He was the man who managed to carry it all on his shoulders with bad jokes and mild complaining. He was the hero who just needed a break from it all. Demons, monsters, and ghosts; he could handle those nightmares with a couple of cold ones, but family is what really took its toll. Escaping nightmares and daydreams of dead family and friends, haunting him with his guilt. Keeping his little brother’s mental state in check. Maintaining a happy healthy relationship with Cas. _And oh yeah_ , looking after a depressed pregnant archangel that he may have developed a little crush on. _No, no, no. Crush is the wrong word_. He wasn’t some fourteen year old school girl dancing around her feelings for some guy. _No way. It was just… If I never got with Cas, if Sam wasn’t my little brother and if Gabriel wasn’t some trickster archangel having his niece or nephew, then maybe he’d be the type of guy I would try to pick up at a bar. It’s just lust, nothing to write home about_. He closed his eyes silently scolding himself. _Really, man? Gabriel? No, no fricking way, it’s probably because you and Cas haven’t done anything in a while. Next thing ya know I’ll be horny for a freaking house plant. It means absolutely nothing._

Yeah, he definitely needed this.

            Dean leaned on the hood of the impala overlooking a small no name lake as the sun rose behind it. The sky was still cloudy, but little rays of light peaked through the grey sparkling off the pond. The ground was muddy, and the air was thick. It’d been a while since he got up that early, but too be fair it’d had been a while since he needed to be alone. No Sam, Cas or Gabriel. No pool, poker or booze. No strippers, hook ups or awkward morning-afters. It was just him, his ride and his thoughts. The serenity of it all reminded him of his time with Lisa and Ben.

            He used to think simple ghost hunts without the mess of angels or demons were days off, but his life with Ben and Lisa was a vacation. _It was so easy_ he thought with a twinge of nostalgia. A life of soccer games, mowing the lawn and growing old with a beautiful woman. He could’ve done it. He could’ve held onto that life until he died. After stopping the apocalypse and losing his brother to the pit, he thought he earned it too.

            He asked Cas to wipe their memories so they wouldn’t have to deal with his monsters, but what if Cas had done the same thing to him. He knew he could never go back to that normal life knowing about all the monsters out there… _but if I could forget everything… If I could just forget and only remember the world as a safe place. Maybe I could be that normal man again, maybe I could have that normal life again._

            Dean rubbed his eyes shaking himself out of wishful thinking. He got back in the impala, popped in his Metallica tape and cruised back to the bunker with the windows down. _This is your life Dean Winchester. Your crazy, fucked up and unforgiving life. And it’s ending one minute at a time_. He stepped on the gas hurdling down the empty streets belting out the lyrics to Welcome Home. _You can bitch about the past or you can make do with your crappy little life._

            The clouds hung over head, but they were orange now with the promise of fresh light.

***

 

            Gabriel woke with a splitting head ache. _No, this is worse_. It felt like someone had taken a hammer, pounded on his skull until it shattered, and the shards of bone were digging into his brain. _That’s what it feels like_. He pulled a pillow over his face and groaned.

            In his life, Gabriel had gotten drunk plenty of times. Hell, probably a few thousand times. With stuff way harder than Dean’s cheap whiskey. He had alcohol created by gods that would leave humans a brain dead mess. All those times he got wasted, he never suffered something like this. _Fucking hangovers_. When he heard humans talk about them he didn’t imagine it to be this bad. He tried to collect his thoughts from the previous night, and forget about his migraine from hell.

            _What did happen last night?_ He remembered drinking. _A lot._ He remember watching Raguel stumble around with wide pupils as he slipped him some whiskey. _What if I killed him?_  In his drunken state he must’ve forgot that Raguel wasn’t an immortal being. _Ugh, Sam is going to murder me. What else?_ He remembered Dean being there for some reason. He didn’t remember what he said or did, but he remembered clips of his freckled face and his light green eyes. He could’ve been dreaming. He remembered the hunter’s full lips pressed against his skin. _Yeah, I was definitely dreaming._

            Gabriel climbed slowly out of bed determined and probably still a little drunk. _I have to find Rags before Sam finds a wasted Corgi._ When he finally got to his feet, a wave of nausea hit him so hard he almost doubled over. He raced to the bathroom stumbling into the wall and the door and puked into the toilet for what felt like hours. He hadn’t thrown up that much since the first month of his pregnancy. He rested his head on the toilet seat, took a few deep breaths, started to stand and threw up again.

***

 

            Cas sat in the kitchen with a hot cup of coffee in his hands. It didn’t do him much good, and he could barely taste the flavor, but he liked the hot bubbly molecules in his mouth. It was a weird sensation he hadn’t quite gotten used to.

            Raguel bounded up to him with a leash between his teeth. Castiel gave his head an awkward pat, and Raguel rolled over onto his side begging for more attention. He was lively unlike the night before. He was unconscious and practically bathed in alcohol. They bonded while Cas washed him in the sink, and now he was starting to grow fond of the little pup. Cas rubbed his white belly. _I’m so happy you’re not dead_.

            “Hey, Cas.” He looked up at the taller hunter, and Raguel barked joyfully.

            “Hello, Sam.” He was decked out in his usual morning workout gear. Raguel scooped up his leash in his mouth and nuzzled his head into Sam’s ankle. “How was your hunt?”

            “Fine. Quick and easy.”

            “That’s good.” Raguel licked Sam’s shoe impatiently.

            “I’m gonna take Raguel for a run,” he said clicking the leash to his collar. Cas eyed the corgi’s little legs and chubby frame.

            “Are you sure _he_ can keep up with _you_?” Raguel barked in response, and Sam knelt down to him rubbing his fluffy chin.

            “I guess we’re gonna find out. Right boy?” He licked Sam across the face, and the hunter pulled away laughing. Cas could hardly believe that Raguel so happy and bubbly was the same half dead puppy from last night, and that Sam the cold by all means necessary hero was the same man giggling as Raguel licked his cheeks. “We’ll be back soon. See ya.”

            “See ya.” After Sam and Raguel had left, Cas headed to the garage. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but he knew he had to fix his car. And there was no way he was going to try and ask Dean for help again. No way. _How hard can it really be? I’ve healed people and animals. It shouldn’t be hard to fix an automobile, right?_

            He sighed, a little relived and a little disappointed, when he saw that the impala was gone. He was glad that he didn’t have to see the hunter and be reminded of the deep ache that had settled in his heart. Then again he missed him. He missed the proud feeling that bubbled in his chest when he called Dean his husband. He missed the trust he had for his hunter. Now he was unsure and doubtful of everything. It was terrifying.

            He walked around to the front of the pimpmobile and he tilted his head confused. The shattered windshield was replaced with a shiny new one. He also noticed that the windows had a new sparkling finish, and the yellow coat had a bolder color and the chips were all filled in. The wheels were a little cleaner and a little fuller. He paced around the pimpmobile running his finger along the shiny new car. _But it’s my car._ He looked at himself in the review mirrors, once dingy with grubby fingerprints now reflected his perplexed face perfectly back at him. When he got the car, it always looked a little used, but now it looked fresh out of the factory.

            He noticed a little yellow sticky note on his windshield wiper. He picked it up and read the sloppy hand writing.

            _I’m sorry, Cas –D_

            Castiel closed his eyes and held the note to his heart. _Oh, Dean…_ He crumpled the note and shoved it into his pocket. _A car means nothing. It doesn’t mean he didn’t cheat on you with a demon. It doesn’t mean he’s worthy of forgiveness_. He took a deep breath. His heart was rattling in his chest, and _god_ it yearned for Dean Winchester. He went back inside playing with the crumpled note between his fingers. _It doesn’t mean anything._

_***_

 

            Immediately, Sam regretted his decision. It wasn’t that Raguel was slow, well he was, but he gave him a break. His stubby little legs were taking steps an eighth the size of Sam’s enormous strides. Really, Raguel just got too distracted. He paused every other second to sniff a flower, a shrub or another person passing by. As Raguel scrambled every which way, his leash tangled around Sam’s legs and he almost fell on the pup twice.

            “You make this really difficult, you know that?” Sam gave in to a walking pace watching Raguel rub his nose through a group of flowers. He sneezed sending puffs of pollen into the air.

            “Rags!” A little brunette boy ran up to Sam tackling Raguel in a hug. Sam stood there a little confused, but Raguel attacked the boy in licks seeming to know him. A dark haired woman with dreads and black combat boots took the boy’s hand guiding him away from Raguel.

            “But mommy!” he whined. “It’s Rags!”

            “I’m sorry,” she said to Sam. She turned back to her son with a harsh glare. “Samuel, you know that’s not the same dog. You can’t just go around terrorizing random animals.”

            “But it _is_ him!” The woman tilted her head squinting at Raguel’ collar.

            “Is that really-wow! Do you know Gabriel?” He nodded slowly not really sure whether or not to trust her.

            “I’m Jane,” she said extending her hand. Sam shook it hesitantly. “I met Gabriel in the park the other day, and my boy played with your dog.”

            “See, mommy I told you it was him! I told you! I told you!” Jane rolled her eyes.

            “Yes, congratulations, buddy.”

            “Does that mean I can play with him now?”

            “Well that’s not up to you, now is it.” The little Sam looked up at the older one with pleading puppy eyes.

            “Um, yeah. Of course.” He let go of the leash, and Raguel and the boy skipped around together barking and cheering.

            “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name,” she said.

            “Sam.”

            “Sam,” she said stretching out the name mulling it over. She stood there for a minute looking like she wanted to say something, but not really sure how to put it. “So are you the baby’s father?” Sam couldn’t answer because he was too busy choking on oxygen. _The hell did she just say?_

            “Jane, please stop terrorizing this young man. You nearly scared him half to death.” Sam was still trying to catch his breath after his coughing fit, when another woman approached him. She was shorter, with a curly bob cut, freckles and a little toddler balanced on her hip.

            “I’m just curious,” Jane said like she’d done nothing wrong.

            “Yeah, more like intrusive. Why don’t you go retrieve our son, I think he’s making a run for it with the dog.” Jane obliged not before shooting a nod to Sam.

            “Tell Gabriel, Jane says hi.” He nodded awkwardly.

            “I’m sorry, my wife is very… forward with strangers.”

            “Yeah that’s a word for it.”  The woman laughed and Sam found himself loosening up a little bit.

            “I’m Amy,” she said. “And I don’t really like talking to people.” Sam laughed.

            “I’m Sam, and I’m not really good at talking to people,” he added. 

            “That’s a nice name. My boy’s name is Sam.”

            “Well then of course you think it’s a good name.” Amy laughed a little harder using her free hand to cover her mouth. Sam watched in the distance as Jane chased the little Sam and Raguel around in pointless circles. He looked back at the little girl with pink boys in her braid. She watched him with round eyes keeping her fingers entwined in her mother’s hair.

            “Who is this?” Amy readjusted her hold on the little girl.

            “This is Eve. Evie, can you say hi to Sam?” She waved shyly and ducked her head in Amy’s shoulder. Amy patted her head.

            “She gets her shyness from me. Sam is more like Jane, so forward and a little abrasive.” Sam nodded losing himself to his thoughts. He thought about having a little kid who mimicked his mannerisms. A little boy or girl who he could take to the libraries and read Harry Potter books, or help them practice for soccer games. _Or a kid who’s like Gabriel_ he thought dreamily. A little adventurous and mischievous, and Sam would spoil them with candy. He forgot how real it all was. Somewhere in his mind he kept thinking one day he would wake up, and all this would be some wild dream. He couldn’t believe he was actually going to be a father.

            Jane returned with a grass covered boy and dog. Raguel shook his little body shooting fur and grass into the air. Amy’s eyes began to water and she fell into a vicious sneezing fit.

            “Mom’s allergic to dogs,” little Sam said proudly. Amy tried to say something, but her sneezes kept coming. She handed Eve to Jane.

            “I guess that’s out cue to leave, See ya around, Sam,” Jane said.

            “Nice… Meeting… You… Sam,” Amy said between sneezes. Sam smiled and waved after them.

            “Nice meeting you!” He headed back to the bunker with Raguel leading the way. He walked slowly too busy in his thoughts to really think about the world around him. _What if they’re allergic to dogs? What if I can’t keep Raguel around because it might close my child’s lungs? Where would they go to school? Would I let them go to preschool? What if they asked about ghosts, monsters and demons? What would I say? Yeah, I hunt monsters, but you worry about that algebra grade, son. What if they have Gabriel’s beautiful whiskey colored eyes? What if they have his wavy dirty blonde hair? What if they have his smirk? What if they have his playful wit? What if I’m a terrible father? What if I end up like Dad, and they end up hating me for most their lives. No, I can’t be like him. I won’t ever be like him. I won’t make them hunt, I’ll give them choice. I’ll give them the most normal happy life possible._

            Sam stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, and Raguel looked back confused. His thoughts and emotions were running wild and he was on the verge of hyperventilating. This wasn’t how he imagined it would be. How becoming a father would be. In the past, he imagined it with Jess. In a world where they were married, Sam would be a big time lawyer and one day he’d come home with Jess holding a positive pregnancy test and it would be the happiest day of his life. And other he times, he had a couple scares that a woman from his one night stand would call him a month later claiming that he was the father. Luckily, none of them were true or Dean would’ve murdered him. _But this…_

            Being chosen by God, to have a baby with an archangel… It didn’t feel real yet. They had dealt with all kinds of crazy, but nothing as bizarre as this. Sam needed confirmation, before he could let hit his mind daydream any further.

***

 

            Three knocks on his door woke Gabriel from his sleep. He groaned and wondered if he should just pretend to be asleep. The nausea had subsided, leaving him with a steady headache. He buried himself under the covers hoping they would just go away.

            “Hey, it’s Sam. Can I come in?” Gabriel sprung up almost falling off his bed.

            “Uhh just give me a second,” he called. He hurried over to the mirror and tried to make himself at least halfway decent. His hair was an un-cooperating mess finding every direction to jut out. His pupils were huge, and his eyes were bloodshot. He breathed in his palm and cringed. He still reeked of alcohol. “Just hold on.” He raced to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and washed his face. He still looked really hungover, but hopefully Sam wouldn’t notice.

            He opened the door and forced a casual smile.

            “Hey.” Sam pushed past him, sat down on the edge of the bed and buried his face in his hands. Gabriel eyed him strangely. “You ok?”

            “No.” Gabriel sat on the corner of the bed keeping a respectable distance between them.

            “Care to elaborate on that?” Sam shot back up and started pacing across the room running his fingers through his hair. Gabriel started to get dizzy just watching the hunter go back and forth.

            “I’m not ok. I’m still having trouble grasping all this. None of this feels real, like I’m caught in some dream, or having some wild vision. Maybe this is normal for angels, but _this_ doesn’t happen to humans. God doesn’t just magically impregnate a couple, unless you count Mary with Jesus, but even then who really knows if all that was real. Mary just could’ve been a whore and blamed it on God. Who knows?” Sam was talking so fast Gabriel was starting to lose him, but there was one thing he caught. _Did Sam just indirectly call me a whore?_ “I still don’t even know if this is some game of yours, or a trick you’re playing on me. What if this is some kind of lesson you’re trying to teach me like back at the Mystery Spot? You can’t blame me if I don’t trust you- you’re not the most trustworthy person out there, and I have a lot of trust issues…” It was like someone had pushed the reset button on their relationship, and Sam had forgotten all of it and was remembering everything before that time he found the archangel on his counter making waffles. _God, that felt so long ago_ Gabriel thought _._

            “What do you need me to do?” he asked tiredly. Sam stopped in the middle of his pacing a little shocked that the archangel didn’t put up more of an argument.

            “Cas said he knew of a way to compare my soul with the baby’s grace and see if it’s a match.” Gabriel cringed. If he was saying what he thought he was saying, then they were both in for a world of hurt. _Sam might not even survive…_

            “Can’t we just go on Maury or something? I mean there has to be an easier way to do this.”

            “Cas said this was the only way.” _Damnit Cas_. He knew he was right, but _damnit_ he was still pissed.

            “You do know this will involve Cas gripping your soul in his hands, right?” Sam nodded.

            “Yeah.”

            “And you know that’s excruciatingly painful?”

            “He’s touched my soul before. It’s not pleasant, but I’ll live.”

            “This is different than just a little celestial groping. You’re talking about holding your raw soul next to my grace. I mean you’re strong, the power won’t kill you, but the side effects could be detrimental.” Gabriel stopped himself when he saw the fear slowly creeping over Sam’s round eyes. He could’ve gone on about the horrible side effects, and scare Sam into not going through with it. He wouldn’t even need to exaggerate. He’d done the procedure before, for some of his friends, and the results weren’t pretty. From brain damage to heart failure and from seizures to paralysis. There were no definite side effects, but there was no way to tamper with a soul safely. “Cas told you about some of the effects right?”

            “Yeah, the gist of it.” Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

            “Are you sure you want to go through with this?”

            “Definitely. You?”

            “Yeah,” Gabriel said forcing a new confidence into his voice.

            “Good. Let’s go.” He followed Sam out the room anxiety chewing on his lip. _What if this hurts Sam? What if I really hurt him? What’s the point of earning his trust if this kills him?_ Gabriel caught his wrist as they headed down the stairs. Sam looked up at him with confused puppy dog look.

            “Maybe we shouldn’t. I’m not saying I’m wrong because I _know_ I’m right.” Sam rolled his eyes, but let Gabriel continue. “But if you don’t want this kid in your life, maybe it’d be better if you never knew, and I just got out of your life.” His words fell almost to whisper as his gaze fell to the ground.

            “I want to know, for better or worse, and if it is mine I want to be there for the baby’s life.”

            “And if it’s not?” he asked not really sure if he wanted to know the answer. Sam shrugged not really wanting to even think of that possibility.

            “We’ll deal with that when we get there.” Gabriel felt a little lighter, but there was still some nerves unsettling him. _What if I am wrong? What if I made a mistake? What if I only think the baby is Sam’s because I want it to be? What if the father is some random human I don’t even know? God, they would hate me_ he thought. Not only, Sam but he’d lose his friendship with Dean and Cas. Then he’d be alone again. The Archangel without a home. The Archangel without a family. _No_ , he shook his head trying to push the thought away. _That’s not going to happen._ He invested too much of his heart into Sam Winchester to let it go so easily.

            “What if this baby was just some random Joe’s without any affiliation to you?” he asked trying to lighten the mood, but he made it worse. Sam couldn’t even banter with him, the idea was too terrifying. The archangel had made an imprint on too much of his life for him to find out it was all some pointless mistake that was never meant to be. “What if it’s Dean’s?”

            Sam snapped around so quick, Gabriel almost jumped. His expression was sharp with not a trace of humor. He grit his teeth and his eyes narrowed on him in a way that made the archangel feel smaller than he already was _. In this light they were almost blue_ Gabriel thought. Not like the ocean or the sky, but the blue you catch popping off of skin in pulsing veins.

            “Shut up.”

 ***

 

            Dean walked into the bunker with Led Zeppelin in his ears and a few grocery bags in his hands. He restocked the fridge with new beers and even added a few of Sam’s protein shakes. He was feeling good, well as good as a man like him could feel.

            In the library he saw Cas, coat off with his sleeves rolled up. He thought it was a pretty hot scene minus his brother and Gabriel.

            “So what’s going on here?” Gabriel and Sam jumped and looked away guiltily. Cas greeted him with a casual nod.

            “Dean, I’m going to compare Sam’s soul with the fledgling’s grace and see if it’s a match.” Dean blinked clueless.

            “What?”

            “Basically, we’re doing a little celestial paternity test,” Gabriel translated.

            “Shouldn’t there be an easier way to do this before we start poking souls?”

            “This is the only way that’ll work for us, Dean,” Sam said.

            “So when did we decide on this? Did you guys even talk about it?” They all exchanged nods, and Dean sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose growing frustrated. _I leave them alone for a few hours and this happens right under my nose._ “Was anyone going to tell me about this?”

            “To be fair, it doesn’t really concern you.” Dean glared at his brother with a master bitchface of his own. “This might be my kid. I have to do this.” Gabriel rolled his eyes.

            “It is yours hard ass,” he muttered just loud enough for Sam to hear. He ignored the archangel looking at Dean with pleading eyes. The older hunter snapped his gaze to Castiel.

            “Is it safe, Cas?” The angel shifted a little uncomfortable from being put on the spot. He said nothing not really sure how to put it, and Dean began to worry. “Cas?”

            “Gabriel and the fledgling will be fine. Sam’s soul is strong, so he should survive, but there are some side effects…”

            “Side effects?” _He **should** survive. Should survive? What the hell does that mean?_

            “Tampering with a human soul like this with the grace of an archangel, can have damaging effects on their physical and mental state. Some of these that I know of are seizures, paranoia and hallucinations.” _Those are the most harmless ones_ Cas thought. Dean whipped his concerned gaze back to Sam who looked unphased.

            “Did you know about this?” Sam shrugged.

            “Yeah, Dean. It’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before.” Gabriel clapped his hands together excitedly.

            “Well now that we got Dean-O’s permission, we can get started. Excuse me, gentlemen.” Gabriel got up and headed off to the kitchen. Dean stomped after him.

            “I never said you had my permission.” He found the archangel guzzling down a tall glass of water. He smiled deviously and crossed his arms. “Rough night, huh?” Gabriel slammed the empty cup down on the counter breathing heavy.

            “Give me a break, I’ve never been hungover before.” He refilled the cup and took a bottle of pills from the cabinet. Dean snatched it from his fingertips, and Gabriel stomped his foot. “Ugh! You Winchesters are really starting to piss me off.”

            “Yeah, well how about we stop using substances that could potentially harm beings inside of us?”

            “Oh, please.” He swiped the bottle back and began dumping pills into his palm. “This baby has survived all nine inches of my blade. Trust me, I think it can handle a little alcohol and a few doses of ibuprofen.” Gabriel chased down at least six pills while Dean raged on.

            “Don’t you understand how dangerous this could be? Aren’t you even worried about FASDs? Or physical disabilities or mental disabilities? How selfish could-”

            “Shut up!” Gabriel snapped. Dean froze a little taken back by the archangel’s outburst. Gabriel gripped the edge of the counter squeezing his eyes shut. He had so much on his mind, and his brain felt like it was swimming in fire. He was too worried about his relationship with Sam and what to do with his baby to even worry about its health. He couldn’t even bare to think of it. He gently touched the swell of his stomach. _What if I really hurt you?_ “Just stop talking about it. Okay?” Dean put his hands up defensively.

            “Okay. So what’s with this whole out of the blue paternity test?” Gabriel calmed down a little happy to think about something else.

            “It wasn’t my idea. Apparently Sam doesn’t believe he’s really the father.”

            “And he’s willing to let Cas mess around with his soul to prove it?”

            “Your brother is very stubborn… and stupid.”

            “You can say that again.” Dean grabbed a beer from the fridge and started chugging. He locked eyes with the archangel and smirked as Gabriel’s face paled. He rested a hand over his stomach and one over his mouth.

            “If I see another beer, I’m gonna throw up.”

            “That’s the goal.” They returned to the library, Dean looking a little more relaxed and Gabriel looking a little more nauseous.

            “Are we ready to start?” Castiel asked.

            “Yep.”

            “You two may want to sit down for this.” Sam and Gabriel sat down on the couch exchanging nervous looks. Gabriel forced a playful smirk.

            “You scared, Samuel?”

            “No.” He spoke curtly and almost confidently, but Gabriel could feel him shaking next to him.

            “You don’t have to do this,” he said speaking a little softer. Sam said nothing, knowing if he thought about it too much he would back out. Feeling a little risky and a little drunk, Gabriel took Sam’s hand in his. “You’ll be ok, Sam.” He looked down at the archangel’s hand entwined with his. He looked a little perplexed by it, but he didn’t pull away. He felt his anxiety lesson with the warm hand of the archangel. He couldn’t stop staring at their hands together and thinking _this is how it’s supposed to be._

            “You’ll make sure he’s ok, right?” Dean asked to Castiel.

            “I’ll do everything I can.” It wasn’t the affirming answer he wanted, but he trusted Cas. Dean watched peculiarly as the angel took off his belt. He folded it up and handed it to Sam. “You may want to bite down on this.” Sam nodded his thanks and clamped down hard on the belt.

            Cas laid his hand over the center of Sam’s chest. Then his other over the top of Gabriel’s stomach.

            “Are you guys ready?” They nodded, and Cas pressed down his hands disappearing into a bright yellow light. Dean cringed as they let out matching cries of pain. A part of him wanted to look away, he hated seeing his brother in any pain, but he forced himself to watch in case something went wrong. After a few seconds Gabriel relaxed, all tension erased from his face as he fell back into the sofa completely limp. Sam on the other hand looked worse. He bit down harshly on the belt. His face had gone red from pain. He withered and twitched in his seat one hand gripping Gabriel’s and the other digging into the armrest. Suddenly he slumped back, eyes shut and breathing slow.

            “What happened?” Dean asked looming over Castiel. He hadn’t even noticed his hands had landed on the angel’s shoulders, and that he was practically breathing in his ear. He couldn’t think about the barrier of personal space when his brother just passed out. _Is he…_ He couldn’t bring himself to think of it _. Cas wouldn’t let that happen. Cas wouldn’t let that happen._ “The hell happened to him, Cas?”

            “The pain was too much for him to bare in his conscious state.”

            “What does that mean? Is he ok?”

            “It means,” he snapped, “he’s sleeping. He’s fine, and I’d like to concentrate, so please stop breathing over my shoulder.” Dean stepped back, a little offended but a little less concerned. Castiel took a deep breath, and his eyes glowed a fluorescent blue. Gabriel’s lit up simultaneously in a bright gold. Dean watched silently, but in awe as Sam’s eyes shot open pouring out bright green rays of light. He wondered _is that what Sam’s soul looks like?_

            Castiel gasped out in pain, and Dean was instantly at his side momentarily forgetting their talk about his personal space. He didn’t look hurt just different. Like some other being had jumped his vessel. On his knees, his back erect, his face dead pan. His eyes still lit up like Christmas lights began to flicker, switching back and forth between blue, green and gold. The flashing lights flooded the library, and Dean had to shield his eyes to avoid a seizure. The air began to feel thicker, and he could barely swallow choking on every stretch of his lungs. The air was heavy and warm, _way too warm_. He was sweating under his light flannel. A hot breeze spun around the room knocking books to the floor and papers into the air. He collapsed to the floor, tongue hanging out, panting like a fish out of water. A veil of black fell over his eyes, the last thing he remembered was Cas’ heavy breathing and Raguel barking somewhere in the bunker.


	22. Calm Before the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh sorry this is really late. Midterms killed me, but here we go! Happy Holidays and enjoy!

           Dean woke face down into the hard wood floor, with warm paws on his back and an even warmer tongue going over the back of his neck. He sat up quickly sending Raguel floundering about to get his footing. The lights had left their eyes, and the room felt normal again. Cas still remained in the same spot knelt before Sam and Gabriel. Sam was still out, but Gabriel was awake watching his hunter with heavy concern crippling his face. He held onto Sam’s hand, running his thumb over the hunter’s calloused knuckles. He was murmuring something to Sam that Dean couldn’t quite make out.

            “How long was I out?”

            “Only a few seconds,” Cas said. He looked at Dean with solemn eyes. “I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t think about the effects of this procedure. I should have thought this through, I wasn’t thinking about you-”  

            “Don’t worry about it, Cas. I’m fine.” Raguel scrambled up the couch and settled into Sam’s lap. He licked his wrist and waited excitedly for his hunter to wake. When that didn’t work the orange pup stood up pressing his front paws into Sam’s chest. He licked the tip of his chin, but Sam barely reacted. Growing desperate, Raguel started a loud commotion of barking. Gabriel pulled the pup into his arms shushing him like a baby.

            “It’s ok. It’s ok. He’ll wake up soon.” He quieted Raguel’ cries into a light whimpering, and Dean looked to Cas.

            “He will wake up, right?”

            “Yes,” he said forcing confidence into his voice, but inside he was a little nervous. _He should wake up_. He was certainly alive. With a slow pulse, long steady breaths and a cold sweat beading his forehead. But Cas couldn’t sense the extant of the damage to Sam. _What have I done to him?_

            Sam snapped awake gasping like he had just come back from the dead. He jumped up from the couch spinning around like he was in the middle of a fight. Raguel barked happily, and Dean caught his brother by the shoulders.

            “Whoa, easy there tiger.” Sam still looked scared shitless like his brother had just randomly materialized in front of him. He tilted his head and scrunched up his nose.

            “Dean?”

            “Yeah.” He let go of Sam with a slight pat on the chest. “Welcome back to the living.” Sam brushed his hair away from his face as he began to fall in a steady rhythmic pacing. His eyes fell on Cas.

            “So, do you… know?”

            “My results are conclusive.”

            “Then tell us,” Gabriel prompted. Stretched out on the archangel’s leg tongue lolling with Gabriel scratching behind his ear, Raguel laid there oblivious to the sudden tension building in the library.

            “Sam’s soul is in fact a match to the grace of the fledglings.” Before anyone could react, Dean clasped his hand on his brother’s shoulder with a wide shit eating grin.

            “When it comes to the freaky half archangel kid,” Dean said putting on his best Maury voice, “Sammy, you **are** the father.” The three of them sat in a tense silence not finding it the least bit funny, while Dean broke down in a fit of his own self-satisfied giggles. He doubled over clapping while Gabriel and Sam exchanged nervous looks.

            “Cas, did you say fledglings as in plural?” The angel nodded like there was nothing strange about it.

            “Yes, I sensed two souls.” That’s when Dean stopped laughing. He came up looking almost as freaked out as Sam. The brothers stood there, their mouth agape and Gabriel rolled his eyes. He wasn’t so much shocked but annoyed. It was fairly common for angels to have more than one fledgling at once. _They should be grateful we didn’t get triplets_ he thought.

            “Are you sure?” Dean asked once he regained coherency.

            “What about this has escaped your narrow understanding?” Gabriel asked bitterly. “He said two babies, so you’re getting two babies.”

            “Maybe we should stopping saying baby in the plural form before Sam has a heart attack,” he said eyeing his brother carefully. It wasn’t too much of an overstatement. His skin had paled, and his jaw still hung open. He was breathing heavy like someone had just punched him in the gut. Sam shook his head trying to regain himself, but the color didn’t return to his face.

            “M’fine Dean. I just need… a minute.” He walked almost stumbled into the other room. Gabriel watched him go with a new heat boiling within him. For some reason, he thought things would be different now. He thought after this, Sam would magically trust him again. They could get back to the way things were when they spent the day in the town library exchanging mischievous giggles and passionate kisses. He didn’t feel any surer of their relationship. Now, he just felt surer of the fact that he dumped some responsibility on Sam that he didn’t want with someone that he didn’t love. He felt awful, and if he could, he would’ve left the bunker in heartbeat taking Sam’s memories of him with him. _Sam doesn’t need this. He doesn’t want this!_ But he knew Sam wouldn’t back out now. He was too stubborn and too wrapped up in the _importance of family. He would be a great father_ Gabriel thought dreamily. _But only because he thinks he has to be, not because he wants to be._

            Gabriel scooped up Raguel in his arms heading off to his room hiding any of his guilt with a tight pinch in his voice.

            “Tell Sam if he wants to talk custody, he can meet me in my room.” He was gone with a quick slam of the door before Dean could say anything. He thought this would somehow the resolve the issues between them, but things didn’t seem much better. _Sam is still in shock, and Gabriel is pissed off for some reason. Great_ he thought. He could’ve left it alone. He could’ve let them work out their own issues, but they both seemed like they needed someone and neither of them looked in a hurry to console the other.

            “I don’t even know who to comfort first,” he admitted jokingly. Cas shot him a cold ‘this is definitely not the time for jokes’ look.

            “Then try your Winchester charm on both of them,” he pushed past Dean heading to his room. “Their pain isn’t going anywhere.” Dean winced at the jab thinking it had something to do with their own situation. He could focus on getting himself out of the hole he somehow managed to keep digging and maybe try to fix his marriage. But burying himself in other people’s problems was easier than dealing with his own. _It’s Sam_ he justified himself. _Sam comes before everything, before relationships and before Cas_. It hurt a little pushing his angel to the back of his mind, _but Sam always comes first_.

 

***

            Dean found his brother in the kitchen working on one of the new beers. Dean smirked at him taking one for himself from the fridge.

            “You’re gonna need plenty of those now that you’re having twins.”

            “Shut up,” Sam said but there was no heat behind it. Dean sat down across from him instantly drinking the cold social lubricant. Sam pushed his hair out of his face. He was smiling, but he was stressed out of his mind. “How am I gonna do this, Dean?”

            “It’s easy. Just need food, water, a couple of dolls and bam! Perfect baby daddy.”

            “You know it’s not going to be that easy.”

            “Sure it will. Cas and Gabriel can handle all the angely stuff, you got the discipline because you’re a hard ass anyway, and I’ll take care of all the fun. Maybe teach em to rock climb and sky dive…” Sam smiled nervously, not really looking any more at ease. “Look, what I’m saying is that I got your back- we all do. You’ll be fine, and these kids are gonna have weird happy long lives. I’ll make sure of it.”

            “I don’t know, Dean. I just wasn’t meant for this.”

            “Then how was your life supposed to be? You supposed to stay a celibate monk going out with guns and glory? I think our lives straight up prove that nothing is set in stone. You finally have a shot at an almost normal family. You should make something of it.” Sam said nothing looking away, buried somewhere in his own thoughts. “You should go talk to Gabriel.”

            “What? No! I can’t talk to him.”

            “Why not?” Sam shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat.

            “It’s just… weird.”

            “Well what’s weird is that you’ve been ignoring him ever since you found you out you were the father.” Sam still hadn’t quite gotten rid of that little shudder that racked his body every time someone mentioned the word _father_.

            “What are we supposed to talk about?”

            “I don’t know. For starters maybe who gets the kids on holidays or what days of the week. Hey, you don’t even have to worry about that. You’re having two kids. Gabriel can raise one, and you can take the oth-”

            “Ok, fine! I’ll go talk to him,” he said rising from his seat. “Just shut up.”

            “That’s my boy. Hey, wait.” Dean stopped him before he left the kitchen. “What was it like to have Cas feeling around inside ya?” Sam turned his head to the side stiffening the laughter that bubbled within him.

            “That’s sounds vaguely dirty.”

            “You know what I mean, pervert.”

            “Ok. I mean it felt like the last time he touched my soul. Like he was burning me from the inside out, but then it got weirder…” Dean raised an eyebrow.

            “Weird how?”

            “I don’t know, man. When I was out, there wasn’t any pain. I felt this warmth, I can’t even describe it, it was this weird comfort. I don’t know if I was feeling the grace of the fledglings, but I think I felt my soul.”

            “Really?” Sam nodded a little lost thinking back to the memory. “So you were touching yourself?” Dean laughed while Sam shot him an annoyed look.

            “You were just waiting for that one weren’t you?” Dean nodded laughing too hard to answer. Sam shook his head stifling a smile. _What an idiot_. He left the kitchen leaving Dean red in the face wheezing from his own joke.

 

***

~Hell, present time~

            Crowley was sitting on his throne when the door was kicked in. He watched casually as wood exploded across the room. Lucifer stepped in through the hole with a smug grin on his face. Crowley clapped numbly, rolling his eyes.

            “Lovely entrance, darling, really, but the door wasn’t even locked.” The devil shrugged.

            “You know I’ve always had a flare for the dramatics.” Crowley stood up straightening out his suit. He peered out the door to see nothing but the bodies of his demons with their skulls smashed in scattered around the hall.

            “Where’s your whore?”

            “Oh, you mean Dagon? I wouldn’t worry about her.” Lucifer strode up to the king taking hold of his black collar. He drew his head down and kneed Crowley in his forehead. He tossed him onto the ground, Crowley sporting a new red crack down the center of his face. “I’d worry about me.” Crowley licked the stream of blood that fell over his lips.

            “Do your worse.”

            “Oh, I will.” Lucifer stomped down on his head smiling at the crunching of skull beneath his heel. “But I have some questions.” He knelt down to the king and forced him to sit up. Lucifer patted his bloody face.

            “Why aren’t scared of me?” Lucifer asked tilting his head to the side.

            “I never was.”

            “Ah, but you always are. Except for now.” He eyed the king carefully. “You’re here with me talking like you know you’re not going to die.”

            “Who said I was going to die?”

            “Who said you had a choice?” Lucifer stood up and paced around the room tapping a finger to his chin. “Lemme ask you something else: where’s my big brother?”

            “Have you checked the cage?”

            “Stop playing dumb, Crowley. I searched this place. No archangels home. So how did you let Michael slip from your grimy little fingers?”

            “I already let one winged dick out into the world. You think I’d make the same mistake again?”

            “No, you’re too smart, way too smart.” Lucifer stopped his pacing, facing away from the King of Hell. Crowley slowly and quietly stood up. He stepped carefully, removing an angel blade from his coat and keeping a cautious eye on the devil. He was oblivious tapping his foot pondering his thoughts. He rose the angel blade over Lucifer’s head ready to carve out the center of his head. _Then I’ll cut up the rest just to be safe._ He brought the blade down to meet air and his wrist caught precisely in Satan’s fists. Lucifer used his other arm to catch Crowley by the throat drawing him in close with the blade still hanging tensely between them like a mistletoe. “Did you think it would be that easy?” He tightened his grip on Crowley’s neck, and the blade clattered to the ground barely audible over the king’s gagging. “Why did you let my brother out of the cage?”

            “Don’t know… What… You’re… Talking about,” he choked out. Lucifer grit his teeth as his eyes blazed red.

            “It took one of the most powerful witches and the most complicated spell in the world to get me out, and a couple of D listed angels and a vessel is all it takes to free him? That type of magic trick doesn’t just happen accidently. I know what you did. You know what you did, so why don’t you quit pretending like you don’t know.” He loosened his grip just a bit and Crowley gasped on the rush of oxygen.

            “If you’re so smart, love, then tell me; what did I do?” Lucifer tossed the king like a rag doll flinging him into the wall. He collapsed on his side with a satisfying crunch that under normal circumstances would sent Lucifer into a fit of giggles, but he was too pissed off to enjoy the king’s pain.

            “You’re afraid of me,” he said. Lucifer paused to plant a kick right in Crowley’s eye. “You know you can’t beat me, so you freed the only bastard who has a chance at stopping me. You… you coward!” Crowley blinked washing out the blood that pooled in his eyes. They dripped down his cheeks like garnet tears.

            “You know what they say, enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Lucifer laughed but there wasn’t a trace of humor behind it.

            “Michael is not your friend. He’s not going to save your pathetic ass. He probably wants to kill you, just as much as I do.”

            “I don’t care if I die. I’m at peace knowing that Michael and the god squad will put you in your place. I may not be the one to do it, but soon you’ll be rotting in that cell again for the rest of eternity.” Crowley smiled as the devil’s expression darkened into fearful. Like a child who had just been threatened with time out. “You like that, dear?” Lucifer kicked him in the mouth, but it didn’t stop Crowley from laughing maniacally. Red tears dripped down over the king’s lips and onto the floor. He looked up Lucifer with red flushed eyes with the look of a man who’d already won. “Long live Michael.”

            Lucifer snatched up the angel blade and aimed for Crowley’s chest. He stopped mid swing with the tip of his blade left on Crowley’s body. The devil was panting with the hilt of the blade shaking in his fists. He swiped at the tears that had crept over his eyes. _Bastard…_ He was having too much fun, just living his life a free man. Treating himself to what his father’s creation had to offer. Going where he wanted, Taking what he wanted and killing whoever he wanted. _And Dagon_ … He had never met a demon like her before. He was falling into the human temptation of love, and he feared it and relished it all the same _. I can’t go back in there. I won’t go back in there. I’ll never go back, I’ll never be alone and weak again. Michael is a major bump in the road_ he had to admit, _but he won’t stop me. I can’t let him take this life away from me. Not again._

            He drew the blade away from the king’s chest then stomped on it to get out his frustration.

            “You’re not gonna kill me?” Crowley asked tiredly.

            “No, you can be useful. Dagon!” he called out into the air. She appeared at his right side within a second. She dipped her head in greeting.

            “My lord.” He placed both his hands on Dagon’s shoulders. He looked down at her and he couldn’t help but smile. _She’s very short_ he thought. _Or maybe my vessel’s just tall_. She tilted her head to the side a little confused but a pleasant smile on her face. He licked his lips thinking about hers. She always chooses the color of fresh blood for her lips. He shuffled his feet feeling warmth bloom in between his vessel’s legs. _I wonder if she does it to turn me on._

            “You’ve been very good to me, Dagon. You are loyal, punctual…” _Intoxicating_. “And a true badass.” Her grin broadened, and the devil found that it was getting harder to control himself. He cupped her chin between his fingers and rubbed the smooth skin. A small hitch caught in her breath. She closed her eyes waiting for an order. _Or for him to bite my lips_ she hoped. “My point is, you deserve a reward.” Her heart was pounding now, her mind racing with images of her and the devil fucking on the king’s throne.

            “A r-reward?”

            “Yes… You can have him,” he said gesturing to Crowley’s beaten body. “I’ve roughed him up a little, but he’s mostly still intact. He’s all yours.” _Oh_ she thought sadly, but forced a gracious smile.

            “Thank you, my lord.” Lucifer handed her the angel blade and she knelt down next to Crowley. The king started to protest, but she closed her fist and his voice fell into nothing. “You have any requests?”

            “I like that thing you do when you turn the liver inside out. That never gets old,” Lucifer said taking his seat on the throne. “Do what you want, just keep him alive.”

            “Yes sir.” He watched intensely as Dagon sliced open Crowley’s insides. At first she was slow dragging around the blade almost rhythmically to the sounds tearing flesh. Then she went faster, stabbing repeatedly until blood splattered her face like painted red freckles. Crowley’s screams were still mute, but he didn’t care. He preferred the noises Dagon made anyway. Her strained grunts when she tore through a huge chunk of flesh. The mushing of organs between her fingers. Her little gasps of satisfaction.

            He leaned back in his chair and undid his fly. He slipped his hand down his pants breathing heavy as Dagon peeled at Crowley’s liver. He didn’t even bother holding back his moans. Dagon didn’t seem to mind. In fact, she seemed motivated. He jerked himself faster, as she picked up her pace. She ripped the stomach out of its cavity and Lucifer moaned loudly.

            “My god,” he said to himself. “Oh god…” She turned back to Lucifer holding the stomach between her teeth like a proud dog who had caught a Frisbee. She bit down letting the juices and blood fall down her chin. “God!” Lucifer came in his hand at the sight. Dagon watched in awe. _That’s pretty hot_ she thought to herself, but strange seeing a being so powerful and demanding succumbing to her doings. She wanted to see it again.

            He came back from his high a little flushed with a sheepish grin.

            “Do you want me to continue?” Dagon asked coyly. Lucifer nodded excitedly.

            “Yeah… Definitely.” She worked methodically on tying up Crowley’s small intestine. Only this time, she did it naked. The devil was hard the second she stripped off her jacket. _Wow…_ He couldn’t imagine a hotter sight. Dagon bare skinned digging into the entrails of his worst enemy. _This week just keeps getting better and better._

 

***

            Gabriel wanted to just lay back in his bed, close his eyes and let his mind wander to all his erotic thoughts about Sam. _And maybe Dean_. He really could, relax and indulge himself in lustful human activities trying to forget the whole day. Raguel had abandoned him for food, and no one seemed to need him at the moment. Still, thinking about the younger Winchester brought too much pain to get off.

             He looked up at the ceiling feeling pathetic and desperate. He clasped his hands together feeling like an idiot. He prayed probably a billion times in the last few months. It never worked, and he had given up on his father weeks ago. But he was stumbling again, losing any sight of a happy ending. _Listen, I don’t care about getting back the life I had. Just take Sam, Dean and Cas out of it. They don’t deserve to deal with all my shit. Clear their minds, or whatever, I don’t care._

            _I could leave_ he thought. _Take a credit card and leave a post it note_. Leaving the bunker wouldn’t be too difficult, but friend or foe it would be hell to have a Winchester hunting down your ass. He didn’t think about the possibility that they would just let him go, like he wasn’t their problem. He didn’t want to imagine a world where they didn’t care about him. He wanted to stay for Sam and Dean, and even Cas and all his dorky charm, and he had to believe that they would care if he left. _They would care, right? They’d look for me._ Gabriel straightened up sickened by his gripe of validation. He couldn’t tell if it was the new effects of humanity or a side of him that he never knew he hated.

            He slipped off his pants and stroked himself through his briefs. He pushed away the images of Sam’s chilling lime eyes, screaming _“How long have you known?”_ He thought of Dean with his stupidly beautiful eyes and stupidly full gorgeous lips. _And those shoulders, God those shoulders_. He felt himself growing hard under the soft fabric when a light knock tapped the door. _What now?_

            “Hey, it’s me,” Castiel’s gruff voice called from outside the door. “May I come in?” He shifted under the covers, and he answered when his crotch was completely submerged.

            “Yeah.” The angel stepped in hesitantly, like Gabriel was some dangerous predator waiting for its food in some zoo exhibit.

            “Hello.” He stood at the edge of the bed, back erect like a soldier. Gabriel smiled at the angel’s familiar stiffness.

            “You can relax, Castiel. I’m not going to bite.” Cas tilted his head, just parting his lips like a confused puppy. Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Sit down.”

            “Oh, right.” He took to the corner of the bed, not really loosening up like Gabriel had hoped, but the stick up Castiel’s ass was the least of his concerns. They sat there in an awkward silence, Cas staring off like he was planning a conversation, but Gabriel was tired of waiting.

            “So how are you and Dean? Make any notable progress?” Initially he looked a little shaken by the question, but he shrugged casually.

            “Not much. He fixed my car.”

            “Wow. Pathetic,” he mused. “I would’ve gone for a whole new car, maybe some flowers, but real ones not those shitty plastic ones, a few necklaces and earrings preferably diamonds, and chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.” Castiel smiled blankly.

            “I guess Dean isn’t exactly as experienced as you are in the field of romantics.”

            “He’ll get there. Eventually.” They sat in silence for a few moments. Gabriel noted that Cas still had that look on his face that he was trying to say something but couldn’t get out the words. “Cas, are the fledglings ok?”

            “What?” Castiel tilted his head a little confused at the concern on Gabriel’s face. _It’s strange_ he thought. _Not even two weeks this was the same man who tried to kill his child._

            “It’s just- I did things,” he said sounding a little choked up. He turned his head away looking ashamed. “Bad things. I wasn’t thinking about their well-being, but I’m scared I… hurt them.” He was still perplexed by Gabriel’s sudden worry.

            “They’re fine, healthy.” He rolled back into the covers breathing a huge sigh of relief.

            “Thank, god.”

            “They’re secure in a cocoon of your grace. They should be protected against anything until they’re born.” Gabriel was grinning now, and Cas wondered what was truly behind the smile. He couldn’t tell if Gabriel was happy that he hadn’t killed his fledglings or if he was just happy that he could drink and be careless without causing a miscarriage. Either way, he had a theory to prove.

            “How are you feeling?” The archangel shrugged.

            “I’m better. Why you ask?” Castiel matched his shrug not really planning out his response.

            “I just wanted to check up on you,” he said growing a little anxious under Gabriel’s prying eyes.

            “You are a terrible liar!” He straightened up now crossing his arms over his bump.

            “You’re angry,” Cas said like he was analyzing the archangel.

            “Well, yeah! Because it feels like you’re asking about my feelings for some ulterior motive, and not because you actually care.” Cas took notes in his head nodding casually.

            “You’re very upset.” He paused thinking over what to say next. He could guilt him about the damage he could’ve done to the fledglings or bring up his crumbling relationship with Sam, but something else came to mind. “This is because of your pregnancy. Your hormones are all over the place causing you to be irritable and irrational. It’s causing your emotions to be quite fragile. You are more… testy than usual.” Under normal circumstances, Cas wouldn’t risk his life like that but he had to test something.

            Gabriel was fuming, face red, teeth clamped together and a faint glow hiding in his eyes. The sheets were crumpled up by his fists, and he was breathing calmly. Too calmly, like he was doing everything in his power not to smack Cas right then and there. Castiel would’ve bet if Gabriel had his powers, he would’ve been killed on the spot.

            “Leave,” he said sharply. Cas left quickly and silently, and once he was out of the fire he ran to the outside of the bunker. A hard breeze knocked him in the face ruffling his hair and lifting his trench coat up to his waistline. Grey clouds swirled into the sky seeming to come out of nowhere. A low thunder rumbled in the distance. _Just as I suspected._

            “You should get inside, storm’s coming.” Cas jerked around to see Dean, beer in hand leaning with his back on the door. He had his sleeves rolled up and the back of his flannel flopped rapidly in the wind. If Dean wasn’t on his bad side, he would’ve thought he looked pretty cute.

            “Did you know there would be a storm today?” Dean shook his head.

            “It wasn’t in the forecast, but hey the news isn’t always correct.”

            “I think this is more serious than a faulty weatherman,” Cas said gazing up at the sky. Dean tried to focus on what he was saying but he was distracted by the way the winds pushed and pulled at his angel’s hair. _He looks so… majestic._

            “You thinking demon omens? Satany omens?”

            “Worse.”

            “Like what?”

            “Gabriel.” Dean raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his beer.

            “Gabriel? You mean like our Gabriel? Cas, the guy’s more into wishing up candy bars and porn stars, than changing weather patterns. This isn’t really his style.”

            “I don’t think he even knows he’s doing it.” Dean sucked on his lip mulling over the possibility.

            “Okay, but how could he do it? His grace is gone. He can’t fly, can’t even heal himself-”

            “His grace isn’t gone,” Cas said suddenly like he just reached an epiphany.

            “What?”

            “His grace never left, it’s just… restricted. It’s not in his control, it’s in the control of the fledglings.”

            “So whatchya thinking?” Dean hadn’t realized that he gotten much closer to Cas as they talked. They were staring into each other’s eyes, only a few inches apart. Years ago, Dean would’ve given Cas the speech about personal space if they were this close, but now all he wanted to do was close the gap. _One step closer and we’d be kissing_ he thought. Dean mentally slapped himself. _Time and place, Winchester come on._

            “I’m thinking Gabriel’s emotions are somehow tied to the weather.”

            “Really? Wow, that sounds like it’s straight out of an X-men movie,” Dean said with a nostalgic smile. Cas tilted his head to the side just barely parting his lips. Dean watched the small wisp of black hair darting back and forth across the angel’s head.

            “What?”

            “Just- never mind.” He made a quick mental note to, when he gets Cas back, watch all the X-Men movies together. “Keep talking.”

            “After he met with Lucifer, and we rescued him from the pit it was down pouring. Then when he was telling us about how he planned to kill his child, the sky lit up with lightning. Then after his fight with Sam, the power went out and the weather was bad for days. And just now, I upset him and a storm starts brewing. It’s too many accounts to coincidental. I think with an archangel’s grace and the power of two Nephilim resonating inside him, he has effects on the world that he can’t control. When he’s upset, the fledglings get agitated and start using powers they don’t even know how to use.”

            “So what’s the big deal? He’s only pregnant for a few more months. We can deal with a few extra rainstorms.” Cas shook his head.

            “It’s not that simple, Dean. As he gets further along, he’ll produce more grace and these thunder storms could become catastrophic. He’s powerful, more powerful than he knows. If we say the wrong thing, he could wipe out cities without even realizing it.” Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes with a frustrated sigh. _Just add that to all the shit going wrong in our lives. Just peachy._

            “So what, do we tell him?”

            “No,” Cas answered flatly. “It might make him more anxious, and that would cause bigger problems.”

            “What are we supposed to do? Bring him candy and sing Kumbaya every time he walks into the room?”

            “We do what we can to keep him happy I suppose.” _Awesome. If we’re going to boost Gabriel’s mood, Then Sam’s gonna have to make up with him quick._

            “So you pissed him off to see if it would cause a storm. What’d you do to him?” Dean asked a slight smile playing on his lips.

            “Oh, basically I told him that his pregnancy was causing him to be over emotional and have moods swings.”

            “Oh my god!” Dean was laughing, red faced and crinkled eyed. Cas couldn’t believe this was the man who betrayed him. _He’s too beautiful. Too pure_. “You can’t just say that to a pregnant person. That’s like rule number one, never under any circumstance point out mood swings. You’re lucky you’re still alive to tell the tale.”

            “I suppose so, but at least I got the reaction I needed.”

            “I admire your bravery Cas, but pulling stupid stunts just to get what you want, it’s gonna get you in serious trouble.”

            “It’s how I got you,” he said with a small whimsicalness in his voice. They froze both a little surprised by the comment. Cas looked down at the ground blushing a little. A light sprinkle of rain had begun to fall. Dean probably wouldn’t even have noticed the rain if it weren’t for the tiny droplets sparkling in his angel’s hair. _They’re like stars_ he thought. _Sparkling in his night black hair._

            “Cas, I never wanted to have sex with Crowley.” Cas looked a little shaken by the statement, but he didn’t object, he didn’t push away. He just watched Dean with those cool blue eyes waiting for him to say something else. Dean swallowed preparing for probably the biggest apology he’ll ever have to make. He was just about to word vomit the whole story, but Cas spoke first.

            “Let’s talk about this inside.” Dean nodded realizing that the rain was falling harder, and they were about to get soaked.

            “Ok,” he said, but he doubted Cas could hear him over the crack of thunder. He pushed his hands into his pockets and followed Cas back into the bunker.


	23. No Turning Back Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years Eve! Enjoy

            Dean had ditched his flannel and jeans for some dry clothes. He still had drops of water slipping from his hair down his neck, but he was comfy in a pair of black pajama shorts and a black Metallica T. It was old and holly, but the colors held strong and Dean could still see his dad throwing it on after they finished a hunt years ago.

            He convinced Cas to take off his wet trench coat, but the angel remained in his dress pants and white button down. He had the sleeves rolled up and several buttons undone leaving a large portion of his chest exposed. Dean checked him out biting his lips as Cas sat down on the couch. Dean grabbed a chair from the table and sat with his chest to the back of it. He wasn’t sure about their boundaries on space but better safe than sorry he figured. Dean wondered if Cas intentionally tried to look hot, just to remind him how much he was missing. Running his hands through his wet hair and flashing those pecs. _Looking all cute and fuckable._

            “So?” Cas prompted him. Dean took a deep breath bracing himself.

            “First you have to know something. Before we got together, in those few weeks that I was a demon, Crowley and I were…” _I wouldn’t call it dating_ he thought. _It was just sex_. “We were sleeping together.”

            “Oh.” There was no malice to his voice, but a little bit of sorrow. “You never told me that.”

            “I didn’t think it mattered. I was a demon, and it was before we were a thing. I just wanted to forget all of it.” Cas nodded understandingly and waited for him to continue. “So back when Gabriel went missing, and Crowley helped us, he didn’t just do it because of the good of his heart. He wanted to keep Gabriel for himself or whatever, and I couldn’t let Crowley take him away from Sam. He told me there was one thing I could do, to get him to help us and let Gabriel stay here at the bunker.”

            “He wanted to have sex with you,” Cas concluded. Dean nodded not really knowing what else to say. “You could’ve told me about this. You didn’t have to say yes without my consent, we could’ve worked something out.”

            “I wasn’t really in position where I could bargain with him. He wanted an answer right then and there.”

            “Still, after we got Gabriel back, you could’ve talked to me. We could’ve dealt with Crowley together. You didn’t have to go through with the deal.”

            “If I didn’t Crowley would’ve taken Gabriel away.”

            “You should’ve talked to me,” Cas insisted. There was a slight crack to his voice, and the sound of it chipped at Dean’s heart. He had turned his face away from the hunter, but Dean didn’t need to see his eyes to know his angel was on the brink of tears.

            “I know I should’ve, Cas. I’m so, so, sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done it.”

            “Then why did you?”

            “Because I’m stupid! I was impulsive! I wasn’t thinking-”

            “Damn right you weren’t thinking!” Dean winced at his words. The angel rarely cursed at least not to Dean’s knowledge. _You really fucked up man._ “You weren’t thinking about me! You weren’t thinking about us! You were only thinking about…” _Sam_. He couldn’t bring himself to say it, but Dean could tell where he was going with the argument.

            “Sam is my brother,” he said softly.

            “I know.” The tension erased from his body, and he slumped back into the couch. He knew he couldn’t compete with Sam, and he knew he shouldn’t even feel like he had to. Dean had done the worst thing you could do in a marriage, but when it came down to it Dean chose Sam’s happiness over Cas. It didn’t matter how many promises Dean made to his angel, _he will always chose Sam over me. I will always be second in his heart_. “I know.” He was completely and ultimately defeated, but Dean didn’t have an ounce of quitter in him.

            “But, Cas-” He stopped short when the taller man stepped into the room. _Speak of the devil_. Sam stood there confused as their silent stares fell on him. Maybe he finally got a whiff of the tension or saw the pain on their faces, but he immediately started backtracking.

            “Oh god, I’m sorry. Are you guys in the middle of something? Should I leave?”

            “Yes,” Dean said while at the same time, Cas said “No.” Sam stood there paralyzed not really knowing who to listen to.

            “What do you need, Sam?” Castiel asked earning a sharp look from the older Winchester. _We’re not finished with this babe._

            “I-I was just gonna ask you some questions about um…” He stopped for a moment looking a little embarrassed. “Angel pregnancies?” Normally Cas would’ve told Sam to take up his questions with Gabriel, but he was just happy to get out of his losing battle with Dean.

            “Of course. Ask away.” Sam sat down next to Cas and they chatted idly, but Dean wasn’t listening. He was too busy grieving over his relationship. _It’s like he doesn’t even want to try._

            Cas didn’t seem to have any intention on returning to their conversation, so Dean headed into his room. He flopped down onto the bed and rolled over onto his back, looking up at the ceiling, he began to wish-to pray. _Goddamnit, please_. He clasped his hands together, as a few tears rolled down his cheeks. _Please help me, I know I did this to Cas. I know I did this to myself, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I to fix this._

            He wanted to sleep, but somewhere in his mind wouldn’t let him. He just stayed up, sobbing quietly and remembering when things were easier. Before he fell in love, before when his feelings and crap were hidden in some box he couldn’t reach. Before he spilled out every piece of emotion in that box. _Before I fell for Cas_ he realized. He laid there for hours, drifting between dreams and old memories.

 ***

 

            Sam had a plan. He always had a plan. For every hunt, when trying to kill a monster. And for every lonely Saturday night, when trying to pick up the cute bartender. That was his thing. No bursting into trouble without a game plan, not knowing what to expect. That was Dean’s thing. So of course, Sam had a plan on how to discuss everything that happened with Gabriel. He knew everything he wanted to say, he knew everything he wanted to ask, and he knew how he wanted the outcome to be. He spent the rest of the day going over this plan. He was mulling it over outside Gabriel’s room, knuckles shaking hovering over the door. Then he heard screaming, and his whole plan flew out the window.

            “Get off me! Get off me, you foul breathed beast!” _What the hell could’ve gotten into the bunker?_

            “Hang on Gabriel, I’m coming!” He turned the knob, but _fuck_ it was locked. _Fuck, fuck, fuck_. Sam charged with his shoulder throwing all his weight into the door. It swung inward, and Sam quickly scanned the room for danger. No demons, angels, or monsters. Just Gabriel squealing under the covers while Raguel pounced on top of him. The archangel peaked out from under the blanket still laughing when his eyes fell on Sam. He started to greet the hunter, but Raguel attacked his face with more licks.

            “You’re going to give me a disease! You disgusting little fur ball.” He pushed Raguel away, and the pup settled down in his lap. He looked up with big pleading eyes. Gabriel sighed and gave in, scratching the pup on the sweet spot behind his ears.

            “Didn’t mean to interrupt,” Sam said coolly.

            “We were just fooling around.” Sam tried to find his thoughts and his whole plan he’d been working on for hours, but it was all gone, lost as he gazed at the archangel. His hair was a mess, not the adorable bedhead look, but loose strands falling over his face like the I-just-had-sex hair. He was still grinning, eyes all sweet and crinkly. _He’s beautiful_ he thought defeated. _And I want him… But I shouldn’t_. When Gabriel’s petting started to get lazy, Raguel stood up and licked his neck. Sam never thought in his life, he’d ever be jealous of a chubby idiotic corgi, but he wished he could be the one to kiss the archangel’s neck. He wished he could be the one to leave him looking _like that_. “Did you just break the door in?”

            “What?” Gabriel gestured to the door, like Sam had forgotten.

            “You could’ve just knocked, idiot.” Now Sam was burning in the neck and beat red in the face.   

            “Oh I was uh… just uh…” He stopped short, not focused enough to find a good lie, and too embarrassed to tell the truth. Gabriel shook his head with an adoring smile.

            “Winchesters, so melodramatic. Whatchya need?”

            “I just wanted to uh talk to you.”

            “Okay. What do you want to talk about?” Sam had the nervous smile of a kid who’d been called on for a question, who had no clue what the answer was.

            “Yeah. That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” He pushed his hair out of his face and sighed. “It’s like all the words in my head just up and left me.” Gabriel was watching him intently, head tilted and eyes wide. He nodded.

            “I know what you mean.” Sam sat down on the floor, back pressed up against the bed. He could feel the angel eyeing him curiously, but at least he didn’t have to look into those pretty whiskey eyes. “You know you don’t have to sit on the floor. There’s plenty of room on the bed.” Maybe it was the way he said it, or Sam’s mind itching for things he shouldn’t think about, but the word bed lingered in his mind picking at the pace of his heart.

            “No, no, that’s fine. I’m fine right here.” He was a teenager again. Voice cracking, words fumbling. Not knowing what to do or even where to position himself. Sam was helpless. Gabriel shrugged, a little relieved that Sam couldn’t see the dejection in his face.

            “Okay.”

            “So we’re actually doing this? We’re actually going to be parents.” Gabriel dusted a clump of orange fur to the ground.

            “You don’t have to.”

            “What?” Sam snapped around so fast, Raguel jolted in his lap. On his knees, elbows on the edge of the bed and a look on his face like he’d just been insulted. His eyes were bright, but not piercing like the day he screamed in his face. Artificial almost, like fake green trees.

            “This isn’t your responsibility, Sam.”

            “Of course it is! Cas said-”

            “I know what Cas said! I know, but you don’t have to do this Sam. This whole indirect fertilization, you didn’t ask for this. You shouldn’t have to be forced into this. It’s not fair to you.”

            “It’s not fair to you either. It wasn’t our fault, but I want to be there for you.”

            “Because you feel bad for me.”

            “What? No! I want to be a part of this. I want to raise our kids.” Sam climbed up on the bed. Raguel remained silent but wagged his tail as he watched the transition. “Don’t you want that?” Gabriel looked down at the orange fluff in his lap. He smiled weakly. Maybe the alcohol was still lingering in his system. Or maybe he was just tired of pretending.

            “I don’t even know anymore. I don’t know if I want these babies. I’m only certain that I want you.” Gabriel looked up for Sam’s reaction, but there was none. He was frozen like a deer in headlights. It was almost too much. He almost kissed the angel right there. Cupping his hands on Gabriel’s face, and kissing those lips until they hurt. _Those words,_ they were almost enough to break him, but Sam had to stay strong. “I guess now I’m just trying to figure out if I actually want to have these kids, or if I just want to keep them so I can keep you.” Sam’s mind was still lost daydreaming about what they could be doing right then instead of talking. _What we should be doing_ … Sam jerked himself back to his talk with Cas. _Get it together, Winchester._ _What’s your game plan?_

            “What’s Mate’s Desire?” he blurted out. Gabriel tilted his head quizzically.

            “What?”

            “Cas mentioned something about it, but he didn’t really explain it.”

            “Oh, well to put it simply, God created it for couples who were expecting. Angels and humans alike, get this sudden powerful attraction for each other when they’re having a baby. He created it so couples wouldn’t split before they had the baby. He’s old fashioned like that. The whole ‘kids need a mother and a father’ type,’” he said nervously attempting to lighten the mood, but he was almost shaking. He was ready to be honest, but doing so might ruin any chance he had to get Sam back. “Most couples don’t even know it’s happening because they’re already in love. Similar to indirect fertilization. It’s usually used on couples who are trying to get pregnant and can’t. I’m guessing you noticed it because…”

            “Because I didn’t feel anything for you before,” Sam finished blatant to the hurt in Gabriel’s eyes.

            “Yeah,” he said softly.

            “But why would God choose us? I didn’t even know you were alive.” Sam was talking analytically, taking all the emotion from the conversation, treating it like some sort of hunt.

            “I don’t know. I suppose he thinks we’re soulmates.”

            “Huh.” They waited for a few moments, neither of them knowing what to say next. Raguel, annoyed with the lack of attention, padded over to Sam and licked his wrist. He rubbed the saliva back on his furry head.

            “What? You’re just going to go over to your dad whenever I’m not giving you love? Is that how it’s going to be? You fluffy little traitor.” Sam laughed and Raguel rolled over between them begging for belly rubs. They each gave in, smiling as Raguel slacked into the mattress tongue flopping out like he was dead.

            “To be fair, I found him first. He has more connection to me than anyone.”

            “Bitch please. While you were off chasing ghosts, I practically raised him.”

            “Alright fine. I’ll try to be more attentive when our actual kids get here.” They were smiling and a single thought had resonated in their minds. _Wow, we’re actually doing this._ “Gabriel?” The way he said his name seemed to suck the playfulness out of the air.

            “Yeah?”

            “I like you a lot.” His words were shaking like he was confessing to his crush for the first time. “Hell, I think I’m in love with you. I want to hold your hand, take you on dates, kiss you and I really just want to…” He stopped himself before he could be any sappier, but Gabriel was smiling waiting for him to finish.

            “Go on.”

            “I want to have sex with you,” he whispered shamefully.

            “I’m sorry. What did you say? I didn’t quite catch that,” Gabriel said cupping a hand to his ear. Sam’s face had gone completely red.

            “I want to have sex with you,” he said a teeny bit louder.

            “What? Come on, Sam! You’re a big boy, you can say it.” Sam sighed, but played along, straightening his posture to speak clearer and louder.

            “I want to have sex with you.”

            “Say it again!”

            “I want to have sex with you.”

            “Louder!”

            “I want to have sex with you!”

            “LOUDER!”

            “I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!” They went back and forth like that for a while screaming and laughing at each other until the whole bunker echoed with their banters.

 ***

 

~Men of Letter’s Bunker, Present time~

            Dean stepped out of his room only in his robe. He didn’t know how long he’d been out, but he knew he was probably going to be up all night. He accepted it. His sleeping schedule had been fucked since his last encounter with Crowley. He was headed to the bathroom, when he heard screaming from the other room.

            “SAY IT AGAIN!”

            “I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU! GODDAMNIT GABRIEL I WANT TO FUCK YOU SO BAD! I WANT TO PIN YOU TO THE BED AND FUCK YOU UNTIL YOU’RE SHAKING! I WANT TO HEAR YOU BEGGING FOR MORE! I WANT TO FUCK YOU SO HARD YOU CAN”T EVEN WALK AND THE ONLY THING YOU CAN REMEMBER IS MY NAME! I **WANT** TO FUCK **YOU**!”

            Dean was frozen in the hallway, a little disgusted and a little traumatized. He couldn’t see anything hot about screaming viciously at the person you’re about to fuck, but then again he wasn’t about to start pondering Gabriel’s kinks and Sam’s foreplay. _At least they’ve made up_ he thought. _This better not be a regular thing_. He returned to his room trying to mentally delete everything he had just heard.

 ***

 

            “I **WANT** TO FUCK **YOU**!”

            Now they were both laying bed, red faced and panting from laughing and screaming. Raguel had fallen asleep by the door, exhausted from all the commotion. Gabriel sat up still fighting giggles from before.

            “So what’s stopping you Sam Winchester? You wanna fuck? Let’s do it.” Sam straightened up against the pillows. The invitation was so clear, like the universe was leading him to do this. He was meant to make love to this beautiful willing archangel.

            “I want to, I really do. God, it’s all I can think about, it’s just… the Mate’s Desire.” Gabriel nodded a little sad because he knew where the conversation was going.

            “You’re afraid you only want me because of the Desire.”

            “Exactly. I just think we should be sure how we feel about each other before we do anything we can’t take back.” It hurt, god it hurt so bad, but Gabriel knew it was the right thing to do.

            “If we find out we’re not meant to be after the fledglings are born, it could be a mistake.”

            “It sure wouldn’t ** _feel_** like a mistake,” Sam said wondering how the hell his brain could’ve let him say that out loud. He decided it wasn’t that stupid of a mistake because it made Gabriel laugh. _And that’s all I need._ “So I think we should just stay friends until the babies are born, and then you if want to try, I’d like to see if I what I’m feeling is true.”

            “That sounds good.”

            “Ok, so we got a deal?” Sam held out his hand for him, but Gabriel shook his head.

            “That’s not how you seal deals. You should know this. You do it with a kiss.” The archangel smirked and puckered his lips. Sam smiled shaking his head.

            “If you’re going to be like that. This is going to be really hard for me.”

            “That’s the goal. You know as I get further along, the desire only gets stronger. It’s going to get harder to resist me, Samuel,” Gabriel teased.

            “Try me. I’ve dealt with little temptresses like you before. I’ve got loins of steel.”

            “I’m sure you do,” Gabriel said shooting a not so casual glance at the hunter’s crotch. Sam grabbed a pillow and whacked the archangel until they were both laughing and hollering into the night.

***

 

            Michael held out his hand toward the fire place, focusing all his energy on the logs he had Ariel’s men collect for him. He thought of heat, sparks, flames and reached down into the pit of his grace. _Come on, Come on_. A little spark bounced off a log, then another. _Come on_. He squeezed his hand into a fist and smiled as the logs began to glow into a beautiful red. They gave a few more sparks, then went out falling back into its natural color. Michael slumped into his seat. He felt like a fledgling again, testing his powers on Earth for the first time. _This is humiliating_ he thought.

            _“Set the tree ablaze,” Chuck said. God had taken the archangels to Earth in some meadow with a single dying tree. They were alone except for the echoes of Neanderthals a few miles away. Michael and Lucifer were training their celestial powers on Earth, and Gabriel and Raphael had disappeared somewhere. “Concentrate, Michael.”_

_“Yes, father.” He stared at the tree intently, thinking of the branches lit up in flames. He tried until his eyes glowed white, and Lucifer was laughing. “Be quiet!” Lucifer shrugged._

_“It’s not my fault you’re incompetent,” his brother said. Lucifer shoved Michael out the way. “Let me show you how it’s done.” He raised his arm, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Within seconds, the tree ignited into hot orange flames._

_“Very good, Lucifer.” Michael scowled silently at his little brother’s praise._

_“Let me try again,” Michael insisted. “I can do it this time.”_

_“There will be another time for practice,” God said. “Lucifer and I will keep working, Michael how about you go find your younger brothers. Make sure they’re not terrorizing any humans.” He pushed his dejected pride away and agreed._

_“Yes, father.” He ignored Lucifer’s taunting behind him, and his anger towards his father. He can’t just push me aside like this. He shouldn’t! What does Lucifer have on me? He kicked a rock and watched it fly up and burn in the atmosphere._

_He tracked his brothers down to a small camp of humans. Humans, barely, they still walked on all fours, and their language was nothing but grunts and groans. Lucifer thought they were hideous ape like creatures, but Michael was curious. “Have patience,” God would say “and you’ll see how wonderful they’ll become.”_

_Gabriel and Raphael were hiding behind some bushes watching the humans do their little tribal dance. Michael snatched them up by their necks and dragged them away._

_“Ow! Ow! Let me go!” Gabriel clawed at his brother, and Michael grew tired throwing them onto the floor once they were a good distance from the humans._

_“Why did you run off like that?”_

_“Dad said we could go play,” Gabriel said plucking leaves from Raphael’s hair._

_“He didn’t say you could mess with the humans.”_

_“We weren’t messing with them, right Raphael?” Raphael nodded hesitantly keeping his gaze to the floor. “See! We were just watching, and you have to see it! The humans are dancing! They’ve never danced before! I think I’m the first angel to witness humans learning to dance, isn’t that incredible?”_

_“Whatever,” Michael said. “We’re going home.” Gabriel crossed his arms._

_“No! Dad said we could stay out until sundown.”_

_“Well, I’m in charge now, and I want to go home now.”_

_“You can’t just decide what we do because you want to. You’re not Dad, and you never will be Dad, so quit acting like it!”_

_“Be quiet!” Michael could feel his eyes glowing, and goddamnit he was losing his patience with Gabriel. The younger archangel stuck out his tongue._

_“You’re gonna have to make me!” He disappeared with a snap of his fingers, and Michael raced after him. They chased each other through the meadows for the next few hours, and when Raphael grew tired of listening to their fighting, he returned to his hiding spot behind the bushes and watched the early humans._

            Michael snapped out of his memories when someone knocked on the door. He straightened himself up and answered it. Two angels stepped in and greeted him with respectful bows.

            “So what happened?” Michael asked.

            “Dina’s mission failed,” one said quietly. “They didn’t apprehend Gabriel, and all of her team was killed.” Michael sighed. He knew it was a stretch. They had been trying to find his brother for centuries. It wasn’t going to be easy. “But you were right. He is alive and with child. We have suspicion to believe that God used him in an Indirect Fertilization.”

            “So God hasn’t given up entirely,” Michael said. He paced around the room with a finger pushed to his lips. “God had the power to revive an archangel, and create a Nephilim. Do you know what that means?”

            “No, sir.”

            “It means God, is at full strength. He could repair Heaven. He could give you your wings back, but he won’t. He’s giving up on us. He isn’t who he was in the past. Now, do you know what _that_ means?” The two angels exchanged nervous looks.

            “No, sir.”

            “It means it’s time for a new god- a better one. One who will fix our broken systems, who will fix our broken wings. I am God’s descendant. I love my father, but I must protect our home. We will tell him, that I will take over and carry on his work. If he is to refuse… Then we will have to strike against him.”

            “You’re talking about civil war.”

            “Precisely. I don’t like it, but it’s what needs to be done.”

            “Sir, we can’t just rage a war on God! We can’t-” He cut himself seeing the sharp glare of the archangel. Michael hoped his glowing eyes would be enough to assert himself over the angels because there wasn’t much he could do beside that.

            “Manakel.” He placed a steady hand on the angel’s shoulder. Michael smiled inwardly at the angel trembling beneath his fingertips. “The book was thrown out years ago with the apocalypse. I know this is chaos, but after we win and the dust has settled there will be order again. Heaven will be right again.” Manakel nodded not taking his eyes off the archangel’s hand.

            “When do you want us to strike?”

            “Soon, but not yet.” _I have to heal completely before I can rage a war against God._ “There are many angels that have given me their loyalty, but still so many follow my father. I need more soldiers. I want you to persuade his angels, to my side. Tell them what I plan to do, and if they are to reject. Kill them. Tell the rogues too, spread the word that I am going to save Heaven.”


	24. Ignorance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is SUPER late. No excuses this time, but I have a question at the end for anyone who wants to help me out. Enjoy!

            Sam stirred his coffee around while Raguel nuzzled into his ankle. It had been a while since Sam felt much certainty in his life. Of course, their lives would always be hectic, but at least he was sure of his relationship with Gabriel. He had been so confused, not knowing if he wanted to scream at him or fuck him. Now things felt clearer, calmer. He could focus his thoughts again.

            _Speak of the Devil_ he thought watching Gabriel come into the kitchen. The archangel greeted him with a short wave, climbed up to his place on the counter and proceeded to make toast. Sam couldn’t even remember what he was doing, he was stuck just staring off at Gabriel. There was an air of casual holiness about the angel in his white hoodie and grey sweat pants. He looked so pure and sweet and… _soft_. Those soft lips sprinkled with bread crumbs, his pale neck that looked like it was just inviting him to be kissed. He wondered how it would feel between his soft thighs.

            “Hey!” Gabriel snapped, and Sam jerked out of his daydream. “You’re drooling a bit there, Sam.”

            “No I wasn’t.” He got up from the table, nudging a sleeping Raguel out of the way with his foot. When he got closer, he noticed something about the angel’s appearance. “Are those my sweat pants?” Gabriel shrugged like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

            “You said you wanted to help and be a part of our kids’ lives. You can help me make this pregnancy go a lot smoother by sacrificing all your sweats, hoodies and t shirts.” Sam laughed and shook his head.

            “Sure. You can have anything you want, if it’ll make things easier.” Gabriel raised an eyebrow unable to resist the invitation.

            “ _Anything?_ ”

            “You’re disgusting!”

            “You said anything!”

            “You know that’s not what I-” He stopped short and Dean followed shortly by Cas walked into the kitchen bringing a somber mood into the room. They came in at different doorways, both looking down like they were trying not to look at each other. They were silent going around each other to get through their morning routines. Dean grabbed a handful of cold bacon, and Cas made a cup of coffee. They left as quickly and as stiffly as they came in.

            “Wow,” Gabriel said.

            “I got a case!”

            “Those two _are_ a case.”

            “No, I found a case this morning. Maybe we could send Dean and Cas to work on it together, and then they’ll have to make up.”

            “You really think they’ll agree to that?”

            “I mean it’s worth a shot, right?”

            “I guess it’s better than just watching them pout at each other all day.” Gabriel winced bringing a hand up to rest on his stomach, and Sam was at his side instantly, a few inches past personal space.

            “What’s wrong?” Gabriel waved him off.

            “It’s nothing.”

            “Are you hurt?” he asked. Gabriel shook his head.

            “Just uncomfortable. Your offspring decided to kick me in the ribs.”

            “Whoa.” Sam stood there in shock staring at Gabriel’s stomach. He was enthralled by the idea of his children moving. “Can I-” He was already reaching to touch him before he could finish his question. Before he could lay his hand on the bump, Gabriel caught his hand in the air.

            “No,” he said calmly.

            “What?”

            “I said no, Sam. You can’t just touch me whenever it’s convenient for you.” He jumped down from the counter leaving Sam still confused and hurt.

            “What? So I’m not allowed to feel the kicks of my own children?”

            “Come back when you’re ready to feel the rest of me first,” Gabriel said with a wink. Sam groaned, and Gabriel laughed as he left the kitchen.

***

 

            Sam found his brother sprawled out in his bed watching Game of Thrones.

            “Hey.”

            “Hey,” Dean said not taking his eyes off the screen. “I heard you and Gabriel made up last night.”

            “What?”

            “All the screaming yesterday. Next time, please do everyone a favor and keep it down.” Sam flashed back to last night and cringed thinking about it what it sounded like to Dean. _How did I not think of that?_

            “That wasn’t what it sounded like.”

            “Uh huh, whatever.” Sam turned off the TV, and Dean instantly sat up glaring daggers into his brother.

            “I got a case, a couple hours away in Nebraska.” He handed Dean the laptop and proceeded to explain, knowing his brother wasn’t going to read through all the news articles. “So get this, about five years ago, four people went missing in the same county over a course of weeks. Now, three of those missing people have wound up dead in the same week.”

            “You thinking demon killings?”

            “I’m thinking angels. Look at the pictures, cops said beneath the bodies were left on top of scorched out-”

            “Angel wings,” Dean said scrolling through the pics. He shrugged, shut the laptop and handed it back to his brother. “Doesn’t seem like our problem.”

            “What? How is that not our problem? Angels are dying!”

            “Exactly! Angels, not people. If you ask me the world could use less of those winged dicks.”

            “So you’re not even the least bit concerned that someone is killing angels? With all this Michael Lucifer drama don’t you think it could mean something bigger?” Dean sighed.

            “Fine, we can go check it out.”

            “I was thinking you and Cas could take this one. Alone,” he added carefully.

            “What?”

            “It’s an angel case, don’t you want an actual angel with you.”

            “Then let’s bring him,” Dean said starting to sound annoyed. “You don’t have to stay- oh I see what this is.”

            “What is it?” Dean pointed an accusing finger at his brother.

            “You’re just trying to get me and Cas out of the bunker, so you and Gabriel can have loud crazy sex while we’re gone.”

            “What?” Sam’s voice had gone at least an octave up, and his face darkened into red. “I’m not gonna- I mean we’re not- just, look. If you want to think of it that way, fine. Get out tomorrow and try to find the fourth missing guy, before he gets killed.” Dean nodded.

            “Alright. I’ll ask Cas, but he probably won’t come.”

            “Just try and get him to, please.” Dean offered him a weak salute.

            “I’ll do my best.”

            “Cool.” Sam left happy to finally be out of that conversation.

            “Don’t do it on my bed while we’re gone!” Dean called after him.

***

 

            Castiel paced around the room idly, a human quirk he had picked up watching Sam and Dean take phone calls.

            “Wait,” he said, “you saw Michael?”

            “Yes!” Ariel was loud, and Cas pulled the phone away from her strong voice. “He was at the strip joint just the other day!”

            “Why didn’t you tell me then?”

            “Well excuse me for watching my ass. Michael, you know the biggest and the baddest of the archangels, is apparently hunting me down. I had to quit my job, ditch my phone and my house. I’ve been on the road ever since. I’m calling you from a payphone for crying out loud!”

            “I’m sorry. Are you alright? Did Michael hurt you?”

            “No, I’m fine. I raced out of there before he found me.”

            “That’s good.”

            “Yeah, I guess, but I have no idea why he was looking for me. I don’t know if he’s trying to kill me or if he’s still searching for me.” Cas sat down on the bed switching the phone to the other ear.

            “Perhaps, he was trying to recruit you. Gabriel and I had a run in with some angels who claimed to be working for Michael.”

            “What happened? Are you guys ok?”

            “We’re fine,” Cas insisted, “but something… strange happened.”

            “Well, go on.”

            “The angels, they were under Dina’s control- do you remember Dina?”

            “Of course, I remember that lil bitch.” Castiel smiled at her spitefulness.

            “So, they attacked us, but they said they were under strict orders not to kill me or Gabriel.” He waited for Ariel’s two cents, but there was nothing on the other line. It wouldn’t have been strange except for the fact that _Ariel never stops talking_. “Have you heard anything about that?”

            “Um… no I haven’t. I’ll ask around, if I run into any rogues. That is really strange, Cas.”

            “It could be nothing. He probably doesn’t want Gabriel killed because he’s his brother.”

            “Or maybe you two are pawns in his ultra-secret evil mastermind plan to take over the universe.”

            “Honestly, that wouldn’t surprise me.” A warm feeling blossomed in his chest as heard Ariel laughing on the other line. It wasn’t a sexual attraction, but he cared for her no doubt. Since Dean, she was the first person he could really trust and spill all his thoughts to. “Are you sure you’re doing alright?”

            “Yes, Cas, I’ll be ok. I’ll be driving through Kansas soon, but I’m guessing now isn’t the best time to drop in on the Winchester den.” Castiel sighed.

            “We have enough going on, I don’t think they would appreciate a visitor. I’m sorry.”

            “Don’t worry about it.”

            “I could come out and meet you, help you get settled in a new town, help you hide from other angels-”

            “You don’t need to do that,” she insisted. “I’ll be fine, I promise. I don’t need you to babysit me. I know how to hide from angels, been doing that for years. God, Cas, who do you take me for?”

            “I know you are very independent, I just… miss you.”

            “Oh, Castiel!” She squealed and again, Castiel had to distance himself from his phone. “Don’t get all soft on me! Agh! You’re making me blush!”

            “It’s true.”

            “Ok, well enough about me, how are things with you? How’s Gabriel? How are your Winchesters? Do I need to kick some human asses?”

            “No, no. No asses need kicking,” he assured her. “And we’re all doing well.” He thought about the day they watched that angel blade sink into Tod’s chest. The sunken defeated look in Gabriel’s eyes as he hounded himself with guilt. The drunken mess of an archangel he found on the floor. “Gabriel is doing… better.”

            “Well, that’s good. Is Sam treating him right?”

            “Yeah,” he said not really feeling his answer. “It would seem that their relationship has… improved.”

            “Alright, but if he breaks Gabriel’s heart again, you know I’ll be down there in a heartbeat to give Sam the worst whooping he ever-”

            “That’s very considerate,” Cas stopped her, “but not necessary.”

            “Okay, so how are you and Dean doing? Anything happen since he tuned up your car?”

            “Yeah, actually, we had a talk, and he explained why he did what he did. It wasn’t as bad as I thought.”

            “The guy cheated on you, Cas. I think that’s about as bad as it gets.”

            “He had a reason. It was a very complicated situation.”

            “Okay, then did you take him back? Did you guys have passionate make up sex?”

            “No we uh… We didn’t make up.”

            “What? But wait you just said-”

            “I know, but like I said before, it’s a complicated situation. I’m not mad at him for what he did, it’s just why he did it. He was putting Sam’s happiness before mine, and I just-is this making any sense to you?” There were a few beats of silence before Ariel spoke up.

            “I think I get it, you lost me on the context of the situation, but I think I get why Dean did what he did.”

            “What?”

            “Don’t get your trench coat in a bunch, alright. I’m always on your side, but Dean chose Sam over you because that’s his family. He’s a human, and you’re an angel. He’s always going to choose his kind over you, and you would do the same.”

            “I wouldn’t do the same- I haven’t done the same! I’ve been in so many positions where I’ve chosen Dean over my home-over my family! He’s the only reason, I’m not in Heaven right now. I threw out everything for him! Does he not have the slightest idea to do the same for me?” Cas stopped himself before he could raise his voice any further. His jaw was trembling, and he felt the pull of tears lingering in his eyes. He brushed them away and sighed. “I’m going insane, aren’t I?”

            “No, Cas. You’re not crazy, you’re hurt.”

            “I just don’t know what to make of this. Should I just forgive him and accept the fact that he doesn’t care about me as much I care about him?”

            “Hell, no! You deserve better than to be fucking second place in his heart.”

            “Then what do I do?”

            “You tell him what you’re feeling, and if he isn’t ready to clean up his act, you pack your things and meet me in Nevada for a summer in Vegas,” she said.

            “I can’t just leave. Sam and Gabriel, they’re my family too. I can’t abandon them.”

            “Then I’ll come over and give Dean the ass whooping I was planning for Sam.” Cas sniffled and forced his tears away with a smile.

            “You can’t just fight every problem you have.”

            “Watch me, Castiel.”

            “When can I tell Gabriel that I’ve been talking to you?” he asked trying to pin the conversation on something else.

            “Oh Cas… We talked about this.”

            “Yes, I know you and Gabriel had an argument before he ran away. Was it that bad? Would he try to kill you, if you came over?”

            “Probably not, but you never know. He can be… unpredictable.”

            “That’s a word for it.”

            “If anything I was more upset than he was, he might not even remember our little skirmish.”

            “Then why can’t I-”

            “ _Because_ Gabriel is under enough stress as it is. He’s pregnant and has a stubborn uncooperative mate. He shouldn’t have to worry about me too, and besides this could be fun. I could surprise him.”

            “Yeah, I’m sure he would _love_ that.” The door was open, but Dean knocked anyway.

            “Hey, Cas. Can we talk?”

            “I have to go,” Cas said to the phone.

            “Was that Dean? Are you seriously going to ditch me for that lying good for nothing jack-”

            “Goodbye, Ariel.” He ended the call before she could get any more vulgar. He smiled knowing she was probably fuming at her phone. _I’ll text her later_. Dean stepped slowly into the room looking around like he was in unknown territory.

            “Ariel’s that angel you’ve been talking to?”

            “Yeah.” Cas tilted his head in that ‘you got a problem with that’ gesture.

            “You guys talk about the shit going down with Michael and Lucifer?”

            “No,” the angel said flatly. Dean knew he was being tested, but _no_. He wasn’t going to fall for it. He wasn’t going to be the crazy jealous husband when he was already the cheating husband. _Not today_.

            “Cool, well Sam found a case in Nebraska. He thinks we should get on it.” Cas stiffened a little at the _we_.

            “You mean you and me? As in just us two, going on a case together?” Dean shrugged feigning like it was a completely normal request.

            “Yeah.”

            “Do you think that’s wise? Going on a case together, don’t you think our own personal problems might distract us from the mission?”

            “It doesn’t have to. I’m not asking you to forgive me, stay pissed at me all you want, but can we just push everything aside for a few days. This isn’t a normal case, angels are dying. Sam thinks Michael or Lucifer could be behind it. I don’t really know about this one, but he thinks we should check it out.” Castiel pondered it for a few moments.

            “Are you sure Sam and Gabriel will be fine on their own?”

            “Oh, _trust_ me, I think they’ll be _just fine_ on their own.”

            “Alright. I’ll go.” In his head, Dean was cheering. Hopeful that maybe spending time alone together could help mend what was left of their relationship. But outwardly he was calm, cool. Collected.

            “Cool, so when do you want to head out?”

            “You know me,” Cas stood up and straightened his suit, “ready when you are.”

            “Alright, let’s leave first thing in the morning.”

            “Sounds good.” Dean left with an awkward wave, and Castiel immediately retreated back to his phone.

            ‘Sorry about that,’ he texted Ariel.

            ‘It’s going to take much more than a sorry,’ she responded with a red angry emoji.

            ‘I’m going on a hunt with only Dean. If I tell you every detail, will it be enough?’

            ‘Throw in everything Sam and Gabriel do while they’re alone in the bunker and you’ll be forgiven.’

 ***

 

            Ariel eyed her vessel in the hotel mirror. She hated it. The humans never complained about her tan skin or the thick long dark hair. They gawked at her little waist and wide hips. They drooled over her chest, and they were entranced by her wide hazel eyes. Ariel couldn’t see it. She felt weighted down in a heavy meat sack. She missed being a true angel, with no vessel holding her back, just free to roam the cosmos as she pleased. _Those were the days_ she thought wistfully. Back when nobody cared about Earth or humans.

            She thought about Michael’s plan to restore Heaven. _You can come home_ he said. _I can come home_. No more abiding to humans and their customs, no more vessels. _I could be me again. Simply and purely me_. Then again she did have her doubts about Michael. No one had ever been able to fix Heaven. She accepted her fate to be doomed to Earth and its inhabitants, but she wasn’t ready to accept being alone for the rest of her life. _Gabriel is alive_. She grew almost giddy at the thought. Sure, his pregnancy and Sam Winchester were a minor bump in her plan, but she could work around it.

_I’ll have to start with this_ she thought curling one of her vessel’s hairs around her finger. She knew that her vessel was a catch. She had men and women falling for left and right, but Gabriel had a type. She knew he liked the big lumberjacks since BC. It was another thing Ariel couldn’t understand about Gabriel. He could appreciate the appearance of human beings when all Ariel could see where flapping bags of blood and bones.

            She threw on some clothes and headed out the hotel scanning the streets for the perfect vessel. It was hard finding a man that could be deemed attractive, when she found all them repulsive. She decided to look for traits similar to Sam’s. Athletic, tall, long hair. _It shouldn’t be too hard_ she thought. The only thing she worried about was their willingness to be used as a vessel.

            Ariel spotted a man stepping out of a high end restaurant. A relatively tall man with broad shoulders and a slender waist. He was dressed down in a suit, and his long curly black hair was tied up in a messy bun. He looked Puerto Rican in the face, a wide smile, freckles scattered about his tan skin and huge dark eyes. He held the door open for a small lady in a little black dress. Ariel followed them down the sidewalk from a distance, watching them sneak smiles and kisses at another. They stopped in front of a little apartment, to make out against the wall. She watched them for a few minutes, their hands desperately clawing at each other, and giggling between kisses. The woman started taking off the man’s suit, and that’s when Ariel knew they weren’t going to be stopping soon.

            She walked up to them and tapped on the man’s shoulder. He turned around obviously bothered, but held up a fake smile. The woman on the other didn’t bother to hide it. She crossed her arms and glared at Ariel. She heard her thoughts loud and clear. _Who the hell is this thirsty hoe?_

            “Hello, my name is Ariel. You don’t know me, but you are very _very_ important to my mission.” The man broke into a more genuine grin. He tried to look sincere, but deep down he was just trying not to laugh. He exchanged a quick look with the woman’s disapproving glare and returned his gaze to Ariel.

            “How may I help you, dear?”

            “I need you to invite me into you, give me full access and consent to your body.” The woman stepped up to her fist clenched with a sharp scowl, while the man laughed hardily.

            “The fuck did you just say?” Ariel looked past her to the man.

            “This doesn’t concern her, and I won’t ask you again.”

            “Oh you _definitely_ won’t ask again.” She fired a quick punch to the angel’s face, and Ariel watched her fist decorated in shiny jewelry. She caught the gilded knuckles and twisted her arm back. She cried out in pain, and the man stopped laughing as his face turned white and his dark eyes widened. Ariel drew the woman into her chest, whipped her angel blade out and held it right beneath the woman’s chin.

            “Hey, lady!” The fear had left his expression, and a new wild territorial gaze took over his face. His feet planted and his hands balled up into fists. “Let her go.”

            “Don’t try to fight me. I’ll kill her.” Ariel tightened her grip on the woman who had gone completely stiff in her arms.

            “Hey, you said this is about me, alright. Just let her go, and we can talk about this.” His fighting stance was starting to dwindle as a few tears slipped over his eyes. “Just please let her go.”

            “I need you to say yes to me.”

            “What the hell does that mean?”

            “Give yourself to me, or I’ll slit her throat.”

            “Okay! Okay! Yes! You can have me or whatever!” He had his hands clasped together in a pleading motion and was borderline sobbing.

            “Tell me I have your consent. Tell me you invite me, Ariel, into your body.” He was confused, but desperate, and immediately did as told.

            “Yes, you have my consent. I invite you, Ariel, into my body.” Then she saw it, the little crack in his soul inviting her into him. The chink in the armor that would finally allow her to slip through.

            “Perfect.” She jumped out of her vessel and moved over to him in her purest form. The humans watched in awe as a white glow of energy flittered above them leaving the stripper completely unconscious. Ariel drifted over to the man slipped inside through his parted lips. He cried out and dropped to his knees as Ariel’s grace overwhelmed him. She latched on through his soul and worked her way through his body until she consumed every ounce of control over it. He screamed again, but that was it. His last connection to his body. Ariel had him tucked away in a pocket of his mind. She flexed a muscle and watched the new body work with her. _Perfect_.

            “Curtis!” Ariel whipped around almost forgetting about the woman. “Curtis, what happened?” Ariel picked up the angel blade from her previous vessel and flipped it around in her new skin. “What are you doing?” _I could kill her_ Ariel thought, but she decided it wasn’t a good idea to bring any unwanted attention to her new vessel.

            “Curtis isn’t here right now.” Ariel started to leave, but the woman grabbed her by the shoulder.

            “What are you insane? You can’t just leave!” Ariel watched the black tears drip down her face washing away the once beautifully crafted mascara.

            “I’m sorry, but I have to.”

            “But Curtis wait-” Ariel slapped her hand down on her forward, and she was silent. Eyes rolling back into her head, then flopping onto the sidewalk. Ariel looked around for any witnesses then threw the sleeping bodies behind the apartment just to be safe.

            She wandered around town, hands in her pockets whistling sweetly. She stopped by a little department store and ditched the suit for a pair of ripped blue jeans and a black tank top. She bought a few more edgy clothes. She took out the pony tail holder and let her thick black hair roam free over her shoulders. She admired her new look in the store window with a satisfied grin. She was starting to feel at home in her new vessel. She spotted a little tattoo parlor and sent a quick text to Castiel.

            ‘Hey, it’s Ariel. New phone. Tell me, does Gabriel like tattoos?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now you know that Michael is in a female vessel and Ariel is in a male vessel, should I continue to address Michael as a he even though his vessel is female, or should I start referring to him as a her? Vice versa for Ariel. I just don't want people to get confused.


	25. Vices & Virtues

            Gabriel was laid out on Dean’s bed bouncing a tennis ball off the ceiling while the hunter packed things for his hunt.

            “So is Sam gonna fuck you on every piece of furniture while we’re gone?”

            “Ha, I wish. What about you and Cas? Are you really going to solve this angel killing mystery or are you going to solve the mystery on how to get into his pants?” Dean offered him a tight smile.

            “Hopefully the latter, I couldn’t care less about some angel serial killer.”

            “Just remember to wrap it Winchester, or you’ll end up pregnant, horny, craving almonds covered in chocolate and in the worst dry spell of your life.” Dean laughed.

            “Come on, it can’t be that bad.”

            “Yeah, like you could possibly understand what it’s like to carry two insanely powerful beings inside you.” Gabriel threw the tennis ball particularly hard and it bounced away from him. Dean caught the ball before it could hit the ground and tossed it back to the archangel without missing a beat.

            “True, but I can tell you about dry spells.”

            “So long have you gone without getting it on?”

            “Four months, worst time of my life I must say, and I’ve actually been in one since you crash landed here, so yeah. That’s almost a month and a half now.”

            “Okay, you can’t blame this one on me. I didn’t stop you from having sex. You could’ve screwed to your hearts content, I wouldn’t have cared.”

            “That’s what I said, but no Cas was all like ‘we can’t be doing things while dealing with Gabriel’ or ‘we should stay focused on more pressing matters and blah, blah, blah.” Gabriel laughed at Dean’s Castiel impression.

            “Aww, poor Dean.” Gabriel squealed as Dean’s sock nailed him in the face. Gabriel balled up the sock and threw it at the back of the hunter’s head. “It could end up being five months for me, if Sam actually keeps up his policy of ‘no sex until the babies are born’. Gabriel grimaced at the thought. “It’s so unfair and cruel and… stupid.” Dean packed up his socks into his duffel bag.

            “You know this won’t last. Sam is thirteen. If you look at him funny, he’ll start humping your leg. He’ll break in no time.” Gabriel laughed, and Dean smiled at the glowing archangel. “I give it a week.”

            “Really? I think he’d at least last two weeks. Have some faith in your brother.”

            “Oh, I know my brother like I know my own mind which is why I _don’t_ have faith in him,” Dean said. He scanned the room, trying to remember what he was looking for.

            “You wanna bet on this?”

            “Sure. I bet fifty dollars that you and Sam will fuck within the next seven days, and wow I can’t believe I’m actually betting on my brother’s sex life.”

            “As much as I hope you’re right, I bet fifty dollars that Sam and I won’t be doing any fornication until another eight days.”

            “Alright then, I guess we got a deal.” They shook hands, and Dean noticed something peeking out from the archangel. He shoved Gabriel on to his side, and snatched the shirt out from under him.

            “Ow!” He propped himself up on his elbows. “Would it kill you to be a little gentler? For the love of God, I’ve having your nieces and or nephews.”

            “Ugh, don’t remind me. I can’t believe this bunker is about to turn into a freaking day care.” Dean fumbled around in his bag double checking everything. “Alright, I’m going. Don’t harass Sam too much while I’m gone.”

            “I’ll do my best. Ooh! Ooh! Wait!” Dean stopped in the doorway.

            “What?”

            “Bring back chocolate covered almonds!” Dean dropped his head with an exasperated sigh.

            “Why can’t you just get Sam to pick you up some Almond Joy from the gas station?”

            “Because it’s not the same!” he whined. The hunter rolled his eyes, but Gabriel wasn’t finished. “Those fucking almond joy bars tastes like trash. The almonds taste like some fake ass nuts, disguised in cheap hard chocolate. You have to get fresh almonds, and request them smothered in chocolate. You have to go to the mall to get them because you can’t find anything good in this barren little town-”

            “Okay! Chocolate covered almonds, got it.  I don’t know how long this angel gig will last, so I’ll let you guys know when we’re coming back. See ya.”

            “Have fun!” Gabriel went back to bouncing the tennis ball off the walls and the ceiling. Dean took one last look at the archangel. He was a huge pain in the ass, but… Gabriel threw the tennis ball into the far corner of the room. Dean couldn’t see what it hit, but he definitely heard something shatter. Dean laughed, while Gabriel scrambled to the broken object.

            “Shit, shit, shit.” Gabriel didn’t know that he was being watched, and Dean decided to keep it that way. He just listened as the archangel cursed himself and attempted to repair whatever he had broken. _He’s kind of cute_ Dean thought. _Maybe he has some redeemable qualities_. For once he was really starting to see what Sam saw in him.

            He found Cas downstairs in the middle of a conversation with Sam.

            “Do you like tattoos?” The angel asked.

            “I don’t dislike them. Why you ask?” Cas shrugged in the fake casualness Dean had come to recognize.

            “No reason. Another question. Do you think Gabriel likes tattoos?”

            “Tattoos?” Dean jumped in. “Is there something you want to tell us, Cas?”

            “Um no… It’s nothing. Are you ready to go?” The brothers shared an odd look both acknowledging how quick the angel was to change the conversation, but they said nothing about it.

            “Yep.” Dean patted his bag. “Let’s go. I’ll call you once we get something.”

            “Alright.” They headed to the garage, all ready to go until Cas got into his car.

            “What are you doing?” Dean asked. Cas tilted his head to the side confused as to why the hunter seemed so offended.

            “Getting in my car,” he said slowly.

            “Shouldn’t we just take one car?”

            “Why?” In that second, Dean couldn’t come up with a good answer. All he could he think of were the times he spent driving around in his impala with Cas in the passenger seat. _We used to have so much fun_. Picking up fast food, chasing monsters and making hot love in the back seat. Dean drew himself out of his memories when his sense started to reach him.

            “Sam and Gabriel. They’ll need a car.” Cas sighed knowing that Dean had found a valid point.

            “Fine. Get in.”

            “No, we’re taking Baby.”

            “Why are you being so difficult?” Cas couldn’t tell if it was the right or the wrong thing to say, but it definitely drew a reaction from the hunter.

            “Difficult? The hell does that mean?” Castiel rolled his eyes.

            “Can you just get in?”

            “Fine.” Dean threw his things in the trunk then climbed into the passenger seat. “For the record I’m doing this because _you’re_ the one being difficult.” Cas ignored him as he pulled on to the road. He didn’t have the energy to fuel this petty fight, knowing there were bound to be dozens more in a span of days. It was never this bad. Sure, they had arguments that would result in sleeping in different beds and two sappy apologies in the morning. But ever since the incident, it was like every little thing pissed each other off. _This is going to be fun._

_***_

 

            Sam walked past Dean’s room when he saw Gabriel on the floor trying to clean up the hundreds of cassette tapes scattered around the floor. Sam leaned on the door way and watched with an amused glint in his eyes.

            “What’d you do?” Gabriel jumped a little but didn’t take his eyes off the tapes.

            “I knocked over like three shoe boxes and three thousand tapes fell out! Don’t just stand there. Help me!”

            “You did this!”

            “It was an accident!” Gabriel let out a dramatic sigh. “I can’t do this! The boxes and the tapes are labeled in a weird way. I don’t know where anything goes. There’s no structure to this!”

            “That’s Dean for you.” Sam stepped into the room and sat down beside the archangel. “Well for starters, the Beetles go in this box.” He scooped up about a dozen tapes and put them away, while Gabriel watched curiously.

            “Why those?”

            “Because this box is our parent’s picks. That one,” he pointed to the smaller box, “Is Dean’s favorites, and the other one is for most of the love songs which I assume are inspired by Cas.”

            “Wow.” Gabriel eyed the tapes and began sorting them to their boxes.

            “I know, there’s at least some method to his madness.” It only took about five minutes to finish the sorting the tapes, but they stayed in there for fifteen, just talking and laughing trying to hide all the sexual tension lingering between them.

            “So what do you want to do today, Sam? It’s _just us_ ,” Gabriel added like it was supposed to mean something more.

            “How about something strictly platonic like watching a movie.”

            “But that’s _so_ boring.”

            “You got a better idea?”

            “Let’s go out,” Gabriel insisted. “We can take Rags for a walk.”

            “But I already took him for a walk.”

            “Ugh!” Gabriel flopped down into Sam’s lap laying on his thighs like they were another piece of furniture. “I hope our kids don’t grow up to be buzzkills like you.”

            “Hey, I thought we weren’t touching unless we’re fucking,” Sam pointed out. Gabriel rolled his eyes.

            “This is different.”

            “How?” Gabriel said nothing, and Sam didn’t complain. God, he couldn’t complain. He had a freaking archangel lying across his lap humming like a peaceful kitten. They were happy just enjoying the other’s body warmth. Of course, Gabriel wanted more. Oh, he wanted so much more. _At least he’s not mad at me anymore_ Gabriel conceded. He decided to just be happy with the fact that they were in a better place than they were before. Even if he really _really_ wanted to get in Sam’s pants.

Sam gently stroked the archangel’s hair listening to his small purrs of satisfaction. They laid like that for a while, eyes closed, together in sense of skin touching skin but apart each somewhere in their minds they wouldn’t dare to tell the other. Sam thought about the soft almost purr-like sounds that escaped the angel’s lips. That led him to thinking about other sounds he could get out of him. He wondered what his moans sounded like. He wondered how it would sound to hear Gabriel cry out his name over and over again.

            “Sam?”

            “Mm?”

            “Are you poking me with your finger or something else?” Sam pushed Gabriel off his lap back onto the floor. He stood up face blushing while the archangel laughed at him.

            “Goodbye, Gabriel.”

            “Don’t go! We were having so much fun together. Come back!” Sam ignored him and headed out the room. “Where are you going? Do you have to take care of something? Something big and hard maybe?” The only answer he got was the slam of the door. Gabriel stretched out on the floor and sighed. He wished he hadn’t have said anything because then maybe he’d be the one to work out the Winchester’s erection.

            Gabriel wandered around the bunker bored and lonely until he found Cas’ room. The door was left open, so naturally he went in. Unlike the Winchester’s rooms, he didn’t leave clothing or little family trinkets lying about because _why would he?_ It looked almost like no one had lived in it. _Of course_ Gabriel mused. _He probably stayed in Dean’s room most times._

            The only thing slightly off about his perfect room was a little box sitting on top of his bed. It was about the size of a shoe box labeled with a little post it note. It read _These little tr **i** nke **ts** are **for you** , be **g** ood to them, they **a** re **bri** lliant and imm **e** asurab **l** e. **I** want you to have the **m** , Castiel. I can’t solve all your **iss** ues, but I hope this will make things easier for **you**. -Love ya!_ Gabriel took the note off the box and read it again. The wording felt off to him like it was more calculated than some friendly letter, but he noticed something else strange about _how_ the words were written. Every few letters or group of letters it was darkened more than the others. Maybe it was all in his head, or maybe it was a faulty pen, but he read it again only focusing on the darkened letters.

            **i** **ts** **for you g a bri el I m iss you**. _It’s for you Gabriel I miss you_.

            “Holy shit,” he whispered. _Well now I have to open it_. He would’ve laughed at the contents of the box if he wasn’t so freaked out. Inside the little shoe box was a single red rose and underneath about half a dozen sex toys. He held up the rose and gasped. “Holy shit.” _Who the hell would give me a_ … He searched through the box inspecting each toy. There were two dildos. One was clear appearing glass like and was at least eight inches long. The other was a little shorter, but was electric coming with a few extra batteries. It was a full on prostate massager. There was a string of golden anal beads, a mini black flogger, a black blind fold and pair of nipple teasers. “Ho…ly… shit.”

            He could barely form other thoughts because who the fuck would do this? _Who the fuck would leave me a box of sex toys? High quality sex toys_ he added running his finger over the golden anal beads. _Okay, let’s think. They gave them to Cas, but meant them for me?_ The only person he could even fathom giving Cas nipple clamps was Dean. _Or what if it’s that angel he’s been talking too?_

            “Fuck!” Gabriel ran his hands through his hair. _What if it’s an old ex trying to get to me through Cas?_ Dozens of names came to mind. _Fuck, they’re so many_. For once, Gabriel actually felt worried about his promiscuous past. Pregnant with a Nephilim and pining after Sam Winchester. What a perfect time for an ex to come crawling out of his past. _Just perfect._ He looked over the handwriting trying to see if it matched anyone from his memory. It was dainty in a clean cursive, but no one came to mind. He lived through the times of writing letters _goddamnit_ it should’ve been easier. He gave up on the handwriting and quickly called Castiel.

            “What?” The angel didn’t even bother to hide the annoyance in his voice.

            “Who’s the angel you’ve been talking to you?”

            “I told you a thousand times Gabriel. This does not concern you. Goodbye.”

            “No, don’t hang up! This is important. There’s a box in your room, and I think whoever gave it to you meant for you to give it to me.”

            “Wait a minute, you went through my stuff?” Gabriel groaned.

            “That’s not the point!”

            “I can’t believe you! I leave for not even an hour and you’re already rummaging through my things.” Gabriel was a little confused by his outburst. Sure, maybe he was in the wrong for going into his room, but it wasn’t like Cas to be petty like this. It was as if the angel was already pissed, and Gabriel just had the worst timing.

            “Okay! I’m sorry, alright, but the point is I think this mystery angel is trying to hook up with me.”

            “And why would they be trying to do that?”

            “Did you _see_ what was in the box?” Gabriel asked. Rage fired at him from the other end of the line.

            “YOU OPENED UP THE BOX?”

            “Are you even listening to me? Castiel, I think your friend has an ulterior motive, and they’re using you to get to me.”

            “Why does everything have to be about you?” Now it was Gabriel’s turn to get pissed.

            “WHAT?”

            “Ever since you got here, you’ve bringing all this drama and baggage. Now you go through my personal things, and spin my friendship into some crazy thing that somehow manages to revolve around you.” If Gabriel had his angelic strength, the phone would’ve snapped between his fingers.

            “Listen you fucking-” Gabriel stared at the blank phone in shock. _He hung up on me? He hung up on me!_ “Ugh!” He stomped his foot into the ground unsatisfied as his rage was softened by the carpet. He took the rose, the nipple teasers, the blind fold and the flogger back to his room. _It’s not like Cas would be needing them anyway._

            Once he calmed down about the atrocious phone call, he studied the rose. It was a little wilted, turning brown at the edges but it was beautiful. _It’s charming_ he thought, _but so cliché. Who would give me a rose?_ Gabriel couldn’t recall any of his partners having the classy mindset to leave him a rose but also the perverted mindset to give him sex toys. _Should I tell Sam?_ He wondered. _What would he do about it? As long as Cas is keeping this secret, I’m not going to find out who it is. Maybe it’s nothing. What if I got this all wrong?_

            He gave up on trying to decipher everything, and put the rose in a vase trying to preserve what life it had left.

***

 

            Sam had that gnawing guilt settling in the pit of his stomach as he jerked himself off. It was the same feeling he had all the time when he first discovered masturbating when he was twelve, horrified that his Dad or Dean would catch him. It felt like he had done something wrong for just being human. Or the times he first started to experiment with guys in college. But he had grown out of it. He accepted who he was and who he wanted to fuck, but things were different now.

            He thought about Gabriel as he fucked into his own hand. He wished he had the archangel right there, bare thighs straddling his hard cock. He wanted to dig his fingers into the smaller man’s hips rocking him to his rough rhythm. He wanted to hear Gabriel moan and scream at the top of his lungs. He wanted to see him vulnerable, mouth open, eyes screwed shut as he reached his orgasm. He wanted to watch Gabriel cum all over him. He wanted watch him fall from his high breathless, sweaty and sticky in his own cum. Sam wanted to see all of it, he wanted to be the reason for all of it.

            “Fuck,” he whispered. He was really close. He had the door locked and kept his voice down as quietly as he could which was starting to get harder as he was so close to going over the edge. If Gabriel caught him like this… God, he would never hear the end of it. As much as he dreamed about Gabriel storming into his room and riding him all night, he couldn’t let it happen.

            His mind flashed back to the archangel his thoughts cutting up like photographs. Slices of Gabriel’s white thighs. His naked body bouncing up and down. His hair flipping back and forth with the motion. His soft lips, _fuck_. It was silent in his head, but he could see his lips mouthing Sam’s name over and over again begging him for more. He saw the wings as he imagined them to be. Golden and glowing outstretched to their full length, fluttering recklessly to the beats of his thrusts. That’s what fucking did it.

            He arched his back off the mattress cumming into his hand. He squeezed his eyes shut and bit into his lip trying to suppress his moans. He slacked back into the bed after his high breathing heavy and trying to collect his thoughts. He should’ve felt better. It always made him feel better, but he felt worse. He felt like he had betrayed his own body by giving into his mislead arousal. He buried his face in his hands and sighed. _This isn’t right_ he thought. _I can’t keep doing this- I can’t keep thinking like this._

            He couldn’t let the Mate’s Desire control him like that. Could he? _No_ he decided. He thought he would be ok, just having a normal friendship with Gabriel and fucking him in his mind later, but that wasn’t working.   _You know as I get further along, the desire only gets stronger. It’s going to get harder to resist me, Samuel_ he remembered Gabriel’s warning, and _fuck_ if it was going to get worse, he didn’t know much longer he could hold out. Soon his thoughts would become actions and his actions definitely meant sex and that definitely would become a complicated relationship after the babies were born. He didn’t need more mess, his life was already the definition of chaos. And he didn’t need to risk ruining his relationship with Gabriel again. _I can’t_ he thought. He wouldn’t call things good, but they were better.

            Sam got in the shower scrubbing himself until his skin was beet red like he could wash away the guilt that clung to his skin. _There has to be a way to stop this_ he thought. There had to be a way to end the Mate’s Desire sooner, or at least put off his infatuation with Gabriel until he did something he might regret. Maybe Gabriel knows what to do, but then again he couldn’t imagine that conversation going well. _Hey, could you tell me how I can stop thinking about having sex with you?_ It would either seriously piss him off or lead to another awkward conversation, and Sam wasn’t equipped for either of those options.

            He dried off, got dressed and headed down to the library. He scanned through the books about angels-particularly archangels until he found the chapters about angel pregnancies and Nephilim. He didn’t find anything about the Mate’s Desire, but he did find some helpful notes. He marked the pages talking about archangel pregnancies to come back to later because if he was going to have a freaky half archangel kid he damn well better be prepared.

            Sam sighed as he scanned the library for more books on the subject. _Of course it wouldn’t be easy to find information on this_ he thought. Gabriel said humans barely even noticed it. God probably wanted it that way. He left the angel books and searched through the old Men of Letters journals. Someone else had to have discovered and tried to end the Mate’s Desire. I can’t be the only one.

            He shifted through countless logs about monster sightings, detailed accounts of demons and the occasional letters to their family members, but nothing on angels, or indirect fertilization or the Mate’s Desire. He was about to give up and continue his search online when he found a journal of a man by the name of Gary Frankston. He never mentioned Mate’s Desire, but what he was describing sounded damn near close to it.

_March 17, 1933_

_It has almost a month since I left my wife to join this Men of Letters. I was certain at the time that I had made the right decision to throw away my life and my identity for this hidden society, but now I am not so sure. For the past two weeks, I have been missing my wife, Joe, greatly. My companions have chalked it up to homesickness, and perhaps they’re right. Though I have never felt a pain so strong. I haven’t slept in two days for all I see is her face when I close my eyes. Then in my waking hours I see her around the bunker. She has never been so forth in my mind until now, it is agonizing. Hopefully, this won’t last for much longer or I might lose my own head._

_April 2, 1933_

_It’s been approximately two weeks, and I am no better. I have descended into an empty broken shell of a man. I have barely eaten or slept for Joe is the only thing my body craves. My superiors have begun to worry about my condition. They believe I’ve been cursed by a witch of some sorts. They’re bringing in a supernatural healer tomorrow to see if they can cure me of this painful longing._

_April 3, 1933_

_I cannot believe my senses! This healer she told me that Joe is pregnant with my child. How can it be? She said the reason why I miss her so dearly is because Joe needs me, and our baby needs me, so they have reached out to me in an other worldly sense. I cannot believe it! She said the cure for me was to return home, so I can be with my family then the pull won’t be so painful. I would have agreed if it weren’t for my sworn allegiance to the Men of Letters. I can never go home. I can never see my wife or my child ever again. I’ve been in a great deal of dejection, but I made a promise that I intend to keep. The healer left me some instructions, to help regain my sanity again and put Joe to rest in my mind._

  * _Meditate daily. Think of your lover, but not her body. Think of her plain and simple, but not as your lover. Focus your energy on the fact that this woman is not your wife or your lover. She means nothing to you, and is nothing but a stranger. Think of her like a regular face in a crowd of thousands._
  * _Avoid aphrodisiacs. Pomegranates, oysters, Chocolate, bananas etc. Avoid any foods that could fuel lust, they’ll only increase the yearning for your mate._
  * _Exercise plentifully, especially when waves of arousal wash over you. Do not pleasure yourself, instead go for a run. Movement will busy your body and your mind._
  * _Spend your days outside. The clean earthly air, cleanses all and everything unholy. It should help subdue the sinful temptations._



_April 5, 1933_

_I have kept up with all of the healer’s notes, and the progress is slow, but I believe it is working. My mind still wanders back to Joe and our baby, but I’ve finally gotten a full night’s rest. Hopefully, my progress will only improve from here._

            Sam scanned through the rest of the logs under Gary Frankston. He had several more over the years, but none of them mentioned a Joe or a baby. _It was like he had forgotten about them entirely._ He tore out the page of the healer’s instructions and took it up to his room. He studied the words carefully. He was skeptical of some old witch’s teaching, but if it worked for Gary… _Maybe it could work for me._


	26. Emergency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah it's late, my bad. I hope you guys enjoy!

            “You could’ve taken that light you know,” Dean said pointing to the traffic light. Castiel readjusted his grip on the wheel.

            “No, I could not because that would be breaking the law.”

            “Are you seeing like ghost cops or something? Cas, no one is around.”

            “Can you just shut up and just let me drive?” Dean sat there stunned by his angel’s attitude. It definitely wasn’t their first time bickering like this. Hell, even before they got together they would fight like an old married couple, but after all the arguing there would be always several ‘I’m sorry’s and ‘I forgive you’s and eventually some really great make up sex. Now there were no apologies or forgiveness, just enough tension left behind to brew the next fight.

            “I’m just saying if you want to get there before the next angel gets killed, you might want to step on it.”

            “No, Dean, I will not _step on it_.” Before Dean could say anything else, Cas’ phone buzzed. He answered the call with an annoyed sigh. “What?”

            “Who’s the angel you’ve been talking to you?” The archangel spoke quickly from the other line. ‘Who is it?’ Dean asked silently. ‘Gabriel’ Cas mouthed back.

            “I told you a thousand times, Gabriel. This does not concern you. Goodbye.” He started to end the call but stopped, hearing Gabriel’s panicked voice.

            “No, don’t hang up! This is important. There’s a box in your room, and I think whoever gave it to you meant for you to give it to me.” Castiel took a second trying to remember what box he could possibly be talking about. _No one has given me a box of anything so what did he- oh… Ariel._

            “Wait a minute, you went through my stuff?” He glanced to the passenger seat for the hunter’s reaction, but Dean was completely turned away from Cas facing the window. The angel cocked his head confused at what he could possibly be doing. His shoulders were shaking and Cas recognized the muffled wheezing breaths emitting from him. _Is he laughing?_

            “That’s not the point!” Gabriel whined.

            “I can’t believe you! I leave for not even an hour and you’re already rummaging through my things.” The angel was fuming not much so for Gabriel going through his stuff, but more at Dean for laughing at him.

            “Okay! I’m sorry, alright, but the point is I think this mystery angel is trying to hook up with me.”

            “And why would they be trying to do that?”

            “Did you _see_ what was in the box?” Gabriel asked.

            “YOU OPENED UP THE BOX?” He tried to ignore Dean biting into his fist to hide his ever growing laughter. _Why is he even trying to hide it? Doesn’t he know I can hear him?_

            “Are you even listening to me? Castiel, I think your friend has an ulterior motive, and they’re using you to get to me.”

            “Why does everything have to be about you?” Dean stopped laughing and faced the angel with a curious brow raised.

            “WHAT?” Cas didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was the idea of being trapped in the car with Dean for another few hours. Maybe it was the fact that he had already been trapped in the car with Dean for an hour and they hadn’t gone ten minutes without arguing. Maybe it was everything, maybe it was Crowley, his marriage, Lucifer and Michael. But maybe when it came down to it, Gabriel was the cause of it all. Dean and he would still be together and happy, Lucifer would still be imprisoned and their lives wouldn’t be so fucking shitty. The angel was pissed and maybe it wasn’t all Gabriel’s fault, but he was in the right spot to hear Cas snap.

            “Ever since you got here, you’ve bringing all this drama and baggage. Now you go through my personal things, and spin my friendship into some crazy thing that somehow manages to revolve around you.” He started to hear the archangel curse on the other end, but Cas hung up before he could go any further. He sighed relieved and the hunter scolded him with a sharp glare.

            “Is Gabriel ok?”

            “He’s fine, just a little needy.” Dean wrinkled his nose at the comment.

            “Well shouldn’t you be a little nicer to him? I mean he’s pregnant and a fricking time bomb if we piss him off.” Inwardly Cas groaned. He knew the hunter was right, but in their current situation he wasn’t about to give up his pride. He dug his phone out of his pocket and thrusted it in Dean’s face.

            “Here, if you’re so worried about him, why don’t you give him a call and try to calm him down? Give my apologies.” Dean took the phone, and he was about to do it. He worried about Gabriel, and they didn’t need a catastrophic storm, but from the tight expression his angel wore he decided to leave it alone. If he wanted to get Cas back he had to be on his side all the time and every time. Dean set the phone down.

            “I’ll check up on them later.” Cas acknowledged him with a slight grunt, and thankfully the rest of the ride was silent.

***

 

            Gabriel exhaled loud and dramatic and watched the hunter for a reaction. Sam didn’t acknowledge the archangel not even looking up from his book. Gabriel slumped down into the couch annoyed but not defeated.

            “Whatchya reading?”

            “A book.” Gabriel sighed even more dramatically.

            “What’s the book about?” Sam finally looked up from his book to the archangel strewn across the couch with an amused smile curling his lips.

            “Do you really care?” he asked.

            “No.” Sam laughed and returned to his reading. Gabriel groaned. He definitely wanted to take the hunter to bed, but more than anything he wanted his attention. He wanted it for more than ten seconds. He wanted Sam’s eyes on him and not some stupid book. _They’re hazel_ Gabriel concluded. _At least right now they are_. Mostly brown with specks of green. Like the colors couldn’t make up their minds. “Let’s go out tonight.” It had been a few days since Dean and Cas left, and the other two hadn’t done much outside the bunker. They hadn’t needed to. It was peaceful, but Gabriel was restless.

            “Where do you wanna go?”

            “I dunno… We could go get food.”

            “We have food,” Sam said matter of factly.

            “Oh, please. You can’t seriously compare Dean’s half assed leftovers to a real meal.” Sam sighed, set the book down and turned around to completely face the archangel.

            “Then what do you have in mind?”

            “A restaurant! Like a real fancy restaurant with good food.”

            “With what money?” Sam asked.

            “You guys run credit card scams and stuff, right?” Gabriel watched Sam roll those sweet eyes. _He’s so cute when he’s annoyed_.

            “Yeah, but most of them are maxed. Dean’s going to take care of the money situation before he gets back.”

            “Or we could take care of the money situation ourselves,” Gabriel said with a mischievous smile.

            “What?”

            “Go get dressed, Samosa!” Gabriel hopped up from the couch and ran over to Sam. He took his hand and pulled him away from the desk. “We’re going on a field trip!”

***

 

            “No.” Sam peered into Gabriel’s oh so secret location. He went along with it because Gabriel’s little adventures intrigued him, and he couldn’t turn down those wide whiskey eyes, but now he was having second thoughts. “We’re not doing this.”

            “Yes, we are.” Gabriel tugged on the taller man’s arm and Sam reluctantly followed him inside. The stench of sweat and whiskey greeted them inside the bar. It was packed with dozens of burly men, a few glanced up at the newcomers and the rest continued with their drinking, darts and pool games. The lights flickered every so often casting orange lighting on the brown walls. The creaky floor, the leather jackets and the chipped glasses sporting dark colored drinks took Sam back to the summer of his seventh grade year.

_The brothers snagged a booth away from most of the action. They gained enough attention as it is, two fresh faced boys wrapped up in flannels a couple sizes too big slurping on root beers in the dirtiest pub in town._

_A young busty woman with curly black hair greeted them with a little notepad._

_“Can I get you boys anything else?” Dean eyed her up and down and smiled biting lightly on his bottom lip._

_“You can give me your number.” The woman looked visibly shaken by the comment, but upheld her courteous smile and moved her gaze to Sam._

_“Would you like a refill on those root beers?” Sam politely shook his head and Dean spoke up._

_“Actually, could you slip us a few actual beers? That’d be great sweetheart.” She glanced down at the yellow matching wrist bands on the brother’s arms._

_“You have to be twenty-one to order alcohol sweetheart,” she said stiffly. “Just holler if you want to order anything else.” Dean watched her return to the front of the bar._

_“Damn, you think she’ll be friendlier once her shift is over?”_

_“You can’t hit on her, Dean. She’s old enough to be our mom.”_

_“No, she’s not! Come on, I bet you she’s twenty two at the most.” Sam numbly stirred the straw around in his root beer. He shrugged._

_“If you say so.”_

_“Hey.” Dean nudged his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”_

_“I don’t wanna be here,” Sam said quietly._

_“Then where do you wanna go? You want me to dump you at some Plucky’s Pizzeria?”_

_“No!”_

_“Then quit whining! You wanted to come on hunts with me and Dad. You got what you wanted.”_

_“I know it’s just… Shouldn’t we be with Dad right now? What if he needs us?”_

_“Dad’s gonna be fine.” The younger Winchester didn’t seem too comforted by the answer and Dean sighed. “Listen Sammy, Dad’s doing his job, and he’s going to do it alone. Our job is too stay alive until he gets back. This money ain’t gonna last us another week. If Dad doesn’t-”_

_“I don’t wann do it,” Sam said quickly._

_“Do you wanna starve?” Sam said nothing, and Dean knew he got him with that one. He tugged on his little brother’s arm guiding him to the pool table. “Come on, we’ll be fine.” Dean looked back to his brother with a grin that promised chaos. “And by the end of the night, we’ll be rich.”_

_They approached the group of men hovering the pool table with a few laughs and hollers. Sam stayed protectively behind his brother, and Dean took out his wallet._

_“I want the next game, gentlemen.” There was another round of laughter and one big dude walked up to the brothers. He was bald with a thick dark beard and wrapped up in denim from head to toe. He stared down at them with black beady eyes. Sam shivered at his deep scratchy voice._

_“You two are too young to be in here.”_

_“We’re not here to drink,” Dean said raising his wristband up. “We’re just here to play.” The man lowered himself until he was at eyelevel with Dean._

_“Does your mother know you’re here?” The older brother glared back at him with a hot fire in his green eyes._

_“Our mother is dead.” An abrupt silence fell over the bar but was quickly filled with low murmurs and whispers. The man nodded with a little more understanding in his sharp eyes._

_“Alright, well I’m Rick.” He held out his hand, and Dean shook it confidentially._

_“Dean.”_

_“Ok, Dean. You wanna play?” Rich gestured to the table. “Two bucks a ball. I’ll go easy on you.” Dean picked up the cue inspecting the end of it._

_“Let’s make it ten, and no need to go easy on me pal. I’m pretty good if I do say so myself.” That earned a round of chuckles from the older men. Sam tugged on Dean’s arm. It was for the act, but a part of him really wanted to leave._

_“Dean, no.” The older brother ripped his arm away._

_“Shut up, Sammy. I got this.” Sam sat down and watched Dean lose game after game. He watched nervously biting his nails as the prices kept going higher and higher. Finally, it was time to step in. Sam ran up and stepped in between his brothers and the other man._

_“Stop it, no more games!” He looked up at Dean and forced tears out of his eyes. “We can’t lose any more money.” Dean shoved him out the way._

_“Relax, I can win it all back.”_

_“No, you won’t.” Sam turned to look at Rich with watery eyes. “Please, let me play instead.” Rich laughed hardily and droplets of spit landed on Sam’s face._

_“How much money you got left on you, Sammy?” he asked. Sam glared up at him fuming as the nickname fell so easily on foreign lips._

_“One hundred and eighty.”_

_“Ok, how bout this? You bet all your money, and if you win I’ll give you five times that amount. Sound like a deal?” Sam wrinkled his nose at the hand outstretched in front of him. A few of them were snickering behind Rich, and the others watched with pity shaking their heads at the small boy. Sam looked back at his brother. Dean was shaking his head silently pleading him to walk away, then he saw the tiny wink cross his brother’s eye._

_“Let’s play.”_

            “Sam!” The hunter jumped out of his memory at the archangel’s snapping fingers. He glanced around at his surroundings, remembered where he was and sighed. “You still with me?”

            “Yeah, just in a daydream.”

            “Well, get your big head back in the game. We’re on a mission.” They picked a spot at the bar backs to all the action, but Sam could still here the clinking of pool balls.

            “We can’t scam these guys of their money. I’m not a kid anymore,” he whispered. Gabriel rolled his eyes dramatically.

            “Come on, I know you made money off of pool games well into your thirties, and I thought you said you were good.”

            “I _am_ good.” Gabriel smirked up at him.

            “Then prove it.” Sam stood up out of his stool.

            “Fine.” Gabriel pulled on his arm back into the bar stool.

            “Not so fast,” he said. “First, we gotta get wasted!”

            “What?” Before Sam could even protest, Gabriel snapped his fingers twice and the bartender slid them four glass shots filled with bright orange liquid. Gabriel looked at the shots with a disappointed frown.

            “Aren’t you forgetting something?” The bartender, a clean cut man in a black button down, smiled knowingly at the archangel.

            “My apologies, Gabriel.” Sam perked up at the name but remained silent shooting curious glances between Gabriel and the newcomer. The bartender took out a can of whip cream and topped off Gabriel’s shots. He added a bright red cherry and grinned.

            “Thank you, Kent.” The bartender, or Kent, dipped his head respectively and returned to the other attendants. As soon as he left, Sam stuttered out a plethora of questions.

            “What the-shots? We’re not doing shots! You’re not doing shots! Not in your condition!” Gabriel rolled his eyes. _Why does he have such a hard time saying pregnant?_ “I thought we were playing pool, not getting drunk. And who the fuck is that guy? Why does he know you? Is he some kind of angel? Monster?”

            “Calm down, Samuel. These aren’t real shots. Take yours, it’s like a smoothie or something.” Gabriel peered down into the shot glass. “Maybe it’s mango.” Sam picked up a shot, sniffed it and gently shook the glass eyeing it carefully. “Go on and try it, it’s not gonna kill you.” Sam was about to do it, then he remembered the mysterious guy it came from. He slammed the shot down, and Gabriel jumped in his seat.

            “Who’s that?” Sam asked pointing at the bartender. Gabriel looked at Kent then back at Sam with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

            “You jealous?”

            “No, I’m not-”

            “He’s an old friend of mine, and that’s all you need to know.”

            “Is he human?” Gabriel groaned.

            “Sam…”

            “Is he human?” he asked a little more urgently.

            “He’s a good guy.” That didn’t seem to ease the Winchester’s worries much. “Don’t worry about him, just drink your fake shots.” Gabriel plucked the cherry from his whip cream shot. “I have a plan.”

            “Fine. Let’s hear it.” Gabriel frowned at his bitter tone. _We’re supposed to be having fun._

            “Okay, if we’re going to get money off these fools we have to convince them they’re going to get money off you.”

            “So you want me to get fake sloppy drunk so guy will play me in pool?” Gabriel nodded excitedly.

            “Uh huh.” Sam shook his head laughing.

            “Oh my god, you’re just like Dean.”

            “I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said popping the cherry between his lips.

            “I wouldn’t.” Sam picked up his shot glass and took a small sip of the orange liquid. “Wow. It’s actually mango juice.”

            “I told ya.” Gabriel took his shot. Then raised the other in a toast. “Let’s get wasted,” he said with a wink. He clinked his glass with Gabriel’s and downed the mango shot. _I can’t believe I’m doing this._

            They went at it for about an hour, taking shots, talking, telling bad jokes and fake laughing until there were really laughing. Every now and then Gabriel snuck in an actual shot when Sam wasn’t looking, _but that’s not important_. Gabriel watched Sam bent over the table, face red laughing silently tears running down the sides of his cheeks. _He looks like a real drunk mess_ he thought. _He’s adorable_.

            “You can’t keep telling the same joke over and over and expect it to still be funny,” Sam said wiping a tear from his eye.

            “And yet, you’re still laughing. Let’s do it one more time. Why did Sarah fall off the swings?” Sam palmed his eyes annoyed, but he couldn’t deny his grin. He decided to humor him one last time.

            “Why?”

            “Because she has no arms.” Sam snorted.

            “I hate this,” he muttered.

            “Knock, knock.”

            “Who’s there?” Sam raised another shot to his lips.

            “Not Sarah!” It wasn’t funny, and Sam fucking knew it, but it wasn’t really the joke that got him. Maybe it was the stupid way he said it, or maybe it was the charming grin that never left his face, or maybe it was the way Gabriel laughed at his own terrible jokes. Whatever it was, it got Sam laughing into his mango juice. Then choking into his mango juice. Then gagging as the stuff spewed out his nose. Gabriel laughed at the Winchester coughing and sloppily wiping his face with his hands. Kent wordlessly handed them a few tissues.

            “Wow, you’re actually drunk,” the archangel teased.

            “Shut up.” Sam took the tissues and wiped the juice dripping from his nostrils. He was cleaner, but his nostrils still burned with mango, and the embarrassment lingered with him. “I blame you.”

            “You said it wasn’t that funny.” Gabriel took another shot and almost pulled the same stunt, quickly setting the glass down as he broke out into another fit of laughter. “Jesus, you almost made me piss myself. Speaking of witch,” He jumped down from the stool. “I’ll be right back.” As soon as Gabriel was out of sight, Sam narrowed his eyes on the bartender. Kent seemed to feel the intense glare on his back and turned around to face the hunter with a nervous smile.

            “Everything alright, Sam?”

            “Who are you?” he asked sharply. Kent raised an eyebrow, with a confused look on his face like a puppy who didn’t know what he’d done wrong. Sam moved his hand to rest on the gun in his pocket.

            “I’m Kent, your bartender,” he looked down at his watch, “at least for the next two hours.”

            “I mean what are you?” Kent’s face relaxed into that _oh_ expression.

            “You’re Sam as in the Sam Winchester, as in the _hunter_ Sam Winchester?” Only then did Sam notice the twinge of an accent lingering on his name. It was subtle, but definitely there. _What is he? Russian?_

            “You didn’t answer my question.” Kent looked over the counter to see the hunter’s hand curled around a hand gun in his lap. A little smile played on his lips.

            “Well, that answers that.”

            “I’m not going to ask ag-”

            “I’m human, alright.” Kent tapped his fingers together and a few purple sparkles flew into the air. “Mostly.”

            “You’re a witch.”

            “I don’t really like labels, but yes I guess you could say I dabble in the magic arts.”

            “I should kill you.”

            “Now why would you do that? I’ve never hurt anyone.” The more he spoke, the more his accent slipped. _Romanian?_ “And besides, Gabriel wouldn’t let you kill me.”

            “And why is that? Were you guys friends or something?” He couldn’t bring himself to ask, but the question still lingered in his mind. _Lovers?_

            “Friends…” The way he stretched out the word made Sam uneasy. Like he wasn’t really sure how to answer the question. “He saved my life,” he whispered quickly. Kent left Sam to serve more drinks, before he could ask more questions. _How did Gabriel save some Romanian witch?_

            He greeted the archangel with a casual smile when Gabriel returned. He decided to keep his questions to himself _. He’ll tell me when or if he wants to_ Sam reminded himself. Then again, he realized he didn’t know much about Gabriel’s past. Did he really want to know?

            They kept up their charade of being drunk idiots for the next half hour. Gabriel and Kent exchanged winks ever so often, and Kent started to hold back there drinks and diluting them with water. He even made a show of insisting on calling the “drunken” pair a cab. Sam couldn’t pin point what it was, but he wasn’t into Gabriel’s plan as he was before. Maybe he was bothered by the subtle gestures between Gabriel and Kent. Or maybe he felt uncomfortable not knowing the history between the two. Or maybe it was his hunter extinct, that didn’t let him feel good around a witch. Or maybe he just didn’t like Kent. Maybe he didn’t like the dark head of hair brushed into a clean quiff. Maybe he didn’t like the neatly trimmed beard. Maybe he didn’t like his slim figure or the way he moved so gracefully behind the counter. Maybe he didn’t like the way Gabriel grinned at him when he walked their way. _I’m not jealous_ Sam decided _. There’s nothing wrong with just not liking someone, right?_

            “So you ready to bring home the bacon, champ?” Gabriel asked.

            “I don’t… know.” Sam was ok with hustling a few guys of their money. He was _not_ ok with leaving Gabriel alone with Kent. He just didn’t trust the guy.

            “Pleeeeaaaasee?” Gabriel whined tugging on the Winchester’s shoulder. Sam sighed and stood up from the table. How could he deny those sweet whiskey eyes? He was almost tempted to wait it out some because he guiltily enjoyed hearing the archangel beg.

            “You owe me for this.”

            “I’m having your babies. Isn’t that enough?” Sam rolled his eyes and said nothing, but the comment left a giddy feeling within him.

            He staggered over to the pool table, bumping his hip into every other table and chair. This wasn’t his first “drunken” pool game. In fact, Dean’s favorite hustle, was the poor drunk little brother about to lose his money. He approached the empty table with a rush of confidence, knowing Gabriel was watching him. He slapped his hand down on the table to get the other guys’ attention. They turned to him questioningly, but exchanged smiles when they saw his drunken state. Sam smirked inwardly.

            He tossed some crumpled bills on the table. “Who wants to play?”

***

 

~Wyoming, 1948~

            Gabriel laid down his hand earning a chorus of angry complaints from the other gods.

            “Hey, how about this next round I sit out, so someone else can finally win.” The host, a burly god with an eyepatch Gabriel remembered as Ymir, raised his hand.

            “I second that. I swear Loki, you are cheating us with your magic.”

            “No magic my friend.” Gabriel held his palms up innocently. “Just pure talent.” Ymir grunted like he didn’t believe him for a second, but he was smiling. They were nice enough for company Gabriel decided, but if they found out who he really was… the archangel reached for his drink not even wanting to imagine what they’d do to him. He started to magically refill the cup, until Ymir offered for him.

            The older god clapped his hands, and a young man entered the room carrying a pitcher of dark golden whiskey. He was a young human, maybe twenty years old dressed down in rags that hung off his skinny frame. His long dark matted hair reached the tips of shoulders and fell into his face. He was covered in dirt and bruises, and there was a slight limp to him. He refilled Gabriel’s glass with shaky hands. He looked up at the archangel for a second, and Gabriel caught sight of those dark pitiful eyes.

            Ymir slapped his heavy hand down on the young man.

            “Do not look my guests in the eye, slave!” The man dropped his gaze back to the ground. He muttered a low apology barely understandable with his thick accent.

            “Sorry sir.” He limped back away from the party goers, and Gabriel cursed at the pity that welled in his chest. _Ah fuck me. Why can’t I just ignore Human’s suffering like Lucifer?_

            “So how did you come across that servant of yours?” Gabriel asked feigning as much casualness into his voice as he could.

            “I found that runt practicing magic outside my mountains. I wasn’t going to have anyone cursing my land,” Ymir explained simply. “So now, he works for me for the rest of his days.”

            “Hmm, so how much is he?” Ymir raised an eyebrow amused and bewildered by the question.

            “Pardon?”

            “I want to buy your slave. How much for him?” Ymir laughed long and heartily.

            “I don’t want your money, Loki.” Gabriel crossed his legs and took another sip of his drink.

            “Oh?”

            “You can have my slave, but in return I want a favor from you. I’ve heard rumors about you.” He paused and looked up to Gabriel for a reaction. The archangel remained calm externally, but inside he was losing it. _What do they know about me?_ “I’ve heard that you are a trickster with exceptional abilities. You have the power to heal the sick and the wounded.” By now the other gods and goddess have abandoned their game of poker to listen in on the conversation between the two. “Is this true, Loki?” Gabriel shrugged.

            “It would seem so.” Ymir scooted in close to him, the scent of whiskey and forest falling over him. He lifted up the eye patch to reveal a gaping hole where his left eye would be. Gabriel looked in deep into the hole. He didn’t see any signs of flesh or scarring, just a hole that led to blackness.

            “Restore my eye to what it was, and my slave is all yours.”

            “Done.” Gabriel snapped his fingers, and just as quick the delicate flesh of the eyeball grew into the empty socket until it was whole. The room fell into a heavy silence of awe. Gabriel held his breath as he waited for their reaction. _Saving one pathetic human better not blow my cover._

            “It’s a miracle,” Ymir whispered. The other deities began to applaud him, and Gabriel bowed his head thankful they didn’t chase him out the mountains with pitchforks. Once the praise died down, Ymir clapped his hands and his slave joined them.

            “He’s all yours.”

            “Thank you. It was a lovely evening, but I think I will be heading out now.” Gabriel grabbed the young man’s arm. He outstretched his wings ready to fly, but a broad hand clasped his shoulder.

            “Going so soon, Loki? Why don’t you give us a little preview of what you’re going to do with my slave,” Ymir prompted. The other gods and goddess watched him expectantly, at the edge of their seats. The man stood there confused by the suggestion, but Gabriel knew far too well what they wanted. _They either want me to fuck him or eat him_ , and Gabriel didn’t intend to do either.

            “Come on, Ymir. I can do whatever I want to him. He’s not your slave anymore.” The older god shrugged.

            “I don’t think he knows that,” he said gesturing to the dirty man. Gabriel kept his dramatic sigh to himself. The gods looked less amused and more annoyed with Gabriel’s behavior. _How can I get out of this one?_ “Go on, Loki. Show him whose boss.” Gabriel turned to the young man as a couple of gods hollered at him to do it. The man was shaking, face hung low and holding his hands together respectfully behind his back. The archangel yanked his face up by his hair. Those wide brown eyes, swelled with fear and holding back a few tears. Gabriel took a deep breath. _I’m so sorry_.

            Gabriel smashed his mouth into his, drawing a yelp out of the younger man, but he didn’t pull away. He didn’t succumb to the kiss either. He remained frozen with fear while Gabriel worked his tongue into his mouth, and the gods around him cheered. With his superior strength, Gabriel picked up the man and dropped onto the wooden table. He climbed over him, and that’s when the man started to struggle. He pushed at Gabriel’s chest quietly begging him to stop. A few of the gods booed, and the others shouted at Gabriel to hurt him.

            Gabriel caught his wrists and pinned them above his head with one hand.

            “Stop resisting,” he whispered, “and it will go faster.” There were tears streaming down the man’s bruised cheeks, but he nodded slowly. Gabriel tilted his chin up with his free hand and began biting his neck. The man whimpered a few times when Gabriel’s teeth grazed over previous bruises and cuts, but he didn’t fight anymore. Once Gabriel broke skin on one of the hickies, he pulled away to face the gods. Their eyes were hungry watching the blood on the man’s neck. “Ladies, gentlemen. I think I’ll be finishing him off in my own time.” He snapped his fingers, and they were gone before anyone could protest.

            The man opened his eyes to find himself in a large soft chair behind a little glass dining table. He glanced around to see he was in a cabin with a roaring little fireplace. The sudden switch of location was enough to put him in cardiac arrest, but what really shocked him was the changes to his body. The bloody hickie had disappeared along with the previous abuse and even the constant ache in his leg. He stared down at his clean palm thinking _I have to be dreaming._

            “Sorry I had to nip ya back there.” The man jumped in his seat then noticed his new master sitting across from him sucking on a yellow lollipop. “Those bastards really like a good show.” The man stared at Gabriel with wide blank eyes. He didn’t know what to say, or even how to say it. “What’s your name?”

            “Kent,” he said quietly.

            “Got a last name?”

            “Not for you.” Gabriel smirked around his lollipop.

            “Smart. Alright Kent, whatchya want? Candies? Cookies? It’s all on me.” Kent didn’t respond still pretty mesmerized by the whole thing. Gabriel leaned over the table to get a better look at him. “Pancakes! You look like a guy who could use some pancakes.” And not a second later, a plate of five pancakes served with syrup and butter appeared before Kent. He stared down at the pile of pancakes like they had five heads.

            “I-I can’t.”

            “Sure you can, come on you look like you haven’t eaten in days.” Kent stared quizzically at his plate. It had been a few years since he had a real meal aside from scraps of leftovers. He knew better than to take anything from strangers. He knew not to trust anyone but himself, but Kent was tired, desperate and most of all hungry.

            “I-I like waffles.” Gabriel didn’t say anything except flashed that charming ‘say no more smile’, and with the snap of his fingers the stack of pancakes were replaced by two fluffy golden waffles. Kent dug into the food, and Gabriel smiled satisfied with his deed.

            “Looks like my work here is done, kid. There’s food in the fridge, and money in the drawer. I think it’ll be enough to keep you alive while you get back on your feet.” Kent looked up at him with wide eyes.

            “You’re leaving?” Gabriel laughed and patted his head.

            “If you miss me too much or if you need anything, just think of me and I’ll be right there.” Kent nodded.

            “Thank you, Gabriel.”

            “No problem, kid.” Gabriel outstretched his wings not sure where he was going but ready to find some new adventure, but he stopped finally letting the man’s words register in him. He caught Kent by the collar and ripped him from his seat to look dead in his eyes.

            “How did you know my name?” Kent stood there petrified not even knowing how to defend himself. The cabin trembled with Gabriel’s voice, and his whiskey eyes were now glowing with light. “Who told you who I was? Was it Ymir? Does he know who I am? Does anyone else know?” Gabriel’s panicked rambling was enough to bring Kent out of shock. He shook his head quickly.

            “No, no, no one else knows, not that I know of.”

            “Then why you?”

            “I took a truth serum,” he admitted almost guiltily. Gabriel cocked his head to the side.

            “What?”

            “I practice magic.” He said it like it was the worst thing a human can do. Gabriel would’ve almost pitied him if he wasn’t so pissed. “Whatever I can do without Ymir noticing, but I created a potion that allows me to see anyone’s true face, temporarily. I know they call you Loki, I’m sorry. It just slipped out.” Frustrated, Gabriel tossed the witch to the floor. He needed to kill him. If another angel found him he could definitely tell them where he’s been or who he’s been impersonating. _Ugh, but I can’t kill him_ he thought looking down at the poor pathetic skinny man. He couldn’t figure out what to do, so like in any situation he just started talking.

            “Do you know how dangerous that is? Do you know how many things out there that would rip your teeth out to get the information you have?”

            “I use it as protection. Let’s me see faces of demons, monsters and angels,” he added quietly. Gabriel groaned pushing his hands through his hair.

            “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Man, fuck me.” Kent remained silent awaiting his fate while the archangel paced around the room. He wished he could be more like Lucifer. _That cold blooded bastard could snap his fingers and reduce this human to ashes without a second thought. I can’t kill this innocent man, but I can’t risk revealing my identity._ He could always wipe his memory, but a part of him wanted Kent to remember. It had been years since someone said his real name, since someone could see him for he truly is. He glanced back at the witch, patiently waiting but terrified in the face. Gabriel sighed.

            “You can never tell anyone who I am, understand me?” Kent nodded, but Gabriel wasn’t finished. “And if I find out you’ve spoken to anyone, I’m going to drag you straight back to Ymir and feed you to his guests. Got it?”

            “Got it.” Gabriel didn’t feel any safer about his identity, but at least his conscious was still light.

            “Good.” He was about to fly, when Kent’s timid voice stopped him.

            “Will you come back?” He looked towards the ground when he asked, but Gabriel could still see the red fanning out over his cheeks. He held his arms close to his body, and his feet drew little patterns into the floor. Gabriel smiled at the flustered human. _Perhaps I’ve made more than a friend._

***

 

~Kansas, present day~

            Kent spotted Gabriel practically drooling over the hunter as he won another round of pool. He pulled up a stool beside the archangel and offered him a drink topped with an umbrella and a pile of whip cream. Gabriel shook his head, Kent shrugged and took it for himself.

            “I thought you’d want something to drink. You’re looking pretty thirsty.” Gabriel responded dryly keeping his eyes on the Winchester’s backside as he bent over the table.

            “Bite me, Kent.” He dropped his chin into his palm mimicking the archangel.

            “He’s so alpha, isn’t he?”

            “Shut up.”

            “I mean it. I mean just look at those arms, those shoulders and the long hair. He could definitely get it, and look at the size of those hands. Damn.” He looked to Gabriel for a reaction, but the only things he seemed to be paying attention to were the hunter’s sharp back muscles flexing beneath his t-shirt. “Probably not relationship material.”

            “Ugh.” Gabriel’s head drooped. “Don’t remind me.”

            “This isn’t the Gabriel I know, take him to bed with your charms.”

            “He’s not just some one night stand I can fuck and dump. I _actually_ want him.”

            “Wow.” Kent took a sip from his drink pausing to lick the whip cream from his upper lip. “I was already shocked to learn you were pregnant, and now you want a steady relationship? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”

            “Funny, and how do you know about the pregnancy? It’s not like I’m handing out fliers. So who told you? Angels? Demons?”

            “Oh honey, I could tell when you walked through the door.”

            “Kent!” he whined. The younger man laughed then pressed a warm kiss to Gabriel’s cheek.

            “You know I love you.”

            “You sure don’t act like it.”

            Sam had just won another game, giddy from the new weight in his pockets. Most of the other guys had left either upset about the hustling or the hundreds of dollars they lost. A few drunks hung back badgering Sam to win their money back. He was about to play them when he caught Gabriel and Kent in the corner of his eye. He turned around to see Kent kissing the archangel’s cheek. That was enough to ignite a fire in him, but what really got him was Gabriel. The way he grinned, face flushed pink, eyes squinted while the man continued to kiss his face. It probably only lasted a second, but that felt way too long for Sam. _Why am I even upset? It’s not like Gabriel and I are_ … He shook his head. _Gabriel can date whoever he wants_ he decided. They agreed they were just friends, but that didn’t mean he wanted to share him.

            Sam handed off his pool stick, and headed over to Gabriel and Kent.

            “Good luck,” Kent whispered before disappearing to the back of the bar.

            “Hey.”

            “Hey.” Sam stood there rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet trying to figure out what to say, while Gabriel shamelessly raked his eyes all over the hunter. Somewhere between games he had taken off his jacket only wearing a thin tight grey t-shirt. Gabriel narrowed his eyes. Yep, he could definitely see his nipples through his shirt. _That should be illegal_. The hunter had broken a light sweat in the warm bar and little wisps of brown hair stuck to his forehead. Gabriel decided there was something terribly wrong if a human could look this good all sweaty and gross.

            “So how much money did you make?” Gabriel asked at the same time Sam asked, “So what’s up with you and Kent?” Sam responded first quickly embarrassed by his question.

            “Um… a little over four hundred dollars.” Gabriel wasn’t even impressed by the money. He was too intrigued by Sam’s question.

            “What did you say?” he asked with a little smirk on his lips. Sam tugged on the collar of his shirt. His neck felt warm, and he started to think the bar had really poor ventilation.

            “It’s stupid-it’s err nothing.”

            “Okay, but Kent and I never slept together if you were wondering.”

            “But you guys _were_ together?” Gabriel shrugged.

            “Yeah, but I guess we realized we’re better off as friends than lovers, ya know?” Sam acted casual, but Gabriel could catch the little sigh of relief that escaped him. “You wanna play pool?” he asked hoping to take the conversation away from his past lovers. As much as he loved making Sam squirm, he didn’t want to ruin his chances. The hunter raised a curious eyebrow.

            “You play?”

            “Not much, but I was around when they invented the game. I think I can figure it out.” So they played a round, and Sam quickly learned that Gabriel was terrible. It was his turn with at least half a dozen stripes left while Sam was down to the eight ball. Gabriel missed another and swore loudly.

            “Fuck, this game was a lot easier the last time I played it.”

            “Maybe it’s not so easy without your angel powers,” Sam teased. He took his aim on the black ball. It was a straight shot to the right pocket, but a part of him didn’t want the game to end. Purposely, he just barely missed the eight ball. Gabriel took his aim on the red and white ball.

            “It’s not that, it’s just hard when you’re pregnant and bending over in awkward positions.” Sam probably had a million jokes running through his head about bending over, but decided to keep them to himself. “Shut up.”

            “I didn’t say anything.” He put his hands up defensively.

            “You were thinking it.” Gabriel missed again, and Sam finally finished the game. He didn’t want to leave though. He didn’t want to go back to his world of monsters, demons and angels. He just wanted fun lazy days with Gabriel. He felt like he had almost achieved the normal life he always dreamed. Well, as normal as hanging out with an archangel could be.

            “Let’s play again,” he insisted. “Make it interesting this time.”

            “You wanna play for money?”

            “Nah, something else. How about we each think of something we want if we win?” Gabriel nodded mauling it over.

            “Alright.”

            “If I win… I get to pick both of our babies’ middle names without argument.” Gabriel blinked surprised at the question as a pink blush crept over his face. He couldn’t figure out why, but the idea of Sam already thinking of names for their children left a warm happy feeling in him.

            “Hmm…Okay.” Gabriel looked up at the hunter with a wicked twinkle in his eyes. “If I win… I get a blowjob.” Sam all but choked on his oxygen.

            “Wh-what?”

            “You heard me.” Gabriel reached up and traced his finger around the hunter’s lips. “Right from those pretty lips of yours.” Sam’s cheeks grew red at the archangel’s touch. He stepped back trying to regain his composure.

            “I am _not_ giving you a blowjob.”

            “Then you better win.” _What do I have to worry about?_ He thought, remembering Gabriel’s poor pool skills. _I’m gonna win_.

            “Okay.” They shook hands, and Sam racked up the balls. “You can break.” Gabriel took his aim on the triangle of balls, but there was something different about him that told Sam he was in trouble. Maybe it was his stance, feet planted and his shoulders square to the table. Or maybe his arms didn’t shake around the stick like their first game. Or maybe it was the spark of confidence illuminating his eyes that definitely wasn’t there before. He struck the balls sending three solids and one stripe into different pockets. Sam stared at him his eyes and jaw hung open.

            “I call solids,” Gabriel said casually.

“You let me win,” he realized. Gabriel shrugged innocently.

            “Maybe.”

            “I cannot believe this- you hustled me!” Gabriel brushed past him to get to the cue ball.

            “Hustle is such a dirty word, but yes I did.” This game went a lot quicker, and fuck Sam was losing. He had two stripes left, and Gabriel was down to the eight ball.

            “So how are your oral sex skills?” Sam looked back at the archangel leaning on his que stick, looking all sweet and innocent like he wasn’t talking about blowjobs and kicking his ass.

            “Shut up.” Sam aligned his stick to the green striped ball.

            “I’m just curious. Another question; are you into hair pulling?” Sam ignored him and took his shot, surprisingly getting both the green and the blue ball. He smiled hearing Gabriel curse under his breath. _Fuck_ he thought. _He might actually win this_.

            Gabriel watched nervously as Sam lined up his shot with the eight ball. Before he could strike, he straightened up and glanced around the bar like a dog who heard someone call his name.

            “Do you hear that?” Sam asked.

            “Is it the sound of my defeat?”

            “No.” He looked once more, but stopped short drawing his hand up to cradle his ear. He squeezed his eyes shut, and he grit his teeth letting out a short cry of pain. “Agh!”

            “Sam?” The pool stick clattered to the floor as his other hand flew up to cup his ear. Gabriel watched in horror as the taller man fell to his knees, and only then he did snap out of his shocked state. He dropped down next to the hunter trying gauge what was wrong. He couldn’t find anything, but it looked like… _Someone is hurting him_. Gabriel glanced at the men around them. None of them seemed to be doing anything out of the ordinary, except watching the wild scene before them. Gabriel turned back to Sam who only looked worse. His face had paled into a ghostly white while sweat beaded his forehead. He clawed viciously at his neck and ears drawing blood. “Sam? Sam? What’s wrong?” He didn’t answer him, lost somewhere deep in his mind. He grabbed Sam’s wrists trying to keep the man from hurting himself any further. “Snap out of it! Sam, wake up!” He heard the hunter murmuring something under his breath over and over again.

            “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Gabriel aggressively cupped Sam’s face forcing him to look at him. His eyes remained screwed shut, and he twisted and jerked trying to get out of Gabriel’s hold.

            “Hey, hey! Look at me. It’s not real. It’s not real. You’re okay. You’re gonna be okay.” Tears pooled in Gabriel’s eyes as he tried to coax the hunter back to reality because _fuck this is anything but ok. What do I do?_ He never felt so helpless watching Sam spaz and writher on the ground. Gabriel grunted as Sam collapsed on to him. He was still awake, or at least his eyes were open. The once beautiful greens rolled back revealing the white of his eyes. He trembled in his arms, and drool foamed at his mouth. The other men had surrounded them, some trying to offer their assistance, but no one really knew what to do.

            “Does anyone know CPR?”

            “What’s wrong with him?”

            “Someone call nine one one!” Someone shoved Gabriel aside and began pumping his hands into the hunter’s chest. Gabriel cried out for Sam, but he didn’t fight the men who insisted on giving their aid. They probably knew more about human anatomy than he did. Gabriel wrapped his arms around his chest wishing-praying that this was all some sort of dream-some sort of nightmare. _Come on, Sam. Please be okay. Please_.

            “Is anyone here a doctor?”

***

 

            Dean stood in the hotel lobby never feeling lonelier holding two room keys in his hand. He remembered the days on hunts with Cas when he would ask for one room and one king bed with his arm roped around his husband’s waist. Of course, he wasn’t always proud. Sometimes he would still ask for two queens even if they only needed one. Or he would make Cas order the rooms and keep his head low, avoiding any shame that could be cast his way. But recently he had gotten over it. Gotten over all the looks and comments they got. Gotten over the fear to kiss his angel in public. Man, he really missed those days.

            He headed to his cheap hotel room with nothing to do except sip on cheap hotel beer. Cas took the car to find the last angel. Dean wanted to do it together, but Cas insisted, “you will only slow me down.” He flopped down on his bed, annoyed and frustrated just wondering, _when can we go back to the way we were?_

            He snapped up at the sound of his phone ringing. He picked it up almost eager when he saw the caller.

            “Cas?”

            “Hey, I found the angel. His name is Steve, and we’re coming back to you.” Dean grinned trying hard to bite back his laughter, but Cas could still catch it on the other line. “What’s so funny?”

            “It’s just weird. You never hear angels with these boring names. It’s always something fancy like Castiel or Gabriel or Michael. I’ve never heard of an angel like Bob or Steve.”

            “Right.” Cas sounded unamused, and Dean frowned. “Well, I’ll be back in about a half hour then we can talk to Steve together and try to figure out who’s after- ugh!” The hunter paled as he heard the phone hit the floor. He heard more grunts from the angels and the sounds of fists smacking bone.

            “Cas?” There was no answer except for more sounds of a struggle. “Cas? Goddamn it! Cas!” Gradually the fighting died down into an eerie silence. Dean held his breath waiting for some other sound. Waiting for Cas to have some normal explanation. Waiting for his angel to tell him everything was okay. _Come on, Cas. Please be okay. Please._

            A new gruff voice answered him.

            “All hail Michael.” Dean was about to fire a string of curses and threats, but the line was dead.


	27. The Pros and Cons of Breathing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter is superrrrr late, and I'm sorry. School's been rough, but you guys don't know how much I love seeing your comments ahh it makes my heart soar. I love writing this fic so much, and the feedback is so nice to hear. Even if it takes me a while to update every now and then I will finish this. I am determined. Thank you for reading my spiel, and I hope you enjoy this puny little chapter :)

~A few minutes earlier~

            Sam remembered feeling good. Scratch that. He felt fucking great. Engaged in a game of pool where someone was actually beating him. The only person he knew of that could kick his ass like that was Dean, and they hadn’t played each other in years since they decided to combine their skills to earn some money. He didn’t care that his winning streak was about to end; he was having too much fun. _Fun…_ That word lingered around his mind. As a hunter, it wasn’t something he got to experience much, but when he was with Gabriel he could never get away from it. It was simple and pure and meant totally nothing. Just two guys playing pool on a casual evening, but it was everything. The little moments Sam could catch when he wasn’t killing demons or chasing werewolves. He didn’t need anything else. He wasn’t thinking about screwing the archangel or the future they would have to face. No Desire, no plan from God. This was what he truly wanted. If only he could forget all the monsters in the world and spend the rest of his days goofing off with Gabriel like teenagers playing hooky. _Yeah_ he thought. _That would be nice_.

            “So how are your oral sex skills?” _Oh, yeah_ the impending blow job that loomed over his head.

            “Shut up.” Sam aligned his stick to the green striped ball.

It’s not like he didn’t want to go down on Gabriel because he definitely did. It was one of his infinite fantasies he imagined with the archangel, but he didn’t want to fuck up what they had now. Maybe the meditation was working, or maybe what he wanted was becoming clearer to him. He loved spending time with Gabriel. He loved his jokes, his contagious laughter and the little smirk that excited him and made him nervous all at once. But he didn’t want to ruin it all with one impulsive choice. Most of his relationships and hook ups were either dead or turned on him in the end. He didn’t want to find something he hated about Gabriel if they got together, and he definitely didn’t want Gabriel to see the worst sides of him. He didn’t want to fall in love, and put Gabriel in any danger that came with dating him. He may be an archangel, but so far no one has been immune to the falling for Sam Winchester curse. He didn’t want to be betrayed again. He didn’t want to be lied to again. He didn’t want to be tricked or played ever again. He had Ruby to blame for his trust issues, but Gabriel didn’t really have a clean record either. He was terrified of having his heart broken _again_ , especially since he was still putting the pieces back together. He forgave Gabriel for the whole mess with the baby and maybe he even trusted the archangel. Still, it was easier to be alone. _Better safe than sorry._

Sam looked back at the archangel leaning on his que stick, looking all sweet and innocent like he wasn’t talking about blowjobs and kicking his ass in pool. _How could this little angel destroy me and build me up all over again?_

            “I’m just curious. Another question; are you into hair pulling?” Sam ignored him and took his shot, surprisingly getting both the green and the blue ball. He smiled hearing Gabriel curse under his breath. _Maybe there won’t be any blow jobs tonight_ he thought not sure if he was happy about it or not.

            Sam took his aim on the eight ball grinning because he knew he had this shot in the bag. He was about to end the game when he heard a man screaming. It was distant like it was from someone outside the bar. He stood up from the table and glanced around wondering if anyone else heard it. Everyone continued on minding their own business, and Gabriel was giving him an odd look. It was definitely not a joke. He heard that scream a thousand times before. That shaky never ending screech of panic that meant someone was going to die.

            “Do you hear that?” Sam asked.

            “Is it the sound of my defeat?”

            “No.” He looked around trying to pin the direction of the sound, but stopped short when the noise intensified filling up the bar and threatening to break his ear drums. He covered his ears, but it kept getting louder. It was inhuman, the way the man’s voice layered over and over itself. He squeezed his eyes shut and crushed his teeth together, curling in on himself as the screams pounded against his skull. Every other sound was replaced with the man’s shrill voice. It was nauseating and dizzying.

            He dropped down to his knees, and the sound only increased seeming to drop down on top of him. He was buried alive, the screaming filling every aspect around him. He was drowning. He dug his fingers in his ears digging and scratching just to get the sound out of his head.

            Someone pulled his wrists away from his face forcing him to endure the screams. He opened his eyes and almost joined in on the omniscient screaming. Lucifer knelt before him, his face just inches from his own. His eyes were flooded with red, spinning around in his sockets. His mouth hung open, his jaw quivering with the sounds of the screams. It was like Lucifer was the puppet, dead in the eyes and stiff in the face while something bigger -scarier spoke through his slack jaw.

            Sam closed his eyes again just hoping the Devil would disappear. He couldn’t reach the scar across his palm, and as much as he tried he couldn’t fight his way out of Satan’s grip.

            “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” He was pleading and begging just to end this, but he couldn’t even hear his own voice over the infinite screams.

            “Look at me.” Another voice found him through the noise. Chilling and foreign, like someone twisted Lucifer into something darker. There was an odd allure to it, and Sam found himself slowly peeling open his eyes.

            The devil’s eyes had been reduced to dark holes that opened to nothing, leaking streams of red that fell steadily down his hollow cheeks. It didn’t have the normal tangy scent of blood, but it was thicker and vile like rotting flesh. He extended his lower jaw to animalist length, his teeth stretched out of their gums elongating until they were at least a few inches tall. His face horrendously distorted took Sam back to his time in the cage. When he was scarred with all the memories of Lucifer’s twisted and darkest forms.

The mouth kept growing wider and taller until it was all that was left of the Devil’s face. Just a hole tilted up at him filled with rows and rows of jagged teeth. A tongue slithered out from the pit and reached out towards the hunter. Calling to him, coaxing him towards the hole. Sam was still, motionless not sure from fear or if the creature had paralyzed him. He was just stuck staring down the hole that lead to nothing but darkness. The tongue passed through the parted lips, and rested on Sam’s cheek. It was soft and wet, comforting like human flesh, but unnaturally cold. The touch sent prickles all over his body. That painful tingle like every muscle within him had fallen asleep, and then so did his mind.

***

 

            Sam woke to see a stretch of highway flying by him. No screams, no Lucifer, no… he thought back to the mouth that looked like a portal to hell. _No whatever the hell that was_. Just the road, a few trucks to his right and the faint chorus of Easy Like Sunday Morning playing on Dean’s radio. He straightened up from leaning on the window groaning as he listened to several pops from his spine. He quickly recognized the impala and the man driving next to him.

            Gabriel flipped back and forth between looking at the road and at him.

            “Sam?” he asked like he was testing if the hunter could remember who he was. It all felt too surreal for Sam. Riding shot gun on a calm highway next to his archangel listening to Charles Givings’ smooth voice. It was like he died and went to Heaven, but the clouds were a little too dark. A little too tense. Still and heavy, just waiting to shower down on them.

            Sam looked down at his legs all crunched up with the seat so far up to accommodate Gabriel’s short stature.

            “Maybe I should drive?”

            “This isn’t funny, Sam.”

            “Come on. It’s a little funny.” Gabriel looked even more worried by the comment. _It’s like he’s on drugs._ He pulled over on to the side of the road to fully advert his attention to the spaced out hunter.

            “What the hell happened back there?” He sounded mad, but Sam knew the tone was more out of concern.

            “I don’t know. I just blacked out for a second there. It was nothing.”

            “That wasn’t nothing, Sam. You had a fucking seizure.”

            “I didn’t have a seizure,” he said. “I just got a little dizzy. That’s all. I’m fine.”

            “Don’t try to play this down as just some dizziness. You are not fine. You weren’t in your right mind. You were acting crazy.” It almost scared Sam to see the fun loving archangel sound so serious. _What is he so worried about?_

            “Well, it’s over now. I’m okay.”

            “You were foaming at the mouth, I saw the whites behind your eyes, and you kept scratching yourself until you started bleeding.” Sam looked down at his hands, and he saw it. The red stained on his fingers, and the blood caked under his nails. He took out his phone and looked over himself in the reflection. There was no denying the little red abrasions speckled across his neck. _Maybe if I grow out my hair a little more I could cover those up_. “I was so scared.” Gabriel had his face turned towards the window, but Sam could hear the painful crack in his voice.

            “Hey.” Without thinking, Sam scooted over to the archangel. He wrapped his arm around his shoulder and pulled him in close. Gabriel latched on to him, resting his head on his chest and gripping on to his t-shit. Gabriel kept his face hidden, but Sam could feel the tears dampening his shirt. Normally, Gabriel wouldn’t’ve wanted Sam to see him like this, but in that moment he was too terrified of losing him to even think about his pride. “I honestly don’t know what happened,” Sam said sounding a little more like himself. “But it was probably just one of the side effects Cas talked about. I got through it, and I’m fine.”

            “But what if you’re not fine? We should go to a hospital and get you checked out, and call Dean-”

            “No, we can’t tell Dean, and we don’t need to go to a hospital or anything because I’m good.”

            “You’re not gonna tell Dean?” Gabriel pushed away from his chest to look up at him with angry teary eyes.

            “No, and you’re not gonna tell him either.”

            “After what just happened? What if you have another _side effect_? What if it’s worse next time? We have to tell Dean.”

            “I don’t need him to worry about me. I just want Dean to fix things with Cas and be happy again. I can’t let one stupid episode get in the way of that. You know he’ll overreact and blow this whole thing out of proportion. We need to focus on more important things.”

            “You’re important.” Sam brushed away the tear that slipped down the archangel’s face with the tip of his finger. “I don’t want to lose you, Sam.” He pulled Gabriel back down to lie on his chest. He stroked his head gently combing through his hair trying to calm his cries.

            “You’re not gonna lose me. I’m not gonna leave you.” His other slipped over Gabriel’s bump. He thought of his kids that needed him to be alive. That needed him to drive them to soccer games or make them breakfast or help them study for a science test. Or protect them from all the monsters of the world. “I’m not gonna leave you.”

            “You promise?” Gabriel mumbled into his shirt.

            “I promise.” Sam felt the archangel relax against him letting out a shaky breath.

            “Good.”

            “You have to promise to never tell Dean or Cas about this.” Gabriel made a small whining noise into his chest.

            “Sam…”

            “Promise me,” he said a little more sternly. _I shouldn’t do this_ Gabriel thought. _I shouldn’t have let him take that stupid paternity test. I shouldn’t have lied to him all those months. I should’ve never showed up to the bunker. I should’ve stayed away from Sam, let him lead his life where he would be safe_. He wanted Sam to be happy. Most importantly he wanted Sam to trust him, but was it worth risking his well-being? _When can I stop hurting him?_

            “Okay, I promise.”

            “Thanks. We should get back to the bunker.” Gabriel nodded, and eased them back onto the highway. Sam knew Gabriel wasn’t happy with the secrecy, but it was the right thing to do. _No need to worry Dean over nothing._

            “So um,” Gabriel sniffled. His eyes were still red with former tears, and the pain still edged his voice as he attempted to lighten the mood, “no blowjob?” Sam smiled happy to hear the archangel at least try to sound like himself again.

            “Shut up and take me home.”

            They got back to the bunker, and Gabriel didn’t leave his side for the rest of the day. And seeming to sense the worry emitting from the archangel, Raguel didn’t leave Sam either. It was just three of them hanging out in his room watching TV and cooing over the cute stupid things Raguel did to earn their attention. Normally, Sam would’ve wanted that time alone to himself, but he was thankful for the company. The hallucination left him on edge, and he definitely didn’t want to be alone.

            Gabriel yawned stretching his arms up high over his head. Sam watched curiously as his shirt lifted up, revealing a glimpse of his pale rounded stomach. Maybe he shouldn’t be staring, but it was just so… _weird_. No supernatural creature could compare to the phenomenon of creating life from your own body. _There are babies in there_ he thought. _My babies_.

            “I guess I should go to bed,” he said scooting to the corner of the bed.

            “Why?” Sam asked hoping that Gabriel didn’t notice the fear in his voice.

            “Because it’s almost one in the morning.” As if just to prove his point, he broke off into another yawn. “If I stay here any longer, I’ll fall sleep.”

            “Oh-uh… goodnight.”

            “Goodnight!” Sam watched Gabriel walk away silently battling with his mind. He didn’t want to be alone for the night. He knew he was safe, nothing was coming for him, but the demented version of Lucifer hung in the back of his mind. He knew he was going to have nightmares about it, so maybe it was best for Gabriel to sleep in his own room so he didn’t disturb him. Then he again, he was selfish and most of all scared out of his wits.

            “Gabriel, wait.” The archangel stopped halfway out the door and turned back to the hunter. His head tilted a little confused but compassion welling in those soft whiskey eyes. “Would you stay with me tonight?” Suddenly, he was nine years old again. His blanket drawn up to his nose. Terrified of the thing he was sure was lurking in his closet. Even more terrified to use the 45 under his bed. Dean was in the other room, and soon enough once he gained the confidence he would ask his brother if he could stay the night in his room.

            Gabriel was looking at him like he hadn’t heard what he said.

            “You want _me_ to spend the night with _you_?”

            “Please.” Normally, Gabriel would’ve made fun of the hunter. The man who faced demons, ghosts and monsters without blinking an eye was now afraid to sleep on his own. But considering everything that happened that day, and the crazy fear lighting up those green eyes. He nodded understandingly.

            “Sure.” He climbed into bed next to the hunter. Sam didn’t try to cuddle or spoon the archangel. A part of him wanted to. He wanted to squeeze Gabriel tight in his arms like a teddy bear. Maybe it would’ve helped to get Lucifer’s face out of his mind, but he didn’t let himself go that far. He just enjoyed feeling the warmth of another body next to him. It was strange, he hadn’t shared a bed with anyone in years. Never stayed with a one night stand through the night, or had a relationship that had gotten that far in the past five years. He wasn’t used to it, but it was comforting.

            Sam stayed up most of the night, still a little terrified of falling into a nightmare based off his hallucination from before, but it was nice just listening to Gabriel’s calm breathing. It was peaceful, and that was all he needed right then.


	28. Revenge Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little late, but um enjoy!

~A few minutes earlier~

            Cas approached the apartment room with his angel blade tucked up his sleeve. He hadn’t sense any danger yet, but you can never be too cautious with an angel serial killer on the loose. Of course Dean wanted to come along.

            “You can’t be serious about going alone!” They were in the hotel parking lot with barely any witnesses so Dean felt liable to yell as loud as he wanted to. “We don’t know what’s out there. What if you get hurt?”

            “The angel’s presence is only a few miles away. You can check us in, and I’ll be back with the angel in half an hour. It’s how you humans say a ‘cow run’.”

            “What?” They stared at each other for a moment, both looking as confused as the other. Dean finally pinched the bridge of his nose amused but mostly annoyed at the angel’s lack of understanding for English metaphors. Most times it was cute, but in arguments it was something to pick on. “It’s a _milk run_ , Cas.”

            “Whatever,” he said. “If you come, you’ll only slow me down.”

            “Oh, really?”                                          

            “You’re a distraction!”

            “Oh I get it. It’s because I’m so good looking, isn’t it?” Dean smirked, but Cas was fuming.

            “It’s because you’re so irritating, I can’t even think when I’m around you. And you never get along with angels, so while I’m trying to save one I don’t need you ruffling them the wrong way.”

            “Okay, fine! But the second something goes sideways, you better-”

            “Call you, yeah I know the drill.”

            “And if you’re not back in fifteen minutes-”

            “Thirty minutes,” Cas challenged him. Dean put his hands on his hips. Annoyed, but too tired from the drive to start a whole new argument.

            “If you’re not back in _thirty minutes_ , then I’m coming down there.” Cas nodded and climbed into a car.

            “Great, and make sure you get separate rooms,” he said fearing Dean would either intentionally or unintentionally put them up in a king’s suite. He drove off without another word to the hunter.

            He knocked on the door a few times and heard a series of locks unlock before it opened to reveal a shaggy looking young man with overgrown greasy hair and a dark five o’clock shadow.

            “Castiel?”

            “Jophiel.” He gestured for Cas to come in.

            “Actually, it’s Steve now.” He closed the door behind them proceeding to redo all the locks that were scribbled with Enochian warding. Castiel recognized him as one of the angels who followed him when he raged war against Raphael. He was always so confident and sure of himself, and that was definitely not the angel Cas was seeing now. His eyes were wide and panicked, and his hands never stopped fidgeting. His quirks were almost… _human._

            “So I take it you know that someone is after you?”

            “Three angels die in my vicinity, yeah, Cas I’m not an idiot.” He looked around the apartment. It was practically barren aside from the kitchen and a few chairs, all the rest of his belongings probably packed away in the three large suitcases in the center of the room.

            “You’re leaving?”

            “Yep, I’ve got a flight to Canada.”

            “Running isn’t going to solve this, Steve. There are angels all over the world.”

            “And I’ve got a safe house in Toronto. It’s not a permanent fix, but I really _really_ don’t want to die today, alright.”

            “You don’t have to die, and you don’t have to run either. You can come with me.”

            “Nope, nope, nope. No offense Castiel, but with your history you’re probably one of Heaven’s most wanted, and I don’t need any more attention on me. I think I’ll take my chances on my own.” He threw on a carryon bag over his shoulder.

            “Dean and I can protect you,” he insisted. Steve shook his head.

            “A Winchester only means more trouble.”

            “At least let us take you to the airport to make sure you’re safe.” Steve cocked his head to the side looking skeptical of his request. “I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if another angel was murdered, and I could protect them.” Steve waited a few more seconds without responding, and Cas started to grow nervous. “Humor me, please.” So many angels were out there, dying or killing each, and Castiel couldn’t help but feel responsible for it. He started it, the big civil war after the aversion of the apocalypse. He ignited the fire for rebellion which caused the angels-which caused Heaven to be so divided. If he could mend some of the damage by saving one angel, he sure as hell was going to do it.

            “Alright,” Steve said after what felt like hours had passed. “I guess an escort wouldn’t hurt.”

            “Good.” A stiff silence followed, and Castiel wasn’t sure if it was just the awkward nature of the two angels or if his lack of communication with other angels had left him so inept in conversation. Sure, he had Ariel, and she humored his social skills. But other than that he hadn’t been remotely affiliated with Heaven, angels or God. A fallen angel trying and failing terribly to be human. Sometimes he thought he didn’t fit in anywhere. “Do you have any clue why someone would be after angels?”

            “Frankly, I don’t really care. I’m just trying not to die tonight. I mean everyone is talking about the resurrection of the archangels. I haven’t seen one yet, and I don’t intend to. Maybe Lucifer is just murdering angels in his free time.” Steve paced around his little apartment scanning for anything he could be forgetting. Castiel started to speak, but Steve continued talking quickly and erratically. “Then again who knows? Maybe it’s Michael, just popped out of the cage and all those years in hell loosened a few screws, and he’s finally snapped. Or what if it’s civil war? God, I hope it’s not civil war. The angel population is already depleting, war is only going to make it worse. I know I ran away from home, but no one likes extinction. What’s gonna happen to Heaven? What’s gonna happen-?”

            “Steve!” Cas cut him off in the midst of his rambling. “There isn’t going to be a Civil war, and the angels won’t go extinct. We can stop it.”

            “We?” Steve looked around the room as if looking for someone else. “We as in you and me?”

            “You, me, hunters and all the rebels and rogues of the world. I know we’ve been the ones stepping out of Heaven, but our home needs us.” Steve shook his head.

            “They definitely don’t need me, but they need you, Castiel.” The blue eyed angel tilted his head.

            “What?”

            “I mean Lucifer was the first big bad rebel of Heaven, but you’re the first one with a cause. You started this trend of free will something most of us couldn’t even imagine years ago. I’m saying if you wanted to,” he stepped in closer to Castiel, like his next words were a forbidden secret, “rise up and take the fight to Heaven, there’s still a good number of angels who’d follow you.” Castiel thought back to all the times he royally screwed up Heaven and Earth. All the innocents that were killed in his name. He couldn’t believe some angels still believed in him.

            “Thank you.”

            “I mean I wouldn’t because I’ll be safely hidden in my Canadian cabin away from angels for the next ten years.” They exchanged laughter, and the tension between them started to fade. “Even if I’m just watching the action, I’d place my bets on you.”

            “I appreciate your kindness. Are you ready to leave?”

            “Yes, wait hold on. I have to go pack my toilet trees.” He seemed to sense the strangeness of the statement noticing Castiel’s confused little head tilt. Angels don’t really need to keep up with personal hygiene. Steve shrugged sheepishly. “I uh… like to condition.” Cas nodded casually as the other angel disappeared into the bathroom. He reached into his pocket and took out his phone. He had no desire to hear the hunter’s voice, but he figured Dean would at least want to know that everyone was safe.

            “Cas?” Dean’s gruff voice hit him before the first ring was over.

            “Hey, I found the angel. His name is Steve, and we’re coming back to you.” Cas scowled at the screen as he heard Dean’s muffled snickers on the other line. “What’s so funny?”

            “It’s just weird. You never hear angels with these boring names. It’s always something fancy like Castiel or Gabriel or Michael. I’ve never heard of an angel like Bob or Steve.”

            “Right.” _What a child_ Cas thought. Steve returned from the bathroom with all his bags strung across his shoulder.

            ‘You ready?’ Cas mouthed. Steve nodded enthusiastically. Cas headed out the door with Steve trailing behind turning his attention back to Dean.

            “Well, I’ll be back in about a half hour then we can talk to Steve together and try to figure out who’s after- ugh!”

            A quick fist greeted him as soon as he stepped into the hallway sending him into the wall and knocking blood from his nose. Steve made a small panicked noise and jumped back into the room. His attacker started moving towards him, but Castiel stepped in front of the door.

            “Run, Steve! Get out of here!” He didn’t hear much but scampering around the room and the slam of the bathroom door. He didn’t dare take his eyes off the newcomer and just hoped that Steve made his escape out the window. Cas squared up to meet beady little black eyes, and he quickly recognized the angel.

            “Vehuel,” he whispered just before the angel fired another punch to his face. He dodged this one wincing as he heard the wall crushing in above him. He grabbed Vehuel by his wrists. “Why are you attacking us, brother?” He got no answer except for a quick head butt to the center of his forehead. He stumbled back and shook his head trying to reorient himself. Fight first, questions later he reminded himself. For some reason he heard the older hunter’s voice as he snatched the angel blade from his pocket. _Time to fight for my damn life._

            He charged at Vehuel and tackling him to the floor. He was smaller in stature, but quick, rolling out of Castiel’s grasp almost immediately. He didn’t have an angel blade of his own, but a pair of brass Enochian engraved knuckles. He pummeled his enhanced fists into Cas’ sides until his was on his knees spitting up blood. He planted his hands on the floor gagging on the internal bruises.

            He tilted his head up at Vehuel knowing that it might be the last face he will ever see. He was weak and wounded, and it would’ve been easy for any angel to finish him off. Cas braced himself for another hit from the brass knuckles, or the sharp hot steel of an angel blade. He blinked up at him, and Vehuel flashed a toothless smile. He stomped down hard on Castiel’s head with the heavy heel of his boot, knocking him out almost instantly. Vehuel broke off into a full grin. He wasn’t expecting to find the most infamous rebel of Heaven. _Michael will be pleased_ he thought scooping up the angel’s unconscious body.

            He heard the tiny panicked voice of a human, and Vehuel followed it over to where Cas had dropped his phone. He hadn’t heard this man before, but he grew ecstatic presuming it must be a Winchester.

            “Cas? Goddamn it! Cas!” Vehuel picked up the phone. Man, he couldn’t believe his luck. _Castiel and a Winchester in the same day? Michael might promote me_.

            “All hail Michael,” he said just before crushing the phone between his fingers. He dragged Castiel out to his car laughing because when has life worked out so well for him? When has everything ever worked out better than expected? He drove down the road pausing at gas stations and supermarkets, making sure his face caught the security cameras and that the cashiers knew where he was heading. _Those damned brothers will be following in no time._

_***_

 

            Dean threw his body into the apartment door. It had to have a least three locks he realized because kicking it in wasn’t cutting it.

            The second the call ended with Cas, he was practically flying out the door, through the parking lot and stealing the first ride he could see, and speeding over to this Steve’s apartment. A thousands thoughts crashed into his mind, and he drove like a mad man. Barely staying on the road, swerving around for cars and running every red light that tried to stop him. He couldn’t think about the risk of being caught speeding or getting a ticket because someone had his angel. _He could’ve been killed. He could’ve gotten snatched up and sent to Heaven and then killed. He could be getting tortured right this very second. What if that guy Steve turned on him? What if he got attacked by that angel killing dick? What if…_ He bit his lip holding back tears as he thought of finding the angel laid down, eyes closed with his wings scorched out beneath him. He kept forcing the thought down, but it kept popping back up as he drove. _Nothing is certain_ he told himself. _The only thing certain is that whoever dared to lay a hand on my angel is about to get their lungs ripped out_.

            So he got to Steve’s apartment, the last place he could track Cas’ phone to and he started throwing all of his weight into the door trying not to imagine a dead angel on the other side of it. It was taking longer than he hoped and the anticipation was killing him, but finally the hinges were started to weaken and the locks were starting to slack. He charged his shoulder at the wood a few more times and it came in with a weak groan. He stepped into the room, suddenly relieved that he didn’t see Cas’ dead body just laying out on the center of the floor, but he didn’t let his guard down hand on the angel blade in his left pocket and a gun in his right hand.

            There wasn’t much sign of a fight, besides the hole in the wall. Only a few piles of suitcases and an unmade bed.

            He jumped hearing small whimpering noises coming from the bathroom.

            “Cas?” he called. The voice didn’t answer, but the crying grew louder as he stepped closer. The door was locked, but with only a single lock and kicking that in was child’s play. He broke the door in and trained his gun on the grown skinny man probably no older than Sam sitting fully clothed in the tub. He sat balled up with his knees to his chest rocking back and forth holding his hands over his eyes, sobbing pathetically as any adult crying in a bathtub.

            “Where’s Cas?” The man glanced up at Dean with teary brown eyes.

            “Castiel?”

            “I’m not gonna ask again,” he said gesturing to his pistol. The man shrugged looking a little more confident than the sniffling mess he saw before.

            “You can shoot me, but it’s not going to do anything.”

            “Hmm…” Dean mock paced around the bathroom, but caught the man by his throat, hoisted him into the air whipping out his angel blade and holding it just below the man’s Adam’s apple. “How bout now? You wanna start talking?”

            “Okay, okay, okay!” He raised his palms up along with the octave in his voice. “Cas and some angel were fighting in the hallway, but they’re gone. I swear.”

            “You just let someone attack him and take him?” Dean throttled the angel’s throat, and he choked around his hard grasp.

            “You see I’m not much of a fighter anymore…” Dean dropped the man back into the tub sighing. _I should’ve gone with Cas. Why didn’t I go with him?_

            “Who the hell are you?”

            “Steve,” the angel said rising up from the bath tub, readjusting his shaggy hair. _Wow, the pathetic angel, Cas risked his life trying to save. Just fucking perfect._

            “Well, Steve, until I find Cas in one piece, you’re coming with me.” Steve tilted his head to the side like he misheard.

            “Okay, I love Castiel as much as the next guy, but I’ve got a flight to Toronto in a few hours.”

            “You’re coming,” Dean insisted, resting the tip of the blade on the angel’s chest. Maybe he could’ve fought the hunter. Maybe he could’ve won, he was just a human after all. _A rather large human_ he pondered. Angels weren’t supposed to succumb to human’s wishes. So maybe it was the angel blade Dean kept thrusting towards him, or maybe it was the pained look in his green eyes. The redness lingering in them and the dried streams of tears that clung to his face. The intense anger only a facade for the deep pain radiating inside the man. Steve hadn’t been in touch with many humans, let alone have any connections with them, but he could sense the bond between the two. The strong tie they had on each other. The desperation, the need for his angel.

            “Okay, I’ll help you find him.” Dean nodded, and they headed out to the stolen car. He listened to Steve’s description of the angel, and they began searching for any clues. Police scanners, hijacked or stolen cars or any safe houses in the area. He normally wouldn’t’ve trusted some angel he just met. Hell, if this were any other day, he probably would’ve slaughtered the bastard the second he found him in the bath tub. _But Cas is in danger_ he thought. He would throw every ounce of morality in him out the window just have his angel back safe and sound. If he were to lose Cas… _God_ , he brushed the tear that had escaped out of his eye hoping Steve hadn’t saw. _I would lose everything._


	29. Never Let This Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, this is soooo late. My updating is getting worse not better smh, but enjoy!

            Cas woke like those teens that couldn’t help falling asleep in class. Head snapping forward, panicked and horrified at what you might’ve missed while you were out and realizing you’re trapped in a place that you _definitely_ don’t want to be in. He could barely focus his vision, his eyes feeling sore like they were crushed under his skull only seeing black splotches of shapes. But he felt the chains, going all over his body strapping him to the cold seat. _Maybe this isn’t like high school_ he thought. Or at least he hoped.

            He breathed deeply letting his grace go over his body. It wasn’t much damage to clear up, a few broken ribs and a concussion. It all restored to the rightful health of his vessel, but the faint taste of blood still lingered on his tongue.

            His vision returned more gradually, and he couldn’t tell if he lost his hearing in the fight as well or if the room was just that deadly silent. The first thing he saw were the handcuffs. Two pairs, black and engraved in gold Enochian lettering each pinning his wrists to the armrests. He should be thinking about how he got there. He should really be thinking about how to get _out_ of there, but in that moment he didn’t really care. He was just stuck staring off at the familiar handcuffs.

            _Castiel swept the dungeon floor, and Dean sat on the table going through their box of torturing devices, making sure everything was in working order. Of course it was never Dean’s idea to do chores, but Sam wanted everything in the bunker to be in “perfect condition”._

_Dean pulled out a pair of black Enochian handcuffs. They hadn’t apprehended an angel in a while and the things were starting to collect dust. He watched as Cas swept closer and closer to him and once he reached the table, Dean jingled the cuffs in his face._

_“I’d bet you look pretty good with a pair of these,” Dean said. Cas smirked stifling a laugh and leaned over to kiss the hunter._

_“Very funny.” Dean snaked his arms underneath his boyfriend’s trench coat pulling him to the edge of the table. He smiled rubbing his hands up and down the angel’s lean back muscles._

_“I mean it,” Dean whispered. “Your wrists pulled up to the head board, looking all vulnerable and sexy. I could do anything I wanted, and there’d be nothing you could do about it.” Cas made a low humming noise, as Dean’s hand slipped down his lower back to grasp the curve of his ass. In one swift motion he hoisted the angel up to his lap. Cas grabbed on to his shoulders, blushing and breathing heavy, but he smiled as Dean kissed him. Heavy and intense, but in slow motion just savoring the way their lips pushed on each other. Gently balanced on the edge of the table, Dean practically forgot about any of the responsibilities they had._

_“What about our chores?” Cas asked pulling away suddenly. “What if Sam finds us?”_

_“He’s not coming up for a while. He’s busy testing the-” As if on cue the lights cut off, and seconds later was replaced with glowing red lights. Neither of them freaked out at the loss of normal lights. When Sam went over all the buttons and levers in the control room sometimes the lights would go off, or the air conditioning would go off for about ten minutes._

_The lights were the color of bright red that annoying firetruck look, but to each of them in almost felt like mood lighting. The redness glowing up their cheeks, and their eyes changed colors. The once deep blue were transformed into a harsh grey, and the green forest eyes had an orange tint flitting over them. Sweat beaded the two man which Dean counted up to Sam cutting off the air conditioning. Still, all the motivation to take their clothes off._

_There was an unspoken communication between the two, as Cas shrugged off his trench coat, while Dean worked to unbutton his white collared shirt while leaving little love bits along the angel’s collar bone._

_“Sam’s going to be a while before he even asks about us,” Dean mumbled into his angel’s sweet skin. “We can go as slow as we want.” Once Cas’ shirt was off, he forced the hunter to lie back on the table. Castiel ripped off his t-shirt and straddled his clothed cock._

_“But I want to go fast,” he whispered. The lights, the bright red indications of danger changed the mood. It felt urgent and slow and intense all at once. It felt so surreal. The sweat sticking his dark bangs to his forehead. The angel’s eyes glowing with red lust. How could he say no to that?_

_“Whatever you want, babe.” Cas worked on Dean’s zipper with his teeth while the hunter ran his hands through his hair yanking a little only when the angel’s lips grazed over his crotch. He came back up to kiss Dean, and soon there was more in less. Less clothes, less talking but more of everything. More sounds of skin hitting skin, slowly then faster and faster until it was almost one continuous sound. Mixed in with the moans and grunts and screams they shamefully let out hoping Sam couldn’t hear what was going on in the dungeon. The interchange of going from the table, to the chair, to the wall, to the chains. They finished, and it was like the world had just started to spin again when they left the dungeon. Cas spent the rest day cleaning around the bunker like he was walking on clouds. It wasn’t their first and most certainly not their last, but he for sure found a new favorite place to make love to his hunter._

            The rest of the room gradually came into view, and Cas recognized it as some sort of basement. Pipes ran up along the dingy walls and ceilings, and a square little generator hummed in the corner. The room was eerily lit with no windows, just two dim lights hovering over him. One of them flickered every few seconds.

            He tried jerking against the chains, but it was pointless let alone possible. There were dozens of them, a metal collar holding his neck in place, a series of chains going over his torso locking him in place and he even felt more hand cuffs bolting his ankles to the chair legs. Everything was warded, so no use in trying to use his strength to bust out. Even with some of the skills he picked up from Dean on picking locks, they would take hours to undo.

            Before he could ponder his escape any further a slow creak sounded from behind him followed by the influx of fresh light. The door closed, and the room returned to its gloomy demeanor.

            “Castiel.” Vehuel stepped into view, shadows overlapping his face but he could still see that smug grin.

            “Hello, Vehuel. What is all this? Is it my birthday?” Vehuel laughed at him humorlessly.

            “Funny, but I’m not playing games.”

            “Is that what this is?” Cas asked shrugging in his chains. Vehuel narrowed his eyes on him no longer smiling.

            “You’ve spent too long with those humans of yours.” He bent down to sneer in the angel’s face. “The Winchesters’ insolent manners have rubbed off on you.” Castiel held his tongue, not really knowing what to say, but knowing he really wanted to spit in his face. “This is what happens when you stray too far from home, Castiel. You pick of the qualities of a Neanderthal.”

            “At least I don’t go around killing my own kind.”

            “Those angels brought their deaths on themselves,” he said breaking off into a slow pace. “I gave them a choice. Join Michael’s allegiance against God, or die. Many have cooperated, but unfortunately a few have chosen the wrong option.” He stopped in front of Castiel resting his hands over his chained wrists. He leaned in so close to those crystal blue eyes. Cas tried to flinch away, but the brace around his neck forced him to look forward. “Now you will make that choice. What will it be Castiel?”

            “You’re not going to kill me.”

            “Oh? What makes you so sure of that?”

            “I know about Michael’s orders. He said Gabriel and I were off limits. You can’t kill us.” Vehuel grit his teeth.

            “You’re right.” He took out his frustration shooting a swift punch to the angel’s jaw. Castiel’s head snapped back groaning out in sudden pain. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t torture you days on end until you accept Michael as your one true ruler.”

            “Try it. I’ve been tortured relentlessly by angels, demons, humans and countless of monsters. You and your puny little angel blade isn’t going to break me. I’m not going to join Michael’s rebellion against God, and when Dean walks in through that door and he sees me tied up he’s going to shove that angel blade so far up your ass you’ll be tasting the Gospel for a week.” Vehuel laughed scornfully.

            “Oh, I’m counting on your hunter to show up. He’s plan B in case you reject my offer.”

            “What?”

            “Isn’t it obvious? Dean’s gonna show up thinking he only has one angel to fight, the rest of my team we’ll show up, apprehend him and the choice will be simple for you. Join us or we’ll kill your precious Dean Winchester.” Cas’ eyes widened as panic settled in his chest pulling at the pace of his heart.

            “Why don’t you just bring Michael here and get the okay to smite me right now?”

            “You really don’t get it do you?” he asked patronizingly. “All those other angels are dispensable, but _you_ … the rebel, Heaven’s biggest screw up. You can tip the scales in this war.”

            “What do you mean?”

            “Well, a lot of angels hate you and rightfully so, but there’s that big group of angels those rogues and rebels that see you as a beacon of hope. If they know that you believe in Michael’s plan, they’ll follow you. They’ll follow him, and we’ll have the numbers to beat God.”

            “Heaven isn’t some government office, and my endorsement isn’t going to win you the votes you need.”

            “You’ve been away from home for a long time, brother.” Vehuel took an angel blade out of his coat pocket. He held it up watching the blade reflect what little light they had. “You don’t know how much has changed, so…” He rested the tip of the blade on the center of the angel’s chest twisting it around and grinning at Cas’ whimpers of pain. “Why don’t we have a little fun while we wait for Dean, huh?”

***

 

            Dean pressed down hard on the gas veering quickly on to the highway while Steve paled, fingernails going deeper into the leather seat.

            “Would it kill you to actually go the speed limit?”

            “We’re not gonna save Cas going forty miles an hour,” Dean said not taking his eyes off the road.

            “Yeah, but we’re not gonna save him if we get pulled over.” Dean ignored him, and the angel groaned. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

            “You’re an angel, damnit. You’re not supposed to get carsick.”

            “We weren’t designed to ride around in these bumpy metal tubes. We had wings for a reason.” Dean rolled his eyes. He reached into the side door pocket and thrusted an old fast food bag to Steve. “If you feel like throwing up, use this.” A part of him wanted to call Sam. He cringed hearing the angel dry heave into the bag. Okay, a lot of him wanted to call Sam, but the trip would take hours, and Cas didn’t have that kind of time. _You can bitch about missing your brother or you can make what you’ve got of this pathetic nauseous angel. What’s it gonna be Winchester?_ “We need gas.” He pulled up to a little gas station, and Steve let out a small sigh of relief.

            “Thank god.” He hopped out of the car and sized up a desolate little Feather Hill Express. No cars in the area except for a few trunks breezing by. _It’s getting late_ he thought glancing at the orange setting sun casting its warm rays across the sky. It had been almost an hour, and they barely had a clue where to look for Cas. He sent a silent prayer letting his eyes shut for a moment. _Please, let him be okay_. He had probably prayed more in the past two hours than he did in his whole life.

            He started to fill up the car and then looked to Steve.

            “Fill her up, I’m a go see if the cashier has heard anything about the angel.” He left Steve despite the angel clearly looking confused on how to transfer gasoline to the pimp mobile.

            Dean stepped into the Express greeted with a tiny bell and unenthusiastic hello from the cashier.

            “Hey.” Dean stepped up to the young cashier wasting no time. He thought back to Steve’s vague description of their attacker. “Have you seen an Asian guy in a blue suit about yea big?” He gestured the height and watched the cashier for a reaction. His name tag read ‘Craig’.

            “I might’ve maybe possibly seen him come through here… maybe.” A smug grin came across his hairy lip, and Dean slammed down a hundred on the counter. He didn’t have time to play any games.

            “I need everything you got on that guy.”

            “Well…” Craig tucked the hundred dollar bill into his work apron. “Dude’s a real chatter box. He told me he was heading to this farm for a family reunion.”

            “You remember where this farm is?”

            “Ya know the address is starting to slip from my memory…” Dean slapped down another fifty dollars. His lazy eyes went wide at the sight. “This guy must be really important, huh?”

            “Where’s he heading?” Craig slipped the fifty into his pocket.

            “Up North on the edge of Bellevue. Only house on Clear Water Way.” Dean didn’t even bother to think or be pissed about the money lost. He ran out the store hurriedly typing the address into his phone. He hopped into the car beside Steve who had somehow figured out how to load gas into it. He sped out of the gas station following the GPS of his phone.

            “Whoa, whoa. Slow it down there buddy,” Steve said eying the speedometer carefully. “Where are we going?”

            “Cas is in Bellevue on a farm in Clear Water.”

            “You got all of that from a gas station visit?”

            “Yep.”

            “Well shouldn’t we try to find more evidence? You can’t seriously just go off of a tip from a guy at a gas station?”

            “It’s the only lead we got, and I’m not wasting anymore time.” Dean switched on to the highway, and Steve reached for his vomit bag.

            “Then can we at least think about this? This guy got the jump on Cas and three other angels. He’s smart. He’s probably not the type to leave his exact location at some gas station we were bound to come across.” Dean sighed knowing where this conversation was going.

            “You think it’s a trap?”

            “Oh, it’s definitely a trap.”

            “Well then I don’t care,” Dean said growing frustrated. “I don’t care if there’s a thousand angels waiting for us. Cas is in trouble, and I’m not waiting any longer if there’s a chance I can save him.”

            “This isn’t saving him, it’s suicide. How is dying going to help Castiel? We go there, and we all die. We stay out of it, you and I might actually have a chance at survival.”

            “I’m not leaving without Cas.”

            “Would you really choose death over living without Castiel?” Dean didn’t answer him, he didn’t need too. The silence was enough for both of them. Steve rolled his eyes. _Humans and all their petty attachments_.

            With Dean’s driving they found the place in an hour. An old abandoned farm sat in the center of an overgrown field. All the pens were empty except for carcasses of pigs and cows decayed to nothing but empty skeletons. Dean scanned the area while Steve sat in the car praying fervently. He returned to the car, and Steve jumped at the door slam.

            “Okay, there’s no one guarding the outside.” That didn’t seem to ease the angel’s nerves at all.

            “That just proves my point. This is a trap,” he said casting wary glances to the barn. “This place gives me the spooks.”

            “Man up, you got an angel blade?”

            “Oh, no! I said I’d help you _find_ Castiel. I don’t fight anymore.” Dean groaned.

            “You gotta be fricking kidding me!” Steve shrugged giving him that ‘I don’t know what to tell you’ look. “Well we haven’t found Cas yet, so until then…” He thrusted the angel blade into his hands. Steve held the sword clumsily as if it were foreign to him. “You’re on duty.” Steve followed him out the car reluctantly. _I swear to God, if I die succumbing to this human’s needs…_

            They stepped lightly through the field only to be greeted by a few crows and snakes squirming through the overgrown grass. By now the sun had set and a pale moon hung over them. Dean felt exposed crouching in the long grass with the moonlight on him like a spotlight, and the awkward clumsy angel making every possible noise known to man wasn’t helping. _Maybe I should’ve gone in alone._

            They reached the barn, and the large creaky door announced their arrival. If the inhabitants didn’t hear Steve crunching on every twig and leaf, then they definitely heard that. It was big and empty, except for a few more animal remains a little more fresh inside drawing in flies and a horrible rotting stench.

            “Okay, I’ll go left you go right,” Dean said gesturing to the split in the halls.

            “No, no, no. We should stay together, so no one ends up dead.” Dean rolled his eyes for probably the hundredth time that night.

            “Fine.” They walked around the barn scanning quietly for any signs of life, but the only thing they found were a few mice darting across their paths. Dean didn’t want to think of it, but _what if Cas isn’t here? What if we’re wrong? He could be on the other side of the country by now_ he thought dejectedly. _Or what if he was here, and we’re too late?_

            “So what’s wrong with you?” Dean asked trying to keep his mind away from his dark thoughts.

            “What’s wrong _with me_?” Steve eyed him curiously in the darkness like he didn’t understand the question.

            “You’re supposed to be some badass not scared of nothing angel. I mean I found you crying in a bath tub. Are angels even supposed cry?”

            “They can, but they don’t.” Steve waved around the flashlight Dean gave him wincing as the light fell over more dead pigs. “I guess I was just never good at being an angel.” Dean was about to ask him what the hell that meant when the light fell on a short sharply dressed man holding an angel blade in his right hand. A scream echoed from Steve’s mouth as he jumped back, but Dean held his stance gripping his own blade bracing himself for a fight.

            “Give up,” Dean ordered. “You’re outnumbered two to one.” Vehuel tilted his head to peer at Steve cowering behind the hunter.

            “More like one and a half to one.” The newcomer laughed to himself. “The fall really ruined you, didn’t it, Jophiel?”

            “It-it’s Steve, now,” he stuttered quietly.

            “Where’s Cas?”

            “ _Castiel_ ,” Vehuel corrected him. “Well, I guess you’ll see him soon enough.” Before either of them could react, dark bags flew over the boys’ heads. The world went black, and all Dean could hear were Steve’s panicked screams. A few pairs of hands grabbed at him pinning his hands behind his back, but that didn’t stop him from fighting. He struggled and kicked and threw any of his body weight towards his attackers. He gave it his all until something heavy and hard smashed down on the top of his head. His futile attempts to escape fell slack, and his vision faded into a natural black.

~A few minutes Earlier~

            The sound of a tooth dislodging from Castiel’s jaw was barely heard over the chorus of laughter that filled the basement.

            “Hit him again, I like the funny noises he makes!” One of the angels chimed.

            “I like the sounds of his bones cracking.”

            “I want a turn!” They traded off punching, kicking and cutting the blue eyed angel. Vehuel applauded as an angel forced an angel blade in his shoulder. She left it there, and they watched Castiel squirm and wince at that hot fiery pain. Vehuel stepped up to the group of angels resting his hand on the hilt of the sword embedded in his skin. He twisted it a little smiling at the scream he ripped out of the angel.

            “Doesn’t this feel horrible, Castiel?” He twisted again, and his screams grew louder. “Doesn’t it just feel horrible to be on the losing side of every war? Wouldn’t it feel so good to just give up a pinch of your stubborn pride and join us? You will be respected among Michael’s angels. No longer some dirty, pathetic rebel.” He yanked the sword out of his shoulder drawing a sharp gasp out of the angel. He was breathless and dizzy from pain, but he still had enough will power to keep his sense.

            Castiel spit blood in Vehuel’s face earning a ring of laughter from the other angels.

            “You can torture me all you want, the answer is still the same. Screw. You.” Vehuel smeared the blood off his face.

            “You have such big talk. I’m sure you won’t feel that way when we break Dean’s ribs.” Cas could only hope- only pray that Dean hadn’t found him. He prayed that Dean had followed some completely different trail and was miles away from any danger, but knowing the hunter he knew he couldn’t be too far away.

            Footsteps pounded above them, and a broad grin stretched over Vehuel’s face.

            “Speak of the devil.” Cas’ heart collapsed into his stomach as tears prickled the corners of his eyes.

            “No please! Don’t! This hasn’t nothing to do with Dean, leave him out of it! Please!” A sob broke his words, and the other angels laughed at him.

            “Wow, begging. That’s low, Castiel, even for you.”

            “Don’t hurt him, please! Leave him alone!” Tears streamed down his face, and the angels stopped laughing watching curiously as to how an angel could feel so much for one measly human.

            “Just say the magic word, and we won’t lay a hand on him.” Cas could count the amount of times he had chosen Dean over Heaven, over everything, but right then he wasn’t so sure.

            “Please, just-”

            “Roll out,” Vehuel called and the other angels headed out the basement. _No, no, no, no!_ There’s was only one thing left he could do.

            “Run!” he shouted at the top of his lungs. “Dean, ru-” Vehuel shoved a cloth in his mouth droning out his screams.

            “Not another word out of you, filth!” He turned away from the angel’s muffled whimpering and back to his team. They watched with obedient eyes all ready with their shining angel blades. “Let’s go catch us a Winchester.”

 

~Present time~         

            Dean heard a door shut and lock behind him. The bag masked his vision, but he could definitely feel a heavy foot kick him in the back. He stumbled forward tumbling down a wooden flight of stairs. With his hands tied behind his back, it wasn’t exactly a pleasant fall face first to the concrete floor, but he would live.

            Another weight landed on top of him, and Dean recognized the skinny quivering body.

            “You good, Steve?”

            “Uh… Define good.” Someone forced the blinded two to their knees and ripped the bags off their heads. Dean squeezed his eyes his shut blinded by the sudden light. His vision slowly adjusted to his new surroundings, and the first thing he saw was his angel beaten, bloody and chained up in the chair in front of him.

            “Cas?” Castiel made a noise that could’ve been the hunter’s name, but was muffled by the dark rag in his mouth. Of course they were terrified, but they each allowed themselves a small moment of relief. _Thank god, he’s alive_.

            “So Castiel, want to try my offer again or we going to have to get creative with this human of yours?” Vehuel ripped the rag out of his mouth.

            “Please don’t do this,” Cas said quietly.

            “Yeah you really shouldn’t do this,” Dean agreed pulling on one of his shit eating smirks. Vehuel slapped Dean across the face.

            “Shut up!” The hunter shrugged.

            “I’m just trying to help you out man. If you want to torture Cas into whatever this offer is, you should’ve nabbed someone else. You got the wrong guy.” Vehuel sneered at him while doubt begin to inch its way into the other angels. “I mean don’t get me wrong, we were in love once.” Vehuel hammered a punch into his cheek.

            “I said shut up!”

            “But I cheated on him!” Dean said quickly. The room was silent as if everyone was holding their breath. Castiel watched him with wide blue eyes trying to figure out what his game was. Dean looked up at Vehuel’s cold gaze. “I cheated on him, and Cas saw us. He was heartbroken. I mean I can’t even imagine the pain he must have felt. To watch your true love just stab you in the back like that. It was awful. Do you really think Cas wants to save me? After everything I’ve done?” Vehuel glanced around at the other angel’s reactions. They were confused and intrigued by the hunter, none of them noticing Steve as he picked up a little piece of broken glass.

            “You’re lying! He’s lying!” Dean shook his head.

            “Honestly, I wish I was. I wish I could take it all back, and we could go back to the way we were. I wish I could hold him right now, tell him a thousand apologies and that could make up for everything, but it won’t. I wanted to pretend I could fix our relationship and that he could forgive me, but nothing is going to be the same after what I did.” Vehuel kicked Dean in the nose, and he fell back on to his side blood dribbling down from his nostrils over his lips. He propped himself up on his elbows facing Vehuel, but he couldn’t help notice the tears that spilled silently down his angel’s face.

            “You’re just trying to cover his ass.”

            “I would, and I’ll do it a thousand times, but he won’t do the same for me.” A few more punches met his lower chest, and Dean felt a rib snap. He sucked in a sharp breath, but forced himself to keep going. “It’s all a ruse, ya know? Cas didn’t say yes because he _wants_ you to kill me.”

            “Liar!” It was difficult with the anxiety rattling his whole body working with his hands behind his back, but Steve could feel the rope cutting beneath his slither of glass.

            “Not a word of a lie. If Cas really cared about me, he would’ve sold himself out by now. He wouldn’t have let you lay a hand on me. He’s faking it all. You’re going to kill me, and he won’t say yes to your deal. Everyone loses, and Cas wins.”

            “No!” He fired another string of kicks into Dean’s stomach, and he threw up thick blood.

            “Dean!” Cas whispered. His blue eyes had swelled into red, and tears flooded over his bruised cheeks. Dean laid out on his side, hands behind his back, rib snapping painfully in and out of place with each ragged breath, blood slipped out the corner of his lip. Cas could’ve sworn he imagined it, but a slight wink passed over the hunter’s pain stricken face. Vehuel hoisted him to his knees ready to strike again.

            “Face it, buddy. If Cas wasn’t tied up right now, he would’ve killed me the second you brought me in.” Vehuel was livid, face purple and eyes glowing into a dangerous white. He reached behind his back, taking out his angel blade.

            “You pathetic cockroach!” He gripped Dean by the collar of his shirt. “You should’ve kept your mouth shut.” Dean closed his eyes bracing for the sting of the angel blade, but the only thing that hurt was Castiel’s voice calling out to him shrill and desperate.

            “Dean!” _I’m so sorry Cas._

            A heavy grunt shocked his eyes open to see Vehuel tackled to the floor by Steve’s scraggly body. He spotted the angel blade dropped to the floor beside the tangle of the two angels. He snatched it up, cut the ropes around his wrists and whipped around to face the angels who have advanced towards them. There were four of them, way more than Dean felt comfortable with, _but it’s like Dad always said._ _You don’t get to pick your battles_.

            So naturally, Dean just started swinging at any body parts he could catch with his sword. Dodging all the angel blades that flew at him. He noticed in the midst of angels, they weren’t aiming to kill. They swung at him with everything, but all of their energy was directed away from his head and chest. _They still want me alive_ he thought. _They haven’t given up on their bargaining chip._

            Dean caught one of the angels by the arm, twisted it back and forced them into the wall. He dug his angel blade deep into their back turning his face away as the angel glowed filling the eyes and mouth with celestial light. Before the dead vessel flopped to the ground, there was already a hand on the back of Dean’s shirt yanking him to the floor.

            He landed on his butt quickly surrounded by the other three angels. He scrambled backwards trying clumsily to get back up on his feet. He glanced over at Steve hoping to god he was still alive. He spotted the anxious angel painted in a splatter of blood slowly drawing his angel blade out of Vehuel’s dead body. The look of surprise on his face matched the one of Dean and Castiel’s. Even the other angels looked shocked by Vehuel’s defeat.

            Steve held up his sword now covered in crimson, wiped away the droplets of blood on his face and grinned wickedly at the three angels.

            “Come and get some you sons of bitches!” With that invitation, the angels were on him and Dean was at his side. Slashing and ripping at the angel’s bodies lighting up the whole barn with their deaths. Then it was dark, and silent except for Steve’s heavy breathing. Stepping over all the dead vessels, Dean scrambled over to his angel. He hacked at the chains hurriedly trying to free Castiel, and Steve joined him until the angel was released. Dark hair matted with blood and fresh cuts starting to puff up and fester, he stood tall with an unreadable expression on his face. As soon as they got him out, Dean started to apologize.

            “Cas, I’m so-” He stopped short as Castiel wordlessly pulled him into a hug. In that moment, wrapped up in the angel’s arms he could finally relax. He smiled pulling Cas in closer resting his hands on his lower back. Cas sunk into the embrace taking in all the smells of blood and dead farm animals because under it all he could still smell the sweet earthiness of his hunter. They said nothing, just holding each other long enough to make Steve uncomfortable, and even he didn’t have to be a mind reader to know their thoughts. _I’m never letting you go._

 ***

 

            After Steve healed them up, they took him back to his apartment to get the rest of his things. The men worked together in the little lighting of the parking lot, loading Steve’s suitcase into the trunk of the car Dean “acquired”. Castiel shut the trunk with a sigh.

            “So are you going to try to catch the next flight to Toronto?” Steve stuffed his hands into his pockets.

            “I don’t think so.” His words were greeted with a confused head tilt from the other two men. “I mean I was going to get away from all this, but after what I’ve seen today, I can’t. There’s probably more of them out there killing innocent angels, and I won’t let Michael kill more of my family.” Dean gave him a knowing smirk.

            “So you’re like an angel hunter now?”

            “And protector,” Steve reminded him with a wink. He glanced between the two. _An angel and a hunter_. He shook his head at the pair smiling. _A true recipe for disaster_. “Thank you- both of you, for reminding me of who I am.”

            “We’re here anytime you need us. Just give us a call if you run into trouble,” Cas said.

            “Same goes for you, brother.” Steve headed to the front of the car, and stopped to look back at them one last time. “You know, the couples that are ‘meant to be’ are the ones who go through everything meant to tear them apart, and come out even stronger than they were before.”

            “Where’d you read that? The back of a cereal box?” Dean asked. Steve shrugged.

            “Couples’ counseling. I was in love once.” Steve waved them off with a two finger salute, hopped in the minivan and drove away.

            “He’s a cool guy,” Dean said watching the car disappear into the night.

            “He is.” There were a few beats of silence between the two, while both of them figured out what they wanted to say. “We should probably pack up, and head home.”

            “Can we stay a while?” Cas made a face at the suggestion. It wasn’t like the hunter to want to linger in a town after a hunt. He was always ‘ya in, ya out, ya done’.

            “Why?”

            “We could hang out for a few days, just me and you, like old times.”

            “Dean…” The way he drew out his name chipped at the hunter’s heart. He backtracked almost instantly realizing how stupid he sounded. _Of course he doesn’t want to_.

            “You’re right. It’s a dumb idea, we shouldn’t stay here much longer. I’ll go get our things.” Dean quickly headed for the hotel, but Cas caught his wrist and stopped him in his tracks. He looked back at the angel, and under the lone street light, Cas could see the pain flickering across his green watery eyes.

            “You know, I don’t hate you,” he said. Dean looked at him lips parted confused at the statement and the way his hand still gripped him tight.

            “What?”

            “When I was captured by Vehuel, you were saying all that stuff about me hating you and wanting you dead, I want you to know that’s not true.” Dean shrugged off the emotion that threatened to overwhelm him.

            “I was saying whatever crap that could get us out of there alive.”

            “But you believed it.” Dean pressed on with his joking tone, but Cas could hear the cracking in his armor.

            “What can I say, I was born to be an actor.” He put on a pinched smile, but a few tears slipped down the corners of his eyes. Castiel reached up and brushed them away with the pads of his fingers grazing over the dozens of freckles he spent hours counting, touching, kissing.

            “I could never hate you, Dean. I really wanted to before. I tried so hard, but I just couldn’t. I love you too much.” Cas watched the hunter’s bottom lip trembling as he fought back a sob. God, he could’ve kissed those lips right there. Maybe if things were different, he already would’ve. “After everything that happened, I’ve learned that I love you more than anything, and there’s nothing you can do that’ll stop me from loving you. Which, honestly, terrifies me. I’m sure of my feelings for you, I just wish you felt the same.”

            “I love you, Cas!” The sheer desperation in his voice left a splinter in the angel’s heart. In that moment, he finally understood that human saying. _You never know what you have until it’s gone._

            “I know,” he said, but he didn’t know. He didn’t understand any of this. He didn’t understand why they had to hide their love from the rest of the world-from Sam for all those years. He didn’t understand why Dean couldn’t voice his feelings every now and then. He didn’t understand why it took the most painful times to hear Dean say “I love you”. He didn’t understand how Dean could make that deal with Crowley behind his back. He didn’t understand why he sacrificed their relationship, so Sam could have his. He didn’t understand how any of it could constitute as love. “Actually, I don’t know. You don’t show it at all, and sometimes I feel like you don’t care about me- you don’t love me, and it hurts.” Dean held his head low, the words hitting him like daggers penetrating him with shame.

            “I never knew you felt this way,” he said softly.

            “Well, I do!” His cold words left a bitter tone between the two of them, and Cas felt liberated. Being heard, spilling out his fears and insecurities. A weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and dropped on to Dean’s.

            “Please, Cas. Let’s stay a while, let me do what I can to fix us. I want to show that that I care, and that I love you. Maybe just the two of us we could learn to be together again.”

            “Can we be friends?” Dean finally looked up to meet the crystal blue eyes. They lost most of their spite, and a new hope was blooming in his face. “Before we try to be lovers again… Can we just stop fighting? Can we learn to be friends again first?” For the first time in a while, a small genuine smile crossed the hunter’s lips.

            “Of course.”

            “Good.” They headed back to the hotel, each disappearing into their own rooms with quick goodnights. As soon as Dean was alone, he let it all out. All the emotions this whole trip aroused. He couldn’t even process what he was feeling. Frustration? Grief? Joy? Whatever it was, there was a lot of it. Emptying out into his pillow as he cried himself to sleep.

            In the other room, Cas took off his trench coat. He undid his tie, and opened up the blinds gazing up at the half moon hovering above him. He sat there for hours at the windowsill, watching clouds pass over the moon blocking its fluorescent light, but only for a little while. The sky would go dark, but the moon’s light returned every time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I made some very subtle changes (or at least I think they're subtle) to chapters 9 and 16 to help forward a future plot, just letting you guys know.


	30. Say Yes To This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a little late, but I hope you guys enjoy!

            Gabriel was absolutely and undeniably helpless. It had been two days since the incident at the bar, and things had calmed down. The archangel was no longer afraid of the hunter falling apart on a constant basis. His mind was much more focused on trying to get in the Winchester’s pants. The Desire was definitely getting worse. _Sam seems fine_ he thought annoyed. _Whatever meditation crap he discovered must be working_. Gabriel on the other hand, he’d be watching Sam folding clothes, and he’d be hard. It was awful. It probably didn’t help that they had been spending so much time together.

            Gabriel peaked from the bunker door not so casually gawking at the younger Winchester. Sam had just gotten back from his morning run and settled outside doing his _stupid_ stretches and _stupid_ push-ups and _stupid_ jumping-jacks. _Why does he have to do it all with his shirt off?_

            He watched the way the hunter’s broad shoulders flexed up and down into even push-ups. The way his brunette locks swished and swooshed with every motion. The tan sweaty skin glistening like he was a _goddamn_ Vampire. The grunts that slipped from his mouth every time he went down was enough for Gabriel to wish he was between Sam and the ground. Feeling every toned muscle, every grind of his hips, every harsh thrust…

            Sam stood up and faced the bunker to do more jumping jacks. Gabriel silently cursed himself slamming the door shut not so casually. _Fuck, did he see me?_ He raced down the stairs, picked up the first book he saw in the library and plopped himself down in a chair flipping to a random page in the book.

            Sure enough Sam wasn’t too far behind. Gabriel could smell him before he came into the kitchen. Maybe it was the heightened sense of his pregnancy or maybe the hunter just had a particularly sweaty work out. Either way that raw human scent overwhelmed him and drew heat to his groin.

            “Hey.” Sam sat down on the table, and Gabriel sunk lower into his seat.

            “Hey.”

            “Were you a-” An amused boyish grin spread across his face. “Were you watching me back there?” Gabriel scoffed.

            “No!” he said a little too quickly. “I was reading.” Sam snorted.

            “You read?”

            “Yes, Samuel, sometimes I read.” Sam peered over the archangel’s book.

            “Do you always read your books upside down?” he asked teasingly, carefully grabbing the book and flipping it the right way. Gabriel’s face fell into a deep shade of red. He glared up at the hunter channeling his embarrassment into rage.

            “Oh, fuck off!” Sam was a bit taken back but the harsh tone, but he shrugged it off chalking it up to pregnancy hormones.

            “Oh and I uh… got you something.” He ran over to the cupboard and returned with a little purple box. He set it down on the table smiling proudly. Gabriel skeptically read the lable. _VITAMIN CODE RAW PRENATAL._

            “What the fuck is this?”

            “They’re prenatal vitamins. They’re supposed to-”

            “I know what they are!” he snapped. Sam watched the archangel curiously. _Why is he in such a bad mood?_

            “Uh… they got great reviews.”

            “Don’t you think it’s a little late for me? I mean these babies will born in less than two months.”

            “Better late than never.” Gabriel huffed seemingly annoyed by the hunter. _Why is he acting this way?_ Sam racked his brain for anything that he could’ve done over the past few days to make Gabriel mad at him, but there was nothing. They had been getting along great, so _why is he so pissed off?_ “Hey.” Sam reached over resting a bread warm hand over the angel’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

            Gabriel glanced at Sam’s hand and sighed. The scent of the hunter only intensified as he closed the space between them. He had the scent of autumn trees, old library books, and the sharp hint of sweat. He looked to Sam’s eyes, and he was lost. The perfect swirling of Earthly green in his eyes. It was like God couldn’t decide what shade of to use, so he just threw every single one in the human’s pure eyes. Gabriel crossed his legs over his pounding erection and dropped his head into his arms whimpering like he’d been wounded.

            “Hey, hey. What is it? Are you sick? What’s wrong?” Now he was closer, whole body hovering over him and Gabriel thought if he got any more aroused, he would explode.

            “Gm yirm ha uf meh,” Gabriel mumbled into the table.

            “What?” He lifted his face off the table and grit his teeth.

            “Get your hand _off_ me!” Sam jerked backwards holding his palms up like the angel had a gun. He was terrified for sure, of the archangel’s flash of anger but more confused. He was the same man who cuddled up next to him like a needy kitten a few days ago. _What happened?_ Sam winced catching a strong whiff of himself. The only explanation he could think of was the fact that he reeked, and Gabriel was just a little more sensitive to personal hygiene than he thought. _Pregnant women are known to have a really strong sense of smell_ he pondered. _Ugh_ , even that notion felt like a stretch.

            He hated this feeling of being useless. He wanted to show Gabriel that he was there for him, and he thought the vitamins could be a start. Apparently, he was very wrong. It wasn’t like Gabriel was going to lay down the ins and outs of angel pregnancies, or maybe he would, but Sam had just been too awkward to ask. And it didn’t seem like Gabriel was in a hurry to tell him what was bothering him. _Great_ he thought. _I’m not even a father, and I’m already a terrible father._

            “I’m gonna go take a shower,” he said, but Gabriel didn’t acknowledge him. He kept his head down until he was sure the hunter had left him alone. Once he heard the shower running, Gabriel could finally breathe easy.

            Still, his heart fluttered helplessly and the heat pulsed between his legs. He groaned aloud drawing the attention of Raguel who came prancing into the kitchen. No matter how long he’d gone without his powers, Gabriel still managed to find new things he despised about being human. He couldn’t get over the retched feeling or not getting what you want the second you want it. Sure it was childish, but it had never been an issue before. If he wanted something, sex, candies, drugs, all he had to was snap his fingers, and he’d have it. No one told him “no” or “be patient”. If he was at full strength he would’ve already created ten copies of Sam and had them take turns banging him on the table.

            He tried to push the thought away as he noticed his wings going slick. They were practically dripping at the idea of sexing up the hunter. He sighed and headed upstairs for a towel. The only one who could see his wings wet with arousal was Raguel, but that didn’t mean it was comfortable sitting around in a mess of sticky feathers. The corgi followed him sniffing curiously at the new scent in his wings. Gabriel grabbed them and held them close to his body away from the prying pup.

            “Rags, you are a disgusting little creature, you know that?” He sneezed three times in response. Gabriel smiled and rubbed the top of his head. “Absolutely sick.”

            He finally made it up to the bathroom and his arms were soaked from the heavy flightless appendages. _Another thing on my list of Reasons It Sucks to Be Human_ he thought. _Sex drive_. It wasn’t like angels didn’t have sex, they did, and Gabriel was in no way the exception, but for them it was just something fun to do. He enjoyed it, but he could go with or without it if he pleased. He never had the typical young human problems of dealing with a persistent erection or sexual frustration because he _wasn’t_ human. This was all new to him, this primal need to get off. He was disgusted with his vessel. It was humiliating and pathetic and he _fucking_ hated it.

            Gabriel dug around the bathroom and the closet for a towel, but he couldn’t find one. _They’re probably drying_ he remembered. Sam had done the laundry earlier. _They must be done by now._

            He opened the door to the laundry room, and Gabriel almost fainted at the sight. Sam stood just mere inches from him still dripping from his shower, hunched over digging around in the dryer totally and completely naked. Sam noticed about a second later that he wasn’t alone, and a pair of shocked eyes were raking him over. He jumped back with a startled yelp snatching a random t-shirt to cover his crotch, but it was too late. Gabriel saw _everything._

             “What the fuck?” Sam shouted going red under the archangel’s gaze. Gabriel wanted to say some witty remark, to play this off as some kind of joke, but his mind was too frantic. Too busy processing the slim hips branching out into the triangular shape of his body. Too busy analyzing his pale muscular thighs adorned with thin purple veins. Too busy just trying to breathe over the clean scent of the hunter’s shampoo.

            “Why the fuck are you naked?”

            “They’re no towels in the bathroom.”

            “Oh.” Now Gabriel was blushing profusely because _shit_ he was definitely in the wrong and _shit_ Sam Winchester was definitely naked right in front of him. It was like the universe playing some cruel practical joke on them. Maybe Gabriel should’ve left. Hell, he should’ve left the second, he saw Sam’s bare ass, but now he was distracted. Entranced by the sharp V toning his lower stomach pointing straight to his crotch. The image kept flashing in his brain, and he knew he would never be able to forget the sight of the hunter’s wide flaccid-

            He stormed off to his room slamming the door before he could let his mind wander any further. Raguel glanced up at Sam, his goofy eyes appearing curious as to what that whole confrontation was. Sam finally let go of the breath he didn’t he was holding. His heart was still going a little fast from being seen _like that_ , but he would live. He wrapped a towel around his waist, grabbed some clothes and headed to his room with Raguel trailing not too far behind.

            He changed into some sweats and plopped down into his bed. He laid back into the pillows and Raguel scrambled into his familiar spot curled up in the nook between the hunter’s shoulder and his chin. Sam sighed blowing tufts of corgi fur into the air. He shouldn’t’ve been thinking about what happened. It meant absolutely nothing. Sometimes he would walk in on Dean getting dressed or getting freaky and vice versa. There had been numerous times when Cas, unaccustomed to human manners, would walk in on both the brothers while they were on the toilet or showering. It was just a thing that happened when you lived with other people. It didn’t mean anything. Just a common mistake. Then why did he feel so off?

            Why did his mind keep going back to Gabriel, mouth agape eyes wide as they landed on his…? Sam rolled over on to his side, drawing a frustrated whimper out of the corgi as he readjusted his spot. _How long was he standing there?_ He wondered. _Why didn’t he just leave? Did he see everything? He must have seen something_ Sam concluded remembering Gabriel frozen and flustered. He smiled a little at the memory. Sure maybe things would be awkward between them now, and it definitely didn’t help whatever Gabriel was pissed at him for, but Sam couldn’t help wonder; _did he like what he saw?_

 

***

 

~Hell, Present day~

            A few knocks pounded the door to the throne room. Dagon looked to her master for confirmation, and he nodded.

            “Let them in.” She complied steadily opening the door for three demons. They walked in hesitantly glancing around the room. Their eyes widened as they recognized the former king’s blood dried and splattered about the walls and floors. What the hell happened to Crowley?

            They bowed their heads respectively to Lucifer. One of them spoke up voice shaking and cracking in the presence of the Devil.

            “Sir, we would like to-”

            “On your knees!” he commanded. The demons exchanged confused looks.

            “Pardon?”

            “I said, on your knees!” Instantly they dropped down to their knees in a full bow. Lucifer rolled his eyes. “You call this a greeting for your king? Have some respect!”

            “I-I’m sorry sir,” the first one stammered.

            “Don’t be sorry, be better.” He drummed his fingers along the armrests. “Now what do you want?”

            “We were wondering, sir, if you had killed Crowley yet.”

            “Now why would that be any of your business?” The demon who had spoken for the other three, trembling, but still the bravest of the three. He had the vessel of a young ginger man with green eyes. He was a pretty face, but the devil could see straight through it to his lying twisted soul.

            “I think we all just want to know who the real king of hell is. This position has been fickle for the past few years. It would help us all if you proved to everyone that Crowley is in fact dead.”

            “What I do with Crowley is nobody’s business but my own. If you have any question about your king, just remember you’re looking right at him.” Satan’s eyes flickered into a bright red as his lips curled into a wicked smirk.

            “My apologies, sir. I’ll tell them.”

            “No.” Lucifer snapped his fingers and the three demons exploded into grey smoke sinking to the floor. He cut his hand through the dust waving it around idly while Dagon stormed over to him.

            “What the hell was that?”

            “Watch your tone.”

            “You can’t just smite demons as you please, especially with our numbers so slim. You of all people should know it’s not as easy to create demons.” Lucifer tilted his head to the side confused by her outburst _. Is she seriously talking to me?_

            “They were untrustworthy. They were loyal to Crowley and would turn on us, if they found out he’s alive. I ended the problem before it could start. Isn’t it genius?”

            “It’s foolish!” Lucifer rose and caught the prince of Hell by her throat. He raised her up off the floor drawing a sharp gasp from Dagon. He drew her in close flashing his fiery eyes in her face.

            “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I don’t like it. There’s a reason why I chose you, Dagon. I like you a lot, and I trust you.” He dropped her to the floor and listened with pang of hurt in his heart at her gagging and sputtering for oxygen. “That doesn’t mean you get to mouth me off as you please. You’re not special. You’re just a whiny demon like all the rest, and you will do as you’re told. Do I make myself clear?” Dagon nodded from her spot on the floor. She breathed deeply, but it wasn’t the strangling that hurt. It was those words that kept pounding in her head. _“You’re not special. You’re just a whiny demon like the rest.”_ She shook her head. _I’m not like them. I’m better than those pathetic souls. I can be more_. Once her lungs started working properly again, she straightened herself up on her knees. She stared up the devil, the whites of her eyes flickering into their natural yellow, a determined smile creeping over her red lips.

            “Let me make it up to you, my Lord. Let me show you, that I am loyal and trustworthy.”

            “What? Do you want some kind of extra credit project?” he asked scornfully. “You can make it up to me by doing your damn job.”

            “My job is to serve you for the rest of my life.” She stood up faced the devil without a pinch of fear. “Let me _serve_ you.” Before Lucifer could reject, Dagon shoved him back into his throne. He was shocked that she dared to make a move like that, but _damn_ he was turned on. She straddled his lap and sunk her teeth into his neck nibbling and biting and kissing up and down. He tilted his head back to give her more access. Somewhere between her lips on his skin, her soft body flexing and pushing against his and the shaky breaths that spilled from his mouth he remembered why that was a bad idea. Regretfully, he yanked her hair pulling her away from the wet hickey.

            “What are you doing?”

            “I’m giving all of myself to you.” She took the devil’s hands and guided them to her waist. “You are my everything, and I want to be yours.”

            “Dagon…” Her name stretched out into more of a moan, as she took his shirt in her hands and tore it right down the middle. She curled down too leave hot kisses along his collar bone.

            “Tell me I’m yours.” She breathed over his pecks, and Lucifer shivered at her cold breath. “Tell me I’m _all_ yours.”

            “You’re all mine,” he whispered.

            “Now tell me you’re all mine.”

            “Dagon…” She raked her nails down his sides drawing sparks of blood.

            “Say it.” _An archangel shouldn’t behave this way_ he thought. Archangels are fierce, they’re absolute. Heaven’s most terrifying weapon. They didn’t succumb to some temptress with red lipstick and tight leather jeans. Then again, Dagon wasn’t just _some_ temptress. She wasn’t even just some demon for that matter. _A prince of hell_. The tittle stirred so much guilt and intrigue within him at the same time. It was wrong. Dagon was one of his first creatures. He remembered building her from the ground up, designing her to fit his ideal image of a demon. _To take advantage of her like this…_ He coiled a lock of her dark hair around his finger. It wasn’t fair of him to abuse his power on someone so loyal, so obedient to him.

            Then again he was burning to know what it felt like to be inside a prince of hell. To feel her naked skin grinding up against his, to hear the moans and screams he could fuck out of her, to feel her insides warm and wet around his cock. He’d been with almost every creature the universe had to offer him, a prince of hell still remained on his list, and here she was bouncing her thighs around his waist whispering the dirtiest sins in his ear. It was almost too easy. He tilted his head up and closed his eyes. _Father, how do I say no to this?_

            His silent prayer was met with indifference, as it always was, but for once the silence didn’t anger him. It breathed new confidence into his vessel. _God is done, there are no more leaders, no more rulers. Except me. I am the king, and the king is going to do whatever he wants._

            “Say it, my Lord. Tell me you’re mine.” He grinned and kissed the prince. Biting down hard on her fat bottom lip. He sucked on her bloody lips growing euphoric on the taste. He wanted more, and _fuck it_ he was taking more. He drew his lips away for a brief moment.

            “I’m yours.” With that they were taking turns tearing off the other’s clothes until they were both stripped down to their bare vessels. He gripped the fat of her ass and hoisted her up, and forced her cunt down on his throbbing cock. Dagon hissed as he slipped into her biting down on her lip and digging her nails into the Devil’s shoulders. Lucifer moaned at the tight heat around him. He clutched her waist and brought her up and down escalating the prince’s soft whimpers into wretched screams. Lucifer swallowed her open mouth in his silencing her in a harsh kiss. She growled over his lips and picked up a pace of her own. She forced Satan’s head to her breasts as she rode him. Lucifer bit any skin he could get between his breathy moans.

            After a while the prince of hell started to grow tired, but the devil wasn’t done yet, and he still had some more energy to work off. When the rocking of her hips grew weaker, Lucifer flipped the position so she was propped up in the chair, eyes hazy and barely conscious.

            “Stay with me, Dagon,” he whispered. She bobbed her head slowly and before she could object he was inside her again. She gasped as he fucked her into the throne. It burned like hell fire, and but _fuck!_ She gripped the armrest anchoring herself to chair. It was creaking and shaking, on the verge of falling apart just like Dagon.

            Finally Lucifer pulled out, breathing heavy as he came on the blood mess of the prince. He stared down at what he’s done. She looked like a carcass that had been thrown to the wolves. Chest all torn up wet with blood and saliva. Bruises decorated her hairline from all the yanking. Blood slicked her thighs staining the Throne, but Lucifer didn’t care. _She’s so beautiful._

            He kneeled down and kissed Dagon as gently as he could manage. The brief moment their lips connected, a speck of life crept back into her. Her eyes remained shut, but a tiny whimper left her trembling lips.

            “You did good, Dagon. You are a true Queen of Hell.” He kissed the top of her head one last time and disappeared to pick their clothes up off the floor.

            No fight or torture had ever left her vessel so wounded and raw. Nothing could compare to being fucked by the devil himself. It was the worst pain, but it was the greatest pleasure all at once. Her lips, bloody and torn, curled into a weak smile. _It feels so good to be queen._

 ***

 

            Gabriel let the water fill the tub until the bubbles almost foamed over. Honestly in that moment he didn’t care about the Winchester’s water bill. He didn’t even care to wonder if they paid bills for their weird ancient Men of Letter’s bunker. He spent the entire day in his room _working_ through his sexual frustration, but it wasn’t solving anything. He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep and he couldn’t stop thinking about Sam Winchester. More like Sam fucking him into oblivion, but yeah, his mind couldn’t quit fantasizing about the hunter. He used to let his mind go wherever it wanted with Sam, but now it was a constant painful reminder knowing he could never have him _like that_.

            So he ran a bath hoping to try and cleanse his thoughts. Sure it didn’t have bath bombs and jet streams, but without his powers it would have to do.

            Gabriel stripped off his pajamas and carefully stepped into the bath. He sighed as soon as the hot sudsy water hit his skin. _This is good_ he thought. _Fuck this is real good_. He leaned back up against the wall of the tub letting the water clip the tip of his chin. He looked over to the other side of the tub and couldn’t help but notice that there was maybe room for one more…

            _No!_ he scolded himself. _That’s not what this is for._ He skimmed through his thoughts trying to find something that didn’t involve the hunter bending him over, but in the midst of it all he realized he hadn’t even given his future children much thought. _I don’t even have any names for you_ he thought rubbing a hand over his stomach. He’d spent so much time just trying to get out of the pregnancy and trying to win back Sam’s heart, he hadn’t even given their lives a second thought. He told himself that he’d been distracted, but maybe it was because he didn’t want to believe how real it was. He didn’t want to believe that the beings inside him would grow up to have feelings and names and favorite TV shows. He didn’t want to believe that he would be responsible for shaping an actual life. He didn’t want to believe that he had to care and protect for someone other than himself. He didn’t want to believe that this was going to change his life forever. The idea sent chills down his spine. He thought his life was restricted now, without his powers and under the careful eye of Team Free Will, but _imagine how it would be looking after two kids_. He sunk deeper blowing bubbles under the water. He could never have the freedom he had before. Sure, he always wanted a family to belong to, a home to call his own, but _am I really ready for this?_

Once the bubbles had cleared, Gabriel stepped out of the water and dried himself off. Nothing about this situation was fair. It wasn’t fair to Sam; it wasn’t fair to the Winchesters period and it wasn’t fair to his unborn children who will no doubt have their worst parents and the worst lives. Gabriel recounted all the bad that had been bestowed upon him by God. The demons, angels, Lucifer and all the innocents killed because of him. He had guilted himself for everything, and a part of him was tired of it. _I deserve better_ he thought. Some of it he brought on himself, but a lot of it was out of control. Gabriel threw on some boxers and one of Sam’s T-shirts. _This shitty situation is only going to get shittier_. His mind flashed back to the image of Sam standing naked before. Tall, tan and hung. A hungry smile pushed on the archangel’s lips. _I deserve something that makes me happy, and I’m taking it tonight_.

***

 

            Sam poured down some kibble for Raguel. The orange pup looked down at the food, sniffed it and returned his gaze to the hunter as to say _really?_ Sam shook his head.

            “Is dog food really not enough for you?” Raguel tilted his head holding his puppy dog stare until Sam caved. “Alright!” He dumped some old chicken into the bowl, and Raguel lapped it up with enthusiasm. Sam sighed. _Spoiled runt_. He headed upstairs leaving the corgi to his meal. It was getting late, and he was too tired to teach Raguel to appreciate the forty dollar dog food he had bought him.

            He plopped down on his bed and checked his phone to see several messages from Dean.

            ‘So Cas and I will be staying in town for a few days. Things aren’t fixed, but better. We’re working through it, so wish me luck. Anyways, how are you and Gabriel? Do anything exciting? ;)’ Sam rolled his eyes with a smile. He was about to respond when the door swung open. _Speak of the devil_.

            “Hey, I was just-” Sam’s mind blanked when the archangel’s lips smashed into his. He froze against the kiss only focusing on the pounding of his heart as Gabriel split his legs to wrap his thighs around his waist. Sam blinked several times trying to make sure everything that was happening was real. _This isn’t a dream_ he realized feeling Gabriel deepen the kiss parting his lips with the force of his tongue. It was needy and fast, and Sam still couldn’t wrap his head around it.

            He pulled hard on Gabriel’s hair jerking him out of the kiss, but he didn’t have the heart or the willpower to push him off his lap.

            “Wh-what are you doing?” Sam glanced at the floor avoiding the way his shirt slipped off to the side exposing his shoulder.

            “Taking what’s rightfully mine,” Gabriel whispered.

            “Gabriel-”

            “Shhh, just relax, Sam.” Gabriel slipped his hands under the hunter’s shirt, and Sam tensed at his touch. Gabriel felt along the hunter’s torso going over the sharp bumps of his abs and the bulge of his pecks. He brushed one of his nipples, and Sam let out a sharp moan. The archangel smiled wickedly knowing he hit a sweet spot. “You like that?”

            “We shouldn’t-we can’t be-”

            “But we can.” Gabriel let his hands fall to the hunter’s sides. “No one is home. No one has to know about it. We can make _all_ the noise we want.” Sam attempted to swallow the hot tension that spilled over him, but his throat had gone dry.

            “Gabriel-” He cut himself off when he felt the archangel kiss his neck. Those hot lips pressing and nibbling on his skin were enough to knock the words out him. _God, it’s been so long, since we’ve been this close._ Since he could feel every twitch and flex of the muscles clamped around him. Since he could feel Gabriel’s breath tingle on his bare skin. Since he could see the angel’s black lustful pupils filling almost every space of his champagne eyes. He closed his eyes savoring the way the soft lips pushed on skin. Sparks plumed in his chest, and heat crept into his groin. He clenched his jaw as Gabriel worked his way up sucking delicately on his ear. Sam pleaded silently to himself. _Lord, show me how to say no to this_. “Gabriel… please… stop.”

            “Come on, Sam. Just give in. I need this, please.” Sam rested his hand over Gabriel’s bump, a gentle reminder as to what they promised before.

            “We can’t, remember?” Gabriel moved his hand to rest on the curve of his hip.

            “What’s wrong?”

            “What’s wrong?” He pushed Gabriel on the bed and stood up to pace around the room. “Where do I start?” Gabriel slammed his fist down into the bed growing frustrated.

            “Sam, it’s okay!”

            “No, this is anything but okay!” Gabriel got up and stopped the hunter in the midst of his pacing with a gentle hand on his chest. Sam sighed and looked away from the angel’s pleading eyes. Gabriel placed both his hands on Sam’s cheeks forcing him to look down at him.

            “Hey, is it because of the baby?”

            “We promised-”

            “You promised to make things easier for me. You promised to help me through this, and right now would be a good time to start.” Gabriel knew he shouldn’t manipulate Sam like that, but he was running out of cards and from the flash of guilt across his face he knew it was working.

            “Gabriel…”

            “You don’t know how hard it is for me, Sam.” He threw his arms around the taller man’s neck and pulled him down into a hug. “With the Mate’s Desire and all these hormones running through my head, god, you’re all I can think about.”

            “Stop it,” he said.

            “It’s true.” He stood on his tip toes to press more kisses along the hunter’s neck. Sam squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip, but he didn’t resist. “I can’t close my eyes without seeing your face, and the rest of you…” He slipped his hands down his chest until they rested on the hem of Sam’s shirt. “I can barely control myself around you Sam, god you’re a fucking masterpiece, you know that?” He sucked on his neck until spots of red pooled beneath the skin. He moved higher inching up along his jaw line.

            “Gabriel…” He stretched out his name in less of a protest but more of a strangled moan.

            “Yeah?” Sam finally dared to look down at the angel strung over him. He bit his lip in a teasing smirk gazed up at him with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. _My god he looks so helpless_. Gabriel pressed his body in closer easily feeling the hunter’s erection pressed into his hip. Gabriel smiled and snuggled his face in closer to Sam’s. _His body’s saying hell yes_. “It doesn’t have to mean anything.” Gabriel brushed his nose along his neck, and Sam groaned at the teasing. “Just let me have this tonight. I know you want me.” His voice dropped down to a whisper as he nuzzled his cheek in against Sam’s. “And you know, I _need_ you.” _It’s promising_ he thought. To get out everything they had for each other in one night and just go back to the way things were before. _No one would have to get hurt_ , and it was getting harder to say no with the angel’s body grinding sweetly into his. Inhaling his fresh bubbly scent of lilac. It was almost enough to push him over the edge. “By this time tomorrow, the whole thing will be forgotten.”

            Sam caught the angel’s cheeks in his palms and pulled him into a harsh kiss. Gabriel moaned with relief as he relaxed his lips along the hunter’s. He yanked Gabriel up into his arms, and the angel instantly followed coiling his legs around his waist as Sam switched his grip to clutch the angel’s thighs. They stayed that way for a while. Completely and totally connected in the quiet if it weren’t for the sound of heavy breathing and lips smacking. Of course they both wanted to be more connected and fill the house with the sounds of sex.

            Sam dropped Gabriel down on his bed, and that’s when it all hit him. The realization that _shit this is actually happening_. His eyes raked over the angel. Laid back on his bed with his hair fanning out over the covers. His eyes closed with a soft smile tugging on his swollen lips. Sam could’ve done it-god, he wanted to do it, but his mind just kept replaying Gabriel’s words. _“By this time tomorrow, the whole thing will be forgotten.”_ Gazing down at the gorgeous angel spread out across his bed just asking for it, knowing their history and their friendship, Sam knew it was a lie. He was going to remember this. Gabriel wasn’t just some night stand he never had to see again. He was an actual human (give or take) that Sam really cared about. _How will we go back to being normal? This could ruin everything._

            “No.” Sam shook his head to affirm his point, and Gabriel’s eyes flashed open. He sat up tilting his head to the side in utter confusion.

            “No?”

            “We shouldn’t be doing this when we don’t even have control over ourselves. We live together. Cas and Dean are already having problems, I don’t want to bring anymore tension into this house.” Sam tried to ignore the hurt that fell over the angel’s face, but it was practically impossible not to see the disappointment in his eyes. He sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. “I’m sorry.”

            “It’s fine,” Gabriel said feigning casualness. “I’ll guess I’ll just be doing this by myself.” Sam’s eyes went wide as Gabriel slipped his hand into his boxers _. Is he seriously just going to jerk off right in front of me?_ Sam watched in awe as Gabriel touched himself under the fabric. He shouldn’t have stared-he should’ve done something about it, but Sam was entranced. The angel’s eyes fluttered close, and he tilted his head back. He parted his lips, and a breathy moan slipped from his mouth. That’s when Sam was done. He snatched Gabriel’s wrist, and the angel’s eyes flashed open to look at him.

            “Stop,” Sam said.

            “Why?” Gabriel smirked up at him, and Sam was losing it. The low lighting flickering across his eyes, his lips red and puffy from before and the pronounced outline of his cock around the thin shorts. Sam couldn’t see a world where he could say no to this, because his whole body was screaming hell yes. “You jealous?”

            With those words, Sam pounced on Gabriel rolling him back on to the bed and pinning his wrists together over his head. Gabriel’s yelp of surprise fell into a long moan as Sam sucked on his neck drawing splotches of red and purple up and down his collar bone.

            “Sa-am.” His voice trembled with the hunter’s lips on his, with his body hunched over him, with his knee parting Gabriel’s legs. _Fuck_ , Gabriel could was barely coherent. “Clothes. Off. Now.”

            “Yeah.” Sam released Gabriel so they could take off their shirts. He ripped off Gabriel’s boxers in one swift motion sending chills down the angel’s spine. For a moment, Sam just admired the naked angel beneath him. His pale skin illuminating in the dim light and his hard cock pulsating in the air. He could’ve stayed there for a while, maybe another time he would’ve- tracing his hands over his chest, the swell of his stomach, the curve of his hips, but there was something primal in him that wanted to go fast. That wanted to get inside the angel as quickly as possible. He slipped off his sweat pants, and then his briefs. Gabriel moaned at the sight, the nude body of the hunter he had seen only hours ago, but now… It felt so real.

            “So you want me to…?” Gabriel started to flip over onto his knees, but Sam yanked his leg out from under him, and Gabriel fell back onto his back.

            “No, I want to watch you get fucked.” Gabriel laughed a little.

            “Well, I’m sure there could’ve been a sexier way to- agh!” He broke off into a sharp cry as Sam pushed his knees up and forced himself into the angel.

            “Holy fuck,” Sam whispered. He had dreamt of this moment for so long, and now he was feeling it. The angel’s warm hole stretched over his cock. He couldn’t remember feeling so much pleasure all at once. He closed his eyes just savoring the intense heat around him. He snapped his eyes open hearing Gabriel’s soft whimpers. Sam dropped out of his high when he saw the pain pinching Gabriel’s eyes shut and gritting his teeth. _Oh, fuck_. Sam remembered he hadn’t used a condom, he hadn’t used lube, he hadn’t prepped him at all. _How did I forget?_ He wasn’t the type to just bareback it.

            “Oh, god- oh shit um… I’m sorry, I’ll…” He started to pull out slowly, but Gabriel latched on to him sinking his nails into his back.

            “Don’t! I just need… a second.” Sam nodded as the angel took deep breaths. Gabriel never needed condoms or lube before. As an angel that stuff just came naturally. He never had to worry about STD’s or unwanted pregnancies or things being too dry or too tight or _too big_. Now he was truly feeling the pure human sting of sex, and _fuck_ it burned, but there was something enticing about it. The rawness of real sex without the use of his powers. _Maybe there are some perks to humanity_. A minute or two passed and Gabriel’s muscles relaxed around the hunter’s cock. He sighed feeling Sam’s pre cum wet the area. “Okay. I’m good.”

            “You sure?”

            “Sam, just please fuck me already.” Sam didn’t have to be told twice. He started off slow testing the waters making sure his angel wasn’t hurt, but Gabriel was growing impatient. “Come on, Sam, harder.”

            “Just let me know if I’m hurting you.” Gabriel nodded. Sam planted his hands in the covers and went to work. He pulled out quickly then slammed his dick back in earning a loud scream of pleasure from the angel. Encouraged by the needy fingers tugging on his hair, Sam fucked him harder. He went at it until he was sweating, and Gabriel was trembling beneath him. They moaned and screamed shamelessly filling the bunker with their lust. “Oh fuck, oh fuck, yes!”

            Something shifted as they each climbed to their highs. Sam wondered if Gabriel could feel it too. Under the heat and sweat, Sam felt a new cool sensation pooling within him. It was odd-unnatural, but had an allure he couldn’t resist. This feeling of being healed from the inside out. It slowed down the world into this cocoon of safety, like nothing else could go wrong as long as he was between Gabriel’s thighs. Sam had never felt anything like it during sex. _Is this what Gabriel’s grace feels like?_

            Gabriel felt the familiar power of the human soul connecting with his body. He must have still had enough angel him to sense the intense heat exploding within him. It stretched out through his veins like fireworks blooming this sweet energy. There was nothing not special about touching a human soul and during intercourse _… fuck_. Gabriel sighed feeling his grace flourish with new energy.

            Sam’s eyes went wide as he noticed little sparks of light pluming under the angel’s skin. He didn’t ask not wanting to spoil the mood but whatever it was, Gabriel seemed to be enjoying it. Golden light flourished a wholly glow under his cheeks as he broke off into a warm smile. _Wow_ Sam thought. _He’s so beautiful_. Sam picked up his pace watching curiously as the light glowed brighter as Gabriel came closer and closer to his high.

            “Sa-am,” he whispered shakily. “I-” Sam cut him off dropping down to catch the angel’s lips in his. He kissed him softer than before losing the wild animalistic behavior that propelled him to rush everything. He held the angel’s hand against the bed, holding him in every sense until Gabriel came. He moaned as he fell down from his high, and Sam continued to kiss around lips savoring every taste of the archangel. He thrusted his dick into the angel a few more times before cumming himself. Gabriel moaned as the warm sticky cum shot into him. Sam panted as he went over the edge exhausted just trying to keep himself from collapsing on top of Gabriel like a dead fish. He came back down, pulled out and slumped over to the other side of the bed. The waited for a few moments covered in their own mess breathing heavy. Sam finally decided to say something, but when he spoke his brain refused to make sense.

            “So that was um… That was…”

            “Amazing,” Gabriel finished for him. Sam smiled and rolled over on to his side to look at his angel.

            “Yeah.” He loved the postcoital glow left on his angel’s face. Sure, the supernatural bright lights had left his skin back to their natural pale, but Sam couldn’t have found him more beautiful. The hickies starting to bruise into a deep purple painting his skin like a work of art, his hair rustled from all the action and the giddy grin that crinkled his whiskey eyes. _Fuck_ , he thought. _I’ve got it bad_. “I’ve never had sex with an archangel before, let alone an angel,” he said trying to make normal conversation in an abnormal situation.

            “So, did it live up to all the hype?” Gabriel asked with a raised eyebrow.

            “Hell yeah.” Gabriel blushed, and Sam knew he was helpless, losing himself in the angel’s rosy cheeks. He was happy it happened, but a little inch of doubt was creeping up from the back of him knowing he had opened a box he could never close. _What have I done?_

            “You know I’ve never had sex with a…” Gabriel scanned through his mind and instantly regretted the statement. He’d had sex before with a human and a hunter and a brunette. “With a…” He’d done someone over six feet tall and he’d done a man to hell and back. “With a…”

            “Just stop,” Sam said flipping over onto his other side facing away from the angel. He turned out the lights and crawled under the covers. “You’re only digging yourself a hole.”

            “Hang on, I’m thinking!” Gabriel insisted. Sam snorted but said nothing. Gabriel racked his brain for an identity he had never had sex with. “I’ve never had sex with someone who saved the world.” His words were met with silence, and Gabriel snuggled under the covers assuming the hunter had fallen asleep, but he hadn’t.

            He stared out at nothing but the dark listening to Gabriel’s breathing until it slowed to sleep. Sam stayed up for a while analyzing the new feeling that bubbled in his chest. He didn’t want to put a name to it, or it would be real and he would have to deal with it. He cared for Gabriel whether it was their friendship or the Mate’s Desire, but this was different. Something he hadn’t felt for anyone in a long time. Back when he still had hope for a normal life. Hope is a scary thing, especially when it’s been taken away from you over and over again. Sam knew the seeds of love were planted in him when his heart quickened at the archangel’s smile, and he knew he was never getting out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit of a mess, smut isn't really my forte, but I hoped you guys at least had fun reading my attempts.


	31. Baby, There's a Shark in the Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really reallyyyyy late, and I am so sorry. I can't wait until summer, and I'll have more time to work on this. Enjoy!

            Sam wished he could say it was the last time; he said that last time and the last time _and_ the last time until it became a past time. They eventually worked out a rhythm of maintaining a casual friendship while fucking each other senseless. Still, Sam couldn’t deny the awkwardness of the morning after the first time it happened.

            Sam woke the next morning alone in his bed, groggy and reeking with the stench of sex. It was all too familiar. All the remnants of a one night stand, only this time the glorious scent of pancakes wafted into his room.

            He followed the scent to the kitchen to find Gabriel all dressed and cleaned up eating pancakes with Raguel sleeping at his heels.

            “Hey.” Gabriel glanced up from smothering his stack of pancakes in syrup.

            “Hey.” A few beats of silence passed between them, locked together in a stare and Sam couldn’t figure out what to say. Should he bring up last night? _Or are we just going to pretend it didn’t happen?_

            “Did you make pancakes?” Sam finally asked confused by the sudden shift in the angel’s breakfast patterns from the consistency of toast to pancakes and by the fact that Gabriel was actually able to make something more complex than toast and bagels.

            “Yeah. You want some?” He gestured over to the counter at the tall stack of pancakes.

            “Thanks,” he muttered taking three of the half a dozen pancakes left. He set his plate down on the table across from the archangel. He ate slowly, his body still half asleep. “What time is it?”

            “Like two.” Sam almost choked on his pancakes.

            “You mean like in the afternoon?” he sputtered. Gabriel laughed.

            “Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”

            “God.” He ran his hands through his hair smoothing out his bedhead. They were up pretty late last night he had to admit, but Sam never slept in past eleven. He counted up the hours and realized he had slept for nine whole hours. Sam racked his brain trying to think of the last time he actually got a healthy amount of sleep. “I don’t think I’ve ever slept in this late.”

            “I wouldn’t be surprised, you had a pretty intense workout last night.” Sam looked up at him with wide eyes, and Gabriel smiled weakly hoping his attempt to break the tension wasn’t too forward.

            “About last night…” Gabriel winced anxious as to what the hunter could say. _Is he upset? Does he regret what happened?_ “I was thinking maybe we could um… we could try and maybe… uh… do that um…”

            “Again?” Gabriel attempted to finish for him. Sam nodded enthusiastically, and Gabriel’s uncertainty flipped into a smile. “Sure.”

            “Maybe some time like…?”

            “Right now?”

            “I’ll get the stuff,” Sam said already rising up from his seat.

            “I’ll clear the table.” Sam returned with lube to find Gabriel already half naked sitting on the kitchen table. There was a silent mutual understanding that they weren’t going to go all the way to the bedroom. He fucked the angel right there on the edge of the table, and that was that.

            For the next two days it became routine. Sam would wake up, go to Gabriel’s room, fuck him and they’d get on with their days. If Raguel was walked and they had time to kill, they would do it again. They went at it non-stop without conscious. Everything from quick blow jobs on the stairs in the middle of the day to long nights laid up with slow sensual intercourse. Sam tried not to think about it too much. He liked having that kind of _accessibility_ to Gabriel, but sometimes he did dream of being more than just a pair of fuck buddies. He didn’t mention this to Gabriel because the archangel seemed content with their new relationship. There was no cuddling afterwards or kissing without the intention of having sex later. They were strictly platonic friends outside the bedroom or couch or kitchen table or whatever place they had in mind. Sam never realized how much they took advantage of the empty home until Saturday afternoon…

            It had been six days since Dean and Cas left, and Sam was all but throwing the archangel onto the long table in the library. Gabriel latched on to him like a koala with his legs curled around his waist and his lips sucking on the hunter’s neck as he undid his flannel.

            “I’m starting to think you have a thing for tables,” Sam said shrugging off his shirt.

            “The bed is too far away, and besides this is more fun.” Gabriel whined as Sam pulled away to pull his under shirt off over his head. Sam leaned down to meet Gabriel in a warm heavy kiss all the while sliding off the angel’s pants.

            “You know, I could just carry you to bed; I know how you like that.” Sam voice dropped down to whisper.

            “Maybe another time. I want you to fuck me _right now_.” Sam yanked Gabriel’s hair tilting his head back to nip at the exposed skin on his neck.

            “So needy.”

            “Shut up.” Gabriel batted him lightly on the head. “And take your pants off.”

            “As you wish,” he said unzipping his jeans. He let his pants remain at his ankles too distracted by Gabriel sitting up to grab and kiss at him. Sam caught him by the shoulders and forced Gabriel back down on the table. “Stay down, or I’ll make you.”

            “Oh no, I’m _so_ scared. Please don’t tie me up or anything, no!” Sam tilted his head confused at first, but then a sly grin took over his face.

            “You’d like that wouldn’t you?” A hot blush crept over the archangel’s cheeks.

            “Well…”

            “You want me tie you up and make you my little bitch?” Gabriel squeezed his eyes shut and moaned at the idea. Sam smiled at the reaction and pressed on. “You want me to pin you down and fuck you while you’re completely helpless. You want to be powerless, succumbing to my every whim, begging for mercy while I fuck you. I’m gonna hold you down and do whatever I want, and you won’t be able to do anything about it.” Sam leaned down and kissed along the angel’s chest smiling as felt Gabriel trembling beneath him.

            “S-Sam.” Gabriel just barely managed to get out the plea.

            “Remind me to use rope next time.” Despite Gabriel’s whines of protests, Sam pulled away to get the mini bottle of lube set aside on the table. He squeezed out a good helping on his hand and rubbed it on his dick shivering at the cold fluid. Because of the frequency of their _lube required activities_ , Sam started carrying little bottles with him everywhere. You never know when a horny archangel is going to attack you at four o’clock in the middle of the library.

            So Sam anchored himself to the angel, grasping onto his hips then forced himself inside—Sam closed his eyes and hummed taking in the feeling. They could’ve done it a thousand times, and he would still be overwhelmed by the feeling of the archangel surrounding him.

            Gabriel tapped on the hunter’s hips, an impatient reminder that Sam had come accustom to, meaning Gabriel wanted him to pick up the pace. So he went to work at pleasing his angel as long as he could, until he heard the click of the front door opening above them. The two men froze stunned by the new voices that wafted through the bunker. Sam looked down at Gabriel’s round eyes. _Shit_.

            “What the hell?”

***

 

~A few days earlier, Nebraska~

            Dean knocked on the door to Cas’ hotel room for probably the third time.

            “Come on, Cas! How long does it take to get ready?” It had only been about three minutes, but it felt like years to the hunter. Cas wasn’t the one to spend actual time on getting dressed or doing his hair—that was Sam’s thing. _What’s taking him so long?_

            They had agreed to hang out after everything with Vehuel like old times after finishing up a hunt the two would spend a few days around the town, and Dean couldn’t have been more nervous. Sure, it was his husband, his best friend, he could tell him anything, but the idea of hanging out together dropped a pound of lead into the pit of his stomach. Things had gotten increasingly better since the incident, but nothing was fixed. All Dean got from the previous night was that Cas thought he didn’t love him, and with the rose held carefully behind his back Dean was determined to change that.

            The door opened, and Dean’s mouth fell open. The angel had ditched his trench coat and suit, for a black and red plaid shirt tucked into blue jeans. His normally messy hair was smoothed back in a neat quaff. Dean recognized the outfit as some of the clothes he’d given Cas years ago when he turned human and the sharp scent of the cologne Sam had given him last Christmas. He was most fixated on the triangle of skin the angel exposed with a few buttons undone on the shirt. He looked like the gay cowboy Dean always dreamed of.

            “Um… hair uh… clothes… uh different?” Dean blushed as the words fell clumsily from his mouth. A small smile played on Castiel’s lips. It had been awhile since the angel left the hunter so dumbstruck. Cas shrugged as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

            “You and Sam are always saying I should ‘loosen up’ my wardrobe, so this is me ‘loosening up’,” he said using excessive air quotes around ‘loosen up’. Dean checked him out not so discretely and nodded.

            “You look good, so Cas I uh-”

            “Dean, I know this is weird just with everything, but can we not make this into some sort of date or anything. Let’s not try to fix us. Can we just as you humans say ‘hang out’?” Dean forced a casual smile twirling the rose behind his back. _Well I’m not the one who got all dressed up for ‘hanging out’._

            “Yeah, sure just uh… hang on a second.” Dean backed up awkwardly into his room and dropped the rose in the trash. He returned to see the angel fiddling with buttons on the cuff of his shirt.

            “Ready?”

            “Ready.” They drove off in the pimpmobile, after Cas went over the list of places he wanted to visit. Dean looked through it commenting “Really? Did you get this from the top ten tourist attractions in Nebraska?” And that was the last of conversation for the ride. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence but a careful one, as if the two were afraid of saying something that would cause an argument. So Cas just focused on the road and his thoughts. He just wanted to have a good time. He wanted to push all the hurt to the back of his mind, and remember the old days before their relationship had gone to hell. He wanted to go back to the days when the term boyfriends was just thrown around by their enemies. When Dean would wrap a hand around his shoulders as walked out of a bar laughing exclaiming, “Man, I don’t think I’ve ever had this much fun.” The past wasn’t forgotten, and Cas didn’t know where he wanted to go with Dean in their relationship, but he knew he was tired of being sad and angry. He just wanted to pretend his whole world hadn’t fallen apart. Castiel had fucked up a lot of things in his life, and his self-worth had dropped to almost nothing but somewhere in his heart he knew _I deserve something that makes me happy_.

            Dean couldn’t think of the fate of their relationship or the impending mess of dealing with Michael and Lucifer. He was too busy stealing glances at the angel beside him. The soft shiny dark quiff of hair. It wasn’t his usual messy style, but there was an odd allure to it. Maybe because it was different _insanely different_ he thought. From the strong empowered angel to a clean cut adorable boy next door. They were both equally arousing, but the change was nice.

            They drove in silence for the next forty minutes until they got to the destination Cas insisted on seeing. Dean wanted to play music, but when he reached for the cassette player, he couldn’t find the Led Zeppelin tape he’d given Cas years ago. It stung a little lodging a tight ball of pain in the back of his throat, but he said nothing. _Maybe he just misplaced it_ Dean thought, but it was only wishful thinking. He didn’t want to believe that Cas threw out the gift to spite him. He wouldn’t. So he pushed the new prickles of pain to the back of his mind, and swallowed around the tension bubbling in his throat. He forced a smile and walked up to the ticket stand with the angel who used to be his.

            “I can’t believe you took me to a goddamn aquarium,” Dean said stepping through the gates. “I feel like I’m on a second grade field trip.” He complained, but there was no real malice to it. He was smiling because there were walls of _freaking_ fish and dolphins and turtles surrounding them. They walked through the aquarium in silent awe. Dean noticed that Cas kept close to him, shoulders bumping, and he had the urge to take the angel’s hand in his, but he didn’t.

            They stopped by one of the tanks just admiring the vastness of the variety of fish. Dean couldn’t shake off the childish wonder that filled him just from watching an angel fish swim lazily across the tank. He couldn’t remember the last time John took Sam and him to a zoo or an aquarium. Hell, he didn’t think his dad ever took them to see something like this.

            Dean looked over to the angel wondering if he was seeing the sparkling blue fish with bright pink fins and almost laughed. There were other people wandering around about, families, dates and school kids, but Cas didn’t seem to mind. Palms glued to the tank, nose pushed up against the glass, jaw hung open, his round blue eyes reflecting the shimmering of the water. He looked like an idiot, and Dean felt like he was falling for him all over again.

            “Having fun there?” Cas glanced back at him unabashedly.

            “I’ve never seen so many…” He paused for a moment, gaze flickering back to the wall of fish before them. “Colors.”

            “Can I ask you something?”

            “You just did,” Cas said with a small smirk, and Dean recognized the dorky response he picked up probably from Sam.

            “Can I ask you _another_ question?”

            “Sure.”

            “So you can understand pretty much any language in the world, right?” Castiel nodded.

            “Yeah.”

            “So can you like understand other animals? Could you talk to them if you wanted to?” Cas smiled at the innocence of the question. It reminded him of some of the things Dean would say back when they had first met each other, and the whole ordeal of angels were still new to him.

            “I can’t communicate with animals because they don’t really have a formal language, but I can feel certain things from them.”

            “Like what?” Castiel shrugged.

            “Needs, feelings, maybe thoughts if their brains are complex enough.”

            “Huh.” Dean pointed at the clownfish slowly inching across the tank. “What’s that one thinking—or feeling or whatever?” Cas closed his eyes for a minute reaching his grace out to the tank. The blue pools reappeared, and he yawned.

            “He is very tired. He’s practically asleep.” Dean broke into a wide grin.

            “Really? That’s awesome. Hey, look!” The hunter caught the angel by his hand out of habit guiding Cas to the other side of the aquarium. Dean didn’t seem to notice, and Cas didn’t seem intent on pulling away, smiling a little at the familiar touch. They walked through the masses of people around the pools of pretty fish displayed perfectly for the children who want to lean over and gain a closer look. Dean stopped at the biggest tank, but ironically it was the least inhabited. “What’s that one thinking?”

            Cas had to crane his neck to see the massive creature swimming gracefully around his territory. His eyes widened at the tiger shark before them. It stood out sharply against the blue water with its grey half lightly spotted on the back and white vibrant belly. The teeth jutting out from his jaw were daunting, and the eyes seemed to peer out at the crowd of people. It drifted about going in a continuous circle lazily flicking its broad tail back and forth. Castiel was losing himself in the way the powerful fins cut through the water when he remembered Dean’s question.

            “He’s very… hungry. He knows feeding time is close.” And if on que, a bucket of pink chum was dumped into the tank. Dean could’ve sworn if the shark had ears, they would’ve went straight up. There was a collective gasp from the audience as the shark snapped around and darted to the raw meat. He chomped hard on the chum floating before him, with a ferocity that sent chills down the hunter’s spine.

            “Whoa,” Dean and Cas said simultaneously. Strangely, Dean thought it was beautiful. Maybe it was the years of hacking heads off monsters, or maybe it was the hundreds of atrocious corpses and murders, he’d witness over the years, but there was a simple elegance to watching the shark feed. The celerity of his motion thrashing around to get every last bite of food, stirring up bubbles that were almost sparkling with the light shining through the water.

            Cas had given up his interest in the tiger shark minutes ago, taking interest in the freckled man beside him. He watched Dean’s face spiked with amazement. His mouth open in a wide smile drawing laugh lines down his jaw, and the way his eyes crinkled as if he were laughing. He hadn’t seen the human so at peace, so purely happy without a drink or the end of the world hanging over his head. _He looks so_ … Cas tilted his head smiling a little. _So undoubtedly human._

            Dean looked to Cas, face relaxing a bit but the smile never faltering. The angel blushed taken back at being caught staring. He looked down, away from the sweet green eyes and saw that their hands were still entwined. Cas hadn’t even realized they had been holding hands all that time. Old habits die hard. He pulled his hand away, heat rising up through his neck and cheeks, stepping backwards stammering—

            “Er—sorry, I didn’t—” Cas froze as he bumped into a smaller human. He heard a soft splash and the shriek of a young girl.

            “Mrs. Purple!” He whipped around to the voice and, to his dismay, there was tiny girl barely five years old hovering over the tank of sting rays where an unfortunate purple doll sat at the bottom of the pool. The little girl glared up the angel with wide blue eyes. A few tears started to slip down her cheeks, and sniffle crinkled her button nose. That’s when Cas started to panic.

            “No, no, please don’t cry, I’m s—” Before he could finish, she was wailing at the top of her lungs easily drawing the attention of the entire aquarium, particularly a woman standing a few feet away wearing a horrific scowl that Cas assumed to be the mother by her matching dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. He didn’t know what to do! The crowd of people gawking him like he was a child abuser, the mother red in the face looking like she was about to go ballistic and the doll decked in a purple gown gazing up at him with black button eyes. He’d faced armies of angels with less fear.

            “What’s going on?” Dean kneeled down to the little girl’s height calm and collected, oblivious to Cas two seconds away from a panic attack. The little girl wiped sloppily at her runny nose.

            “He-he-he knocked Mrs. Purple into the water.” She pointed to the little pool, and Dean peered into the tank wincing slightly at the three stingrays swimming around. He returned to the little girl with a smile that even Cas could believe.

            “Hey, what’s your name?”

            “Ellie,” she said fiddling with one of her braids.

            “Okay, Ellie, I’m gonna get Mrs. Purple out of there in no time.” Ellie watched him expectedly lips pursed, but at least the screaming stopped.

            “Promise?” She said holding up her tiny pinky. Dean wrapped his pinky around hers.

            “I promise.” Ellie seemed to find solace in that pulling a small smile as she rubbed her eyes with her sleeve. Dean turned his attention to the stingray tank rolling up his sleeve. He stopped hallway to the water when a familiar hand found his shoulder. He looked up to his angel eyes round and concerned.

            “Are you sure this is safe?” Dean shrugged, but Cas could sense the little waves of fear radiating off him.

            “I’ve handled worse. I think I’ll be fine.” Dean took a deep breath and dipped his hand into the water. It was surprisingly cold, and he probably would’ve complained about if it weren’t for the freaking stingrays floating around. He should’ve been able to grab the doll in five seconds flat, if it weren’t for the _freaking_ stingrays swimming around his hand ready to shock or poison or kill _or whatever those things do_. He froze for a moment as one of the longer stingrays glided past just inches from his hand. He held his breath, fingers curled into Mrs. Purple’s stringy hair just waiting for the damn thing to zap him already. Finally it swam to the other side, and Dean practically yanked the doll out of the water. Ellie admired Mrs. Purple’s condition skeptically.

            “She’s all wet,” she said lip trembling slightly.

            “Hey, that’s okay! Mrs. Purple just went for a little swim.” He held up the cotton doll over the tank giving her a gentle squeeze to ooze out the water. “Now we just need a few towels.” He reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out a few folded tissues. He wrapped at least a dozen around Mrs. Purple’s skinny limp figure.

            There are many wonders of an aquarium Cas thought. The thousands of colors of fish like specks of rainbows, the sea turtles and manatees so graceful, and the magnificent savagery of the tiger shark, but nothing could compare to watching Dean’s paternal side come out. The way he wrapped the tissues around the doll’s wet body so carefully as if it were a real human baby. Watching the tenderness in his green eyes, Cas couldn’t help but wonder _did he ever want kids with me?_ They had never really discussed the idea of kids, only the methods to preventing them. Cas figured it was a no brainer. Hunter life= no kids. But since Gabriel and Sam’s ordeal, he wondered or maybe a teeny tiny part of his mind hoped that Dean would want the same.

            “There you go,” Dean said handing off a burrito wrapped Mrs. Purple. Ellie took the doll elatedly bringing her in for a close hug. She squealed delightedly, and the mother smiled.

            “Thank you!” Ellie took her mother’s hand and wandered off to another section of the aquarium. Dean turned back to Cas chuckling lightly to himself.

            “I hope that thing’s machine washable.” Cas wanted to say so much. He wanted to point out the hunter’s natural ability to deal with kids. He wanted to ask if he ever wanted some of his own, but the words never found his mouth.

            “You carry _all_ those tissues around?” was the only thing he could think to say. Dean shrugged stuffing his hands into his pockets a little sheepish.

            “Sam used to have bad allergies, I guess it’s just a habit now.” They made a few more rounds around the aquarium, laughing a little each time they passed the sting ray tank. They left once the crowed had dwindled down to only a few stragglers and the sun had set. He let Dean drive them back to the hotel. He didn’t need it, but the angel let himself relax, pressed up against the window gazing up at the stars, he started to drift off to sleep.

            Dean was tempted to search for a tape to play some music then he heard the steady breathing of the angel beside him. The street and stop lights scattered flashes of light across the car illuminating Cas’ skin for a few beats then quickly flickering back to black. He was all curled up in the seat, knees pulled up arms held close at his chest, lips just barely parted blowing little puffs of air on the glass. Somewhere throughout the day, his hair had lost the artificial sharpness of the quaff, flopping back down into a ruffled mess on his forehead. Dean kept one hand on the wheel and the other reached for his jacket he had discarded over the floor. He threw it over the sleeping angel and drove in silence for the rest of the way, minus Castiel’s slow heavy breathing.

***

 

            Cas woke to a gentle hand on his shoulder. He sat up, stretched and noticed the dark jacket thrown over him. He didn’t need the light to know it was Dean’s, only the familiar scent of gunpowder.

            “Hey, we’re here.” Dean didn’t want to wake him up because he just looks so adorable, but he there was no way in hell he was just going to leave him asleep in the car in a town he didn’t know and parking lot he definitely didn’t trust. Cas grunted as he climbed out the pimpmobile wearing the jacket around his shoulders. He was immune to the feelings drowsiness, but that didn’t mean his vessel didn’t feel groggy and confused.

            They got to their rooms, exchanging quick goodnights. Cas tried his card on the lock at least three times, each time earning an angry little red light. Annoyed and in the mood of not really giving a fuck, he stuffed the card in his pocket and forced it open with his superior strength. He turned around to close the door to see Dean standing in the doorway looking a little bewildered and amused, arms crossed smiling tightly like he was trying to hold back a laugh.

            “Hey, Cas.”

            “Yeah?”

            “This is _my_ room.” Cas sighed slapping a hand to his forehead feeling like an idiot. _Well, that’s why the key didn’t work_.

            “You’re right. My apologies.” Dean stepped to the side letting Cas walk out the room, but something in the trash bin beside the door caught the angel’s eye. Castiel bent down to pick it up, and Dean’s heart started to race. Cas came up with the rose holding it by the stem carefully pinched between his two fingers. Dean chewed on his bottom lip watching for his reaction, but Cas didn’t say anything. He just stared at the flower as if he were inspecting it, face void of emotions.

            “This is a rose,” Cas said finally. He wasn’t too savvy on human culture, just about anyone in the galaxy knew that, but even he could recognize the connotation of the simple flower.

            “Yep.” Dean swallowed around the dry lump in his throat.

            “Are you seeing someone?”

            “What? No! No, I wouldn’t—I’m not—I got that for you, Cas,” he managed to stutter out. Cas eyed the rose a little more peculiarly, almost in disbelief. Dean had never gotten him a flower let alone a rose. The gesture was so unwonted, Cas didn’t think he bought it, then he remembered that he found the rose in the trash. _Now that sounds like Dean_. “I didn’t want to—I thought you—I’m not very good at this.” Cas could agree with that, but… His face flushed red, hands deep in his jean pockets, flustered and stumbling with every word. Cas knew Dean was trying, and that brought a warm smile to his face.

            “Hey.” Cas stepped a little closer closing what little space they had between them. He could’ve hugged him, fuck he could’ve kissed him, but Cas kept to himself cradling the rose in both hands. “If we can ever go back to the way we are, I want things to be different. I don’t want us to be a secret anymore.” He wanted more of _this_. Going out on dates without constantly worrying and lying to Sam. He wanted trinkets of love they could give to each other without hiding them away from the world. He wanted something that felt real inside and out. Before Dean could let the words leave his mouth, Cas raised an accusatory finger in his face. “And don’t give me the whole “our enemies will use this against us” crap. They’ve been doing that to us, and it’s probably never going to stop until the day we die.”

            “I told Sam,” Dean said quietly. Castiel’s expression softened into a tiny smile.

            “You did?” Dean nodded.

            “Yep, and Gabe, but he already knew.”

            “How did he react?”

            “Surprised really, really surprised.” Dean laughed a little shaking his head at the memory. “He thought I was joking with him at first, but then he came around.”

            “Thank you, I know that was hard for you.” Dean shrugged.

            “He needed to know.” Cas didn’t really know what to say. Hell, he didn’t even want to say anything. He just wanted to drop the rose and throw his arms around Dean’s shoulders. Kiss him until he was gasping for breath.

            “Do you want to hang out again tomorrow?” he asked twirling the rose around in his fingers.

            “Yeah, I’ll text Sam and tell him we’ll be another day.”

            “Great. Well um… goodnight,” Cas said heading for the door.

            “G’night!” Cas stopped hand outstretched to the knob, not really wanting to leave just yet. He turned around to face the hunter staring at him with his head tilted, confused.

            “Why didn’t you stop me from breaking the door open?” Dean smirked.

            “I dunno, I kind of just wanted to see what would happen.” Cas shook his head, disapproving but he couldn’t fight the smile that tugged on his lips.

            “I don’t think the hotel manager will appreciate that answer.” That got a laugh out of the hunter. The same way he always laughed at the angel’s bluntness. Chin tilted up, and hips leaning forward as if the action took the strength out of him. Cas smiled as his hunter. _My hunter._

            “Goodnight, Dean,” he said this time actually opening the door.

            “G’night, Cas.” The angel shut the door behind him ignoring the little part of him that was just begging to spend the night in Dean’s bed.


	32. That Would Be Enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys this took way too long :( AP exams are killing me.

~Kansas, four years ago~

            Cas didn’t think he’d seen the hunter look more horrified. His jaw hung open, and his green eyes swelled with panic. He’d seen Dean fight ghosts, vampires and werewolves with a smile. He’d seen him tackle demons and angels with the same sarcastic charm. Hell, he’d seen him go head to head with the devil with enough laughter to hide his fear. Cas had never seen him like this.

            Dean reached up to touch his lips as if he were in disbelief. They were still slightly wet from the brief contact. _This did not just_ _happen—how did this happen? Why did I do that?_ His mind was swimming in fire. Cursing and asking himself. He licked his lips, breath hitching at the new taste. _Cas_ he thought. _My lips taste like Cas_.

            “Um I uh—”

            “You kissed me,” Cas said blankly. Dean didn’t know what had come over him. They were just lying on the pull out couch watching the few channels the motel had to offer. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing they hadn’t done a thousand times, but something was off that night. The hunter wasn’t watching the TV so much, but gazing at the way the dim light hit his angel’s face. The way his eyes always found a way to glitter like pools of water. The wisps of night hair that spiked out in all directions. Dean had let Cas borrow some clothes as pajamas, and he had been regretting that decision the whole night. The tight grey t-shirt outlining the angel’s pecks, had the hunter fidgeting in his sweat pants all night. Maybe he had too much to drink that night, or maybe he was just horny out of his mind, but something told him to lean over and kiss the angel lying next to him. His senses hit him the seconds their lips touched, and he jerked back, mortified.

            “You kissed me,” Cas restated trying to figure out the gesture. He’d seen it done thousands of times in the shows Dean and he would watch, but he never imagined it would happen between them. He liked it. The warm softness of the hunter’s plump lips. He wanted to feel it again.

            “Oh, god—I know, let’s just—” He froze as the angel kissed him again. It was long, but harmless. Lips timid and still against one another. Cas smiled into the kiss before pulling away. His brows pinched together in a frown when he saw Dean’s expression. The hunter was frozen aside from the rapid rising and falling of his chest. Dean couldn’t think over the busy pounding of his heart. The kiss set something in motion, something that almost brought a smile to his face. Almost. If it weren’t for the fear and guilt that hurled into him. It was sharp and throbbing like a wound he couldn’t see. Dean sat up gasping for breath.

            “Dean, are you alright?” Dean shook his head sighing.

            “Why did you do that?” Cas sat up to look at the hunter a little confused at the question.

            “I just thought it was the right thing to do.” Dean laughed bitterly bringing his hand up to his mouth to bite furiously at his nails. Cas eyed the hunter carefully, noting his erratic breathing and quickened heartrate. “What’s wrong?”

            “What’s wrong?” he snapped. “Where do I start?” Unbeknownst to normal human fears and concerns, Cas raised his eyebrows completely puzzled by his mood.

            “Dean, it’s okay.” He rested his hand on Dean’s shoulder, the same calming gesture struck a nerve on the hunter. He stood up and walked over to the other side of the room. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed carefully over the thumping of his heart.

            “No, no, no, no, no, no. _No_. This is not okay. God, this is anything but okay.” Cas walked over him to a little agitated by his reaction.

            “Then what’s wrong?” Dean hoped to god, the angel wouldn’t come any closer. He felt trapped between the wall and Cas’ sharp blue eyes. His lungs were working over-time, his breathing felt strangled. He coughed on all the emotions that were starting to bubble over. He could almost hear it—the little voice he’d suppressed for years. The voice that told him that maybe _just maybe_ he deserved something better. Maybe he didn’t deserve to fill the holes in his hearts with sloppy one night stands and Asian porn. Maybe he deserved something real and beautiful. _Like Cas_. Someone who cared about him, someone he could trust, someone who could force laughter out of him on the toughest days. The voice was screaming now— _“LET ME OUT! Let me have him! Let me have Cas! Please!”_ He wanted to cry, and scream and punch something all at once. He didn’t want the tiniest pinch of hope just to have yanked out beneath him. He didn’t want to feel the warm tingles of love, knowing that it was bound to fall apart. Nothing good came to guys like him, and if it did; it had to be some sort of trap or trick or fluke in the universe. He couldn’t trust anything outside of pain and regret. That was his normal, that was his _okay_. The world didn’t feel right, if he wasn’t waking up breathless from nightmares, if he wasn’t constantly sore from the bruises and cuts of fights, if he wasn’t laid up at night rethinking all the horrible things he’d done, beating himself up over and over. _This isn’t okay_ he thought shaking his head. The idea that he deserved someone like Cas to love him, it wasn’t natural. His world felt unbalanced, and he thought he was going to be sick.

            Dean palmed his eyes harshly, hiding from the demanding look of the angel.

            “Stop looking at me like that.” Cas moved in closer, his expression softening.

            “Dean…”

            “Shut up.” He tried to sound assertive but his voice came out weak cracking a little. Castiel carefully pulled his hands away from his face to reveal his eyes swollen, red and flushed with tears. Dean couldn’t help feeling anxious, scared even. The vulnerability had him on edge, like something was just going to kick him when he was already down enough.

            Cas frowned at the tears that escaped down Dean’s cheeks. Cas didn’t think he could remember a time, when he’d seen the human cry like that. It wasn’t like him. He was more of the type to yell and curse about his frustration. It was strange, and tugged on something he didn’t know he had. _Empathy?_ Maybe, but something deeper. The need to protect the human before him. He just wanted the tears to stop, he wanted Dean to smile, and laugh and crack jokes that Cas could never understand.

            “Dean,” he attempted to put his hand on the familiar shoulder. This time Dean didn’t push away. “Tell me what’s wrong.” _And I’ll fix it. I’ll kill it. I’ll end it so fast you won’t even have time to blink_ he thought, growing enraged at whatever would dare to make Dean cry. _Was it the kiss? Does he regret it?_

            Dean tried to speak but a choked ugly sob came out instead. He immediately brought his hands up to hide himself in embarrassment, but Cas was already there. Hands on his back guiding him into a gentle hug. Dean collapsed into the embrace, snuggling his face into the angel’s shoulder. Cas stroked his back up and down until the hunter’s sobs quieted down. Dean could say that the reason he didn’t want this was because the bad guys would find a way to use it against them or that maybe it would make things weird between the three of them or maybe he didn’t want to get too close to someone he could lose, but deep down he knew he didn’t deserve to have something this good no matter how bad he yearned for it _._ Dean pulled back a little sniffling and wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve, but the angel left his hand on the hunter’s side keeping him close.

            “I’m sorry about what I did,” Cas said. “If you would like me to, I could erase the memory to ease your pain.” Dean quickly shook his head almost offended by the offer.

            “No, Cas. I don’t want to forget what happened. I was just scared. That’s all.” Cas cocked his head to the side.

            “Scared to kiss me?”

            “I was scared,” his voce dropped down to a whisper trembling on his lips, “because I think I like you. Like _really_ like you.”

            “There’s no reason to be afraid. The feeling is requited.” Dean laughed a little at the angel’s simple stiff attitude towards something so big.

            “I’m glad, but I don’t think I deserve this.” Cas flashed back to the time the first time he saw the hunter. After the siege to rescue him from Hell, after he repaired him and restored his soul to earth. When they first really saw each other. Dean’s look of disbelief when Cas told him that angels had rescued him. _Dean never thought he deserved to be saved_. Always carrying that self-loathing around like it was another part of him. Cas could never see the need for it. No matter what the hunter did in Hell or on Earth, Cas couldn’t see a flaw in the righteous man. Maybe that’s why he fell. Maybe that’s why he risked it all for one human. He wasn’t perfect, but Cas thought he was.

            “You deserve to be happy Dean.” Cas laid his hand on the freckled cheek, sighing because he will never know how strong he is, how beautiful he is. “You deserve to be loved.”

            “I can’t agree with you, Cas.” The angel smiled weakly remembering a line from a movie Dean and he had watched recently.

            “Then let’s agree to disagree.” He cupped the other side of the hunter’s face and leaned in. Dean met the kiss a little more confidently, parting his lips and letting the angel’s tongue slip inside. He felt warmth spread across his body. It made him dizzy, but in a good way. Like the backseat of a roller coaster.

            Dean pulled back finally feeling the doubt inch into his mind.

            “We can’t tell Sam about this. We can’t tell him we kissed. We can’t tell anyone about what happened tonight.” Cas furrowed his brows confused at the request, _well more of an order_ he noted remembering the urgency in Dean’s voice. He didn’t understand why it had to be a secret. _Humans_ , sometimes it felt like he was speaking another language when it came to all their strange customs. He had questions of course, but he nodded in a silent promise. _All that matters right now is making Dean feel better_. “Good.”

            “So can I… kiss you again?” Cas asked a hopeful smile playing on his lips. Dean laughed, threw his arms around his waist and kissed him for as long as he could.

 

~Present day~

            After a few rounds of knocking on Dean’s door Cas finally let himself in seeing that the lock was still broken. He crossed his arms and sighed.

            “Dean!” He snapped up out of the covers shirtless and rocking the hedgehog bedhead. He blinked a few times, still groggy from the remnants of his dream. Finally his eyes settled on Cas. He smiled breaking off into a slow yawn discretely checking out the angel before him. He was more dressed down than before. In a plain black T and blue jeans. His hair wasn’t gelled but brushed into an adorable fluffy mess. Maybe in his half-conscious state, he couldn’t recognize how pissed Cas was.

            “Hey, Cas.”

            “I thought you said we could go at ten.” Dean glanced over at the little clock on his nightstand. 10:38.

            “Fuck, I’m sorry, Cas.” He rolled out of bed and hurriedly started digging through his duffel for something to where. Cas rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t really mad. It’s not like he fell for Dean’s punctuality. He adverted his eyes up to the ceiling away from the temptation of his bare shoulders and the sharp lines of his back muscles curling and flexing as they rummaged through his things. _Yep, the ceiling tiles_ …

            After what felt like hours to the angel, Dean was finally dressed to an appropriate level. In a grey rolled up flannel and dark jeans, sitting on the bed pulling on some socks.

            “So what do you wanna do today?” he asked. Cas shrugged.

            “I don’t know. I don’t really want to go too far.”

            “Alright. We’ll look around and see what’s close, but first; breakfast.” So Cas watched the Dean excitedly pile on copious amounts of bacon onto his plate. He didn’t know what he wanted to do that day. He was in a stand still. A part of him wanted to rip off the hunter’s clothes, mount him and go to work, but another part wanted solitude. A quiet place to think away from Dean Winchester. He felt off balanced, unsure of how much his feelings for Dean had changed over the past few days. He thought of it as how humans would say an _emotional roller coaster_. He didn’t like the feeling. He just wanted to get off, figuratively and literally. So he decided to stop trying to forge a method to attack the whole situation. He decided to just let the day roll on aimless, and whatever happened, happened.

            “You want some?” Dean asked mouth full, holding up a curl of bacon.

            “Sure.” Cas bit it off straight from Dean’s hand. Dean laughed a little but said nothing about it. Cas chewed on the slither of meat. He didn’t get much from it. No taste or sustenance, but the slippery grease exploding over his tongue. He would never get it. _Humans and their enthrallment with grease._

            “This is going on one of top three nicest places we’ve ever stayed in. Which isn’t really saying something because we’ve stayed in some shitty places.” Cas nodded humming in agreement. “I bet they have a pool. Let’s go see if they have a pool.” Dean dumped his plate into the sink and pulled Cas along with him down the halls. Cas followed as Dean frantically searched for a pool. He tried not to focus so much on the way Dean’s hand never left his.

            “Holy shit,” Dean whispered pausing in front of glass doors. Inside was a squared pool. It wasn’t too long or wide, and it definitely didn’t seem that deep, but Dean couldn’t even remember the last time Sam and he had come across any type of pool. He pushed the doors open dragging Castiel inside. “This is awesome.” His voice carried up the walls echoing for a few beats.

            “Too bad we didn’t bring swim suits,” Cas said. Dean smirked at him, exchanged a few glances around the empty area then started stripping. “What are you—” He cut himself off turning away when the hunter’s pants came down. “Dean, what are you doing?” He only looked back when he heard the loud splash.

            Dean popped up shook his head whipping his wet hair into place and smiled like he wasn’t completely naked.

            “Come on, Cas get in!”

            “No!” Dean frowned then shrugged, playing it off like he was indifferent.

            “Fine. Suit yourself.” He dove back under the water swimming a few lazy laps around the pool. Cas stood at the edge of the pool horrified at what he’d just witnessed. Humans were the ones who taught him that clothing was important _particularly_ in public places. And now they just throw it all out the window for a swimming pool? Well if Dean’s doing it… He sighed and gave in pulling his shirt over his head. He noticed a pair of green eyes ogling him from the water as he started to unzip his jeans.

            “Don’t look at me.” He didn’t know why he said it. Cas honestly didn’t give two fucks about who saw his bare vessel. He just didn’t like the way Dean watched. Eyes hungry trailing over him in anticipation. It reminded him of something he really didn’t want to think about. Dean turned back around after the angel had jumped into the water.

            Cas didn’t experience it much, but he always enjoyed the act of swimming. The way the cool water cradled his body to where it felt as though he were floating. It reminded him of his days of flying only in slow motion. He pushed off the wall and swam across the pool on one breath popping up to face the hunter.

            “Happy?” Dean gave him a good once over and smiled deviously.

            “Very.” Before Cas could give it a second thought, Dean was under water charging at the angel’s mid-section. He squealed out curling in on himself as the hunter pinched and poked at his stomach.

            “Dean, stop it!” But he wasn’t the least bit serious, laughing and smiling until it hurt. The hunter’s finger tips brushed over his lower stomach, grazing his hips. Dean opened his eyes against the salt water just admiring the slim legs kicking and thrashing before him. Of course he wouldn’t admit that he was more interested as to what’s in between them. Cas jumped with a small yelp feeling a hand grope his thigh. “Deeaaan!” He came up for air grinning smugly.

            “What?” Cas grinned wickedly. Two can play that game. He lunged at Dean tackling him back under the water by his waist. They stayed that way for a while, grappling and wrestling at each other underwater. _It’s scary_ Cas thought, how easy it was to fall back into normal habits, to not even flinch at his naked hunter, how quickly his heart wanted to forgive and move on.

            Every time Dean came up for air, Cas was immediately at his ankles yanking him back under. Dean’s annoyance at the cheap move had the angel breathless with laughter.

            “It’s not fair!” Dean spit salt water. “You can hold your breath longer than I can.”

            “I’m sorry your human lungs are incompetent,” Cas said eyes teasing.

            “Oh, I’ll show you incompetent.” Dean gripped the angel’s hips and pulled him in close. So close the hunter’s chest heaving up and down almost bumped his. So close they could each feel each other’s breaths on their bare skin.

            Dean could’ve kissed him, and _fuck_ he wanted to, but he remained frozen to his spot mesmerized by his angel. His black hair plastered to his forehead, the water sliding carefully down his pale skin. Dean picked on water droplet and focused on it intensely as it made its way down from between the angel’s soft eyes, down his nose to the corner of his lip unaware that Castiel was lost. Gazing over the freckles shining under the droplets of the water. The full lips glazed with water… Somewhere in Dean’s manhandling, Cas’ hands had found the familiar spot of the back of the hunter’s neck. They held each other for a few seconds. Their world felt fragile as if any sudden movement could ruin the moment, but they still wondered _will he just kiss me already?_

            The creak of the door echoed across the water, and Dean dropped back under muttering a quick, “shit”. Cas followed him under swimming to the corner of the pool. He came up for air, but just barely peeking his face out the water. Nose and mouth still under, Cas peered over at the family that entered into the pool room. A mother, a father and two small children each carrying multi-colored towels and pool toys. Definitely too young to witness two grown men swimming around naked.

            “Fuck,” Dean whispered. He was giggling, but panicked for sure. “We are so fucked.”

            “Maybe if we just stay down here, they won’t notice us.”

            “Oh please, Cas. There are some things that they are _bound_ to notice.

            “Well, maybe we can just—” Dean was already swimming towards the family. “What are you doing?”

            “I’ve got a plan. Follow me.”

            “No!” Cas hissed. He couldn’t even fathom the logic behind the Winchester’s stupidity this time. _Sure, lets go straight towards the problem. That’ll make everything so much better_. Cas watched anxiously from behind as Dean approached the family at the edge of the pool. Elbows propped up on the edge, the front of his body pressed into the pool wall, and Cas just knew _this is an awful idea_.

            “Hey, guys. I’m gonna need you to leave this area,” Dean said pushing the fake authority into his voice that Cas had to come to recognize. The two kids glanced up at their mother, and the mother glared at the father.

            “Why?” he asked. Cas face palmed hearing Dean fumble out an answer.

            “Because… this water isn’t safe for swimming.” The family gave him an odd look. “I’m a professional,” he added like it really did him any justice. Castiel, keeping his front carefully pressed into the pool, scooted over to where they had discarded their clothes. He rummaged through Dean’s pants pulling out an old fake FBI badge. He swam over to Dean just in time to hear the mother’s gripe.

            “I don’t understand. There weren’t any signs, no one told us—”

            “It’s a federal investigation,” Cas said holding up the badge. “Our team is inspecting salt water pools across the country, investigating a harmful toxin that is harmless to adults, but can cause illness in small children.” The mother grabbed at her children protectively as if just standing by the fake contaminated water could kill them. The father nodded seeming to believe him.

            “Well that doesn’t explain why we didn’t know about this,” the mother said. “You should’ve sectioned off the area.”

            “Our apologies. We were informed that the hotel staff would make sure the guest are aware of our investigation.”

            “Hmm…” The mother pondered it for a moment puckering her lips and pinching her brows together. “I guess we’ll take this up to the hotel manager.” Hand in hand with their children the family left the pool room, and Cas finally released the breath trapped in his chest. Dean hollered and clapped laughing with relief.

            “I can’t believe you dug us into this mess.”

            “Who cares? We survived! And since when did you get so good at lying?” Cas shrugged.

            “I learned from the best.” Dean laughed.

            “True.”

            “We should probably get out of here,” Cas said remembering the determined look in the mother’s eyes as she headed off to the manager. Dean nodded.

            “Right.” They got out of the pool, tried off as quickly as possible, got dressed and headed up to their own rooms to pack. Cas was done pretty quick seeing that he didn’t have many weapons or toilet trees to pack. The only thing left out of his duffle was the rose perched lying on the dresser. It had wilted in its day without water. One petal on the verge of falling off and few others trimmed with brown, but _it’s still beautiful_ he thought. He set the rose carefully on the top of his clothes and zipped up the bag. He swung it over his shoulder and waited for Dean in the hallway.

            Dean stepped out of his room smiling at his angel.

            “Ready?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Cool lets go.” After they checked out, walking to the parking lot Cas remembered the door he’d broken.

            “We’re not going to tell the staff about the door?” he asked. Dean opened the door and got into the driver’s seat.

            “Nah, I’m sure they’ll figure it out.” Cas shook his head dismissively, but he couldn’t fight the laughter that bubbled up within him. He shut the door on the passenger side.

            “You are truly horrible.” Dean smirked.

            “Thanks.” They drove back to the bunker stopping ever so often for snacks, gas and atm. Dean took a particularly long detour at a grocery store and returned with a plastic bag full of chocolate covered nuts. Cas eyed the hunter strangely knowing that wasn’t the hunter’s first choice of candy.

            “What are those for?”

            “Just something Gabriel wanted me to pick up.” Cas winced at the archangel’s name.

            “He probably hates me.”

            “I’m sure he doesn’t _hate_ you.”

            “He seemed pretty upset the last time I talked to him, and hanging up on him probably didn’t help.”

            “He’ll get over it,” Dean said. “So what happened? He like went through your stuff or something? I didn’t get most of that conversation.” Cas shifted in seat suddenly embarrassed.

            “It was nothing—it was stupid. I guess I’m just still adjusting to living with someone else. It’s strange.” There was a long silence after that both of them unsatisfied with the answer. Maybe it was just easier to say some bullshit instead of admitting of the slight resentment he had for the archangel. It’s not like he always had this disdain for Gabriel. They were always respectful to each other in Heaven perhaps he could even call them friends, but since Gabriel showed up to the bunker in need of hospitality, his opinion of him had definitely changed. Maye it wasn’t personal. Maybe he just didn’t like how as of late most of their conversation had centered on Gabriel and his pregnancy. Maybe he didn’t like that he felt Dean and he had to be more cautious of their affection having him around. Maybe he really didn’t like the friendship Dean and Gabriel had formed in the last few weeks. The way they defended each other in conversation, the small stupid favors they did for each other, the way they always seemed to veer off away from him and Sam to have their own private conversations.

            “Hey, if you get him while he’s drunk, he’ll start falling in love with you.” Cas didn’t say anything, gazing out the window lost in thought. Dean sighed, grateful that the conversation was over. Something about talking to Cas about Gabriel made him… uncomfortable. He wished he had some music to pin his mind on something else, but it kept going back to Gabriel in his drunken state whispering, _“I love you.” Why would he say that? Is he starting to get feelings for me?_ Dean mentally kicked himself _. It doesn’t mean anything. It was just drunk gibberish_. He of all people should know from his old fights with Cas about saying something you didn’t mean when you’re wasted.

            “Hey, you want dinner?” They were only two hours away from the bunker, but the sky had gone dark sprinkling bits of stars in above them. Cas gave him a knowing look, and Dean sighed remembering that he wasn’t with Sam and that angels didn’t need food to survive. “Okay, well I need food.” He pulled over at some average bar neon sign flickering at the front. He got out of the car, and Cas followed numbly his mind somewhere else. Dean ordered a burger and a beer for each of them, but Cas barely touched it. Dean sighed annoyed at his obliviousness to the angel’s emotions. He was distant for sure, somber. So Dean did the only thing he knew that could get his emotions going. “Let’s get some shots.” Cas perked up at that.

            “What?”

            “I said let’s get some shots. Hey!” He gestured to the bartender and pointed to the wasted college girls a few seats away. “We’ll have four rounds of whatever they’re having.”

            “You got it!”

            “Dean!” Cas tugged on his arm harshly. “What are you doing? We can’t be doing this. We have to drive home, and—”

            “Relax, alright. Everything’s fine.” The bartender placed a tray of four shots of a bright orange liquid at their table. Dean handed the young man his card. “Keep the tab open.” He turned back to the angel who still looked skeptical. “Oh, come on Cas. Let’s have some fun for our last night out. Huh?” Castiel sighed. It wasn’t the responsible thing to do. Detouring there trip for another night when they needed to get back home, but he was intrigued by the mischievous gleam in the hunter’s green eyes.

            “Fine,” he said taking one of the shot glasses.

            “Alright.” Dean raised his glass and clinked them together. “Bottoms up!” They took it down, and Dean instantly sputtered, coughing and choking on the burn of his drink. Cas barely reacted.

            “Oh god, is that hot sauce?” Dean inspected his drink, while Cas took the other shot. “Jesus Christ, Cas.”

            “It’s going to take a lot more of these to get me inebriated.” Dean smiled and downed his second shot.

            “Hey, could we get a few more rounds over here?” So they went at it, doing shots and drinking beer until Dean was well past tipsy and even Cas was starting to feel the buzz. He was in red the face from laughing at Dean singing along to all the old rock songs they played on the crap radio. He danced a little and occasionally rubbed up on his angel letting his hands wander a little further past platonic, but Cas didn’t seem to care.

            They walked out of the bar into the green lighting of the neon sign, dancing lazily to the tunes inside. They held hands spinning around in sloppy circles until they reached the pimpmobile. Dean leaned up against it to steady himself still giggling.

            “Hey, Cas.” The angel blink slowly and grinned.

            “Yeah?”

            “You were all sad earlier. Why?”

            “Does it matter? I’m not sad anymore.” Cas reached up to boop the hunter on his nose.

            “I know, but it’s important.”

            “Why?”

            “It just is! Okay.” Dean’s gaze softened. “Just tell me what’s wrong.”

            “Fiiiine.” He stretched out the word. He dropped his eyes down to the floor and his voice down to a whisper. “I don’t want this to end.”

            “What?” Cas took a deep breath stepped and spread his arms out wide.

            “I don’t want this to end!” Dean snorted.

            “You want to stay drunk forever?”

            “No, not _this_. This!” Cas spun around in a circle screaming at the top of his lungs. “I WANT THE DATES AND THE FUN AND THE PRETTY FLOWERS AND STAYING OUT WAY TOO LATE! I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING OUR SHITTY SELVES AND OUT SHITTY LIVES. I WANT MORE _THIS_!” His shoulders slumped his chin dropping down to rest on his chest. Dean rested his hand on his back guiding him into a gentle hug.

            “You know, it doesn’t have to end,” Dean whispered.

            “Hmm?” Dean pulled away still close enough to have his hands rest on his hips. Maybe it was the tequila shots or maybe it was the neon lights of the town bouncing off his pale skin pausing to shimmer in his blue eyes. Cas smiled a little, and Dean thought he looked perfect. He leaned in and kissed the angel delicately on the mouth. Cas made a startled sound against his lips, but he didn’t resist. He welcomed it throwing his arms around Dean’s shoulders to anchor himself. Cas opened his mouth just barely, letting Dean’s tongue slip between his lips. Dean pushed the pace, and Cas followed, teeth clicking and lips breaking with wet noises every now and then to catch their breath.

            Dean pulled away for a second, and Castiel’s eyes flashed open with the abruptness of how naked his lips felt without Dean’s. He opened the car door to the backseat, grabbed Cas by his shoulders pushed him in. The angel laid back wedging himself in the small seat his knees pulled up, and the hunter crawled over him continuing to press their lips together in drunken kisses. Cas lifted his arms up when Dean tugged on the end of his shirt letting him pull it up over his head. Dean sat there for a moment dazed by the artificial lights illuminating the pale toned muscles of his body with a tint of green painting his red puffy lips to a dark maroon. Dean leaned down to sprinkle warm kisses over his neck, shoulders and chest pausing every so often to bite lightly on his skin drawing a soft moan out of the angel.

            Dean started undoing the buttons of his own flannel, and Cas watched his chest gradually come into the light with a new sense of weary. He wanted it, everything in his body wanted it and feeling the hunter’s crotch hard against his leg he knew he really wanted it too, but something stopped him. The memory came flashing back of Dean showered in Crowley’s love bites sporting a leash and a collar. The complete and utter horror in his green eyes. The king of Hell laid out on the couch, smiling, mocking. _“Hey angel, care to join?”_

            “Dean, stop.” His voice was soft, barely over a whisper but clear. Dean raised his brow a little confused, but rolled back to the other side of the seat letting Cas sit up.

            “Cas, what’s wrong?” He expected Dean to be annoyed, mad even, and he couldn’t make out his expression the way the dark shadows lapped over his face. His voice sounding more concerned rather than upset with him.

            “I just—I can’t, it’s too—I’m too—” He broke into a heavy sigh exasperated by his inability to form full sentences. Maybe it was the alcohol playing tricks on his tongue, or maybe he just couldn’t bear to say what was really on his mind out loud. “It’s too soon.” A silence passed between the two of them, before Dean clicked his tongue.

            “Right.” There was a sad understanding as Dean climbed out the car and crawled into the front seat. “I’m gonna get some sleep.” Cas sighed and rolled over on to his side.

            “Alright. Goodnight.”

            “G’night.” Dean, of course in his drunken state of arousal certainly wanted more that night, but he let himself drift off with a smile. Maybe he didn’t get in the angel’s pants, _but I got to kiss him_. He got to reclaim the love they had for each other before the whole incident with Crowley. Hell, it was better than before. Liberating. All his shit was out on the table, and they still could still move past it. _God_ , Dean listened to the angel breathing slowly behind him soundly asleep. _How did I get so lucky?_ If he only got as far as long days at aquariums or risky swims in the middle of the morning, then that would be enough.

***

 

            Dean woke the next morning with the sun glinting in his eyes from the rear view mirror. He sat and rubbed at his eyes. His newfound sobriety left him with nothing but fuzzy clips of memories from the night before. He remembered the spice of orange shots, running his hands up and down Cas’ body, kissing him so fervently… _What if it was all a dream_ he wondered. He couldn’t split the drunken memories from hopeful daydreams. _What really happened last night?_

            His fears vanished when Cas sat up from the back seat. Hair flattened on the left and ruffled on the right, shirtless chest decorated with purple love bites. Dean sighed leaned over the seat and kissed the angel on his cheek just relieved to know it was all real. Cas hummed sweetly at the gesture.

            “Morning, sunshine.”

            “Good morning, Dean.” They could’ve said more, maybe about what happened last night, but they remained silently just staring at each other and smiling like idiots. “Maybe we should get going,” Cas finally said.

            “Right.” Cas threw on the shirt from the night before, hopped out of the car and got into the passenger seat.

            “Ready?”

            “Ready.” They drove for the next two hours mostly in silence, with the windows rolled down stealing looks at each other when the other wasn’t looking. Dean felt like he was back in high school, fighting butterflies in his stomach, falling in love for the very first time all over again. Cas felt as though all his inhibitions and trust issues that had built up over the past weeks were starting to slip away. It terrified him. His guard was steadily falling down, opening up his vulnerability again. He didn’t like the way his heart felt free enough to be crushed again, but it was a relief to feel at ease around his husband. To feel as though he could trust Dean again.

            They got back to the bunker in inexplicably good spirits. Cas opened the door for his hunter mocking human respect. Dean threw his hand over his heart.

            “What a gentleman.” They walked inside giggling until their eyes fell on the two naked bodies entangled in each other on the library table. Dean clasped his hand over his eyes afraid he might actually go blind. “What the hell?”


	33. Too Many War Wounds and Not Enough Wars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy a chapter that isn't ridiculously late for once! :)

            “What the hell?”

            “Agh—Dean uh—oh god.” Frantic, Sam drew his pants up and threw his discarded shirt over Gabriel’s naked body. It was almost pointless, the older hunter already had his hand over his eyes, and he wasn’t in any hurry to remove it.

            “Really, guys? On the freaking table? I’m gonna be sick.”

            “It’s not what...” But it was exactly what it looked like. Sam’s face had gone beet red and trying to lie or play off his embarrassment was completely out of the question. Still, he had half the mind to stand protectively in front of the archangel. Gabriel didn’t appear half as embarrassed as Sam, in fact he seemed to take joy in getting caught. Mouth fixated in a smirk eyes flickering back and forth between the two brothers.

            Cas stepped into the room with the same awkward obliviousness to every situation. He tilted his head at the barely clothed pair in front of them. Dean shook his head still keeping his eyes carefully hidden.

            “Just—never mind! We’ll go outside, please get dressed,” Dean said taking the angel’s hand and guiding him back out the way they came. Sam palmed his eyes sighing.

            “Oh, god. I can’t believe that just happened.”

            “It could be worse,” Gabriel said scooting down from the table. He picked up his pants and t-shirt.

            “How could that have possibly been worse?” Sam threw his shirt over his head and looked back at the angel. He was dressed now, hair still a little messy from before wearing a giddy smile and sweet rosy cheeks. Sam eyed him curiously. “You like being caught.” Gabriel’s blush deepened.

            “What—no! I—I mean…” he trailed off losing himself a little in the hunter’s teasing grin. “Well it’s not like I _dislike_ it.”

            “Jesus, how many weird kinks do you have?” Gabriel rolled his eyes.

            “Oh please, Samuel. Compared to some of the gods I’ve been with, my _kinks_ are relatively tame. You just need to get out more.” Sam shook his head deciding to ignore the jab at his sex life.

            “Speaking of that, I uh kind of uh… had a question about that. With us.” Gabriel combed his fingers through his hair trying to make it presentable. He didn’t look at Sam seemingly uninterested in the conversation, and it bothered the hunter profusely. The small talk they had afterwards was so distant. He may as well have been a one night stand that he got to do over and over again. A part of him wanted to hold the angel afterwards, to kiss him without the crazy heat of sex, or at least have a conversation that didn’t feel so stiff and awkward.

            “You really have a hard time getting out the word sex,” Gabriel pointed out. Sam was thankful that he would always tease him about this kind of stuff, it lightened up the mood a bit making everything less weird, but for Sam, it still wasn’t enough. He was terrified of asking for more than sex and playful banter. Terrified to find something concrete in their relationship. He couldn’t put a name to what he wanted because hell it had been so long since he’s wanted something more in a relationship. _Maybe something like Dean and Cas_ he thought. The way they could understand each other with a single look, the constant need to protect each other, the profound bond that Sam still could never understand. He wanted that definitely, but he kept his mouth shut fearing two things. One; what if Gabriel didn’t want that with him? What if he was only interested in the sex? And if Sam came to him blabbering about how he’d fallen in love with him all over again over the past few weeks, then Gabriel would die of laughter, and Sam didn’t know his heart could take that. Two; maybe Gabriel did share those feelings, and maybe they could be finally have that blissful life, but Sam would never be able to trust it. Something always ruined his love life whether it be dishonesty or death, and Sam wasn’t ready to face that again. So he was going to hang on to the little bits of happiness he could find in the angel’s mischievous smirks or the sweet moans Sam could spill from his lips. He would take it even if it didn’t have the emotional ties he used to dream of. _This is safe_ he thought. At least if it all goes to hell, his heart won’t be irreparable.

            “I just noticed something strange about _that_.” Sam forced himself to keep eye contact with Gabriel, but his face was burning. “The last few times that we—” He swallowed over the dry lump in his throat. “Had sex. You haven’t been… glowing.” Gabriel tilted his head all attention on him now totally confused.

            “What?”

            “The first few times we did it, your skin started glowing, and the last few times that hasn’t been happening, and I was just wondering am I doing something wrong? Am I not hitting the spot or—” Sam stopped in the midst of his rambling seeing something click on the angel’s face. Gabriel ducked his head laughing a little.

            “Oh that um… Don’t worry about that. You’re doing fine, Sam.” That answer didn’t satisfy the hunter, he was even more intrigued by Gabriel’s sudden bashfulness.

            “No, I wanna know what this is—”

            “Please tell me you’re dressed!” Dean walked into the library blindly with one hand still over his eyes.

            “You can look now,” Sam said. Dean took his hand away, sighing gratefully.

            “Hey.” Dean looked to Gabriel. He pulled a clear plastic bag out of his jacket pocket filled with little chocolate balls. He tossed it to the archangel, and Gabriel caught it ecstatically holding the bag to his chest.

            “Yes!” He dug into the chocolate covered nuts sighing almost sexually once they hit his tongue.

            “Also it’s only been five days since we left,” Dean said a sly grin taking over his face. Sam and Gabriel exchanged confused looks. “Remember? You owe me fifty.” Gabriel slapped a hand to his forehead.

            “Oh, yeah.”

            “Ha! Pay up princess!” Gabriel frowned and turned his pleading whiskey eyes to the younger hunter.

            “Can I borrow fifty bucks?”

            “What’s this about?” Sam asked annoyed at how quick he was to get out his wallet and count out five tens. He handed the money to Gabriel who handed it to Dean.

            “Gabe can tell you about it.” Dean winked at the angel, and Sam felt his fists tighten against the side of jeans. Sam couldn’t pin point what it was about his brother that ticked him off so much. Maybe it was the subtle flirtatious gesture towards his angel, or maybe it was the way the nickname fell so loosely from Dean’s lips. Maybe it was the implication that they had some sort of secret that Sam wasn’t in on, or maybe it was the fact that Dean intruded accidentally on Sam and Gabriel, totally disrupting the mood. Maybe it was the candy Gabriel must’ve asked Dean to get that Sam was certainly more than capable of getting. Maybe it was knowing that since Dean and Cas had returned, Sam wouldn’t get as much alone time with Gabriel. Less peaceful breakfasts, less time spent together in the library Sam reading while the archangel worked to distract him, less days out going to play pool. Not to mention less spontaneous blowjobs in the middle of the stairs. Whatever it was, something about their friendship didn’t sit right with Sam. “I’ll tell you about the hunt later. I’m gonna go take a shower.” Sam relaxed his fist against his side.

            “So what was all that? You lose a bet with my brother?”

            “Yeah.” There it was again. The dazed look in his eyes as he munched on the chocolate. Mind somewhere else, and Sam felt deprived of all the secrets and thoughts of his angel. That pure disinterest in him ignited so much heat in the younger Winchester. _I bet he doesn’t act this way around Dean_ he thought.

            “So what was the bet?” Gabriel shrugged, and Sam thought he was going to punch something.

            “Doesn’t matter.” Sam just wanted something. Some sort of reaction, some sort of emotion from him. The rawest emotion he got from Gabriel was when they were having sex. That seemed to be the only time they could connect over the past few days. Without really thinking, Sam snatched the bag of candy from Gabriel. He almost laughed at the stunned archangel. Mouth hung open, hands frozen in the air where he was holding the bag. For a second, Sam saw a flash of golden light go over Gabriel’s eyes.

            “Give it back,” he said without a hint of humor in his voice.

            “Not until you tell me what the bet was about.” Sam held up the bag far out of reach of the shorter angel.

            “It’s not important, alright! Come on, you don’t even like chocolate almonds.”

            “I don’t, but I’m sure they’ll have a nice home in the toilet.”

            “You’re bluffing!”

            “Am I?” Sam challenged raising an eyebrow. Gabriel didn’t believe him for a second, but he wasn’t about to risk the thing he’d been craving for the past week.

            “Okay! Fine. Before Dean and Cas left, Dean bet that we would have sex within a week, and I bet it wouldn’t happen until the week was over. _Obviously_ , I lost.” Sam stood there for a moment, unsure of how to react to that. He was annoyed most of all that Gabriel had been discussing their sex life with Dean. _What else have they talked about?_

            “You guys are sick.”

            “Yes, we’re the worst,” Gabriel deadpanned. “Now give me back my almonds!” Sam started to hand the bag back to him but stopped and held it up high over his head.

            “Wait.” Gabriel made a strained noise that sounded like he was on the verge of tears. Sam thought it was adorable. The childish desperation in his eyes.

            “What?”

            “Tell me what’s up with the freaky glowing during sex. I wanna know.” Gabriel broke off into a small whine.

            “Sam!”

            “Tell me.” Gabriel bit his bottom lip his whole face falling into a deep shade of red.

            “It’s personal!”

            “We’re having kids together. We’re gonna have to be able to get a little _personal_ if this is going to work.” Gabriel glared up at the hunter with so much spite, Sam started to feel bad. This wasn’t where he pictured the conversation would go at all. He just wanted to have some fun with the archangel.

            “Fine. If you so _desperately_ need to know.” Sam rolled his eyes. “It’s just a reaction of your soul touching my grace like that. It’s been a while since I’ve been this intimate with a human, so it took me a second to get used to it. I didn’t even realize it was happening. It’s probably never going to happen again, so I’m sorry you’re disappointed, but that stupid little magic trick is out of my control.” Sam tilted his head a little confused by the Gabriel’s tone. Under all the bitterness, he thought he could see something else in the angel. _Shame? Hurt? Does he really think I’m disappointed with the sex?_

            “Gabriel, I—I could never be disappointed with you.” Both of them seemed shocked by the statement. Sam pondered for a moment, blushing, wondering what cruel god let his thoughts escape his mouth. Gabriel’s scowl softened for a moment, sporting rosy cheeks of his own. His eyes rounded out and innocent, the small part in his lips like he wanted to say something. Instead, seeing that the hunter’s guard was down, he snatched the bag of almonds from Sam’s grip and turned away heading to his room.

            “Quit being so weird,” Gabriel muttered. Sam wanted to shout—oh he wanted to pick a fight, but Gabriel had already made his way down the hall. _I’m being weird? I’m not the one who can go from happy to pissed in point two seconds!_ Sam pulled at his hair and started pacing around the library. He thought this was going to work, but it wasn’t working! The weird relationship they acquired that wasn’t quite friends and wasn’t really dating either. He didn’t want to think they had to be all or nothing, but their compromise was getting to be more trouble than it’s worth. It was turning to everything he feared it would be: a crumbling mess that would spoil their friendship. They were arguing like they were married without the benefits of marriage. No making up after it was over, just letting the tension ebb away until they felt good enough to have sex again. He wanted something more than that. He wanted something real to fight for. Sam laughed bitterly to himself. He thought he could help Dean and Cas fix their relationship, but he wouldn’t even try to get over his own wall of fear and anxiety to tell the archangel how he truly felt.

***

 

            Gabriel shut the door to his room and sighed deeply finally expelling all the emotion trapped in his sternum. There was something off putting about the whole conversation. Maybe it was the slight glare in Sam’s eyes as he watched the interaction between Gabriel and Dean. The way he just needed to know what their bet was about. _Acting like he fucking owns me. Who the hell does he think he is? It’s not like we’re together or anything_ he thought popping a chocolate almond between his lips. _We’re gonna have to be able to get a little personal if this is going to work.”_ Just remembering Sam’s words brought a fresh scowl to his face. _A little personal? I don’t him owe him anything, but isn’t that what he wanted? Just the sex, no relationship or feelings, right?_ _“_ _I could never be disappointed with you.”_ Gabriel clenched the bag of almonds in his fists. He wanted to scream. Those stupid words left his heart fluttering, his cheeks going pink. He hated it. He hated that no matter how hard he tried, he always ended up falling for Sam anyway. He laid back on his bed and closed his eyes yearning back to the days when his love life wasn’t this complicated.

            A few knocks pounded on his door, and Gabriel groaned. _If I have to see another Winchester today, I’m gonna lose it._

            “Sam, don’t even _think_ about opening that door!” The door opened hesitantly to only reveal the innocent blue eyed angel. Cas poked his head inside.

            “I am not Sam,” he said. Gabriel rolled his eyes at his redundant comment, but inwardly he had never been happier to see the stoic angel.

            “I’m aware.”

            “May I come in?”

            “Sure.” Castiel stepped in to his room. Reserved as always, standing in the corner of the room furthest away from the archangel, hands held together respectfully in front of him.

            “Gabriel, I just wanted to say I’m sorry about what I said to you on the phone. I was overreacting and I—”

            “Cas just stop.” Gabriel couldn’t believe what he was hearing. _He’s apologizing to me?_ “I was the one going through your stuff. You have every right to be mad at me. I shouldn’t have done that. I was being stupid and paranoid.” Cas blinked a few times equally surprised at the archangel’s apology.

            “I’m not worried about that, but that doesn’t mean you have a free for all to go through my things,” he said with a smirk. Gabriel laughed a little, and the last bits of tension seemed to melt away. Cas sat down on the edge of the bed. “I just felt awful about the things I said to you about causing all this trouble and everything being your fault…” His voice drifted off a little embarrassed.

            “I mean you’re not wrong.”

            “Gabriel…”

            “You know I’m not the easiest house guest.”

            “It doesn’t matter. You’re not a house guest. You’re family and should be treated as such.”

            “Jesus, the Winchesters have seriously rubbed off you. You sound just like them.” Cas let up his stern exterior to laugh for a moment.

            “It’s true,” Cas said with a small shrug. “They aren’t the wisest humans, but they do understand the importance of family.”

            “Ugh, I know. Sometimes I feel like I’m trapped in an episode of Full House. I’m happy they have all their bro talks and hugs, but I’ll gladly steer clear of the whole family thing.” It wasn’t like he wanted to be alone, that’s just how things were since he left Heaven. Always moving, always changing who he was and who hung out with. _Nothing like this_ he thought.

            “You’re going to have a family of your own pretty soon.” Gabriel ignored him entirely. His mind still couldn’t picture it. Two kids strung over his shoulder, changing diapers and warming bottles. He shook his head neglecting the thought entirely. _That’s not me. That can’t be me._

            “So how are you and Dean doing?” Castiel tilted his head, a little confused at the sudden shift in the conversation, but he decided to just let it go. They were finally getting along, Cas didn’t want to start something.

            “We’re better. Much better.” His blue eyes glazed for a moment as his mind fell back to before. The accidentally brushes of skin at the aquarium, the single red rose, the midday skinny dipping, the long drunken kisses.

            “Okay! Well tell me the details!” He crossed his legs sitting up straight, eyes bright and alert. Cas recognized the same drama hungry poise in Ariel. Always excited to hear something new. He could definitely see why they were friends.

            “Well uh…” He didn’t even know where to start. _The hunt? The aquarium? The pool?_ “We kissed.”

            “YOU KISSED? Oh my god that’s amazing! Wait so what kind of kiss was it? Was it like a quick little peck or was it all movie dramatic love you forever kind of kiss?” Cas thought about it for a moment.

            “The second one.”

            “Yes! So does this mean you guys are good? Are you back together?”

            “I guess.” Cas wasn’t exactly sure of his answer, but he knew that’s what he wanted.

            “Wow, I guess going out and saving the world does wonders for your marriage.”

            “It would seem so.”

            “So aside from the rekindling of your relationship, what happened? You guys figure out who’s killing angels?”

            “Yes, actually. So apparently Michael is recruiting angels to join him, and if they don’t, they’re killed.” Gabriel’s expression went sour at the mention of his older brother.

            “Oh.”

            “Vehuel was the leader of the team we encountered.”

            “Ugh, I remember him. Did you kill him?”

            “Do you have any good memories of angels or Heaven?” Cas asked curiously. Gabriel didn’t have to give it much thought.

            “Not really, so did you slit his throat or not?”

            “Yes, we did kill him and the other angels under his command.”

            “Well, then problem solved, right?”

            “Not exactly,” Cas said slowly, gauging the archangel’s frown. “We think there may be more angels working for Michael and killing other angels who refuse to join him. We have a friend looking for more of Michael’s angels, and Dean said he would get the word out to all the hunters he knew.” Despite Castiel’s reassurance of their handle on the issue, he couldn’t seem to relive the archangel of his worry.

            “This isn’t good—this is awful!” Cas was starting to see it again. The frantic side of the older angel that frightened him. He noticed it initially when they had first mentioned the idea of Michael escaping the pit. The way he grabbed at his hair, talking quickly, eyes widening and darting around in the socket. It was a whole new personality compared to the angel once jocular in spirit. Talking about his brothers, he grew flighty. Agitated, in a panicked state of mind, ready to do something drastic.

            “Gabriel, this was a win. I know we haven’t stopped Michael yet, but we’ve beaten his angels twice now. We can take him.”

            “We can take his ordinary dumbass angels any day. No offense,” he added quickly.

            “None taken.”

            “But this is Michael we’re talking about. We can’t just salt and burn him, then go out for ice cream. You know how the boys stopped the apocalypse before. To beat an archangel, you’re going to need real sacrifice.” His eyes darkened for a moment lost in another memory. Cas didn’t want to talk about what he was implying. He just wanted to go back to filling his mind with the soft easy thoughts of love, and forget the threats of their world.

            “So your relationship with Sam has… changed.” Gabriel chuckled a little. Mind occupied somewhere else.

            “I guess you could say that.”

            “I’m confused,” Cas started, “one second you two were… engaging in a sexual activity, and the next you didn’t even want him in your room. May I ask, what’s wrong?” Gabriel was still smiling a little, but sadly, wistfully.

            “It’s complicated.” Cas waited for further explanation, and Gabriel sighed. “We’re not like you and Dean, where we kiss and make up after a fight. We’re just different.”

            “I don’t understand, so what even is your relationship?” Gabriel wanted to laugh. _What is our relationship?_

            “I don’t know. Friends with benefits?” Cas tilted his head to the side, pondering for a moment.

            “I don’t have much knowledge of this whole ‘friends with benefits’,” he said using air quotes. “But I didn’t think living together and having children was a part of the relationship.” Gabriel shrugged. Cas eyed him carefully. Gabriel was in a strange mood. Going from elated to panicked to dissociated in all under three minutes. He wanted to chalk up the fickle emotions to his pregnancy, but he started to think _maybe Gabriel’s always been this way_. “Are _you_ happy with your relationship?” Gabriel didn’t say anything. He kept his gaze fixated on the ruffles in the covers away from the prying blue eyes. Cas sighed tiredly. “You know if you want things to change, if you want things to be different, you should speak to Sam. Nothing is going to happen if you keep living the same. You have to make a move.”

            “You think with _your_ relationship experience you can lecture me on love?”

            “I think because of my experiences, I can give you advice.” _How can Cas tell me about love? The stiffest most oblivious angel in the garrison telling me how to fix my relationship?_ Gabriel almost laughed aloud. _I’ve had more partners than Dean and him have had sex_. He was about to go off on him, but Cas spoke first. “I was in a position where I didn’t want to move past my pain. I didn’t want to try and fix things because I was afraid of being broken all over again. Now that I’ve made that leap, I’m happier. It’s not scary, it’s comforting.”

            “If you’re thinking I want to be like you and Dean, I don’t,” he said almost too defiantly. “I don’t want your stupid dates and stupid wedding rings.” The mention of the ring brought Cas to feel for his own. A pinch of sadness hit him when he only met his bare finger. They waited in silence for a few moments as Cas went over his naked a finger a rough knocking hit the door.

            “Can I come in?”

            “Yes,” Cas answered before Gabriel could say anything. Dean stepped in through the door, and Cas stood up to greet him. He was in a clean t shirt and blue jeans, hair slicked back fresh from the shower.

            “Hey.” Cas pressed a warm kiss to the hunter’s lips. They pulled away both blushing and smiling.

            “Hey.” Dean wrapped his arms around the angel’s lower back and dipped him. Cas followed with a startled yelp. He placed his hands on either side of Dean’s face and made out like no one watching. Like in the romantic movies, kissing dramatically as if it was the last time they were ever going to see each other. Gabriel didn’t mean to stare, well he did, but it’s not like he wanted to. Watching them stirred a strange feeling within him. He wouldn’t call it envy because Gabriel never got jealous of anything, and he knew that for a fact. He just couldn’t help the slight yearning for Sam to hold him like that. To kiss him like that. To look at him like he was his everything. Gabriel fake gagged bringing the two lovers to a halt. Dean looked up at him and rolled his eyes, but held the position with his angel.

            “Oh, please. After the trauma you and Sam put me through, I think you can handle this.” Gabriel said nothing but scoffed as the two continued to kiss. Louder this time, lips smacking and humming sweetly against each other. Gabriel reached for another almond, but suddenly he wasn’t so hungry for candy anymore. Finally, they pulled away from each other.

            “Did you give him the rundown?”

            “Yeah.” Dean clapped his hands together.

            “Well I guess we’re all done here. I’m gonna go tell Sam, and then we’re ordering Chinese cuz I’m too tired to cook. That sound good?” he asked directing his attention to the archangel.

            “Great,” Gabriel said pushing enthusiasm into his voice.

            “Awesome.” Dean and Cas left his room hand in hand. Gabriel sighed. The bunker was finally full again, but he couldn’t shake off the cold sting of loneliness.

***

 

            Dean found his brother in the kitchen doing his internal pacing. Chewing his nails and tapping his foot like a mad man. Raguel popped up from his spot by Sam’s shoe to rub up against Dean’s ankle in greeting.

            “Okay, okay.” He patted Raguel’s head in a cautious attempt at affection. The pup licked Dean’s hand then retreated back to the side of the younger hunter just as quick. Dean rubbed his wet hand on the seam of his jeans. “Hey.” He sat down in the chair across from Sam.

            “Hey.”

            “Hey, thought I’d tell you what went down.” Sam nodded for him to continue still biting his nail. “So basically Michael is back and rallying angels to join him in some angel war and anyone who doesn’t play his team gets cut.”

            “Oh.” Dean gave him a slightly harried look but went on.

            “Cas and I handled this group, but there’s bound to be more.”

            “Uh huh.”

            “I think we should get the EP out to other hunters. I know it’s just angels being killed, but any formation of factions of angels can’t be good.”

            “Yeah.” At this point Sam wasn’t even looking at him. Eyes crinkled and focused somewhere deep in his thoughts. Dean knew that look like the back of his hand.

            “What’s wrong with you?”

            “I think I’m in love with Gabriel,” he blurted. Dean gave him a stupid look.

            “And that’s a problem because…”

            “You don’t get it,” Sam muttered chewing furiously at his thumb.

            “You know what, Sam, I really don’t get it. So you’re having kids with the guy, you’re having sex with him and now you’re in love? I mean you kind of went out of order give or take, but those things usually go together, so what’s the big deal?”

            “It’s the whole Mate’s—”

            “Mate’s Desire, yeah I’ve heard. Get over it.”

            “Dean, it’s not something I can just get over, alright. I can’t control—”

            “Your feelings for him, yeah whatever. You can play that card all you want, but you know that’s not the real reason you’re not together. It’s just an excuse.” Sam narrowed his eyes into a sharp bitchface but said nothing. “You’re scared to fall in love which is understandable with your shit load of commitment issues.” Sam scoffed.

            “ _I_ have commitment issues?”

            “Okay, you have to admit, I’ve come a long a way,” Dean said tapping on his wedding ring. He pointed a finger in Sam’s face. “But you! You’re the one who hasn’t even tried to settle down since…” Dean couldn’t bring himself to say it, and he knew Sam damn sure did not want to hear it. He sighed softening his expression a little. “Sammy, it’s been over twelve years—”

            “This isn’t about Jess!” he snapped. The room dropped into a stiff heavy silence longer than either of them were comfortable with. Sam pushed a hand through his hair. “It’s not—it’s never been about her or what we had. It’s just…” He broke off into a frustrated sigh.

            “What’s it about then?”

            “I just don’t want—I don’t want to—”

            “What don’t you want? Please tell me why you can’t appreciate what you have. Because you know guys like I us don’t get this type of opportunity. We don’t get lifelong partners and kids and a stable roof over our heads. Sam, I didn’t know what I had until it was gone. I almost lost Cas for good, and I know our lives may suck, but that’s why you have to learn to accept the good while you still can.” Sam looked away from his brother. Blurry eyes fixated on the wall to his left. He was going through it all. The death, the lies, the betrayals of his life. He didn’t want more chaos into his life. He didn’t want more pain if he could avoid it, and now the world was asking him to walk that rope again, asking him to tread over all his fears just for the inkling of hope on the other side.

            “I don’t want something bad to happen,” he mumbled. His hands were trembling on the table. He blinked profusely but a few tears still escaped down his cheek. He hated it. He hated the fear that rattled in his chest. Haunting him, reducing him into a child. Sam clenched his jaw and brushed quickly at his wet cheeks. _Oh Sammy_. Dean watched his little brother just wishing he could knock some sense into his big stubborn head. _Why can’t you see how good you have it?_

            “Hate to break it to you, but something bad is always going to happen.” Sam kept his gaze locked on the wall despite the obviousness of the tears dripping down his jaw. Dean sighed and stood up from his chair. “You gotta learn to take the good with the bad.” He pat Sam on the shoulder for a moment then headed to his room.

            Sam remained in his seat frozen, unsure of what to do with all the emotion swirling around in his sternum. Finally, he put his head down into his arms feeling the need to cry, to sob, but nothing came. Raguel glanced up at his distressed hunter. He whimpered a little rubbing his head against Sam’s ankle. He nuzzled on the human until Sam retreated to his room, making sure to lock the corgi out. Raguel sat outside the door, puzzled by the strange behavior, but waited nonetheless.

***

 

~Later that night~

            Dean leaned up against the counter and instantly dug into his plate. He sighed around a mouth full of Lo Mein.

            “I love it when I don’t have to cook.”

            “Me too,” Gabriel said. Dean batted him lightly on the head.

            “Man fuck you.” It was one of those normal type of nights. Where, just for a few hours, they could all forget who they are and all the crazy shit they do. Gabriel sat on the counter swinging his feet idly as he munched on an eggroll. Dean had piled his plate with noodles, rice and chicken, and he didn’t seem intent on stopping there. Raguel crunched loudly on the chicken bones they threw in his bowl. Cas searched through the bag of food for some kind of list of ingredients.

            “All this processed food can’t be good for the fledglings.” Gabriel rolled his eyes.

            “Give it a rest Cas, and let me enjoy my eggroll.”

             “Hey.” Dean looked to his husband, smiling stupidly with a long noodle hanging from his lip. Cas sighed laughing a little, and took the other end of the noodle in his mouth working his way into a quick Lady and the Tramp kiss.

            “Jesus, I’m trying to eat.” Gabriel complained, but he was happy for them. He’d take their persistent spurs of affection over the cold silent treatment any day. Besides, the two kept their love behind closed doors for so long, Gabriel didn’t blame them for showing it off as much as they could. _If only I could do the same_ he thought looking over to the younger hunter.

            Sam sat at the table, a good distance away but in ear shot of the happy three. He only came out of his room with Dean’s nagging, and even then he didn’t really talk to them. He barely even looked at Gabriel. He pulled up with a book even ignoring Raguel’s whimpers for attention. Dean followed Gabriel’s sad gaze to his brother.

            “Dude, come eat. We got fried chicken,” Dean said waving a wing in the air.

            “Save me a plate,” he called not even looking up from his book. Dean pulled an annoyed face. He returned his attention to the two angels.

            “I’ll save that kid some fortune cookies.”

            “Why doesn’t Sam want to join us?” Cas asked lowering his voice a little. He directed his question to Dean but glanced towards Gabriel as if he had something to do with it. The archangel shrugged.

            “I don’t know.” He hopped down from the counter and sat down at the table right beside the stoic hunter. Sam visibly shifted shying away from the closeness, but said nothing. Gabriel nudged him with his shoulder.

            “Hey.”

            “Hey.” Everything about the interaction felt tense and uncomfortable, but Gabriel tried to push past it.

            “Whatchya reading?”

            “Archangel lore. Now that they’re all out in the open again, gotta freshen up on how to handle one, right?” Gabriel smirked.

            “Sounds kinky.” The comment brought a slight smile to his face. He relaxed a little, the rigid tension ebbing away from his shoulders. Sam gave in, shut the book and finally looked towards the archangel. Somewhere in the room he could hear Dean and Cas laughing like idiots, but they felt distant, blurry even. All his senses felt hindered as he stared down into the whiskey eyes before him. Sam couldn’t trust it. That out worldly feeling like he could block out everything just to focus on one person. It scared him how close he paid attention to the way Gabriel bit down on his bottom lip. How quick his heart started pounding when he looked into his eyes. The way his breaths felt a little more controlled, a little more forced. Everything hypersensitive. Their knees were touching, and Sam was helpless.

            “Whatchya thinking about?” Gabriel asked. He felt jittery, euphoric as he admired Sam’s eyes. They were green in the light, but the specks of yellow felt brighter than ever. He wanted more out of him. He wanted more playful banter, more hard earned smiles, but mostly he wanted more _of_ him. _“You have to make a move.”_ Cas’ words came crashing into his head throwing all his impulse control out the window.

            “Uh…” Before Sam could answer, Gabriel rested his hand on his cheek pulling him into a warm kiss. It was gentle and modest, a whole new territory from the harsh lust ridden kisses they were used to. Gabriel pulled away not a second later, eyes still closed smiling sweetly. Sam froze, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. His mind was frantic rethinking everything that happened in the past few days, weeks, months. The mixed signals, their twisted relationship and his morbid fear of falling for anyone. His heart was skipping over itself, and he could feel the beats pounding on his temple. The kiss was Heaven, a perfect daydream, the thoughts he was afraid if he indulged in would be ripped away just like everything he loved, and now it was real. With real repercussions and real expectations. In his head nothing bad had to happen, no one had to get hurt. And now that it was real, it was a risk, and Sam didn’t want it. _I don’t want any of it!_

            “What the hell was that for?” Gabriel’s face dropped at the genuine annoyance in his voice. Embarrassment and regret flooded over him, and Gabriel thought he was drowning. His eyes burned as they muddled with tears.

            “Nothing,” he spat rising up from the chair. Gabriel stormed off to his room, and Dean was instantly at Sam’s side. He slapped his little brother over the head.

            “The hell did you do?” Sam stood up and brushed past Dean ignoring him and the sting in the back of his head. He walked through the bunker, head down trying to ignore the thoughts in his head, but they were screaming. Yearning to go after the archangel. Remembering the tears that prickled his eyes. The kiss that set his whole brain on fire. Dean and Cas followed him to the stairs. “Where are you going?”

            “Out!” Sam slammed the door on the two lovers, hopped into the impala and sped off to god knows where.


	34. Rose-Colored Boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Memorial Day!

~A few minutes earlier~

            For a moment Cas watched Gabriel attempt to break Sam out of his shell, but he was distracted by Dean opening _another_ packet of soy sauce. Castiel gave him a pointed look.

            “Really, Dean?”

            “What?” He stirred the soy sauce around in his noodles.

            “It’s _a lot_ of soy sauce.” Dean chuckled to himself.

            “You sound just like Sam. Here try it,” he said thrusting another packet in his face. Castiel eyed it curiously.

            “Alright.” He took the packet, split it open and downed the whole thing in seconds. Cas shivered squeezing his eyes shut and puckering his lips.

            “That is a lot of sodium.” Dean laughed.

            “You should’ve seen your face.” Dean smirked as an idea popped into his head. He leaned over to the angel’s lips, and Cas jumped back.

            “Don’t!” he warned. “My mouth still tastes like soy sauce.”

            “All the more reason to kiss you.”

            “You’re repulsive.” They got into an interesting dance. Cas dodging every one of Dean’s advances, until the hunter had him trapped between the counter and was forced to give into saline kisses.

            “What the hell was that for?” Sam’s voice rang out through the kitchen quickly drawing the attention of the two lovers. Gabriel said something to the younger hunter that Dean couldn’t hear then turned on his heel. He brushed past the two of them head hung low, but they could still see the trails of tears flowing over his face. Dean didn’t know what to do or even what to think for that matter. First and foremost, he was angry and before he knew it, he was storming up to his brother. He remembered all the times he heard Sam complain about wanting a normal life. With a lifelong partner and kids and a freaking dog. He remembered his whole talk with him earlier and how Sam treated falling in love with someone as a burden, when _it’s a freaking privilege_. Maybe he was just mad that the whole _happy family_ dinner was spoiled, and they rarely had any _happy family_ moments. Or maybe it was what he saw in Sam, he saw in himself. Unable to appreciate the gift he’d been given. To have someone love him like that. _Sammy, don’t make the same mistake I did_. Either way, he found himself smacking his little brother over the head.

            “The hell did you do?” Sam didn’t say anything. He got up from his chair and brushed past Dean breaking off into a brisk walk towards the door. Dean ran after him, and Cas followed. Sam got to the door while the other two had just made it to the bottom of the stairs.

            “Where are you going?” Dean asked.

            “Out!” Sam shouted before slamming the door shut.

Cas stared at the door still shocked by the whole scene. One minute they were all having a good time and the next he saw Gabriel storming off with tears in his eyes and Sam was out the door.

            “Should we go after him?” Dean started to answer but stopped hearing the impala veer off onto the road. He shook his head.

            “If he took the car, he’s coming back. He knows I’ll bring hell if he doesn’t.”

            “Do you think they’ll be okay?”

            “Once Sam gets his head out of his ass, I’m sure they’ll be fine.” Castiel smiled sadly.

            “I worry about them.” Dean nodded.

            “Me too. Shall we go comfort a distressed archangel before his emotions destroy half the country?” It was a serious concern but brought a warm laugh to the angel.

            “Let’s give him a minute to calm down on his own.” Dean slipped his hands around his back and hummed as Cas followed suit throwing his arms around the hunter’s neck.

            “Sounds good to me,” Dean mumbled before peppering light kisses on his angel’s lips.

***

 

            Gabriel palmed harshly at his eyes. He didn’t want to cry. He really didn’t want to _fucking_ cry, but his face was already swamped with tears. His emotions didn’t even know where to start. Embarrassment? Regret? The human part of him just wanted to curl up alone in the darkness until he died. The archangel in him just wanted to snap his fingers and start the whole day over. Gabriel rubbed his eyes until they swelled into an angry red.

            _Why did I do that_ he wondered thinking back to the kiss, which in the moment felt so right, so sweet now left a bitter taste in his mouth. Maybe after watching Dean and Cas all in love and happy, he thought for a second maybe he could have that too. _But I was wrong_. Gabriel laughed through the pain _. Why would Sam want you?_ He scolded himself. Before the Mate’s Desire, he wanted no part of the archangel. Their relationship was nothing but sex and a few halfhearted insults. _Then why does it hurt so much?_ He pinched the sheets in his fists, grit his teeth willing the tears to stop, but they just kept falling. His throat felt tight, strangled. He brought his arms up to hug his chest, squeezing his eyes shut, biting back a sob. _Why does it hurt so much?_

            He wanted to blame it all on the Mate’s Desire that would naturally draw him to Sam or maybe his pregnancy making him emotional and attached for no reason, but what hurt the most was that it wasn’t true. Nothing _made_ him fall in love with the hunter. It was his own free will, following his own stupid heart. Before he was reacquainted the Winchesters a few months ago, before they even knew him as the trickster. Back when he stole glimpses of God’s plan for the future and saw Sam. He saw his future, his destiny and the sprinkles of gold in his eyes, and Gabriel said _“this one’s mine”_. Then he finally got the opportunity to be with Sam and _for what?_ To get tangled up in this mess just to be rejected again and again. _He doesn’t want you, why can’t you get that through your brain?_ Gabriel brought the blanket up to dry his face. _Why are you still crying over him?_

            A light knock tapped the door.

            “Can we come in?” Gabriel recognized the gruff voice of the older hunter.

            “No!” He felt completely and utterly humiliated. He didn’t want Dean to see him like this, crying, pathetic. He didn’t want to be consoled like a child. He didn’t want his stupid ‘everything is gonna be alright’ attitude, he didn’t want sympathy or pity. He just wanted to push through the shame and hurt on his own.

            Despite his protest, Dean stepped inside. Cas stood behind him in the doorway. Dean pushed a warm smile as his eyes fell on the archangel. His whole face red and tight curled up in the blankets, tears streaming down his face.

            “We just want to talk,” he said calmly.

            “I don’t want to.”

            “Come on, Gabe, let’s just—”

            “Go away!” Before either of them could process it, Gabriel yanked the nightstand clock out of the wall and hurled it at him.

            “Whoa!” Dean jumped to the side, and the clock exploded into pieces as it smashed into the wall. Cas was instantly at his husband’s side, reaching out internally to the human’s body checking for injuries. He was fine, except Cas noticed his heart was going a little faster, his breathing elevated, and anger and hurt was swirling together in a maelstrom in Dean’s chest. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

            “I told you to leave me alone!”

            “Gabriel, calm down,” Cas said breaking the chain of yelling with his small voice. Gabriel glared at him with a slight glow in his eyes.

            “Shut up!” He grabbed the lamp, pulling it out of its socket sending the whole room into darkness. The two jumped, startled, as Gabriel held the lamp up over his head. He started to throw it, but something stopped him. His eyes adjusted to the silhouettes in front of him. Cas grasping Dean’s arm, both rigid with panic but braced for the damage. They had each other, and Gabriel felt like his lungs were swelling, stuffing his throat until he could barely breathe. He dropped the lamp to the floor and went to hide his face in his hands breaking down into a fit of sobs. Dean stepped blindly through the room filled with the urge to comfort the archangel, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He turned around to see the outline of his angel’s face.

            “Let him be,” Cas whispered. Dean looked towards Gabriel. He could barely see him, but his cries still rang out loud and clear. _We can’t just leave him like this_. “Come on.” He tugged lightly on the hunter’s arm. “Dean, it’s for the best.” Finally he nodded and followed Cas outside. He closed the door not before whispering quick goodnight to the archangel. Gabriel probably didn’t hear him, but Dean could still hear his sorrow as he stepped out into the warm light of the hall.

 ***

 

            Michael called Ariel at least a dozen times that night, and she finally picked up on the third ring.

            “Yeah?”

            “Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you for almost an hour.”

            “Sorry I have better things to do all day then babysit a broken archangel.” Michael fumed at the comment but tried to push past his anger. “Whatchya need?”

            “The potions and herbs you sent me aren’t working. I need something else to heal me.”

            “Have you ever thought about having patience? You’re grace won’t recover overnight. This could take a few months—years maybe.” _Years?_ A cold fear began to brew in the archangel. The angels had been rallying their numbers at an accelerating rate, they were almost ready to strike. Michael didn’t have months let alone years. He needed to recover quickly so they could rage war on God’s followers.

            “I don’t have that kind of time. You have to find a quicker solution.”

            “ _I_ don’t have to do anything,” she snapped. Michael was taken back by her tone. If he wasn’t so weak no one would have the nerve to talk to him like that. “I said I’d help you. I never said I had a fix all solution.”

           “Please just anything you have, anything you can do.” Michael winced at his own groveling. _How far have I fallen to beg a simple rogue for help?_

           “I know something that might help.”

           “What is it?”

           “First off you have to know that it’s not a cure, just a kick start for an angel’s grace. Some say it works, other say it doesn’t.”

           “What is it?” he asked a little more urgently.

           “You have to have sex with a human to feel the intimate connection of their soul. That power might be enough to restart your grace.” Michael crinkled his nose in disgust.

           “I have to lie with a human? Why can’t I just touch a soul the normal way?”

           “You can do that if you want to feel about two ounces worth of a soul. Trust me, this is how you can get real power.”

           “I can’t do that,” Michael said almost sounding nervous.

           “It’s not hard. Humans are easy, just bat your eyes and rub em the right way and you’re good to go.” He couldn’t believe what Ariel was suggesting. Michael had never done those type of things with humans. It wasn’t his place to play with the temptation of lust. Sure other angels gave in, but he was pure, righteous. Was he really ready to sin in order to regain his health?

           “There has to be another way.”

           “It’s that or you can wait until your grace replenishes on its own. Good luck.” She hung up the phone and Michael broke into a stressful pace. He didn’t even know the first thing about seducing a human. _Am I actually doing this?_ He wondered. Sacrificing everything he was? Everything he strived to be? _This is war_ he reminded himself. _And in war there are desperate times. In war there is sacrifice._

            Michael threw on a short black dress and brushed out his vessel’s hair. He didn’t even know what could be deemed sexually attractive to humans. _I guess I’m about to find out_. He left the safe house in a car one of Ariel’s men provided him. At first it was weird having mindless humans drone around his place, cleaning, cooking and fetching him whatever he needed, but now Michael was taking a liking to it. Under her spell the men acted on command unaware of any inkling of freewill. They were the true mindless he sheep he saw humanity to be.

            Michael drove down to some sleazy bar, and he hated it. The bright orange artificial lights, the heavy scent of beer, the men ogling him the second he stepped in. There was low rustic music in the background and most of the attendees busied themselves at the pool tables. Michael took his seat in the far corner of the bar. A slim woman behind the counter offered him a drink and Michael shook his head. He sized up the men in the bar wondering who he should choose as a sexual partner. He tried to reach out and sense who had the strongest soul, but his powers gave up and he felt as blind and useless as any other human. Finally, Michael accepted a few drinks.

            The welcoming bell rang out and Michal glanced up at the newcomer. After the alcohol, his vision had gone a little fuzzy fading in and out of focus, but there was no denying the familiar face of the tall, long haired hunter who stepped into the doorway.

**Author's Note:**

> Also I'd like to point out that angels call each other brother and sister like they're part of some secret society not like they're actually related. In my story, the only angels who are actually brothers are the archangels.


End file.
